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Hi all, I am new to warhammer 40k and I am starting a 2,000 point pure grey knight army list. I was just thinking of some cool fluff i could do about my commander that could make him different from all the others. So tell me what you think!:
Grand Master Aleron means eagle in the old tounge. Possibly the one name hated by both chaos and Inquisitors alike. For many years he has carved a path of blood, iron and victory in the name of the emperor, leading the men of the 83rd strike company of the Grey Knight Chapter. He has never lost no matter the odds and has denied death on more the one occasion. He is the ideal warrior of the imperium.
Born on the death planet of Harrukan VI, he witnessed at a young age the murder of his family bye cultilits of the cult of Khorne for a ritual sacrafice. He vowed from that day forth to avenge his family and worked hard and trained in the arts of sword, gun and fist. At the age of fifteen he got his revenge alone venturing into their lair and slaying every cultilist. Hearing of this the Grey Knight Space Marine's came and even though older then most canidates, took him to Titan. There he excelled far faster then his peers earning the title of seargent after only five years of training after slaying a mutated warboss in combat.
This was only the beginning of his legend. Soon victory after victory and a piles of slain enemies followed in his wake. The greater deamon Thesufald of Slaanesh he slew on the volcanic planet of Ashtur in single combat, one of his greatest achievements. Soon his impressive record gained not only the interest of the higher powers in his chapter but also the attentions of the Inquisition.
Right from the star Aleron hated them. All of them. He did not hate how they irrationally pursued Chaos and dealt out punishment when need be. But he hated the fact that they trusted no one. This could be Alerons greatest flaw...he trusts, though only his battle brothers. His anger at Inquisitors soon boiled over during the campaign of Jerricho XXIII.
He lost his captan and over ninety eight percent of his men on that now Chaos held planet all because of the Inquisition. The high inquisitor Kirathai had taken it upon himself to execute every single high ranking imperial guard officer on the planet because he sensed heresy. Without their leaders the guard forces were scattered and slaughted while the Grey Knights fought and died horrendously outnumbered. Angered by this trachery Aleron calmly executed Kirathai in front of his men and told them either to fight for the emperor or die by his remaining mens hands.
They were able to complete their mission, storming into the once great Empereors Chapel and slaughtering the Tzeentch robed wizards and halting their arcane ritual. When the news of the execution of the Inquisitor reached others ears, there was an outcry for his head. But the Leader of the Grey Knights decreed that his actions were honroable and gave Aleron command of the Depleted and small but effective 83rd strike force and the rank of Grand Master. For many years Aleron has fought and killed in the name of the Emperor. He only truly trusts his battle brothers and those he sees as good, but it is almost impossible to get he or his men to work with any inquisitors.
I hope it isnt too bad. I would really appreciate comments and your thoughts on this post, im trying to get more into warhammer 40k and planning on writing some fluff really soon. Tell me what you think!
Your intro has some good stuff in it. First off, allow me to suggest running a spell-checker. Doesn't bother me that much, but it seems to really get some peoples' knickers in a twist. And you did say you're thinking of writing fluff, not just posting army lists, so it's a bit more important.
Second, I feel that you might want to alter the bit about the Inquisitor. I wonder if a Grey Knight would kill him or if maybe when Aleron entered the command bunker and saw the headquarters staff dead at the Inquisitor's hand, he would instead knock the man unconscious and assume control. Making snap judgments and executing people is what Inquisitors do, after all.
Last, stay moderate with making your guy the bestest of the best at everything; Grey Knights are all like superheroes anyway. A flawed hero is more interesting to a lot of people than Superman.
That said, you've got a number of things established and a couple of Chaos enemies to seek out. Added eagle crests on Aleron's armor would be a nice touch when you model him.
Also:There he excelled far faster then his peers earning the title of seargent after only five years of training after slaying a mutated warboss in combat.
Grey Knight training alone takes longer than 5 years, and i believe the rank is Justicar not seargent. Appart from that it's great and i'd love to read more. ;Y
Its a good start. The story could use some fleshing out, especially, say, the single combat duel with the Slaneeshi daemon. The other thing I would point out is that the name Aleron looks and sounds like aileron, which is the word for the flaps on the wing tips of airplanes and the 'wings' on Formula One cars. In fact, I believe aleron with an accent over the 'e' is how you spell aileron in spanish, but I'm not a hundred percent sure on that. I didn't know if that was by design or accident, but as an aerospace engineer, its a pretty cool coincidence.
THanks for the feedback, i will say it was only my first draft, and for sure ill be making a more fleshed out one in the future. And I go the name Aleron from the Latin word that means "Eagle." So i thought, seeing the emperors symbol is an eagle it would fit. And by the training, i meant to say pretty much being initiated in open combat if that makes sense. Ill be sure to make a better one soon.