A Battle Of Wills - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Ravensdark's Avatar
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    A Battle of Wills

    Arias of the Nine stared into the unknowable depths of the Changer of Ways eyes and felt nothing but anger and disgust

    ‘You have been given your answer my pet. Why do you harbor such animosity to me?’ spoke the Changer in an ethereal voice, a voice sweet and intoxicating that held promises of terrible power and above all knowledge. Arias would have spat if he had truly stood face to face with his chaotic patron instead of the psychic link through which he now spoke.

    ‘Because I despise you,’ he said in a calm and unemotional tone. The greater daemon seemed to shudder with amusement and anger. Its gaze bore into Arias as it always did, searching through his soul as he would read a book of ancient lore. Arias knew that it sought out fear, the quivering mass of obedience hidden deep within his spirit. He smiled knowing that it would find no such emotion, only the desire to destroy the daemon and gain its knowledge.

    The Changer bellowed in chaotic fury, a terrible screech that would send any lesser creature into madness. The Thousand Son’s Sorcerer Lord merely grinned wider blocking out the dreadful noise as if it was that of a bothersome child’s.

    ‘Do not seek to invite my anger with your brazen thoughts Arias,’ spat the daemons voice. ‘You may be one of the Nine but you are still a puppet of our master, you are MY puppet,’ it bellowed.

    ‘I am the puppet of no-one!’ roared back Arias through the ether, his calm and chilling composure shattered in an instant to be replaced with seething rage ‘god or daemon I serve none. It is you that are the plaything of Lord Tzeentch. That day millennia ago when you were raised to prince-hood was the day you became the lowest slave.’

    Insubstantial talons tore out at Arias, ripping at him with all the force the Changer could muster. At the pathetic display the sorcerer’s anger left as quickly as it had erupted. He simply waved the attack away. His laughter was that of the void, cold and eternal.

    ‘You strike out at me for my disobedience’ he chuckled ‘I am surprised, you are more pathetic then even I had believed. You are nothing better than those of Khorne.’

    The daemon’s eyes lit with terrible ire, ‘You insolent mortal, you are but an ant at my claws. Anger me no more or you shall be the food upon which I dine this night,’ retorted the Greater Daemon, utter malice in its voice. Arias merely laughed once more.

    ‘You even lie to yourself puppet; you are but a pathetic creature of the warp now. You could not harm me even if I was still within the Eye let alone here in the material plane.’ The weak attacks of the Changer stopped and after what seemed like an eternity the daemon replied, its voice that of forced calm.

    ‘You have grown strong Arias of the Nine, I see that now. But it is our lords will that you do not seek the ‘Ark’. Ahriman has been given the honor of the arcana’s retrieval.’ At the mention of that name Arias shivered with hate. ‘I grow weary of your insolence, now leave my audience,’ ended the daemon as it began to break the link.

    ‘Do not deny me,’ Arias said with such cold and certain menace that even the Greater Daemon halted. It smiled, its great vulture like head split with a grin.

    ‘But I do deny you Arias, for the knowledge you seek is mine, mine for eternity and something a pathetic worm as you shall never know,’ it mocked, making Arias grind his teeth in frustration. ‘NOW BEGONE!’ it snarled. With a twinge of thought it attempted to sever the link. It failed.

    ‘You do not leave MY audience until I am satisfied,’ spoke Arias.

    The daemon tried once more to separate itself from the communion with the sorcerer but to no avail. A terrible energy was trapping the daemon within the link. It shuddered as it realized that the power came from Arias.

    ‘I renounce my pledge to you daemon! I shall seek the Ark and I shall be all powerful. My soul is my own, not yours, not even our gods. Now you will give me the location of the Ark or I shall destroy you….. J’karakos.’

    The daemon quivered at the word, his name, that which was the key to his power and his own soul. For the first time in its existence the Lord of Change knew fear. But with that fear came fury, naked and unbridled, an anger that would tear down the walls of reality and see all things die. The ghost like apparition of Arias stood smirking before him as J’karakos had done over countless others.

    ‘How did you know my name scum,’ it screeched ‘who are you?’

    Arias gave no reply. His unearthly eyes began to glow with balefires and raw chaos seemed to bubble through his spirit form. Within that stare the daemon saw its destruction.

    ‘I bind you to me daemon, now I am your master!’ Arias boomed before chanting in a language that even the ancient daemon did not know. The words were old before time and within them seemed the very essence of all existence, the power that had shaped the universe was within those words. A horrible darkness began to form before Arias, a appalling depth that seemed endless. J’karakos snarled like a caged beast, lashing out with all his godly might. Spells and energies that had shaped worlds and destroyed them whipped out at Arias but all were consumed by the void of the Sorcerers soul, the vortex into which the daemon was being pulled.

    J’karakos fought against the forces dragging him forward, his vast claws tearing at the warp around him as if it could latch onto something and save itself.

    Arias could feel the daemons fear and reveled in it. That such a mighty beast now quailed before him filled him with dark pleasure. He continued to feel its writhing agony before it finally disappeared with the end of his spell and the utterance of the Changers true name.

    New power now flowed through Arias and with it new knowledge. With J’karakos’ binding all the daemons thoughts and experiences were his to know.

    Arias of the Nine snapped back to reality as he broke off the link with the warp. He once more sat upon his throne of carved bone aboard his battleship. All was quiet here, the cavernous chamber illuminated by ever shifting lights resounded with a peace unheard of aboard any vessel of the Four Powers. He despised the madness of lower daemons in his presence and even the pathetic ignorance of mortals angered him if surrounded by it.

    He basked in the silence of his throne room, alone with his thoughts and plans. He quickly searched the new memories of his former master now etched into his mind. He found what he sought within a heartbeat and smiled to himself.

    He stood up and walked to the great oval window that allowed him to see into the vastness of real-space all around him. His incredibly ornate, midnight blue power armor made no protestation to his movements even after ten millennia.

    Staring out into the void he spoke calmly into the air.

    ‘Bring the fleet about and make best speed towards the far western rim.’ The distant stars beginning to slide across his vision was the only indicator his command had been obeyed.

    It was a good start he told himself. A very good start.

    <span style='color:red'>&quot;Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion&quot;
    &quot;Errr do you mean run away?&quot;
    &quot;Thats the one&quot;</span>

    &quot;Oh man, look at that.&quot;
    &quot;Where?&quot;
    &quot;Over there, by that river of boiling souls.&quot;
    &quot;Well I&#39;ll be damned... it&#39;s a Starbucks.&quot;

    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>

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  3. #2
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    nice fluff...still you will be purged like the heretic u are lololol. i supose thats from your own thousand sons army?
    ...love the smell of plasma burned flesh in the morning...

  4. #3
    Senior Member Ravensdark's Avatar
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    Thanks. And yes a very fledgling army. Ok one charcter i got today.

    I doubt i will make an army around him but i just couldnt resist a tzeentch sorcerer.

    The rest of the time im a good old SM players (though they do serve a dark master) Actually now that i come to think of it all my armies are in some way tied to chaos even if they do fight against it.

    i never realised that till now.
    <span style='color:red'>&quot;Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion&quot;
    &quot;Errr do you mean run away?&quot;
    &quot;Thats the one&quot;</span>

    &quot;Oh man, look at that.&quot;
    &quot;Where?&quot;
    &quot;Over there, by that river of boiling souls.&quot;
    &quot;Well I&#39;ll be damned... it&#39;s a Starbucks.&quot;

    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>

  5. #4
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    well no need to thank me lol...you will still get purged u know?
    ...love the smell of plasma burned flesh in the morning...

  6. #5
    Senior Member Absoluthor's Avatar
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    You have a nice way with words Macharius. Few pieces of amateur fiction keeps me reading till the end of it, but this one did, even without any action. Good work.

    Sadly, your story is missing something. If you are familiar with the norms of story composition, you&#39;ll know that any good story needs a conflict and a turning point. Your story heads in one direction all the way. In the beginning we get to know that Arias has no respect for the greater daemon. Arias angers the daemon, and the daemon attacks him. The daemon doesn&#39;t have a chance to hurt to him. So it&#39;s established that Arias has the upper hand. He also keeps having the upper hand through the rest of the story. There is no element of surprise, no mystery or problem that needs to be solved. You know what I am talking about?

    Think about how the stories in all those anime movies( ) you have seen are buildt up.

    Instead of showing that Arias has the upper hand all the way, why not make it seem like the Daemon has it, but in the end it turns out that Arias tricks the daemon into a trap, enslaving it or what ever.

    Or, if you&#39;re okay with Arias not winning, why not make it a mistake to absorb the daemon into him, so that instead of eating the daemon&#39;s soul it posesses him. This could make for an interesting character too, a sorcerer of Tzeench caught in endless battle with a daemon in his head. He could be a bit like darkblade, and a bit like gollum. Sometimes the daemon could take complete control, and make Arias seem completely mad.
    Ave Dominus Nox!

  7. #6
    Senior Member Ravensdark's Avatar
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    you&#39;ll know that any good story needs a conflict and a turning point.
    I was thinking that all the way through i was writing this piece.

    All the way through i was thinking i need a turning point where Arias starts to show his dominance, that way i could have portrayed the daemons fear far more effectively as he could have begun as arogant then suddenly the tables are turned and he craps himself.

    I wrote this in about twenty minutes at 4 0&#39;clock (while very stoned) in the morning so it is far from my best work. It was just something to do.

    Still i do like the idea and i will go back to it and make a second draft.

    Your suggestion about the two minds in one head is also quite good. I&#39;ll think about that.

    Thanks for the imput as most people just reply &#39;ohhh that was good&#39; (not that i dont appreciate that.) so its nice someone put some time into a reply.
    <span style='color:red'>&quot;Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion&quot;
    &quot;Errr do you mean run away?&quot;
    &quot;Thats the one&quot;</span>

    &quot;Oh man, look at that.&quot;
    &quot;Where?&quot;
    &quot;Over there, by that river of boiling souls.&quot;
    &quot;Well I&#39;ll be damned... it&#39;s a Starbucks.&quot;

    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>

  8. #7
    Senior Member Absoluthor's Avatar
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    All the way through i was thinking i need a turning point where Arias starts to show his dominance, that way i could have portrayed the daemons fear far more effectively as he could have begun as arogant then suddenly the tables are turned and he craps himself.
    I think much of the problem lies in that you tell the story from Arias&#39; perspective, making it impossible to hide how he feels superior to the the daemon. I suggest you either use third perspective, or tell it from the daemons view of things, switching over to Arias&#39; view in the final paragraph.

    I wrote this in about twenty minutes at 4 0&#39;clock (while very stoned) in the morning so it is far from my best work. It was just something to do.
    Not bade for a late night pothead :lol: .

    There&#39;s probably no need to tell you this, but when you do the rewrite, reconsider the sentence:
    ‘Bring the fleet about and make best speed towards the far western rim.’
    Sound a bit too much like a young guardsman speaking. Make it more dramatic and bombastic. &#39;Summon the fleet to rendezvouz at gathering point Elphezor Beta. Let the fleet admirals know that our destination is the Purple Monk Cluster on the far western rim.&#39; Or something..


    Thanks for the imput as most people just reply &#39;ohhh that was good&#39; (not that i dont appreciate that.) so its nice someone put some time into a reply.
    No problem&#33; See my long reply as my way to compliment your skills . Do you have lots of other stories posted too?
    Ave Dominus Nox!

  9. #8
    Senior Member Ravensdark's Avatar
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    A fair few yes. Just look in the fiction section or on my website. The links are in my sig.

    Some of its good some of its bad. I always find myself being really happy with a piece but when i come back to it i see so many glaring mistakes.

    Anyway its nice to see another writer who can comment on things well.

    As i say just have a look around. I&#39;ve got stuff splattered around everywhere (man what a mental image )

    Oh and if your interested i need some readers to check out my main piece that i have been working on. If your interested PM me. Warning it is a BOOK in progress so rather long but i need a hand with ideas proof reading etc. Im not trying to chuck alot of work your way just a bit of a hand.

    If you like fantasy you should like it.
    <span style='color:red'>&quot;Right lads, lets make a tactical advance to the rear of our posistion&quot;
    &quot;Errr do you mean run away?&quot;
    &quot;Thats the one&quot;</span>

    &quot;Oh man, look at that.&quot;
    &quot;Where?&quot;
    &quot;Over there, by that river of boiling souls.&quot;
    &quot;Well I&#39;ll be damned... it&#39;s a Starbucks.&quot;

    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/ravensdark/' target='_blank'>THE SOUL REAVERS</a>
    <a href='http://www.freewebs.com/gaeisia/index.htm' target='_blank'>GAESIA</a>

  10. #9
    Cousin It Carnage's Avatar
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    describe the surroundings a little more, like the throne room and such

    but i like the story alot
    Never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes...by that time they'll be a mile away, and have no shoes

  11. #10
    Supreme Evil Overlord Dreachon's Avatar
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    This is great fluff you arent going to whrite any more of it are you

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