The Disciples Legion

[omgitsduane]

I have written up a sort of rushed-fluff for my legion to be used in a tournament next year and would love to hear some feedback, I tried to keep it simple because I'm no fluff-master and the less references to direct people and places, the less can be incorrect right?

Basic Synopsis.

Anti-imperial warriors with a similar "purge with fire" idea that the Sisters of Battle have adopted with the same zeal and aggression that comes from the anti-faith speeches chanted by the Legion's Chaplain.

They cover their once-bright heritage colors with black, only allowing the color of the inner pauldrons with bright yellow.

Chaplain Skharnii.

A word bearer many years old dedicated to ruining the Imperium and all of its beliefs through any and all force possible.

Spurring his troops forward with hateful reminders of the Imperium's ignorance towards its finest soldiers, neglecting them and their lives with every heartbeat.

He is easily recognised by his black Chaplain armour, covered in scrolls and litanies, the words "Burn, Purge, Kill" Scratched into his very armour. He wields a Bolter roughly attached to a small flamer and a defiled Crozius Arcanum, adorned with the eight-pointed star.


Battle Tactics.

The Disciples Legion are very specific about the way they head into battle, each is tested thoroughly in their effectiveness at close combat and made to chant as they charge into the fray.

Meltaguns and flamers are the weapon of choice for the lucky few to carry one into battle. Since close combat is the main priority these weapons are still only used in rare moments of opportunity before combat ensues.

Squad champions normally choose to take full vantage of their glory by donning their original armour before the conversion to chaos and simply personalise it to their tastes with powerfists, swords, skulls and scriptures, hand written by the Legions Chaplain.

And that's it for now, any thoughts or comments or even ways or words I could use to make it better I'd honestly like to hear it all

[Leech]

I think you have created a good basis for doing these Chaos marines. That they have a leader and an identity works well. I think you could add a little more, like who they used to be and who they are now. I was a little confused at first when you said legion. The legions are the original bunch that made up the Marines but any Marines who turn to chaos don't become a legion as the legions are a much older orginisations and typically rather big.

You could expand on your fluff with info about how big the force is. Where they live such as a hideout in a secret place, the eye of terror or a roaming battleship. How they gather new members and how they train them would help to flesh out your Chaos marines.