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Well as the title surgests im having some trouble writting the fluff for my chapter the Emperors Fists, I want to stay as true to the 40k fluff as i possibly can and im not sure how true i have been and what else i should add to the fluff. Please C+C. Here is what i have written so far.
"The year was 781.M31, the year of the first black crusade where Abbadon launched his assault against the Imperium with the combined forces of chaos, and during this dark time came about the fall of one of the greatest Primarchs Rogal Dorn.
Dorn died after a desperate attack on the bridge of the despoiler class battlecruiser “Sword of Sacrilege”. Dorn saw the importance of hitting the enemy while it was still preparing despite overwhelming numbers, he relied on hit and run tactics and ultimately gave his life to give precious time for imperial reinforcements to arrive.
Although the Black Crusade was defeated, the Imperium was forced to heavily fortify the surrounding Cadian sector. This saw the birth of the Cadian shock troops and two forge worlds to supply Cadia with the vast amount of resources it required, but this also saw the birth of a 3rd founding of the Imperial Fists.
The high lords of terra ordered the construction of a new space marine chapter to help protect the Cadian sector from further approaches by chaos. This chapter would ensure the wrath of the Emperors might the moment chaos approached. The chapter was named the Emperors Fist, and they display the fist emblem of there founding chapter as well as the Aquila on their armour to honour the fallen Primarch.
A small group of marines from the Imperial Fists chapter joined as the core of the Emperors Fist. It is rumoured that these battle brothers saw the death of their Primarch and retrieved his body, when they returned they’re golden yellow armour was stained in a thick dark red. Some say they never recovered after the loss of Dorn, constantly seeking to find and destroy the “Sword of Sacrilege”
As a result over the years the Emperors Fists have began to specialize in boarding actions over the many black crusades that have approached Cadia, they mainly acted as support during the black crusades to help the imperial fleets gain air superiority and act as elite shock troops to relieve battered outposts, to out flank the opponent and to recapture or reinforce strategic points that may have been over run or completely lost."
Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Generally the best way to produce in-depth chapter fluff for marines is to follow the Index Astartes template. That is, with sections like the following:
Think about each of those and write a dedicated section to it. You've got a good concept so far, and the ideas about their founding are pretty nifty, and would about do with a little more embellishment and simplification as a decent Origins section.
And read this to try and flesh out the other sections if you get stuck on ideas or whether something is or isn't a good idea for your chapter: Guide to DIYing - The Bolter and Chainsword : A 40k Space Marine Resource - hugely detailed and well-written.