Welcome to Librarium Online!
Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!
Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!
Hi, everyone! I'm developing my own space marine chapter, and I was hoping to get a few opinions on the basic story I've come up with for it so far. I intend to go into a lot more detail with it over time, but I just want to know if the basic parts of it are feasible and decent enough to continue with. Here's a, likely, too long overview of what I've got so far:
Chapter Name: Apostles of ArlytharDuring their initial years, the Apostles of Arlythar functioned mainly as a fairly successful, medium-sized fleet-based chapter, carrying out numerous campaigns while managing to suffer relatively few losses. During a fleet battle of one such campaign, however, they found themselves outmatched by drastically larger numbers and were forced to retreat in the midst of heavy losses.As they fled, their luck only seemed to grow worse, as they were overtaken by a violent warp storm and plunged into the Immaterium. Due to damages during their battle, the Gellar fields of several of their vessels faltered and the perils of the warp plagued them to an even greater degree. The chapter librarians tried to shield the fleet as well as they could, though met with little success. By some grace of fortune, after a matter of weeks, what remained of the fleet was thrown from the warp into an unknown sector of the galaxy. Over half of the chapter’s forces had perished, and only two of their librarians had managed to survive the onslaught of the warp—Apprentice-Scholar Arthivius and Grand Librarian Vythival.Their escape from the warp scattered the fleet, and the damages they had already sustained left their vessels largely inoperable. Due to damage and malfunctions, the fleet lost all communication amongst itself, and the occupants of each of the few remaining vessels thought themselves the only survivors of the chapter. Only one planet was within range of any of the ships, and due to their largely inoperable state, each was forced to make a landing on it in the ensuing weeks. The landings were hardly successful, and resulted in further destruction and casualties. Only four vessels managed to land and maintain survivors, though they were scattered across the planet and had no idea of the other survivors.The survivors found themselves amidst a harsh, unforgiving planet covered in marshes and swamps. For some unknown reason, they found several of their vehicles and their machinery malfunctioning, and if they ventured too far from their crash sights, they lost all contact with their ships. Because of this, they hastily had to adopt new fighting techniques, and could only take advantage of certain weaponry. In the months following their initial landings, each of the four surviving groups established crude bases of operation and adjusted their weaponry and equipment to fit the elements of the planet. They dismantled whatever vehicles and machinery they had left for material to fortify their bases and construct more suitable weaponry, finding that hovercraft, speeders, and jump packs were the only effect means of maneuvering throughout the planet.The planet was host to a wide variety of hostile beasts that the marines were completely unused to fighting, and each of the four surviving groups was forced to adopt their own new style of combat, weaponry, and chain of command, due to heavy losses among their high ranking marines. As the decades passed, however, each of the groups lost their faith in the machine god, and learned to rely only on themselves and their abilities to wield their weaponry. Each group strongly diverged from the teachings of the codex in order to maintain their survival, and learned to expand on and adapt whatever technology they had access to suite their needs.That's the basic gist of it so far. I intend to go into a lot more detail with each of the surviving groups, and the ways in which each of them have dealt with their unfortunate state of affairs. But, yeah, my main concern is the feasibility of this. Does it seem possible, or do parts of it need tweaking? Also, does this seem like an interesting story, to the point of you wanting to learn more about the chapter and what happens to it? Or, does it seem a bit too contrived and bland? If so, could you perhaps make a few recommendations to improve it?
Anyway, I'd appreciate any and all feedback, so don't hesitate to comment, if you have something to say! Thanks!
I'd say that sounds pretty good. I would be interested to hear where you're going with it i.e. looks, strengths, weaknesses, enemies. A few of these seem obvious but the story is good so, yes I am interested.
Does it comply with a few needs?
Needs to have a reason to fight others.
Needs to have no impact on the overall plot. (no "my commander is the emperor in a new body and he will save the world!")
Needs to be believable. (No "oh, I fell into the warp ten million years forward in time, now I have come with uber tech)
Needs to maintain space marine standards.
It fufils most of these, except for the last. Perhaps make it so that not so many of them got wiped out, so it is still a chapter. And/Or make it so that what you just detailed was their history. It would work fine if you gave them that same story, but they managed to scrap together the remains of their chapter, more survived, and they happened to be transporting a cloning device.
I just think that you put the chapter in too tight a spot.
Pretty much fine. Perhaps SLIGHTLY more in the way of description as to how the change has affected them, practically. Perhaps some sort of totem animal, or fighting technique used. Hiding like crocodiles? Using concealment? Something swampy/low-techy.
You might want to write a paragraph about how they came back into imperial contact. As it stands, they're still stranded.
Found by an explorator ship, perhaps? Packed up with gear and reunited with the badly smashed remains of their fortress monastery/fleet in orbit, but they've chosen to retain many of the lessons they learned on their exile.
How about they got sent out of the known galaxy, and a crusading SM ship found them decades later on the planet, gene-seed warped to be like the surroundings.
I take it you don't like the Adeptus Mechanicus..
The whole 'they lost their faith in the machine god' makes no sense to me. If they're in a rough and unfortunate situation with limited supplies and repair ability, surely faith in the machine god would become more important as techmarines took on a bigger role and equipment became more essential to survival..
I just don't think that's how religion works.. Maybe they deviate from Mechanicus doctrine, maybe they stop worshipping the machine god in the way they used to as their circumstances have changed.. but just deciding 'this whole machine god thing is rubbish, I depend on myself' just doesn't sound believable to me at all given the situation.
You have to be very careful with how you take the fluff. It will be more than likely that, once rediscovered by the Imperium, that they will be branded as heretics or mutants by the Inquisition - especially if there is a major change to their geneseed (even a slight mutation may be cause for excommunication).
Also - the first thing that hit me - is that there is no such thing as a medium-sized chapter (Black Templars and possibly Space Wolves) are the exception to the rule. As it stands all Chapters consist of 1000 marines as laid down in the codex.
Another thing to take into consideration is how will the fluff effect the army in the game. What traits will it use, what restrictions, how are the squads organised, what are they equipped with etc. Also, what do you mean by changes to the chain of command? It's there for a reason, so that everyone knows what to do. If the top gets taken away, then theoretically (and likely with SM) everyone moves up the change. Maybe instead have it so that more emphasis is placed on the Squad commands (I.e. showing greater independance and initiative - kind of like the pre-heresy Alpha Legion). As for the tech I don't think what you are saying can work. SM's, as a whole, don't worship the Mechanicus (few notable exceptions such as Iron Hands) and each SM is versed in maintaining their weapon. Instead of having their weapons not work inexplicably why not say that ammunition and resources were running low and they were forced to change their tactics. Laying ambushes, utilising more Close Combat, different firing solutions etc.
And also, why not have the different ships able to contact each other after a while (e.g. the communications arrays were damaged in the crash landing but eventually they were fixed - allowing planetary communication) and instead of becoming four different bastions each thinking they were the surviving members, become akin to chapter keeps - each site training their warriors in different aspects dependant on the localised terrain.
Dovie'andi se tovya sagain (It's time to roll the dice)- Mattrim Cauthon
This is the theory. In practice, the actual Chapter sizes can vary, and the actual number of Marines in them rarely (if ever) reaches the full 1000, Black Templars and Space Wolves being the obvious exceptions.As it stands all Chapters consist of 1000 marines as laid down in the codex.
I'd say medium would in this case imply a Chapter which has been reduced to between 500 and 700 combat-capable Marines.
Even though it may not make a great impact on your specific fluff, which Primarch is there geneseed descended from? Which of the original Loyalist Legions were they founded from?
Deciding something minute (yet huge) like this can further inspire details in your fluff.
"It takes a vast amount of self control to be this dangerous."
---Ogvai Ogvai Helmshrot, Jarl of Tra, VI Legion Astartes
just for the record, in a recent campaign my homeworld was sieged by the tyranids, and all that's left is about 100 marines, including my hq's and scouts... I'm in an alliance with (my own) eldar right now... Well, not really an alliance, the eldar are really just using my marines...