In the Grim Darkness of the Far Future, There Is Only a 3-Word-Story.

[omegoku]

left in the

[Wolf Lord Herby]

Thanks to Deadstar and Smurphy for updating when I wasn’t.

The Guardsman went and shot himself but missed, then an angry ork chopped off his one remaining functioning butt cheek. 'Ouch!' he screamed, blood squirted out of the syringe he inserted in his Medi-pack. Suddenly he realised the Hounds, oddly enough were barking at Annagron. Manyara turned into a gretchin. "That's odd," Thought the guardsman, "Why would a Gretchin appear in a mangy dog costume?" He then stabbed his pancreas, wonderfully the ork kindly staunched the bleeding, using only a raw grox steak. The blood mingled to create unification thus unleashing Khorne, who wasn't happy with the ork. The Ork sang a song about "crumpin' humies", then crumped da humie with his enormous yet strangely beautiful exposed left metatarsal.

Then a bloodletter looked at the crumped humie and giggled sexily, gesturing at his big doll collection, he sat there staring at the only thing standing between the daemon's legs, a rabid kroot. Then Khorne picked up his date at Slaanesh's house. The Guardsman then slapped the kroot, stinging his hand and vibrating his Epidermal ganglia, until Slaanesh killed Khorne's unfortunate puppy Stan to make a puppy pie for Boris. Having unwittingly stepped on his own puppy yesterday, who bit his foot in reply.

Suddenly a superfluous Ultramarine stumbled humorously in, wearing a shiny chainmail bikini. He lifted his superfluous bolter and screamed, "Huzzah!" Upon which he exploded, flashily revealing his 2 big watermelons, which splattered noisily into the mouth of a waiting Carnifex, who then kissed an Eldar on the wraithbone. The Wraithbone shivered from the bio-lipstick, which began to be called 'Apocalypstick' and was marketed to millions of Young Unimaginative Marine worshipers who secretly wrote poetry and actively sexified Tau for their own Squats. Yes, Squats, short, chubby abhumans that were forced to become pets for the Guardsman (and occasionally daemonettes).

Meanwhile, on Armageddon, glasses danced often, doing the "Macarena" and eating toast to be smashed! Or rather- "jammed" under a large rok that fell on the Baneblade. However the Guardsman pulled out his enormous collection of Warhammer 40,000 models and challenged the Eldar and Carnifex High Lords to a loud gamez of loud yelling, that ended within one hot minute of the explosive being detonated, then Dark Eldar Comes crashing through the window, sending glass into the eyes of Warmaster Horus. He Screams and Fires his bolter at The Tiny Titan, only to splatter a necron's pelvis with yellow water. The necron turns and runs away. He finds a lictor hiding in his chest. Then, a chaosish watermelon attacks the Necron’s left foot.

Out of nowhere, Abbadon the Despoiler hacks bloody parts in nostalgic euphoria, whilst busily singing. Meanwhile the Guardsman performed heart surgery on the Ork, who then ran away to host a rave, but fell on his face and then broke his teef. The Ork worm gnawed his way through dog pies and cat cakes.

"BLOOD FOR THE Great blood pumpkin!" The great pumpkin of bleeding pumpkins rallied the pumpkins on Pumpkin Mountain.

Meanwhile, over at the place where nobody mentions pumpkin, stood a pumpkin, which was odd, the guardsman thought. He then pulled a headless rooster and a laspistol apart to see if it had any candy inside.

But then a large flying 'Nid with a cold had a runny flesh-hook, which dangled and snagged onto an unusual thing. To his chagrin, a fancy word, which would create some lemon custard, made of Genestealer's Poison glands and acid bombs, the guardsman ran screaming for his CO, who then said, “you are sentenced to have your cannon shined by a dirty rag.” While shining it, the pink ork played with his Shoota, while balancing on a squig. “That’s a good trick,” said the agitated, naked gnome. "Do naked gnomes admire Orks?" said the gnome's wife from behind the elegantly upholstered sofa.

In constricting pains the one called Gustav complained that his earlobes were dripping blood from the furiously yellow weeping, pustular sores, which dangled on the edge of a rusty nail coated with some grey poupon mustard. "Pardon me," said the giant squat, "I love poupon." The squat then vanished, leaving instead for the hotel to rent himself an illegally obtained Grox neutering kit. As the dice in his pouch decided to fly, he praised Malal.

A random grot-shaped krak missile struck a fierce greater daemon of Tzeentch, who then reached for a change of underwear. The unicycling Lictor dissipated in a thick cloud of funny green goo, which smelled like peas. The next guardsman pulled out a pair of underwear unravaged by his previous encounter with a carnifex. With the underwear on his face, he deftly leapt up a piece of blue cheese, calling aloud to his mother, who threatened to enhance his manliness by summoning Blood Pumpkin.

Suddenly a giant potato fell from the back of the guardsmen's pants. "Wait, that's not a standard issue of the paper". Then he threw a grenade at a red monolith. Surprisingly, the Monolith exploded into thousands of pink bunnies, which ate Nightbringer, causing them to eat the bunnies, which lead to an evil ‘flu, which wiped out half the Necrons. The remaining Necrons heads all exploded from gauss nerfing. "This makes me look like a person who enjoys shiny red monoliths that explode into angry Necron Bunnies.” Then the Necron sprouted a green erection. "Are you going to scream at that rabbit?” asked the agitated yet loveable carrot-munching, skeletal perv. “AAAAAARGH" screamed the rabbit. "Of all of the things loveable and adorable your Necron member has done to this adorable thing, that's the best!"

So the Rabbit wept joyfully, embarrassed at it's conspicuous Plasma Cannon, secretly hoping that it would overheat so it may overheat and cook a plasma grenade, setting alight to Mr. Jones the guardsman, who was concealed by barking cyber-dachshunds. Throwing a rulebook for "Kill the Panda Dragons", a somersaulting Dreadnought engaged with a backflipping pimp slap.

Solitaire, the Banshee Ho, (who was queuing) was then eaten by Carnifex's cousin-in-law, Bert, who meticulously eradicated every man and woman who happened to walk past him, because he was celebrating the day of his graduation from the academy of alien stomping!

The Emperor committed on his enormous Golden Stick of water polo; water was in his blood, which was highly unhealthy for heretics, aliens and squats to ingest. Suddenly he realised the Golden Throne was merrily missing. "Ooh Crap” he hooted to the vaporised Guardsman, who, in reply, farted a catchy jingle. "Lay off the Swedish fish please, da dum dee doo bum cha le poopah. Let's sing another jingle." Said the happy Ratling, but then many howling banshees (danced awkwardly to/ appeared from) the back of a 1992 Volkswagen replica playing Chris DeBurgh's “Who’s Chris DeBurgh?” album, for unenlightened degenerate, heathen masses. "Honestly, who's DeBurgh?” “I have no idea", replied Roland, the Necron Lord, who had been shouting abuse at his resurrection orb since the batteries decided to run out of powah childishly squealed, jumping onto the Volkswagen, that honked in Ribald Rhymes incessantly.

C’Tan all mighty was break-dancing heroically but then died a horrible death to mercury-laced oil toilet paper under his left foot stuck from before flushing the toilet.

Wailing to the maid to help wipe his anus, Marneus Calgar hefted a mighty pineapple point end up to a purple-faced mob who were paralysed on some quick sand, which was tickling, summoned by the almighty, all-knowing, all-powerful Squat. He fires his glorious and crusty heavy stubber into the squealing metallic frenzy of the Emperors holy porta potty of Martian origin, to be used as bloodthirster’s massive stinky cereal bowl. The Squat said "who ya' gonna-call?" "The Daemonhunters!" Replied the grinning scout, looked on confused mutant gerbil spawn! "If my grandma has bigger guns then you shall tremor in her presence. She will gyrate mercilessly, invoking the Might of kroot flavoured jello between the two left toes of Colin, the almighty Lord of Beer.”

"Venerate Colin!" said Colin while chugging down some moose juice, fresh from the chocolate factory. The chocolate factory melted away in his Awesomeness. Meanwhile, on another Guardsman’s hairy back giant mushroom, in the shape of half eaten pop-tarts, burst messily, spreading snozzberries all throughout the tree line. "The snozzberries taste Snozztastic!" said the drunken chapter master who can't dance to save his pumpkin-toting Grandmother, who is actually a runty Grot. “Wow, funny that nobody ever noticed.” Commented a youthful scout named Hamilton. "Dammit Hamilton!" screamed Chuck Norris as Hamilton flounced towards a stinky vat of Melted Cheese and fell in. Hamilton lunged heroically towards a cheese-vat-pirate that was drawing cheese doodles on a macaroni noodle that was hanging from a Titan.

Then everybody heard a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge fart erupted into flame causing great admiration from Grandfather Nurgle. Cypher appeared, seemingly intoxicated from the large glass of industrial paint thinner. "Purple spotted Elephants with flaccid nipples dancing on Thumbtacks!?" Shouted the drunken Fallen-Angel. Cypher then took up a daemonic hello-kitty doll, which covered him in pink slime and dead foetuses. “OH MY GOD" he shouted, looking down at his irreparably stained robes. "Do you know who I am?" “My... brother." Said Grandfather Nurgle, who kills pink rabbits, and boils them with used syringes, and shoots up pink liquid Squigs into his eyeball. "You evil, sick Lightning Claw Masseuse! What do you want from me?"
Suddenly white liquid fell from the end of the rainbow, with magical sparkling luminescence it, that glowed in cheap glue, from the local supermarket, to soothe his tired back. Unfortunately, it was CRISCO with chocolate sprinkles. Mint Chocolate Sprinkles, made from mint, chocolate and fermented sugar juice, coated in Tyranid bio-plasma. Moons of Nibia sent some necrons down Abbadon's throat, and they came across a very hungry purple pig. This purple pig, named Princess, was a purple pig. The Necrons took a photo of Abaddon in the field of dreams. Gaunt’s Ghosts appeared offering chocolate cookies to the unlucky female stripper who's pasties taunted the hungry purple pig, which rolled over in a puddle of Guard stew, consisting of large chunks of Guardsman.

“So, Grandpa Nurgle grabbed a spoon and barfed out a large chunk of eldar, which surprised him, causing unfortunate side effects from ever stopping.” said Scout Hamilton who was dancing with a plump piggy named phr0z3n when an Inquisitor got a call from the Ghostbusters about a snotling that was unbustable.

They grabbed their mega ultra chickens and charged them with 240 volts of magical happiness. This shot had made the chickens jump out of their feathered power armour. The naked chickens incredibly flew towards the pressure cooker of ultimate lethargy. Then Marneus Calgar found some cake and choked on a red M&M, which was actually a disguised melta-bomb that made a huge messy Marneus all over the cake. It began to smell worse than a God of War. Marneus was almost spewing his breakfast.

Suddenly a genestealer offered Marneus a giant, purple, Carni-cookie. The Carni-cookie unveiled a troupe of rather gay clowns rather gay clowns who began to dance their magic hula hoop dance which hypnotised the watching cattle rancher and his dog. With BIG RED brand chewing-gum, Abaddon chewed heartily, drooling all over his vortex grenade which shattered explosively, embedding warp shrapnel in his dog's behind with very contagious warpy, cosmic ooze!

So, Abaddon took a photo of bikini clad Hrud to show to his pet daemonette who was eaten by a ginormously oversized stompa gargant who was then eaten by a hilariously undersized mongoose. Lascannon Fire interrupted Abbadon's tea party so he stabbed the Ork with the Emperor's Handfork of Truth!

Then Commissar Yarrick kidnapped a teletubby, cooked it alive, garnished it with essence of tubby-toast and melted marshmallows over a roaring pussycat with tendinitis, with emperor grade high explosives attached his highly armoured genitals, he screamed "Yowzers! That tickles!". Then the dreaded hot and spicy Tyranid gargoyle wings gave him horrible tentacled purple boils, killing him instantly. Noticing this, the resurrected Warmaster Horus farted out cheese, causing rotting goats to retch violently. Horus then belched the theme tune to the Tweenies While dancing the time warp again. Abaddon flew out (of the) men’s bathroom of impending doom. He shouted "Shut the fracking door, I've left the cat in the toilet!" "Why would you conceptualise such a hairy barnacle under the BIG rock?” "I have no idea, ma boi!" Replied the blind pressure cooker.

When Horus put his hand in his daemonic denim jacket, which contained a squeaky chicken doll and a large crispy donut, he began to cry god-like tears, which extinguished the Flamer hidden within the tea kettle. The kettle boiled ominously, like a witch's cauldron that resembled a large, ominous kettle from Joey’s bait shop, purveyor of fine bass and trout and other fish like Tau. Mysteriously, all was silent except for the squid farting wildly in Karmoon's face.

The Cactus-god exclaimed, "Today's Space Hanukkah!" The Hanukkah's power caused everything to become more shiney and glow red and drink coca-cola. That is until Yarrick backhanded it, with an exploding twin-linked large fries and large coke with a milkshake. Disgruntled Space Jews were denied kosher, so opted instead to wear dungarees made of wool, sewn by blind Dancing Hermit Crabs that were very smelly. The Crabs demanded their payment of five mules and a large wafer thin mint donated for charity by the angry exploded fat man who called himself "Ralph the uninteresting" who then spanked Scout Hamilton on the light sabre.

The force of Nature then laughed as it was penetrated by a great beast of many Slaaneshi tentacles. Nature's eyes watered at the sight of a mooning, moaning, undulating, slithering, drunk male ballerina. "I wanna go bake cookies with no clothes on! But first I will eat pudding inexplicably causing a dimensional rift to the french revolution to open.” With that he walked with a limp into a huge tavern of immense pwnage. Almighty Jimmy ordered two pints of grot piss for him and the ork he loved very much like a Brother loves welfare payments provided by Kharn in the midst of happy people line dancing heartily. That is until they all realised that ninjas were the bane of all human life, all except midgets who dress like the Blood God and hyperventilating chickens. The ninjas crept down to the corrupted toilet seat, where they found Dave Mustaine pretending to eat his peanut butter sandwich. As a bloodletter it was their duty to uphold the laws of devouring genestealer pie that tastes like GW plastic glue that has been left in the

[Karmoon]

innards of huge

[psichotykwyrm]

Khornate Sperm Whales.

[avatar of khaine]

Tzeentch turned into

[Inquisitor Blackadder]

an annoying strawberry

[aeroplane]

dolphin, who swam





.

[flameseeker574]

through an ultramarine

[kroxigor01]

beer vat on

(hang on, let me quote the whole of the current sentence... "Tzeentch turned into an annoying strawberry dolphin, who swam through an ultramarine beer vat on...". That's some pure genius aeroplane!)

[Kai-Itza]

the back of


-Kai-Itza-