fluffy enough? The Maelstrom Legion - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

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  1. #1
    Junior Member Durinthiam's Avatar
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    fluffy enough? The Burning Ring

    Army Name: The Burning Ring (did call it Maelstrom legion, see below)
    Battle Colours: Black (Silver Shoulder Gaurds for Officers)
    Weapon Specialities: Flamer and Missiles
    Combat Style: Near suicidal assaulters
    Commander: Lord Vaernafis

    Originally a taskforce of Marines sent to the planet Aquornia to find and destroy any threat on the forbidding ice-planet in the outer region the Maelstrom Legion was formed after severe warp disruptions disabled the taskforce from leaving the system. Commander Ernst Vaernafis, renownked for his love of purging the forces of chaos with red hot might was dubbed the Silver Flame after many battles on the barren planet due to his glistening silver armour and lust for seeing things burned to a crisp.

    After centuries of isolation on Aquornia, Commander Vaernafis ordered all soldiers to colour their armour black, "so the enemy may see us coming and tremble in fear". With his new army of pyromaniacs, Vaernafis devised new battlefield tactics that would earn his men the title of the Burning Ring.

    The battle of Helmandis Lake signified the catalyst, hundreds of mal-formed beasts began to charge Vaernafis' men across the frozen lake and just before they hit dead-center, a furious rain of missiles hurled into the middle of the lake, evaporating the ice immediatley. Many sections of the beasts advance were hurled into the freezing water screaming and writhing with no time to free themselves from their frozen torture, a second volley of missiles hit the surrounding ice in an almost symphonic pattern BAM, BAM, BAM
    sending the water into an almighty fiery maelstrom that devoured the enemy in seconds.

    And now my apologies, this is my first time writing a bit of fluff for 40k, I am from a WFRP background and used to paint my friends 40k models for him, so feel free to rip me apart and tell me what I did wrong. All criticism is criticism afterall

    edit: great big fluffy gonads, I just found out what a maelstrom is in 40k...grrr!!!!!!!!!!!! renamed

    Last edited by Durinthiam; November 7th, 2008 at 00:38. Reason: name change :(

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  3. #2
    Senior Member omegoku's Avatar
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    Burning Ring?
    Isn't that what you get on the toilet after a bad curry?

    Other than that, not too bad.

    Guess you have no luck with names!
    Arch Overfiend & Grand Despot
    I currently play:
    Doom Eagle Space Marines
    Hive Fleet Omega Tyranids
    Goff Ork Boyz(dead)
    Tau of O'me
    Inquisitorial Xeno Hunters

    and my attempted foray into fantasy
    'Dark Angel Green' Dark Elves in need of fluff

  4. #3
    Kut Maar Krachtig Zema's Avatar
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    Lol, BAM BAM BAM!

    Still good fluff, i like it. Few point, a warpstorm would not take down any vessels orbiting your planet. So the marines could just stay on the battlebarge or whatever (perhaps a strike cruiser). Also, centuries of warfare and they stll have ammo? Where does it come from? Same with new troops, where do the recruits come from? Even though the space marines will not suffer many casualties in a standard campaign, centuries of fighting will deminish ANY force.

    Also, some god forsaken ice planet would propably not attract any chaos attention unless there is something there they want. Also, if that thing they want is not what the Emperium wants, let's say, some chaos artifect, the Imperial troops would just bomb the planet instead of invading it.

    I know this all sounds like i'm dissing you, but i'm not, i like what you've written so far!
    Got a "good" rumour from a GW staffer? Forget about it, LO'ers know more than any random GW shop staffer.
    Voor alle nederlanders:
    The Dutch Legion

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  6. #4
    God's nutcase Xerxes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Durinthiam View Post
    [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3]Originally a taskforce of Marines sent to the planet Aquornia to find and destroy any threat on the forbidding ice-planet in the outer region the Maelstrom Legion was formed after severe warp disruptions disabled the taskforce from leaving the system.
    Problem with this: chapters are formed by the sanction of the High Lords of Terra alone, not because forces get split up and decide to go their own way. Marines consider it a grave dishonour to desert their chapter or repaint their "sacred colours", lest it offend the armour's machine spirit.

    The iceworld but black armour motif is great, that can stay whatever other changes happen, as it can just be shifted to an idea at the chapter's founding, if the chapter gets formed in the usual way.

    And a maelstrom in 40K is what it normally is, the Maelstrom is something very different. You could relocate your chapter to the Maelstrom and have them named the Maelstrom Legion after the place they guard. Make them a crusading chapter that's fleet-based and they could possibly be larger than the normal chapter thanks to being hard to keep track of, thus making the "Legion" label a bit more appropriate.

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