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I'm working really hard on Part Two of "For the Honour of the Dead" However, I've hit a snag...
I'm not too sure about the intro. I know relivatley little when it comes to the Space Travel of 40K. It's only a small bit, as the intro to part 2, but I'd like some advice/opinions on it before I proceed.
The Warsmith, Lord Dalk, looked out of the wide viewing windows of his Desolator Battleship, the Enduring Hate, at the snow covered planet below. He grinned wolfishly behind the visor of his helmet. He turned in his ancient suit of Terminator Armour and walked back along the catwalk to where the Captain’s throne used to be. Being unable to sit in his bulky Terminator armour, Lord Dalk had the chair ripped out and the image of the Iron Warriors Legion badge embossed on the wall behind. He pulled off his helmet and tucked it under his arm
“Fleet Status,” he demanded of one of the cultist working the controls of the massive ship.
“All ships present, my lord,” replied the cultist in a snivelling, high pitched voice, “but…”
“But?” Lord Dalk rounded on him.
“Th…the scanners show a small Imperial fleet on the other side of the planet, my lord.”
“Damn. How many ships?”
“Three Adeptus Mechanicus Cruisers, one Imperial Cruiser, and one Emperor Class Battleship.” Lord Dalk turned to his readouts. “And what of the fleet of the Battle Guards? Where is their fleet?”
“Most of their fleet is in the Altus sector, my lord, and their Battle Barge is currently engaged in battle deeper into this sector.”
“With what?” The cultist hesitated. Lord Dalk turned on him. “With what?!” he yelled.
“My lord… our long range scanned say it’s… it’s some kind of life form.” Lord Dalk frowned, then grinned his wolfish grin, his metallic teeth shining in the ruddy light of the bridge.
“Tryanids,” he hissed to himself. He thought for a few moments then spoke again. “Open channels to the fleet.” A view screen lowered and flickered into life as the faces of the fleet’s captains appeared. “Iron within!” Lord Dalk saluted them, pounding the left of his chest plate with a clenched right fist.
“Iron without,” came the simultaneous reply.
“Gentlemen, as you are aware, we have reached the Fornax system, and below us is Fornax Zeta, Homeworld to the Imperial Marine chapter, the Battle Guards. However it looks as if the chapter has some guests. On the other side of the planet, there lies an Imperial fleet, the details of which are now being sent to you.” He pressed a few buttons on his control panel and sent the information to the rest of the fleet. “Myself and the rest of the Great Company, along with my Lord Dreadfire, will make planet fall on this side of the planet. From our Landing Zone, we will march on the Fortress Monastery that the Imperials call the Citadel of Storm, and there besiege it. One we have made planet fall, Captain Horsh will take the fleet out of the planet’s shadow, and destroy the Imperials. Make sure you do it quickly. The Warp influx can only hide us for so long. Dalk out. Iron Within!” The captains bowed their heads and replied; “Iron Without.” The view screen died and was raised back up.
“Lord Dalk,” said a voice that echoed a thousand more, and spoke with the strength of ages. Lord Dalk turned to face the huge figure of Daemon Prince Hammerfang Dreadfire.
“My Lord,” Dalk said, awkwardly to one knee.
“We have arrived?”
“We have my Lord,” Dalk replied. He looked up at the immense form of Prince Hammerfang. Gifted by the Gods of Chaos, he was everything an Iron Warrior strove to be. Standing on two colossal mechanical legs that melded into a massively muscled torso covered on a skin of living metal. His left arm was naught but a giant mechanical claw, while his right forearm was a massive cannon barrel, which was connect buy a series of wires to the back of his head.
“Good,” breathed Prince Hammerfang, “Soon, our victory will be complete, and the Gods will reward you greatly, Dalk.”
“Thank you my lord.”
I could do with some opionins on this:
Does the Warp Influx sound like a feasable idea for hiding the chaos fleet?
Would Lord Dalk refer to his subordinate captains as "Gentlemen"?
Basically,I need to know, does it work?
Not a clue, if it was me I would drop that unless the Iron Warriors are known for being formal and polite (which are traits not normally associated with servants of the ruinous powers).Originally Posted by StormchaserI think so, but I am not particularly well-up on the Chaos fluff.Originally Posted by Stormchaser
The name refers to facial hair, not playing style.Originally Posted by A news vendor's stand, London, June 1940