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Greetings all you ladies and germs!
First off, let me say that having spent this time posting and reading on LO has been a great pleasure, and that the things I have learned about the game, the laughs and fun I've had, and the acquaintances I've made have been an excellent experience. I look forward to 10,000 posts here.
Now that all the mushy stuff is out of the way, lets get down to it. To celebrate this interwebs milestone, I have decided to rank the original twenty Space Marine Legions, from my least favorite to my very, very mostest favoritest in the world. This has already been done using a super scientific and awesome method over the past seven minutes, and the results will not be swayed by anything short of cash sent by any interested LO members.
Now, while I was doing the rankings, I had some trouble getting started, so I made five ranking "divisions" and initially broke the Legions into those divisions before going any farther. Now, a little known fact about Tekore is, in a horribly deprived childhood, he grew up without television. My wife, on the other hand, loves it, and so I am slowly but surely becoming well introduced to its wiles. The divisions are thusly named for television shows, in order from meh to awesome sauce, and will be explained as we go along.
Complicated enough? I'm hoping it will be fun! So away we go!Tekore
Tekore's Super Duper Space Marine Legion TV Show Style Rankings!The Oprah Winfrey Division
20. Legion XI
19. Legion II
18. Word Bearers
17. Death Guard
The NBA Basketball Division
16. Emperor's Children
15. Dark Angels
14. Black Legion
13. Iron Warriors
The Bones / House Division
12. Blood Angels
11. Iron Hands
10. White Scars
The My Name is Earl Division
8. Space Wolves
7. Night Lords
6. Alpha Legion
5. Thousand Sons
The Battlestar Galactica Division
4. Imperial Fists
2. World Eaters
]1. Raven Guard
Last edited by Tekore; February 28th, 2009 at 02:42.
House is clearly superior to My Name Is Earl.
And, of course, Alpha Legion deserves first place since they're the only non-sissy marines.
"Tell me what you cherish most. Give me the pleasure of taking it away." Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
The Oprah Winfrey Division
We'll keep this short and sweet.
Every day, when I get home from work, I walk in to see Mrs. Tekore enjoying her daily Oprah TV show. To this day, after many years, I could not tell you what appeals about watching this.
I'm not condemning it, I just don't like it personally. So that's what we're going to shoot for here, those Legions that have absolutely no appeal for me personally. They might be your thing. Hell, millions love them some Oprah. I don't even fathom the appeal.
Also, this picture is awesome.
20/19. Those Durned Unnamed Legions!Legion II and XI, oh how I despise thee. I get the basic idea that GW had, or at least the basic defense that people give: the two unnamed legions are there to provide the ability to make your own chapter background or primarch, or blah blah blah.
The thing is, the 40K background is what drew me in. Every chapter here is at the end of the day some kind of pretty cool. The unknown primarchs, on the other hand, are not only pretty silly in the things we do "know" (one of them is invisible! or Horus punched XI's space tube while traveling back in time (but was it real?)), they also give rise to some of my least favorite fan inventions, such as:
1. Female marines...because the missing primarchs are girls! It's so easy, hooray!
2. Marines that don't follow in game rules. E.g. the all infiltrating marines, etc. I love homegrown rulesets, and I'd love to play against you, but at least give it some good fluff (or not fluff at all).
3. I'd find a way to blame the "loyalist chapter that secretly has traitor geneseed" on the unknown legions, but I suppose I'll behave.
And it's not that I really mind female marines or the like, it's that just throwing the "their primarch was one of the unknown ones, who was really a girl" just seems so lazy. If you don't want to write fluff for your diy chapter, don't. But don't just slop this crap down.
Those dirty dirty unknown legions. I just don't like 'em.
Also, I think we should go ahead and name the two Legions. Ideas?
Whoo, rant off.
Edit: For the record, Legion II is totally better than Legion XI. Because.
Last edited by Tekore; January 24th, 2009 at 19:35.
18. McDullsville Word Bearers
So I finally had to bite the bullet and decide which of the named Legions I liked the least. It was a close one between these guys and the next entry, but in the end, the Word Bearers are definitely the...erm...winner.
Let me start with the reasons that even the Word Bearers are still cool. Cult troops and daemon fodder are pretty cool, and the idea of elite Space Marines backing them is kinda neat. As you'll see later in the list, I like the idea of crazy religious zealot Space Marines as well.
But (and this is GW's fault, and I'd be mad too), all of those things like cult troops and major daemon summoning and super elite Chaos Marines backing them up, they don't exist (for the most part) on the table anymore, and that sucks. Sadly, the old Word Bearer armies that I used to know are now Vanilla CSM, or they've been converted to another army. The Chaos Daemons codex really hurt things as well. This part dissapoints me.
On the other hand, the fluff is what really turns me off to the Word Bearers. So, they were the first converts to Chaos, and helped Horus turn. That's a good start. Unfortunately, they followed this up by being easy kills in that silly Furious Abyss book, and then failing hard at their one major task at Calth, allowing the Ultramarines to fight them off and make their way towards Terra. You'd think these guys would be some scary fightin' zealots, but not so much.
And then we have Lorgar, a really poorly defined Primarch. So he worships the Big E, but then when the Emperor asks him to maybe conquer planets a little faster, Lorgar flips out and starts worshiping Chaos. After that, we don't really hear from him much at all.
So yeah, I like the Word Bearers just like I do all Space Marines, but they just don't do it for me like the others.
*I should also note that when I first started playing, I had my butt handed to me regularly by a Word Bearers player and his scary daemons. There may still be a bitter taste.
Last edited by Tekore; January 26th, 2009 at 03:11.
17. Ooey Gooey Death Guard
This is short, sweet, and easy.
Their pre-heresy fluff is pretty cool. Mortarion with his sickle is pretty cool. Flight of the Eisenstein is one of the better Black Library books. And I like the character idea of Papa Nurgle.
But then...well, I'll start with the simple thing. What I like about Space Marines is the idea of drop podding, in your face killer giants. Death Guard, on the table, seem to accentuate the other side of Space Marines that others (but not me) like: the super tough, hard to kill part. It just doesn't do anything for me.
But the part that really turns me off to them? Well, when I was growing up, all the kids were into these things called the "Garbage Pail Kids" (at least for one summer). I never got it, I thought they were gross then, and it turns out in looking for pictures, I still do. Check this out:
And that's what Death Guard are to me...giant Garbage Pail Kids. It just doesn't appeal to me at all. Now, don't get me wrong, I see fantastic conversions all the time for these guys (I am often in awe of Andusciassus and his Nurgley work), and I admire the hell out of them. It just isn't my thing as a theme.
So, Death Guard, they're just okay with me.
But Garbage Pail Kids....man, I hate them. They can die in a fire.
And so we head to the next division, full of Legions I don't actively dislike. Woo!
Last edited by Tekore; January 26th, 2009 at 03:10.
Smashin thread, but you are looking at Deathguard all wrong.
The garbage pail kids sounds american (we'd call it rubbish bucket in england...) so I don't know what that is, but the deathguard are bachelor marines, the marines for the unkempt man.
YOu can't disparage an entire section of male society by simply comparing them to some bizarre kids thing.
They are the single bloke in his mid 20's living on his own surrounded by beer cans and pizza boxes. Blokes who sit with one hand down the front of their pants and the other stuck halfway up their nose, flicking through reruns of red dwarf and looking suspiciously at what used to be a sock but has now developed its own intelligence and runs about the house chasing the cat.
They are the marines for blokes who know how to cook, clean and shave but just don't. They are footloose and fancy free, and they know what whatever needs doing will get done eventually, it might just take a little longer.
They are the death guard. Disgusting, filthy, slow and lazy and loving every minute of it.
I can't say I've seen it all but I live for the things that keep me hollow.
And also, I think I'm the only one who read that sticker as the "Garbage Phail Kids". But yeah, I remember when my family rented out a holiday house for a week or so, and one of the fridges was covered in those things. My first ever "errr.... wtf?" moment.