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Ok here is my second attempt at this. Note the non crazy amount of items on heros.
One thing, do you think it is a good idea to spend 100 on the 2 rhinos or get another 10 or so stormtroopers?
4 Grey Knight Terminators
Hq Total: 240pts
3 Warriors: Weapon-Servitors
Vindicare Temple Assassin
Elites Total: 311
9 Grey Knights
9 Inquisitorial Storm Troopers
8 Inquisitorial Storm Troopers
-2 Plasma guns
Troops Total: 667
8 Grey Knights
Fast Attack Total: 265pts
Grey Knights Dreadnought
Heavy Support Total: 130pts
Total Army: 1598pts
Total Models: 53
Let's break it down, shall we?
If you're gonna take a Grey Knight Hero, do not bother with the Brother-Captain; he is useless. Why? Because he has only 1 Wound! Also, you the Nemesis Force Weapon doesn't count as a force weapon unless in the hands of a Grandmaster. So please, do take the Grandmaster instead, he is excellent at killing creatures like Deamon Princes and Cranifexes in one blow, thanks to his Force Weapon.
Nothing much to say really. Looks like you went for the HTH Inqusitor too. Like the Vindicare, great for taking out those Starcannon platform crew members and Heavy Weapons guy.
Very solid, very nice. My only complaint is the Stormies' Vets; Unless you intend to fight from range, I think it best to equip him with powerfist and laspistol for the added punch. Also, don't forget the standard Extra Armour and Smoke Launchers for the Rhinos.
Try not to teleport near their stronger elements like Terminators or Monstrous Creatures; your Grey Knights will get eaten. Likewise, very solid.
This goes against everything I've every preached, but you should give your Dreadnought a missile launcher. Your army is lacking any serious long ranged firepower and if your Stormies were to die, you'd only have 1 weapon with which to take care of enemy armour.
Overall you list is very good, very balanced. It just requires a few minor tweaks.
<span style='color:red'>"Are we not the Wild Riders, the children of the storm?"
- Nuadhu 'Fireheart'</span>
<span style='color:green'>"We're da Orks an' we was made ta fight an' win!"
- Warlord Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka</span>
I agree with Deamonblade, but also - give that inquisitor a transport! He'll be dead meat walking like that.
<span style='color:blue'>Archon of the Kabal of the Death Shade</span>
<span style='color:purple'>W:18 L:4 D:0</span>
<span style='color:gray'>Warsmith of the Iron Warrior's 81st Company - The Dragon's Claw</span>
<span style='color:orange'>W:9 L:0 D:0</span>
<span style='color:green'>Random 500 point (often) proxy games W:3 L:2 D:0
View pics of <a href='http://www2.onu.edu/~n-roffey/warsmith2.jpg' target='_blank'>My Warsmith</a> and <a href='http://www2.onu.edu/~n-roffey/archon.jpg' target='_blank'>My Archon</a>.</span>
Brother Captain is fine, especially for this points level. If you took a GM, you'd probably have to drop the retinue, which is no good.
For the Inquisitor's retinue, swap the Acolyte's SS's for Refractor Fields or Armor. The SS is only useful in close combat, not against shooting - and once you get to CC, these guys only function as extra wounds. Like nolifeking said, you NEED a rhino for this unit. Due to the wonderful ( <_< ) armor saves of henchmen, they probably won't survive marching - what opponent do you play that lets a Thunderhammer and three powerfists march up to his line?
Vindicare is useful, but in this army your long ranged shooting is weak (only the Dread). I'd drop him to boost other squads.
First, since you have 2 or more IST squads, swap the Troop GK to a FA GK unit. You can then choose, during deployment, to deploy the FAGK normally or DS them. This gives you a little more flexability than if you kept them a Troops choice.
A minor change for the Vet Sergeants - swap the bolters for bolt pistols. This'll give you an extra attack with the power weapons, should you hit combat. Definitely add extra armor and smoke to their rhinos, possible an H/K missile if you can afford it.
Same as the Rhinos, give them extra armor and smoke. I wouldn't upgrade to a missile launcher - since this is the only firesupport vehicle, it'll get targeted fast, so spread your eggs across a couple of baskets and instead put H/K missiles on some or all of your Rhinos.
Overall, rather good list. Solid numbers and good speed. You NEED to find the points to give the Elite Inq a Rhino and all the vehicles extra armor and smoke. If you can also find a way to put some H/K missiles in, that would help with anti-armor. Possibly dropping the Vindicare would buy you all that stuff (and he's the weakest shooter in the army, so he'd be my first choice to cut costs).
On the topic of 10 more IST or two rhinos, keep the rhinos in this army.
Much better than the first list you had
I'd drop the vindicare assassin. Most games only go about 6 turns. sure he hits on 2's but half the time your not even going to wound the model that you were shooting at. For 110pts it doesn't do to much. not to mention the fact that the rifle that he is using is heavy which means that you cant really move it. It will never make its points back! I'd instead go for an eversor assassin or a callidus assassin. (much better choices).