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  1. #1
    Member Ecclesiarch's Avatar
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    No Mercy, No Respite.

    This tale is based on my Canonness Serena and Inquisitor Lord Kalstein and the 11th Commandary of the Order Of Our Martyred Lady of which I play. (This is before my canonness is premoted she is still Palatine Serena. This is only the beginning I can write more if people wish.

    Enjoy... (This took a while)(Please reply your thoughts)

    No Mercy, No Respite

    134 926. M41, Septimus IV, The Ghast System, Segmentum Solar

    As she paced up the aisle Serena embraced the luminous light bearing down from the Cathedrals stained windows. Just as she was turning at the head of the pews for another uncountable turn, a crude movement caught her eye. As she looked closer she noticed a lean man hunched back over his stylus approaching. While the man was scuttling over to meet her Serena noticed that he bore a flimsy symbol hanging from his waist, Serena hesitated at the symbols presence for she knew the symbol well and had reason to question its involvement in the affairs of her duties, but wisely she was Silent.
    “Palatine Serena, the Canoness and my master request your presence to our assembly with utmost haste.” uttered the scribe hotly.
    Relived that the wait was over, Serena simply nodded. What could possibly be so threatening for the likes of this mans master to get involved Serena could not possibly conceive?
    “Palatine I can hardly stress that my master does not like to be kept waiting” warned the flimsy man.
    “Yes of course, we must begin at once”
    As they travelled in silence to the Canoness’ audience chamber, Serena was still trying to comprehend why such a high authority would need to be present for such a low risk endeavour. For the criminal she had hunted and brought to justice some weeks earlier had just been a mere riot router, she had even marvelled why such a man would need to be restrained by an organisation of the likes of the Sisterhood. Whatever her superiors had told her, it may seem now to have been not he entire truth or reasoning, she was just obeying orders. At this she arrived at the entrance to the chamber she had been seeking. The lean man knocked on the heavy beam door once with his free hand. After a brief silence they were admitted by a commanding voice which even Serena found hard not to obey.
    “Enter”
    “Palatine it is nice you could join our meeting” sneered the humble voice of Valeria, Canoness of Serena’s commandary.
    “I came with the Emperor’s speed my lady” replied Serena
    “Don’t invoke his name in such mere jesters girl” uttered Valeria “Now if you had not already noticed we have a rather unexpected and honourable guest”
    Serena moved her vision sharply to her right to notice the man who was stranding before her; he was noticeably tall and even matched the height of a fully equipped Sororitas. He had a tunic of fine leather and wore a large gilded sword and artificer pistol at his side. With a sinister rimed hat and a stock of fine and exotic gear ranging from share steel instruments to miniature devices. Visible through the gloom Serena took in his almost ageless features and piercing eyes. But above all these the most distracting and overwhelming thing that would strike fear into the heart of any sane man, was the symbol on his chest the same symbol she had noticed earlier on his scribe. The symbol was simple in design a capital I with three bars running through its centre yet with this symbol a man could sentence a world and its uncounted billion souls to oblivion. This was the symbol of the Emperors Holy Inquisition.
    “It seems my appearance surprises you somewhat Palatine, was I not expected” voiced the man sharply. “Nethertheless I should introduce myself; I am Inquisitor Marcus Kalstein of the Ordo Hereticus. And this is my servant Aldorf” he indicated to the scribe “along with Kavok Steric my Interrogator, who I trust you will treat with utmost respect, for he is a very wondrous and talented at his art.” The Inquisitor nodded to the opposite wall, where Serena noticed that shrouded in obsolete shadow was a glary man who bared an unblemished suit of intricate carapace armour and advertised a large array of implements, the man also carried a weathered sabre upon his belt.
    “My Lord what would you have me do” stated a Serena
    “For the moment listen, then we will discuss what I want you to do” he snapped “It has come to my prestigious attention that no less than two weeks ago you captured and imprisoned a man by the name of Caratus Thaw” uttered Kalstein “ Is this not true”
    “Yes my lord” said a bewildered Serena “but he was only a criminal of low priority, I still do not understand why it was necessary for the Enforcers to call upon the aid of the Sorortias.”
    “That is question Palatine, Caratus Thaw may have only seemed a simple and harmless man, but he is not you see; I have been stalking this man for the last few years from world to world. You see Palatine this man is the only link I have to discovering the truth behind a plot, let’s say he was a witness to an event which I wish to understand more about. And the reason why he was so easily captured was that he presumed that if he was under lock and key in a high proximity Imperial prison he would be safe from his hunters. Yes Palatine there are other’s that wanted to know what this mans mind holds and I needed to reach him before them. But sadly as I entered the prison I found his guards in pieces and Thaw gone. The only clue his captors left behind was this.”
    Kalstein rolled an empty shell casing across the nearby desk towards Serena. After a brief hesitation Serena reached down and plucked the casing from the desk. She recognised it instantly even though she had only seen its like on a couple of occasions. It was a specific bolt casing, which she had only ever seen fired from an Astartes pattern bolter used by the super human warriors of the Space Marine Chapters. Serena was thunder struck what would loyal Astartes want with a common criminal such as Thaw.
    “I see the surprise flicker across your face Palatine, I presume that you have recognised the confines of that shell.” guessed Kalstein “It is not unknown for the emperors finest to commit heresy and turn on the Imperium they fought to preserve. Whether this is the case here is unknown but I fear the worst and if that is to be then we will be in need of the emperor’s guidance and blessing in the times to come. And I will conclude by issuing the following orders if the humble Canoness permits.”
    “Your wish is my command, Lord” uttered Valeria
    “Indeed it is Canoness, now I would like to induce your Palatine here and a convent of hundred Sororitas in to my force; to accompany me while I seek for Thaw and his captors and we must leave with haste for the trail has almost gone cold.” spoke Kalstein
    “Surely my lord my talents would be used better if I was to accompany you on this hunt.” insisted Valeria.
    “I am afraid not Canoness, you expertise is somewhat needed here on Thedula Prime and your Palatines record seems more than enough to give her entry on my hunt.” stated Kalstein mournfully. “Palatine I wish you for you and your sisters to be ready for the transit to by cruiser before the day is out.”
    “Yes, my Lord it will be done” replied Serena “I am honoured to be able to travel and obey someone of your status.”
    With that the meeting was over and Serena set out to ready and signify to her sisters that they would be leaving for Kalstein’s cruiser shortly.

    567 926. M40,Warp Space, Segmentum Solar

    It had now been four months since Serena had left Septimus VI, the shrine and home of her garrison the 11th Commandery of the Order of our Martyred Lady, with fully half of its number. Since then she had learned of the layout of Kalstein’s Dictator Class Cruiser the Sword of Judgement from endless patrolling around its many corridors and meetings on the bridge. No progress had yet been made to Kalstein’s chase or to that of his foes apparent existence; it was if Thaw and his captors had mysteriously disappeared. Serena was just finishing her latest rehearse of the litanies of faith and prayer, when she heard a knock at her chambers door.
    “Enter” She boomed
    As Serena looked up she saw the visage of Veteran Superior Helena, her closest sister in arms and second in command of her mission. She had known the Veteran Superior for almost her whole life in the sisterhood; they had first met when they were both standard battle sisters formed into the same squad of Sorortias. Since then they had both prospered and rose in rank through their unit showing great pride and assurance towards each other, this had formed an inseparable bond between them which could not easily be broken. Helena had an unblemished face, save for a Fleur de Lys the symbol of the sisterhood upon her right cheek; she had the typical short white hair of the Order which would have been dyed on initiation.
    “Superior how can I serve you.” spoke Serena
    “Palatine, Kalstein wishes to speak to you aboard the bridge.” replied Helena
    “Immediately or can it wait” asked Serena
    “Immediately my lady, the meeting seems so be of some importance.” answered Helena.
    “Then we must depart.” uttered Serena quickly

    The Inquisitor was waiting for them on the bridge; he was watching a holo-display and held an odd device in his left hand. Nearby Serena could hear the scuffling sound of Kalstein’s scribe Aldorf writing yet more information on his stylus.
    “It was nice of you to drop by Palatine” stated Kalstein curtly.
    “You bid my presence Lord.” replied Serena.
    “So I did, it seems we have finally come across some evidence towards the Astartes whereabouts.” croaked the Inquisitor “An agent of mine claims to have seen the presence of a mysterious Astartes Battle Barge near the Sarkine System.”
    “Are we to visit this system my Lord” questioned Serena
    “We will pay it a little detour yes, but we must not risk being discovered by the Astartes until we have more information on their status and loyalties.” answered Kalstein. “Be cautious Palatine, treachery and deceit can lurk behind the thinnest veils of lies and arrogance. Have your sisters prepare for the worst and be battle ready for our jump to the Sarkine System.”
    “Yes my Lord it will be done.” obeyed Serena


    (Do You want more????)

    Last edited by Ecclesiarch; December 3rd, 2008 at 21:44.
    You may have a grotesquely large cleaver, you may have a guargaunteous fire arm BUT I have the flames of faith.

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  3. #2
    LO Zealot BossGorestompa's Avatar
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    Indeed, write some more! You've got something of a talent; however, you seem to have an affinity for run on sentences. Do please write more though, I'd like to keep reading. I'd only suggest spending more time revising what you write to promote a better flow. Run on sentences cause an abrupt change in the tone of a writing, and can disrupting to readers - the only reason I mention this.

    Cheers, I hope to see more soon

    EDIT: One other tip. You don't need to signal every line of dialog, only when introducing new speakers, a new sequence of speakers, or to narrate noteworthy action / nonverbal responses. Signaling every line of speech comes off rather shoddy after a while.
    Last edited by BossGorestompa; December 2nd, 2008 at 01:11.
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  4. #3
    Member Ecclesiarch's Avatar
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    Yes I will try to do more soon.

    P.S I though you did a new line of sppech everytime one (different person) spoke. Or do you mean the whole he said she said, he croaked thing.?

    Can you give me an example from my work??? Cheers

    Again yes I will try to do some more.

    I will post them on this thread in the same 'different' font I have used for the intro...

    I may not be able to add some for a while but I will try too.
    You may have a grotesquely large cleaver, you may have a guargaunteous fire arm BUT I have the flames of faith.

  5. #4
    Senior Member DarkKnight's Avatar
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    Excellent fluff. I am excited to read more. It reminds me of my own WH army
    "Ah, but the truth is like an expensive whore, Jerek. She comes in many dresses and will bend over for any with the money to pamper her." ~ Konrad von Carstein

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