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This is my first attempt at writing fluff for my CHaos Space Marine army. I havent tried writing any fluff before and you can probably guess the origin of most of the names, but i am pretty sure that they haven't been used in a 40k setting before. Please give any criticism about me breaking fluff, etc and i'll try and change it. thanks in advance, Revan_101
Part 1: Betrayal
The bastard -illegitimate- son of Roboute Guilliman, Revanchist. Revan grew up on the recently reconquered world of Deralia that had once belonged to Chaos. On the eve of his fifteenth birthday, the Dark Eldar struck, devastating he Imperial Army forces on the planet. Revan was one of those captured. Revan had been fighting the dark eldar in hand to hand combat, an impressive feat as he had never been properly trained. He was captured after being knocked unconcious when a soldier of the Imperial Army fired a frag missile into a cluster of Dark Eldar warriors, not caring if he hit
Revan. After being captured, Revan led an armed rebellion against his temporary Dark Eldar masters. He slew the Archon himself and forced the pilots to return to his home planet. Upon arrival Revan discovered that the Ultramarines, liberators of Deralia, had returned. They had heard that Deralia was under attack, but not by whom, or how many of the enemy there were. Revan was given a heroes welcome and offered a place in the Ultramarines Legion by Lysimachus Cestus on the orders of the Ultramarines primarch himself, Revan accepted. After one of the swiftest inductions ever Revan, became a full battle brother in the 11th company. A century later, he was a captain. On the day he was made captain, Roboute Guilliman ordered him to come to a meeting in Guilliman's chambers, there Revan was told of his heritage. Not long after this the heresy began and the Wordbearers attack Calth. Revan had struggled to achieve distinction now that the truth of his heritage was out and welcomed the opportunity to test himself against his brother space marines. WHen the Word Bearers struck, many remember the terror of the great Word bearer ship, not the desperate counter attack upon the bulk of the Word Bearers legion. It was Revan who led the chapter belonging to Master Illidan into the heart of the Word Bearers force, it was he who slew Erebus, first chaplain of the Word Bearers, and it was he , not the destruction of the Word Bearers mighty battleship that convinced them to turn tail and flee. Then at the height of his triumph HE was betrayed, by the man he trusted implicitly, who had served with him every step of his journey, Arthas. Arthas told Guilliman and the Ultramarine leaders that Revan had turned to Chaos, and betrayed all that the Ultramarines stood for. Believing he and his troops were heroes and would be accepted once more, Revan and his men were taken completely by surprise when the rest of the Ultramarines began firing in them. SUrrounded, outnumbered and outgunned, Revan's men wanted to stand and fight, but Revan wanted better for his men. After all they had given they had been betrayed by those they had trusted most. With the "loyalists all around, and Arthas in the middle, more than seven companies of those that followed Revan were killed. Only Revan's company, that of his mentor, Illidan and that his childhood friend from Deralia, Drevin, escaped. ALl of them had suffered serious casualties. Revan was now the honorary leader of the warband, and he led his troops west, away from the Ultramarines, not wanting to clash with those he had broken bread with again. Not until he was ready.
To truly understand Revan, you must truly realise how much he hates ARthas, Guilliman and the Ultramarines at this stage. He had given everything he could to his legion, and they had taken it and more. He has guessed that Arthas betrayed him and intends to pay his old friends their due. But first he knows he needs a base to fight from. He is motivated purely by vengeance at this stage.
Revan had fought Chaos in all its forms for centuries by this stage, and knew its power. Realising that as Guilliman had one ear of the Emperor, and that the Warmaster had the other, Revan decided that his only viable choice was to turn to Chaos. Tzeentch was the first CHaos entity to speak to Revan and instructed Revan to prove his new loyalties by seizing the Imperial base on Kejim, and free the chaos pirates who are to be executed there. Dutifully Revan carried out this mission and captured the base in a style befitting of one who had attained some of the highest honours available to a Space Marine, a captaincy and a company to command. Revan freed the pirates, but Slaanesh spoke to him. If you pursue perfection, you must do it in all things. You will need expertise in ship-to-ship combat. Kill your servitors, their loyalties lie with the Emperor. Slay your astropath, you are a latent psyker, with the help of your new Possessed, you can find your own way. Give the pirate Malcolm Sharp command of your vessel, and allow him to appoint his officers. He will serve you until his death, as the other pirates will do to a man. You are a Warlord now, you can do whatever you wish....
Revan ordered the remnants of his company to paint their armour red, the colour to honour a father in Deralian culture, and gold for vengeance. Drevin was to abolish what was tainted by the Ultramarines in his company by repainting their armour and renaming his company, as was Illidan. Drevin named the 17th the Mystic Swordsmen and painted their armour a faded blue with grey highlights to reflect their shame and sorrow. Illidan elected to call his company, formerly the 11th, the (insert company name here) and painted his armour black and purple. Illidan was already beginning to mutate, he had sprouted wings and ordered his soldiers to paint sigils of protection on their armour. Illidan had become attracted to the teachings of Tzenntch, but his first loyalty was to Revan. Revan and Drevin were dedicated to vengeance, they bothh wanted it to be total and prfect to this end they had both dedicated themselves to Slaanesh. Revan's company's leadership was in tatters. From his company he appointed 10 new sergeants who would be his captains and strike terror in his enemies. Canderous, Jher'aah, Bralor, Sherruk, Drakken, Kelborn, Azkul, Kumus, Oreius, Ergeron. He also had the man tipped to become the next Spear of Macragge who from now on would take to the field in a Baneblade they had captured on Kejim, Barabus. Finally Gelgane, the master of the FOrge, would provide his company with technical know how in the eternal war. These were Revan's Crimson Eagles.
I'd strongly recommend the following:
Put this into Word, and use the spell checker.
Once you've done this, famliarise yourself with some proffesionally written books until you get an idea about how to split stuff into paragraphs and other stuff.
LO RulesOriginally Posted by AnonymousOriginally Posted by Cyric
Sooooo. Is there any opinion on the actual content. i know my writing style leaves much to be desired but what does everyone think about the ideas? Have i broken any fluff?
Please someone say something, i don't care if it is just a "It'll do"!
well the problems i can see are....there are only 10 companies in a space marine chapter. Also if he left the ultramarines during the time of the heresy then there wouldnt be any companies at all.
As of Sep 25th 20082k+ Blood Wolves (SM) 0|1|01k- Black Frost 1st (IG) 1|0|0
I notice two WoW names (Illidan and Arthas) in there. If I am totally honest I would not use two such obvious references to other companies, and instead make up two names of your own.
The son of Guilliman? Do we mean, clone, like the space marines are, or literal son? As far as I know, the primarchs did not have families or children, legitimate or not.
He grew up on a formally chaos world that (I assume) the imperium fought them from, before mankind knew of chaos?
Seems very 'superhero'like. Everything seems to show how perfect, strong and powerful your character is, and how he is secretely the total pwnsome hero of all. Perhaps give him some flaws? I sincerely doubt that it was due to one marine that the entire word bearers fleet retreated. Which brings me onto my next point. Don't mess with pre-existing fluff. don't say 'Oh yeah, I know the fluff SAYS it was due to this that that happened, but it was actually because my guy is just so cool'.
I hate to be critical, but this does reek of classic 'My marine chapter is the best' background.
Rork: In the dark future of the 41st millennium there is only friendship.
Fenrir: and magic.
Kaiser-: My Little Chaos Marine, Friendship is Heresy?
Pretty good. It's just that: 1- Spelling, grammar, and paragraphs need checking
2- You had to write an entire novel to explain your
background, didn't you?
Just kidding. You wanted someone to say "it'll do", so here it is.
I thought so.
This is looking good. Hurry up and write more, before I come over there with a neural scourge and zap your brain then write it myself.
Swarbie of the Hive Mind
"You did good" - Several various randoms, all of which are now dead.
I hope I'm not next...
Thanks, finally some feed back. But i have to sort of defend my fluff.
Firstly, i disagree with ztviper. There WERE chapters inside the legions. it says so on page 164 of Galalxy In Flames. I qoute "The only thing they had in common was that none of them were from CHAPTERS led by Eidolon's favoured lord commanders"
Basically Chapters were denominations used to break up a legion and were led by lord commanders, who are the earlier equivalent of Chapter Masters
Secondly i owe Riptor an apology. I did NOT intend to make Revanchist look all perfect. I wanted to give him a damn good reason to turn to Chaos, not the same old he was from the Heresy stuff and followed his primarch into damnation. I intend to make him look like a bit of an OCD, but this is in more fluff that i have pending and am gonna get some of my friends who play 40k to read, coz there seems to be a lot of disintrest in longer posts. He was supposed look like he was as driven for vengeance as a charcter like Abaddon, if not as strong. But you have a point i'll re-write the Calth part and place it some where else so it doesn't clash with existing fluff, and tone down Revanchist's role about the battle for Calth.
Thirdly, the character names are temporary until i can think of something better. I was supposed to be looking after my little cousin wehen i was writing the fluff, and he couldnt stop talking about WoW, so i used the names.
Thanks for all the feedback, and if you have any more constructive critiscism to give feel free.