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It depends on what your initial concept is. IG colonel yes, but what else about him? Does he have family that link to him through either the guard or other organisation? How does he feel about things like the Ecclesiarchy's power and such over normal people? How does he relate to his troops? What's his preferred fighting style (with his army, not personally)? Why has he developed that outlook? What events marked his career?
It's just a matter of answering various invisible questions and fleshing initial ideas out. But what initial ideas do you have about him?
I hope this helps and sorry that some of the spelling might be wrong. I dont have my 40K rulebook with me. It is currently in a unmarked box my mom packed away in storage.
Now I hope this helps
It's ok so far, with some nice characterisation, but it smacks a bit much of Mary Sueism for my liking.
The Ecclesiarchy prensence is very faint in the area but its still there and like most Ecclesiarchy they usually have more zeal than logic.
The Marrius family were factory workers before the Horus Heresy. When Horus betrayed the Emperor the rulers of the sector sided with Horus against the peoples will. It was a worker named Marrius who rallied the workers and started a long guerrilla war with the traitors only winning when the Blood Angels sent a small force to turn the tide to their favor. The Marrius family from then on made sure that their children would never forget their roots. Velhelm joined the Imperial Guards when he was able to walk and comprehend what others are saying(it is standard for every family to give their first born son to the Imperial Guards, this however happens every twenty years.) Most of his friends in the Imperial Guards were from the lower class and he took pity on them seeing that not everyone is blessed with life he was born into.
And about the Adeptus Mechanicus Velhelm had most of them killed do to the crimes of heresy but he spared only one showing that he can be merciful.
Okay, I don't mean to criticize your idea, and bear in mind that this is entirely my own opinion and easily dismissed, but I think you're going in between two extremes and it might be better to stick with one or the other. On one hand, this guy is a hereditary ruler whose family rules an entire planet, on the other hand he's a salt of the earth man of the people. You've got some good explanations, but as Xerxes says, you're flirting dangerously close to making a character who is all things to all men (or a Mary Sue.)
Worse, the impact of both themes is cheapened (I feel) by merging them together. Who cares how closely he relates to his men if at the end of the day he goes back to his mansion and army of skilled and beautiful concubines. Similarly, the fact that he's the ruler of the planet is just an irrelevant footnote if he just acts like a regular guy.
So, what I'd do is separate your themes. If you like the idea of a noble officer, then do a noble officer, playing up the trappings and elements of nobility rather than playing them down. If you want a man of the people fighting against ingrained stuffiness and pomposity on the part of his fellows, there's plenty of millage in that concept too (just look at the Sharpe books.)
There are no rules in fiction, but there are leaps of the imagination. Characters who try to do too much at once are less believable, in my mind.
Sorry if I sound overly negative and harsh. I don't mean to be, and I like your ideas.
sorry about this I was logged out for some odd reason and I didnt know this was posted already because it sent me back to reply. But while its here I will say that over the weekend when I finish my homework I will make an organized profile for Velhelm Von Marrius.
And I was wondering and this will most likely fail but can Velhelm sort of be like a Catholic of the Ecclesiarchy? I lnow it probably wont fly but its worth a shot.
And I thought you might like the mercy thing.
O and Im still working on the organized character profile of Velhelm. I just need to get his virtues and vices cleaned up and his beliefs