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| Has a monkey! ![]() Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Montana Age: 19
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Rep Power: 62 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | Don't read this if you don't like long threads. Here's the Index Astartes of my Chapter. I'm working to polish it up and perhaps make it into a fully-fledged IA with pics and shiny bits and everything. Ambitious, considering my lack of experience with such things, but still. That's my goal. The starred bits are what would be in those little dark boxes. Index Astartes: Angels Ascendant (formerly Brotherhood of Wrath) Origins The Chapter formerly known as the Brotherhood of Wrath was formed in the 12th Founding of late M35, and designated Chapter 171. At their inception, the Brotherhood did not suffer from high rates of the Black Rage like their brother Chapters, though those few who suffered from its stigma were driven so insane by it they were completely unfit for combat; their bloodlust often forced the hand of a Chaplain to give them the Emperor’s Peace to avoid further casualties. The Chapter chose to paint their armor dark blue, trimmed with red and yellow. Their symbol was a roaring lion’s head, a mark of Grand Master Amitiel’s personal heraldry and the character he desired his Chapter to uphold: “Ferocity and nobility, holy rage and honor; the traits we shall be known by, the mark of our immortality in His eyes.” The Brotherhood of Wrath took the homeworld of Altius III at the behest of their Master of Sanctity, Malathion, who believed the Chapter would best be served by recruiting from amongst the people of that planet. The men and women of this planet were of a feudal system ruled over by a warrior-monk society; the planet was a harsh wilderness and the people of it were disciplined and tough, making excellent recruits and servants for the Chapter. The new Chapter vowed to protect the area from the predations of the denizens of the Maelstrom and, if possible, spearhead assaults into that dangerous territory to claim new worlds for the Emperor- which, it must be noted, they accomplished on several occasions. The fervor of Altius III’s people had long been expressed in combat, but they hungered to expand their devotion to different areas. Visionary leaders combined the energy of the Altii people and the skill in art and edifice that Sanguinius’ sons are famed for to transform the planet. Before the Chapter was founded, the planet was a vast wilderness with no true bastions; its people built fortresses, few and far between, against an unforgiving wilderness. Mere centuries after the Chapter adopted the world for its own, these few bastions multiplied and grew. Temples and monuments to the Emperor’s glory rose alongside the ancient war-monasteries and walled cities of Altius III. The planet became a mix of artificial beauty and natural splendor, and the faithful came from across the galaxy to see its wonders. Among these, too, came young and devoted warrior-pilgrims determined to join the ranks of the Chapter. Altii, initially wary of outsiders, grew to accept those from beyond their world as true warriors like themselves. On the field of battle the Brotherhood was famed as any Chapter inevitably is. True to the heritage of their parent Chapter, they kept the vast majority of their Chapter on active duty, and thus the designation of ‘Reserve Company’ would seem somewhat of a formality. Their victories filled volumes, and their sparse defeats were bought at a terrible price for the foe. Even unforgiving Imperial histories and the sharp tongues of Inquisitors cannot expunge legends of the Brotherhood from the people of the planets they liberated from alien dominion and heretical endeavors. But nothing that is good lasts in this galaxy, as time would tell. Destruction of Altius On the eve of vile Abaddon's 8th Black Crusade, a huge party of Violators, in direct contradiction to the thrice-cursed Warmaster's commands, rushed for Altius III. In vengeance for a humiliating defeat a half-millennium past, they razed the system, desecrating in that short week what had taken centuries to build. The vast majority of the Chapter, away on duty as Chapter dictate demanded, was too far away to respond, and the garrison was overwhelmed by the tide of Chaotics. It is rare indeed to see a Space Marine show weakness, but the Brotherhood were struck with sorrow deeper even than that of the masses of pilgrims at this loss. Of course, such an offense would not be mourned long before the Brothers of the now homeless Chapter turned their minds and souls to vengeance. The Grand Master of the time, Lord Amon-Belloc, declared a hunt that would last "till not one Violator hides from our wrath, or the End, whichever comes to be first." They were never to be so vulnerable again. What remained of the Chapter consolidated its strength in the Chapter’s fleet, with their main Battle Barge, Sword’s Vigil, renamed the Altius Rebirth and expanded upon to include the Chapter facilities of their destroyed Fortress Monastery. Soon, they recovered their losses from the twin blows of a Black Crusade and a ravaged homeworld. They had a duty to maintain strength beyond their capacity to house, and so they bent their energies to gaining a larger fleet. Several smaller ships were easy to obtain, but the real boon came alongside another tragedy in the long, sad history of the Imperium. A Chapter descended from the Brotherhood itself, the Lions of Causata, was obliterated in an ill-fated Crusade on the western fringes of the Maelstrom. Luckily an Imperial strike force, including a key contingent from the Brotherhood, was able to capture much of their resources from the Word Bearers who had seen the Chapter’s destruction- the pride of which was the decimated Chapter’s Battle Barge, His Shining Blade. The Brotherhood attempted to strong-arm His Shining Blade from the Imperial agency that captured it, claiming that the Astartes resources should go to the parent Chapter by right of kinship. Predictably, resistance from the Imperial Navy was staunchly against the expansion of an already-upsized fleet belonging to an Astartes Chapter. Thus the Chapter called in several favors with many wealthy allies and promised precious Oaths of Succor to the Adeptus Mechanicus and other influential parties to gain ownership of the Battle Barge. The Chapter’s persistence was rewarded, at the chagrin of the Navy, and His Shining Blade was theirs. With a fleet to suit their needs, the Chapter fought across the galaxy, gaining new recruits for the Chapter and establishing numerous Keeps watched over by a small staff of officers and numerous serfs. These Keeps would oversee the recruitment and creation of the Chapter’s Scouts, and send them to the Rebirth for further training. In this way the Chapter dealt out the Emperor’s wrath, striking fear into the hearts of the scum that inhabits the Maelstrom. Despite the several blows fate had dealt them, they rose with greater furor than ever before. And of course, any rumor as to the whereabouts of the Chapter’s sworn enemy, the Violators, was seized and acted upon with haste. The area around the Maelstrom saw a noticeable improvement under their unflinching gaze. There is a dark secret to the success of the Brotherhood. After the death of Altius III, every ounce of energy the Chapter possessed, every string they could pull, every tie they could use was exerted towards the destruction of the Violators and the gaining of power to destroy the Emperor’s foes. Every hint at a chance for vengeance was seized upon. Even those beyond the understanding of mortals... The Acension The Librarians of the Chapter went into trances to hear in the echoes of the Warp, to release their spirit-selves and sail the ebb and flow of its energy. All is known upon the Sea of Souls, and at times the gibbering of Daemons and the surges of energy led to revelations in the hunt. The Grand Librarian Algamar, in these sojourns, found what he believed to be a powerful, benevolent Warp power. Over the decades of studying this being, he came to believe he was in contact with the Emperor's soul, bolstered by the adulation of Mankind’s trillions and the endless sacrifices made to sustain him over ten thousand years. Slower still, over centuries, he used this knowledge to alter his Chapter's fate. Whether or not this power was the Emperor or not is unimportant; the important part is that it answered his prayers. Gradually, their faith was subverted to the 'Emperor's' will, 'His' unknown agenda, by the machinations of the aloof Algamar. Soon the devotion of the entire Chapter was rewarded. When all seemed lost during the Cleansing of Saria III in 946.M40, as tainted Orks blocked several Companies from a massive contingent of Violators and cultists engaged in a ritual to awaken three Slaaneshi Keepers of Secrets, angels with blades of fire soared to battle from nowhere. Both the Orks and the Violators were massacred, and the diabolical intents of Aragala, Sha’inal, and Mirbalseth never saw the light of this plane. This day came to be known as the Ascension in the records of the Chapter, for they thought themselves truly blessed by the Emperor. However, the Inquisition had been watching the Brotherhood, the Emperor’s Tarot having predicted tumult and betrayal in relation to them. Interrupting the victory celebration after the Ascension, an Inquisitor Imloth called upon the might of the Ordo Hereticus to destroy the Brotherhood. Imloth had little time to accomplish his task, and thus he planned his attack in two waves: the first wave of swift Sororitas and other Ordo forces, and a second wave of the slightly more ponderous Imperial Guard. For whatever reason, and here many suspect the machinations of Algamar, the Imperial Guard did not move to attack the Chapter. The assault force, therefore, gave their lives but did not accomplish their task, despite decimating the Fifth Company down to its Wrathbringer, or Company Champion, and taking a heavy toll on the three other present Companies. The three surviving companies were able to regroup in orbit above the planet, where the rest of the Chapter had been waiting in reserve. Inquisitor Imloth fled the battle and attempted to call on the Grey Knights; however, the planet was rife with rebellion and violence that stemmed from the death throes of the Chaotic presence on the planet, hindering his communications. A strike force of Brothers of Wrath, led by the single surviving Wrathbringer of the slaughtered Fifth, dogged his every step and eventually killed him, though the remaining member of his retinue, an Explicator Illyna, was allowed to live. She was later hunted down and executed for instigating a cult of ironically-named ‘Imlothians’ who supported the Chapter. Imloth’s death, despite the vindication it likely bought the Chapter’s pride, hastened the Imperial response, and the Chapter was immediately declared Excommunicate and Extremis Diabolus. The Grey Knights struck swiftly, and managed to destroy the Chapter’s ancient Battle Barge, the Vitae Vengis. Though many of the Chapter’s recruits that were aboard this vessel perished, the remainder of the Chapter escaped, skillfully evading the warfleets sent to crush them. After the Ascension, the Chapter’s activities are shrouded in the secrecy that is doubtless essential to their survival. They are hunted by the Inquisition and attacked by any loyal Imperials who know of their Excommunication. It is thought that they are plagued by mutations, particularly feathery wings, glowing eyes, and even haloes of light- mutations that, reminiscent of holy imagery though they are, mark them as worshipers of the Dark Powers in the eyes of the Imperium. Those who are guilty of fighting alongside them have, under Inquisitorial attentions, described black-armored warriors that fight with unmatched brutality and viciousness. These can only be the Death Company, and it can thus be supposed that the manpower of the Chapter is dwindling if they deploy those blood-crazed lunatics. The Mordan sector is afire with a tale of Marines bearing the iconography of the Angels Ascendant fighting amongst one another on the shrine world of Nurau IV. Infighting being not uncommon amongst the warriors of the Dark Gods, this is put forth as further evidence of the Chapter’s new allegiance. But there are yet ways for them to survive in a harsh galaxy. There are thought to be underground Keeps from which they draw recruits. It is known that they changed their colors from blue to white, and adopted a golden wing as their new heraldry; many Inquisitors suspect this was meant as a ruse, or perhaps a show of devotion to their new patrons. Through this guise they are able to fool many Imperials not wise to it. It is believed that many of the more radical elements within the Imperium support them, even Thorians in the Inquisition, and due to their outspoken faith in the Emperor’s godhood (a belief contrary to the tenets of most Chapters), they even seem to have corrupted elements of the Ministorum. Homeworld As described above, the Angels Ascendant once were based upon a lush and beautiful shrine-world, Altius III, which was located in a system a short distance from the eastern edge of the Maelstrom. It was a mostly temperate world, with some arctic climes near the poles; a wilderness before the Chapter’s coming, the planet quickly became a glorious synergy of wild beauty and splendor in the Emperor’s name. After it was razed and its pious inhabitants put to the slaughter, however, the Chapter undertook a massive reorganization, swearing to never again be too slow to respond to any crisis; never again would they be caught off-guard or without the initiative, for now was their time to strike like the sword of the Emperor Himself. They left the ashes and ruin of Altius III with heavy hearts, but renewed fervor. Calling in favors around the galaxy, they amassed a great fleet, centered around a massive Fortress-Monastery of rock, steel, and ceramite. The former Battle Barge had been fashioned by the will of the Astartes and their numerous serfs into a space-faring fortress, home, and hearth for the Chapter, and a centerpiece for their mighty fleet. In their later days this space-based nature would prove invaluable to escape the attentions of Imperial forces. However, the Chapter took care to maintain some bases of support around the galaxy; their continued support to these worlds, in the form of Chapter Keeps, supplied a steady flow of recruits and built up a favorable reputation with surrounding systems, allowing them to have stable friends and allies virtually anywhere. These resources would also prove invaluable when the Chapter was cast out of the Imperium. After the Chapter’s fall from grace, the garrison on the Chapter’s former homeworld was withdrawn, the Imperium seeing no need to protect the former homeworld of a traitor Chapter. The dried husk of ruin and ash, and the dejected society of nomads who had fallen far from their legendary heritage, were abandoned to the attentions of the Maelstrom. The last Imperial presence there noted an approaching band of Orks, and it is likely that the beasts had their warlike way with the planet. Combat Doctrine The Angels Ascendant, true to their vow, are never found wanting in speed. Mechanized assaults with support from Assault Marines are commonplace, whereas any sort of static defense is unheard of. They epitomize the attack as the best form of defense. Drop pod, teleport, and Thunderhawk assaults are used in situations where they would normally be deemed foolhardy, if not suicidal. But the ferocious nature of the tenacious Chapter’s warriors has driven them to glory in worse circumstances before, and above all the Marines feel they should strive for glory- in the name of what, it is not known. Given their hunted nature and often-unsupported operations, each Battle Brother must be ready for anything. They go into battle armed to the teeth with grenades, bolt pistols and rifles, and all manner of hand-to-hand weapons, in addition to enough ammunition to crush a normal man. They believe that each squad should be a self-sufficient, swift hammer-blow, able to coordinate the destruction of their foes without outside support. They also believe that squads should be fluidly organized, and squads are often amalgamated after casualties are assessed to keep them at full strength and efficiency. Heavy weapons, while more man-portable to Astartes than to Imperial Guard, for instance, are rarely used as the bulk and required ammunition for the weapons will undoubtedly slow the Chapter down, and comparable anti-tank or infantry capability can be found in meltas, flamers, and plasma weaponry. Heavy armor is rarely deployed, even the swift vehicles of the Astartes unable to keep up with the Chapter’s relentless advance; the sole exceptions to this are Dreadnoughts, revered ancients from when the Chapter was young, and Vindicators, which have the close-range, swift firepower required to support a large-scale advance from the Chapter. Perhaps even more rarely fielded are the Chapter’s Land Raiders, for the engagements in which a Lord of the Chapter would risk losing such hallowed and rare vehicles are few and far between indeed. Scouts are rarely used, as the Chapter’s relatively high mortality rate forces Initiates into power armor so the Chapter’s warrior-kin can be better protected. They must learn even more quickly than the Initiates of other Chapters, and given the active nature of the Chapter that education will take place on the field of battle rather than the training grounds aboard the Chapter’s fleet. Their operations are fast and merciless, as well as unpredictable. All too often a fleet from the Imperium will arrive to find the enemies they came to fight nothing more than ash and memory. Unfortunately for the Chapter, Inquisitorial agents often arrive soon after, if not soon before, these war fleets, striving ever to find ways to trap the Chapter and destroy them. But the Chapter is wily and cunning, and will not stay in the same area of space for long. Organization The Chapter is non-Codex; it is divided into the following: a First Company of Lords, Terminators, veterans, Dreadnoughts and Honor Guard; a Second Rapid Strike Company of bikers, jump troops, and Land Speeders; a Death Company; three Battle Companies; two Reserve Companies; a single, often-under-strength Devastator Company; a Scout Company, though as mentioned above a low-strength unit; an Armory, including all Chapter vehicles excepting Land Speeders, Dreadnoughts, and transports; a Keep organization, one of which directs the activities of each of the surviving, hidden Chapter Keeps. Due to the tendency for much of the Chapter to be in action at once, the Chapter’s leadership organization is altered somewhat. As the Chapter is so often at war, the Chapter will often be under strength; however, this also allows many more to prove their worthiness for positions of leadership, and the Chapter is happy to have them. These many leaders will head different ‘splinters’ of the Chapter on different missions and crusades. The Lords of the Chapter make up a large core leadership for the Chapter; this body is formed of several groups of leaders, the most experienced warriors in the Chapter. First among these are the three Chapter Masters and the Grand Master who presides over them. Second are the Supreme Master of Sanctity and his subordinate three Masters of Sanctity. Another group of Librarians, the Grand Librarian and his three deputy Epistolaries, and the Council of the Seven, the Chapter’s Dreadnoughts, also resides here. These warriors will often lead different campaigns and coordinate the Chapter’s often-disparate parts. Included in this hallowed group also are the Sanguinary High Priest, or the Chief Apothecary, the Chapter’s Ancient, and the Harbinger, the Chapter’s Champion of the first Company. The Chapter’s Serfs, though they serve the Chapter in many menial duties, are respected above all other non-Astartes. The Chapter finds that servitors, while obedient and incorruptible, are no replacement for a skilled and passionate human, and finds the practice of servitor-lobotomy to be a desecration of the human form, used only in the most dire circumstances. Serfs are often skilled craftsmen in addition to loyal servants, and many a Lord’s blade has been fashioned by a servant’s hand. While much of the Serfdom is drawn from humans strong yet obviously not Astartes-grade, those few aspirants that survive and function are often inducted into the Serfdom; many attain leadership positions in that body. The Chapter’s organization has not changed significantly since their fall save for the addition of a Death Company. A note on allies: The Chapter, at the height of battle, has been known to be aided by creatures akin to angels of myth; these Angels are both from which they draw their name and the source of their conflict with the Imperium, which views these creatures as abominable daemons in cunning guise. Beliefs The Chapter was known to be zealous when their homeworld was still revered and celebrated; after its destruction they became nothing less than fanatical. They revere the Emperor as nothing less than a god, as the Illumine Malathion dictated; strangely, despite their status as renegades, this gives them allies among the Ecclesiarchy, where many Chapters find none at all. Their Emperor is a god of war, a demigod born and a man transcended to deity, the supreme example for all mankind. They subscribe to a supremely Thorian perspective, finding the Imperium in need of change and seeing themselves as vessels of His power and harbingers of His wrath. The mutations and daemons they often receive aid from in battle are sanctified and revered as blessings from the God-Emperor and signs of His favor. As the Emperor is a god to them, they worship the loyal Primarchs as demigods, but none more fervently than Sanguinius, the Angelic One. The Lords Illumine, particularly heroic brother Marines, and even mortals deemed worthy are prayed to as saints. They believe that the Emperor will meet them after death in a paradise reminiscent of Altius III, where they will rest until the final battle when the traitors are finally cast down and the Emperor and the Primarchs return to this plane to lay waste to all filth and xenos, establishing forever the divine rule of Mankind over the galaxy. It is purported that they hold these beliefs still, though subverted to the will of whatever power they truly serve. Many in the Imperium take a dim view of their form of faith; some privileged few who know of such things whisper that it is the Changer of the Ways who, in his eternal machinations, aids the Angels in some diabolical plot; as evidence, they point to the deceptive nature of their mutations and daemonic servants. Others point to darker powers that lead Chaos to fight both the Emperor’s will and Chaos itself. Still others, perhaps more ignorant or superstitious, speak of other malevolent beings and spirits from the legends of their own homeworld. Those who hunt the Angels cannot allow themselves to believe the Chapter to be anything but Chaotic; to even allow the notion that daemons and mutations, no matter how aesthetic, are gifts of the Emperor is to confess to a grave heresy. Pre-fall and presumably after, the Chapter is known to honor several events above all else: the Feast of the Emperor’s Ascension (once per century), the Chapter’s Founding (every 12 years), the anniversary of the Storm of the Emperor’s Wrath (each year, no formal celebration), Vandire’s death (each year, no formal celebration), the anniversary of the destruction of Altius (every decade), and, sources say, their so-called Ascension (unknown). They believe psykers with the will needed to control themselves are blessed by the Emperor, but rogue psykers and, ironically, any with unstable mutation is a mark of sin and evil. They tolerate abhumans, if only just. Before their fall, the Chapter’s warriors did not tolerate traitors, rebels, heretics, or deviants of any kind. Xenos and servants of the Warp were equally despised. Geneseed The geneseed of the Angels Ascendant is that of the Primarch Sanguinius, as traced back to the Angels Encarmine of the Second Founding. Their ferocity in battle, perfectly formed features, and devotion to arts all speak of this, as does the presence of the Black Rage and their longevity (though some suspect darker powers in this). Though little is known of their geneseed’s behavior after their condemnation by the Imperium, it would seem from the increasing mutations seen in recruits and older members, combined with the recurring Black Rage, that the geneseed they possess is degrading- or, as a few who have witnessed an Angel Ascendant soaring on silver wings might be tempted to say, evolving. If these poor souls give in to that temptation, however, their masters will be quick to castigate them, for the Imperium does not forgive. It is unknown to agents of the Imperium if these mutations are causing consternation or fear among the Chapter’s members, but given their propensity to revere their mutations as gifts, it is likely that they are not concerned. Battle cry “For Altius!” is a common rallying cry. Often a Marine of any given Company will use his Company’s motto in battle as well, i.e. a member of the 2nd Company would cry “Semper Exelsius” when charging the enemy. Marines are also encouraged to demoralize the enemy with any words they have at hand, be it condemnation, scripture, or even the simple roar of a furious Space Marine- that is nothing normal men can stand in itself. **** The Age of Apostasy (287.M36) When High Lord Goge Vandire siezed both the position of High Lord of the Administratum and Ecclesiarch, he began what came to be known as the Reign of Blood, where the Imperium was wracked by the throes of his paranoia and insanity. It is widely known that the Brotherhood was one of the first Chapters to rally behind Sebastian Thor, the visionary preacher who rose from Dimmamar and marched on Terra with fire and steel. The young Chapter acquitted itself bravely, its cadre of officers from the Angels Encarmine leading cleansing actions against planets corrupted by Vandire's madness; their efforts were focused mainly in the western edge of the Maelstrom, where the chaos was most pronounced. These events gave the Chapter great favor amongst the soon-to-emerge Thorian faction of the Inquisition and their predecessors. Thor is a respected figure amongst the Chapter brethren, nearly as honored as the Lords Illumine, and the anniversaries of both the Storm of the Emperor's Wrath and Vandire's death are Chapter Holy Days. **** The Badab War (901.M41) It is rumored that ships bearing the iconography of the Angels Ascendant were reported in the systems surrounding the Badab conflict. However, when Huron's forces showed signs of overreacting to Imperial presence and possible corruption rather than simply upholding the sovereignty of the Astartes, the Angels disappeared from the system; to where, none can say. Some call them cowards for this, unwilling to take a stand in the conflict for either side; others suspect they withdrew for pragmatic or idealistic reasons when Huron overstepped his bounds. **** The Thirteenth Black Crusade and the Voice of the Emperor (999.M41) Some say that the Angels Ascendant aided the mysterious entity known as the Voice of the Emperor, whose activities eventually roused Imperial faith in some sectors; their motives for this activity are unknown. The distraction of Abbaddon's approaching forces gave the Angels' forces cover throughout the Crusade, however, and for whatever reason they aided the Imperial forces against Chaotic enemies. Though their renegade status prevented them from participating in major battles, some smaller skirmishes would have surely been lost had it not been for the intervention of the Angels, and they undoubtedly helped to blunt the force of the Despoiler's attack. For whatever reason, after the acts of the Voice of the Emperor and the ensuing effects, the Dark Angels reportedly withdrew forces from several battles and headed to space where the Angels were rumored to have been seen. These actions left some Imperial forces without support, and some commanders undoubtedly cursed the Dark Angels' capricious ways with their last breaths. **** Edited according to advice below.
__________________ Member of the Shadowy Flame Clan, the Anti-GW Price Hikes Club, the Zombie Killers Clan, and the 40k Conspiracy Theorists Clan! The Angels Ascendant: Army Log READ: Index Astartes Last edited by Imperialis_Dominatus; September 29th, 2008 at 02:56.. |
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| Son of LO ![]() Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: London Age: 24
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Really interesting fluff.. In a sentence, though, 'too much exoticism'.. You've got angels, chaos orks, malal, the revivicators, whole new inquisitorial factions, blood angels without the black rage (at least for a while,) not to mention roles in major events like the badab war as throwaway references. There's just too many coincidental, odd, unusual or uneccesarily epic things in one piece, and a lot of it doesn't really seem to have much point. The revivicators in particular are just a bit of a head scratcher.. Firstly, they're an extreme radical group. Even most Thorians would have a deep, deep problem with their philosophy, and may well seek to kill them if they revealed themselves. Thus, they're secretive.. There's a reason not every Inquisitor lives to 800, and that's because the revivicators don't tell them how. Finally, given than marines do live that long anyway, what's to say the revivcators techniques (whatever they are.. I'd imagine they're quite extreme anyway and involve massive ammounts of bionic surgery and bodily alteration) will even work on marines? Does it really serve the narrative to even have them there? I think, in general, you've treated Inquisitorial factions too much like coherent groups.. The Thorians don't sit around at the same table scheming to foil the schemes of the Monodominants at the other table.. All these people are individuals, they'll have their own take on Thorian philosophy and there is nothing which says they have to listen to or respect one another. Inquisitors band together in friendship groups for survival, they don't have huge factional meetings (not very often anyway) to decide their policy on various things. I'm not a fan of some of the overly-epic imagery either but I'll agree marine fluff is prone to such things and takes well to it, so I'm not going to bash your personal style. In general, though, you could serve this a lot by decomplexifying it and removing some of the elements which are redundant or don't make too much sense. I do think it's good stuff though, and the thought you've put into it really comes across.. While I'm not a big fan of the 'imperials with angels as chaos' cliche, you've actually made it palatable. Last edited by The_Giant_Mantis; May 4th, 2008 at 17:12.. |
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| Has a monkey! ![]() Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Montana Age: 19
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Rep Power: 62 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | I tried to make it so. :happy: Quote:
But I understand how it can all be seen as too much. Especially below: Quote:
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__________________ Member of the Shadowy Flame Clan, the Anti-GW Price Hikes Club, the Zombie Killers Clan, and the 40k Conspiracy Theorists Clan! The Angels Ascendant: Army Log READ: Index Astartes | |||||
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| Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Age: 19
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Honestly. I didn't read it at first. At a glance, we have at least 4 pages of fluff. Big paragraphs. Probably some good stuff there, but it's not something that you're going to read off the cuff if you're just skimming through the forum. Not so much a literary criticism, but it's a point worth keeping in mind. Perhaps a link to a more comprehensive explanation, with a slightly ...more concise version here. As Mantis said, they're involved in WAY too many large scale actions. Scale them down a little. They're skirting a little close to the "rebel nice-chaos super-hardcore marines" continent for my liking as well. Having said that, they're on the plausible side. Like the Hellsing (the Anime, that is) of Marines. Close to the mind most of the time, but never quite crossing over. You might be able to use Defilers as some sort of rare STC variant of dread. Seeing as they're somewhat nomadic/non centered, there's a possibility (perhaps over the course of seeking out undefended weapon stores, or seeking more dangerous areas that are safe as bases of operations) that they found some sort of design in a forgotten cache, Battletech style. Maybe something that the Ad-Mech were experimenting with. That's stretching things a little, but possible if you really wished to include them. |
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| Dusk Phantom ![]() Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: USA Age: 21
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Well I'm glad I decided to visit LO on a whim, I see you're up to writing again Imperialis. Good on you - I read the entirety of the Fluff and it seems good. But I feel like you're putting 'too much cream on your tacos' and by that I mean I feel like you want them to be more sensational, or exceptional by trying to flesh them out with cannon events rather than with their own. Maybe I'm not making much sense - since obviously you have put a lot of thought into their own journey and their existence and what they do throughout it. Hmm.. I don't know how to explain to you the feeling it gave me. Save to say that - I enjoyed your previous narratives better. Though of course those were stories and this is more of a summary or fact-sheet of events that have transpired in their existence. Correct?
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| | #6 (permalink) |
| Has a monkey! ![]() Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Montana Age: 19
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I'm working on my IA as much as I can spare time for, but you might notice I haven't been on LO for a while. I lacked Internet and had to find a job. So far as the length goes, well, it's an IA and those aren't really short. Not long either, but still. And the fluffy parts of an IA do tend to be the longest- it's the meat of it, after all. @Adahn: I know, it's not a story. But it is going to set up the framework for my stories when I expand them out to the scale I want to do them in. And I am working on trimming some of the exotic bits out. By the way, the folks over at the B&C know pretty much everything there is to know about IAs, so you might see this change more according to their advice. I need to catch up on all my forums though- I've been away for three weeks! Even if I were only subscribed to Librarium Online and not the B&C and Warseer, it would still be a titanic amount of catching up to do... I'll be back in this thread later.
__________________ Member of the Shadowy Flame Clan, the Anti-GW Price Hikes Club, the Zombie Killers Clan, and the 40k Conspiracy Theorists Clan! The Angels Ascendant: Army Log READ: Index Astartes |
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| Has a monkey! ![]() Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Montana Age: 19
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Some new character pieces for your enjoyment. Also modified the Organization section of my Index. **** The First of the Chapter Lords Upon the Founding of the Chapter, unrest was rife in the Imperium. The shadows preceding the Age of Apostasy and the Plague of Unbelief were falling, though the true holocaust was centuries away. Though many among the Angels Encarmine desired, of course, to remain with their Chapter, there were other, more ambitious souls who craved the opportunity to lead a whole Chapter of Space Marines against the nascent threats rising against the Emperor’s true rule. Reclusiarch Malathion, of the 8th Company, was chosen to be the Chapter’s Master of Sanctity. As a young boy, his family had gone on pilgrimage to Terra, but never made it- they were ambushed by Dark Eldar pirates. Though he fought and killed several of the aliens, he came in danger of being overwhelmed, but the Angels Encarmine rescued him and slaughtered the alien interlopers. He showed great promise, and quickly rose as a Chaplain, but his unflinching belief in the Emperor’s true divinity- alien to the norm among Space Marines- kept him in a Reserve Company. Whether or not this also preceded his being requested to lead the new Chapter is in doubt, but he accepted the duty wholeheartedly. Baphomen, Epistolary of the 3rd Company, was a wise and even-tempered mystic meant to add experience and a counterbalance to Malathion’s almost uncomfortably fervent devotion. He bore with him the Helionomicon, a book of wisdom the Angels Encarmine were both sorrowful to see go, but willing to see its knowledge empower a new generation. After this the question remained: Who to take the mantle of Chapter Master? Many warriors in the Chapter rose to the task, and for months, physical combats, strategic exercises, purity tests, and questions of faith were given to the petitioners. Eventually, only four remained, equal in every way. At the behest of the Angels Encarmine’s Master of Sanctity, the four were bid to keep vigil in the Chapel until the Emperor resolved the quandary. For six days and seven nights the four brothers knelt on bended knee, praying silently to their Emperor to guide them in their decision. It was only on the dawn of the seventh day that Amitiel, headstrong Captain of the 7th Company, rose in a trance-like state and took the pulpit below the gilded statue of Sanguinius. As he did, each made the sign of the aquila and bowed lower. Thus was the Grand Master of the Brotherhood of Wrath chosen, and the other three the Chapter Masters below him. Amitiel was a young, visionary, and dynamic leader, and his reign over the Chapter saw them fight their most defining conflicts. True to his heritage as an Angel Encarmine, he kept his warriors in action nearly constantly, and in battle they were as great and terrible as Astartes have any right to be. These three Lords Illumine, as the Chapter knows them, are a mere step below Sanguinius in the eyes of the Chapter, prayed to as saints for guidance and glory. **** Brother Onyxior The Banner of the Sixth Company was changed in M40 to an angel with a flail soaring, despite the ball and chain manacled to his feet and the massive book he bears with pride. This is in homage to Brother-Sergeant Onyxior, who bore a book with the name of each squad member he survived- no less than fifty-seven Battle Brothers had their names written in that tome, and each one bore down on Onyxior’s soul. Still he fought on until the Black Rage claimed him. He was locked in the Chamber of the Lost, deep in the Altius Rebirth, late in M40. His tome is carried still by the Reclusiarch of the 6th. **** The Relics of the Chapter The Chapter has seen its share of heroes, laurels and victories, and each piece of wargear, each relic, and each honor is cherished. Similar to their Blood Angel forebears, they hold the shrouds of their fallen heroes as holy. Peculiar to the Chapter is the practice of scribing minute script onto weapons, armor, relics, and other Chapter artifacts; this writing is invisible to the naked human eye but legible to the enhanced vision of the Astartes. Any relic or piece of wargear, when not in use, will be in the Chapter’s Forge, where they will rest until one judged worthy to use them bears them into battle. For basic weaponry, the judging is often quick and by necessity only requires the approval of a superior. But some of the Chapter’s treasured pieces require far more scrutiny. The most holy relics of the Chapter are from its origins. Borne by the Lords Illumine themselves, they are sacred beyond imagining. The full blessing of the Lords of the Chapter is required for their endowment to a Brother of the Chapter, and they are only ever wielded by those of that hallowed circle. Reaping of Baphomen: This is a force scythe wielded by the first Grand Librarian himself. It is passed down to each Grand Librarian in turn, and it is thought that its power has only increased since the founding of the Chapter. Helionomicon: This book of knowledge, also belonging to Baphomen, contains wisdom on every subject from litanies to tactics to esoteric Warp-craft. As knowledge is power, so is the Chapter enlightened and all the more deadly for this ancient tome. Malathion’s Hatred: The Crozius Arcanum wielded by Malathion himself takes the form of a dual battleaxe-head gilded with the Aquila, but unlike many Crozii, it takes the form of a flail rather than a staff or mace. As with the Reaping of Baphomen, it is passed down through the ages to whoever holds the office of Grand Master of Sanctity. Talons Furious: These were borne by Amitiel himself, and in the Chapter’s thousands of years of history they are said to have slain hundreds of thousands of foes. A pair of lightning claws created by Master Artificer Alumien himself, they are sleeker and even more deadly than a normal pair of lightning claws, and have earned a fearsome reputation across the Maelstrom, where the vast majority of the Chapter’s foes are found. Each of the thirty-two Grand Masters have had a right to wield them, but many also have used weapons of their own. Band of Amitiel: This is perhaps the Chapter’s most revered artefact, carved by Amitiel himself after becoming Grand Master of the Chapter. The band itself is of black onyx, with a flat oval of white marble set into the front. The marble oval has two onyx bat wings, a golden halo, and a teardrop-shaped diamond chamber inlaid, iconic of the Angels Encarmine. Inside this diamond chamber is a single drop of the holiest substance to any Blood Angels Chapter- the blood of revered Sanguinius. It is to the deep sorrow and shame of the Chapter that this revered artefact was on Altius III when the planet was razed, and though they combed the planet, it was never found. A podium designed to hold it lies empty in the Chapter’s reliquary, but it seems the ring will never be seen by the Chapter again. Chalice of the Sacred Blood: This sacred artefact emulates the Red Grail of the Blood Angels, and is carried by the Sanguinary High Priest. Its surface is heavily decorated and inlaid with rubies; the copies carried by the Sanguinary Priests are, however less ornate, still sacred to the Chapter and key to many rituals. Tome of the Resting: This tome bears the name of every Battle Brother who has given his life for the Emperor. It is carried by the Supreme Master of Sanctity, and on the Day of Wrath when the Emperor returns, the Chapter will be reunited with their fallen heroes after their long-rest in the Altius of the afterlife. He also carries the Book of the Damned; every Brother of the Chapter who has turned from the Emperor’s light is, upon death, entered into this book; rather than expunging their failures, the Chapter chooses to remember them and learn from their failures. These poor souls will know only sorrow, darkness, and agony for all time. Ritual Aegis: The sacred battle-armor worn by the Harbinger is a suit of white-gold artificer armor, sculpted in similar fashion to the Honor Guard armor worn by the Blood Angels; it is trimmed in true gold and ruby. The helm fittingly takes the form of Sanguinius’ death-mask. The bearer of this armor also has access to a fittingly ornate jump pack and war bike. **** EDIT: Added some bits to this.
__________________ Member of the Shadowy Flame Clan, the Anti-GW Price Hikes Club, the Zombie Killers Clan, and the 40k Conspiracy Theorists Clan! The Angels Ascendant: Army Log READ: Index Astartes Last edited by Imperialis_Dominatus; September 29th, 2008 at 02:28.. |
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This is a new bit that I came up with roughly a week or two ago. **** The Harbinger The Harbinger is the Chapter’s 1st Company Wrathbringer, or Champion. The first to bear this title, Brother Raxus, took the tradition of upholding the Chapter’s honor in combat with enemy Champions to a new level, expanding the role of the Wrathbringer. When a Wrathbringer of the Chapter attains this hallowed position, he no longer is known by his mortal name, for to attain this rank he must be skilled beyond imagining and, it is said, completed the Harrowing- a series of feats and surpassed tests, unknown outside the Chapter Lords, that would destroy even most Astartes; an earthly name no longer suffices. The Harbinger is at the behest of the Lords of the Chapter only, and is occasionally sent out alone to commit honor killings and overt assassinations in which he blazes a path of destruction to his target; he also acts as the Chapter’s executioner. In battle he will often act alone, but has been known to lead brother Marines or even a squad of Wrathbringers into combat. The Harbinger wears a suit of ornate power armor, the Ritual Aegis, into battle, and bears whatever weapons he chooses from the Forge (save the Talons Furious and the weapons of the Librarium) or his own weapons, improved and perfected by the Chapter’s Artificers. **** Feel free to peruse the above posts too, it's all been altered.
__________________ Member of the Shadowy Flame Clan, the Anti-GW Price Hikes Club, the Zombie Killers Clan, and the 40k Conspiracy Theorists Clan! The Angels Ascendant: Army Log READ: Index Astartes |
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