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Before I begin, let me tell you that I have a sick and twisted sense of humor. Factor this with bordeom and a couple mountain dews and you get the context in which I was writing this.
I have always liked the 40k style of prose, the writing style in which the BGB, the codex's and the other fluff materials is simply awesome. That dark, gothic, "no hope", Orwellian feel make it such a treat to read.
Inspired, I wrote this little rant, a satircal one, orginally posted on my Facebook. I thought I'd share it with an audiance who would appreciate it for what it was. So without further ado...A deadly cancer lurks within the soul of humanity. From the depraved schools across the country to the towering spires of mankind's greatest cities, there exists an evil so great, so terrible, and unholy, it threatens to rob mankind of its greatest treasure: its soul.
Math.
From the blatant heresy of algebra to the insidious taint of calculus, math threatens to destroy the very fabric and essence of Mankind. With unholy decimal and fraction and square root, the vile Math Gods help spread their foul message. They would have humanity enslaved to formulas and equations. Freedom and self expression suppressed, for none of that exists in the Math Gods realm. Only the cold sound of a thousand fingers entering number after vile number into calculators, pencil after pencil scribbling every last answer.
The Math Gods wish to enslave humanity, drowning out its creativity, its idealism, and hope, replacing it with a cold data sheet of numbers and formulas.
Aiding in their agenda are servants of the Math Gods. And their number is Legion. They are Math Teacher and Math Professor, whose dark teachings corrupt the minds of the young and innocent.
They are Mathmatician, dark savants who have sold their souls to the Math Gods. In exchange for thier sanity they have gained knowledge and magic far beyond the reaches of mortal men. With formula and equation, these depraved souls further thier dark machinations, seeing humainity as nothing more than a set of variables and equations.
Those who have sold thier souls to the Heretical Math Gods are forever damned. They have forsacken thier mortal selves. They have shed thier humanity and reason for the cold hand of logic. They have covered their empathy in a veil of numbers, letters and equations.
They will not stop unti lHumanity is enslaved, when the laughter of the children dies, and all that can be seen is row after row of poor wretched souls, scibbling down formula after formula. Color replaced by black and white and grey. Logic and Reason replacing Faith and Love. Debate and Disccusion replaced by the laughter of the thirsting Math Gods...
We are all doomed...
...
lol
Does this mean that Mathhammer is Heresy?
"It takes a vast amount of self control to be this dangerous."
---Ogvai Ogvai Helmshrot, Jarl of Tra, VI Legion Astartes
This is quite true. I see nothing "funny" about it.
"If you can wait til I get home, then I swear we can make this last."
I like math...... math hammer is evil though.
Yes it does. But unfortunetly its a necessary evil... Kind of like those daemon things the Ordo Malleus uses.
Acutally I wasn't sure what kind of response I get, but seeing as how its mostly positive, thanks!
The whole basic premise of this came to me as I was reading through the new Chaos Space Marine Codex and I thought "what if I replaced words like 'deamon' or 'chaos' with math..." and it took off from there. Do to the good feedback I might do more of these, I'll keep you people posted.
That may be, but in this case it's worked. Fear the Math gods! Pretty good effort!
I understand the boredom (it can make you do horrible, evil though often funny things...) but Mountain Dew... I thought mountain dew was a brand of bottled water...
Must be one of those international discrepancies (I'll just assume it's a sugary soft drink - makes more sense that way.)
Mountain Dew is a sugary soft drink, a citrus flavored brand with a lot of caffiene8X I've found through personal experiance it isn't found outside the U.S in many cases, or if it is its been tampered with (the Canadians stip it of its caffiene, the bastards...) If you're ever in America, try it, and that goes for all of you.:drinking:
As you can tell, I like the dew a lot... You Americans will understand...