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This is the Background for the imperial guard army I am in the planning stages of collecting.
What I would like feedback on:
1)Anything in my background that contradicts or doesn’t fit in with GW’s established fluff.
2)Anything that needs rewording or it is unclear what I am trying to say.
3)This is my first piece of 40k related fiction so any novice mistakes that need fixing or any pointers for any future would be appreciated.
4)Oh and any GW related spelling mistakes, why do they have to make their words so weird?
5)Please don’t try to change the style of writing, as it is mine and it’s the only style I have.
Also, feel free to print this off and reed it later, it’s a little long so I don’t expect you to sit infront of the screen the whole time to reed it.
Note: due to the recomendations for name change the system is now called Hiris, but i will leave the actual piece the way it is now.
Vandire is a relatively average sized system in the Ultima Segmantum. It consists of 11 planets in total; 7 highly industrialized forge worlds, 1 planet used solely by the imperial navy and a port and shipyard (Scalfer), 1 small agri-world (prospertus) and two dead worlds (Scour and Barrent). Of the Seven Forges, Vandire Prime Is by far the largest, and is the main reason for the systems existence. Vandire Prime is one of the largest sole producers of bolt weapons and munitions in the whole segmantum.
Because of its valuable and sought after produce, it has maintains strong ties with the Adeptus Astarties, Ordos; Maleus and Xenos, who it supplies with all the weapons they need to crush the enemies of mankind.
There is a joke used by the peoples of the system that nothing short of another black crusade could pry the system from the grip of the Imperium. The System is so heavily fortified with orbital stations, midfields, and the constant presence of the imperial navy, it has been compared to Ultrama in sheer defensive capabilities, though it is likely these claims (and the joke) are exaggerated somewhat. On top of that, regular battle barges of space marines and hundreds of inquisitors pass through the system to restock their munitions. The people of vandire always sleep easy at night, a luxury not afforded to many other imperial citizens.
Due to the systems extremely powerful defenses, the planetary administratum sees very little need to maintain an active PDF force. Instead, they raise extra regiments of imperial guard that, although march on paper as ‘PDF regiments’ are actually the best trained and best equipt regiments the planet has, and are hired out as mercenaries to the systems many powerful visitors. This Brings both Great wealth to the planet and valuable front line experience to its soldiers. Although an inquisitor or brother captain could quite easily induct any regiment they choose, regular passers through quickly learn that a sizeable ‘donation’ will go a long way towards ensuring they get the best-suited regiment to their task.
The Vandire 1st Hybrid (Referring to the combination of Mobile Air Units and Ground-Based, Combined, Infantry and Tank formations) or ‘Iron Ravens’ are one such regiment. The regiment is comprised of 18 companies, each with its own ways of utilizing both the regiments airborne, and land based elements.
Led For the past decade by Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vanheild, the 11th company uses a devastating combination of Airborne Assault and Static Heavy Gun tactics to crush all those who stand before them. Though their battlefield preference is breaching fortifications, enemy defense systems and fortified cities they have been called into service under numerous other circumstances, including rescue missions, and supporting armored spearheads.
Over these last ten years, the 11th company has gone to battle along side the Raven Guard, Blood Ravens (both of whom receive regular shipments of Vandirian weapons) the Death Corps of Kreig; as well as a handful of inquisitors from nearly every Inquisitorial Ordo. But mostly they fight for other high-ranking Imperial Guard commanders involved in active operations anywhere in the segmentum. The Warriors of Vandire are well traveled and well respected indeed.
The 11th Company’s unique saying is “Between Hammer and Anvil!” and is used to express when something is doomed, dead, or destined to fail. The Saying Is derived from the Company’s two detachments; Anvil detachment and Hammer Detachment. Anvil Detachment Is the granite wall against which the enemy beats themselves against and is comprised mostly of infantry supported by independent armored vehicles. Hammer Detachment is the killing blow, striking at enemy week points and taking critical objectives, they are comprised of a heavily armored airborne infantry platoons utilizing air support and sophisticated grav-chutes to deploy into battle.
Although the regiment is effectively ‘Thugs for Hire’, they defy the mercenary stereotype in that they are not a rag-tag bunch of goons, undisciplined and untrustworthy. Quite the contrary, the ‘Iron hawks’ are well-disciplined, well-trained, front-line soldiers and see maintaining the honour of the regiment equal if not more important than the hefty sum they receive at the end of the day.
To the ‘Iron Hawks’, dishonouring the regiment with cowardice is worse than death.
Thanks for reading,
Last edited by sctt_leggett; January 31st, 2008 at 04:37. Reason: Updating with others recomandations
Now that...was cool...
Other than that, I like the fluff. Just change a few small details and take care of the spelling issues (which aren't even that major anyway, but you did ask) and it'll be fine. I look forward to reading more about their exploits, if you choose to keep writing.
Also, Inquisitors are supposed to be quite rare, relative to the millions of worlds in the galaxy anyway.. Having one guard regiment which has fought alongside loads and loads of them stretches that a bit.. Not to mention that the primary role of most Inquisitors is not fighting on the battlefield or commanding troops. It's just something they do when the need arises, and always to accomplish their own specific goals.
The same could also be said of space marines, although to a lesser degree, (And I agree: Grey Knights don't exist, citizen.) Maybe restrict the ties to one or two particular chapter. Marines can't take indentured IG for a reason - they have their own tactical doctrine and goals and combined opperations are supposed to be rare.
It's also quite normal for PDF regiments to be better equipped/trained than guard regiments. It all depends on the wealth and preferences of the planetary governor.. A wealthy and paranoid governor can give his PDF troops whatever he wants.
I also agree that a system named after Vandire is a bit odd.. The guy nearly destroyed the Imperium.
Thanks for your replies guys, much appreciated, and rep for all.
Firstly, the name thing, I had No idea the Name was used elsewhere in the 40k universe and honestly thought i had just made it up myself (stupid subconscious mind). I think I will have to change that, as I can see that it is unlikely a system would be named after him.
The allies thing; right i guess i did go overboard with the amount of allies. Maybe two marine chapters and the DCOK would be more feasible? And scratching the grey knights and limiting the inquisitors to say a handful who have 'bought' their services?
The Adeptus Astarties thing; Ok i can see where you are coming from here but They do still supply them with a good proportion of their weapons so a strong bond or at least co-operative relationship is certain.
Thanks to NiteRabbit for fixing my spelling, Word really should be taught to recognise 40k lingo ...
Again thanks for your replies, that’s exactly the kin of stuff i was looking for.
Rep to anyone else who helps further refine my fluff.
Keep it up,
Now that...was cool...
You're right on the diplomatic ties. If the Forge Worlds of the Hiris system are able to manufacture Bolters and Bolter shells, then they're definitely going to have an honour debt or two with aforementioned Space Marine chapters to call in. They may have an agreement similar to the Space Wolves with House Belisarius of the Navis Nobilite (Navigators) where they supply munitions and wargear in return for some small measure of goodwill from the Astartes (and the goodwill of an Astartes goes further than that of lesser men).
As for Vandire, he's a pretty nasty sort and important to the fluff of the Ordo Hereticus since they were basically founded because of him. In case you haven't already researched, here is a little more info.
As for their equipment, I'd argue that the Guard are normally superbly equipped, given what equipment they use, which is by no means shoddy.