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Hey, guys. This is the backstory for my Chaos Marine Chapter. As you can tell from reading
it, it's actually the combined forces of three seperate groups of marines. I'm posting here to
see what you guys think and for suggestions on making it better (ex- if it doesn't fit well with
the 40k universe). Hope you enjoy reading it.
The Crippled Doves
A chapter of Chaos Cultists.
Chapter Name: The Bloodsoaked Banner of the Crippled Doves
Alias: "The Crippled Doves"
Patron Chaos God: The Changer of Ways, Tzeentch
Colors: Off-white and dark red.
Homeworld: Opoxium 9 (midway between Dimmamar and the far Eastern stretch of the Cygnus Arm, across the Segmentum Obscurus).
Father Alexander's Thousand Sons
The year is 33,250 AD. The Blackstar Crusades, having only began 200 years prior, rage throughout the Ganglax Sector. Taking advantage of the temporary vacuum in power within the Eye of Terror, the rogue, independent chaos sorceror who calls himself Father Alexander mysteriously appears on the Thousand Son cruiser Taxman. In the struggle to resist him, the crew damage the vessel beyond repair. Father Alexander successfully takes control of the ship and it limps its way through the Gothic Sector, amazingly cloaked by violent warp storms which appear only months after the ship's arrival.
Space Marines, Sparrow Chapter
The Sparrow Chapter of Space Marines are an ancient group of relatively primitive warriors which have shared responsibility of the Opoxium System with the Storm Crows. Wearing brown and black armor, they gained some small amount of renown for their unusually high number of capable Librarians. The seeds of potenital corruption had long rested, dormant within the hearts of the Sparrow Chapter Marines. It was only due to their remote location that they avoided discovery at the hands of Imperial Inquisitors. They operated directly out of Opoxium 4, a lush forest world nearly untouched by the mechanizations of industry or war.
Space Marines, the Storm Crows
The Storm Crow Space Marines are every bit as ancient as their "cousins," the Sparrow Marines. Operating from their seat on Opoxium 9, they ruled their hive world like fuedal lords of old. Though much more open in their fanatical devotion to the Codex Astartes, they shared the same flaw as the more conservative Sparrows; they could be tempted to fall. Zealot preachers of the faith, it was common to see a marine at an intersection in one of the busier sections of the world, loudly reciting lines from the Codex, inspiring the workers of the world to acts of selfless sacrafice for the benefit of the greater good. When an ork warband under Warboss Skummer arrived at the planet, they were well-prepared for the trials of combat.
The Siege of Opoxium, The Fall of the Storm Crows
Skummer's massive fleet laid siege to Opoxium as two dozen planets were reduced to ash within weeks of their arrival. Opoxium 9 was hit the hardest as Skummer's personal flagship bombarded the hive world. The Storm Crows fought valiantly, entire armies of marines and guardsmen died defending the planet. It was at the end of the year 39,875 that the Storm Crows sent an emergency call for assistance to the Sparrow Marines, who had only barely survived a nearly identical ork assault only months prior.
Upon the Sparrow Marines' arrival, Opoxium 9's cities had already been razed to the ground. What few Storm Crows survived were fighting for their lives in the tunnels beneath the city streets. The surface swarmed with greenskins and the Sparrows wasted no time in landing to lend aid to their dying comrades. They were doomed from the beginning. Outnumbered and overwhelmed, their calls for Imperial assistance were blocked by an approaching warpstorm. Huddling in the darkness of a chapel to the Emperor, the few remaining Crows and Sparrows said their final prayers beneath their banners and charged the orks head on. It was then, looking to the sky that they saw the landing ship.
The Arrival of Father Alexander
The Taxman crashed to the surface of the planet, opening its doors as hundreds of Thousand Sons flooded out. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Opoxium System, Thousand Son fighters engaged the Ork fleets, driving them back under an intense barrage of cleansing fire. The Crows and Sparrows didn't waste time, quickly joining forces with the traitor marines and advancing ruthlessly upon the surprised greenskins. Within days, the Opoxium System had been cleared; but at a great cost. The warpstorm that had carried Father Alexander to his new home grew in size, completely shrouding the system from prying eyes and preventing Imperial aid from arriving.
The Appearance of the Crippled Doves
Only a few thousand years after that fateful ork invasion, the warpstorm cleared. No longer was Opoxium a "typical" Imperial system. It was a vile, mutated dominion. All the planets had now been fully colonized and raped of their natural resources to fuel the war machine. They were now the Crippled Doves; an injured version of something once-pure.
Last edited by Nikblade2005; January 30th, 2008 at 15:22.
well...ok. SO i like your storyline, how a group of marines get shafted by a mass ork waagh, only to have some chaos marines come and save there behinds. I even like your whole "warp storm" that gives the tzneetch dude plenty of time to convert. some corrections though.
40k isin't measured by AD. Its by millienia.
Coulndn't you just have the father alexander character be a tzneetch chaos lord, who dosent kill a bunch of tzneetch marines for a single ship? Like, where did he get Hundreds of warriors? And how did the arrival of one crippled ship turn the tide of war against a whole ork waaaggh? and what use are a couple of space marines (the survivors) to a tzneetch lord? even if they do pledge allegiance (which is gonna be tough to do) they are very small in number. ANd for your sparrow chapter hidden away from the imperium, that dosent happen, because the imperium creates the new space marine chapters.
All and all, a very nice storyline. But you've gotta convert it to more 40k terms.
on another note, there are only 1,000 space marines per chapter, so when you have thousands dyeing to the orks, that dosent work out.
Father Alexander is a Chaos Lord. =P He's practically the equivilant of a priest of Tzeentch. One could even suggest that the only way he single-handedly took over a large ship full of Thousand Sons is because he had Tzeentch's backing!Originally Posted by AlbinoAlienFrom the Taxman, the original ship he took over.Originally Posted by AlbinoAlienIt wasn't an ork waaagh. It was merely a large enough group of them to take out a backwater system like Opoxium. Maybe I could help with this point by adding onto the original backstory that the Sparrow Marines and Storm Crows had weakened the orks, but were still losing?Originally Posted by AlbinoAlienYou don't get it! He didn't just take control of the Space Marines. Father Alexander now has control over the entire Opoxium system. Meaning not just Adaptus Astartes but regular humans, too! He's got his own mini-empire going!Originally Posted by AlbinoAlienFair enough, I suppose.Originally Posted by AlbinoAlienI know how many Space Marines are in a Chapter. ^^ But you have to remember that it wasn't just Space Marines fighting off the orks. There's all those Imperial Guardsmen that were posted on the planets! I can only assume that the many thousands of people who lived on Opoxium 9 would have been fighting to defend their own world!Originally Posted by AlbinoAlien
Thx for you input, though!
Last edited by Nikblade2005; January 30th, 2008 at 16:28.
Aye very nice story, extremely nice analogy - only thing yes, some minor things. You should change thousands to hundreds, and of course you could work out a nice fluff with the relation they have with the Thousand Sons who are now there. Not to promote my own fluff in this - but if you check the my Dusk Phantoms something similar happened to them, perhaps it might inspire you ^_^
Thx Adahn for the input! Question, though.Where do you mean? Do you mean change it so that the warpstorm clears hundreds of years later? Or are you withOriginally Posted by Adahn
AlbinoAlien about "thousands" dying (I looked and I don't even see where I said that thousands of marines died >.<)?
Well the warpstorm thing acctually wouldn't be a bad idea - but other than that I think at some point you might have mentioned there being thousands of dead, or perhaps I misunderstood at some point *goes to re-read*
Yeah, to both you and AlbinoAlien... I never mention any number of people being killed or anything like that. :3 The only time I use the word "thousand" is to describe time or when mentioning the Thousand Sons Chaos Marines.Originally Posted by Adahn
ok, but you have him take over the ship, kill a bunch of tzneetch warriors, but still have hundreds left to help out the marines? the way you desribe him coming to there rescue, you have marines fighting all over the system, winning back the worlds of the sector. That takes multiple ships....and alot of marines.
I never mention how many Thousand Sons Father Alexander is forced to kill in order to take over the Taxman. For all we know he might have just killed their original leader and his bodyguard unit. ; )Originally Posted by AlbinoAlienYes. Cruisers are big and can carry a lot of Thousand Sons.Originally Posted by AlbinoAlienI mention that Skummer's personal ship lands on Opoxium 9. Perhaps Father Alexander helped kill Skummer himself? That might lead to the orks breaking off into multiple groups and eventually disbanding!Originally Posted by AlbinoAlien
((I'm not arguing with you guys; just using the input you're giving me to streamline the backstory.))
I do hope some of my comments do not come off as mean or anything, but I went through your story Nikblade and have suggestions, comments, fluff to point out, and questions that would probably be of some help to your own story.
How badly mauled were both chapters by the time the Sparrow chapter could come and help the Storm Crows?
A system-wide attack by orks most likely is a waaagh!, its the only way they can get so much strength together for any one thing. So both chaoters should have had some time to call in for Imperial aid of any kind, or at least given prior warning of what was going to happen.
You make no mention of marine numbers, but how much of each chapter was present for this conflict? Most chapters are rarely at full strength on their own homeworld, let alone two chapters in the same system being at full strength on their respective homeworlds. Plus both chapters would have a fleet of some kind, what happened to both of those? (All marine chapters have fleets, which can break up to take different companies to warzones.
When the orks get going, they have to be led by one greater ork, if that one is taken out than the orks just below him will fight for power to be in charge, this usually destabilizes the entire assault as orks take sides and fight each other as well as continue with their general fighting and pillaging.
How long had the marines held off against the orks after the Sparrow Chapter arrived?
Maybe instead of having them crash the ship into the planet, have the leader of the chaos marines know where he is going and at the right time have the entire group ritually teleport onto the scene to take out the ork leader, as the marines probably should have.
Very important, when it comes to many of the chaos legions, thousand sons included, after Ahriman cast the rhubric and was banished by Magnus, most legions have broken into warbands that usually number in the hundreds. One of the largest warbands came from the Word Bearers in the novel Dark Apostle, and it only numbered about three thousand marines.
How, and better why, did the remaining marines turn and pledge their allegience to the thousand sons and this sorcerer? This is key to know because both chapters are loyalist, the Storm Crows regularly preaching the words of the codex to non astartes.
Take my love, take my land, take me to where I cannot stand; I don't care I'm still free, you can't take the sky from me.
"The difference between gods and daemons largely depends upon where one is standing at the time."- Lorgar
Member of the Fluff Masters Clan