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I updated some things like changed character names, added characters, fixed grammar and bad language and I added some chapters. There's still more to come but I wanted some feedback on my work so far.
History of Kabal Morzh’ior
After the fall of, there was mass hysteria and confusion within the ranks of the Eldar.
Their age was now over and they had spawned a chaos god whose one desire was the souls of its creators. The remaining Eldar had different ways to deal with “the thirst” which came with Slaanesh. Some could control the thirst by encasing their souls in crystals and some escaped into the Webway. In the Webway the thirst was weaker but it still only made it weaker, so the ones in the Webways had to “harvest” soul energy from their dead enemies. This method was proven to work just fine, but an endless supply of souls was needed, which meant constant raiding and fighting. Some of the “Dark” Eldar found this way of life unsatisfying as their methods for suppressing the thirst were “quick fix” solutions and did not guarantee “safety” or independence if you will from the newly created chaos god.
After the founding of Comorragh, an Archon by the name of Incar and a group of his followers who had before the fall been completely anti-hedonism and despised the pleasure cults, abandoned the newly found community to seek out alliance with Nurgle, the god of decay, in the hopes of freeing theirselves from Slaanesh. Nurgle agreed to help the Archon and his followers. In order to loosen the grip of Slaanesh on this newly found kabal, he asked them to go forth and bring pain, suffering and disease to as many as possible. As this freed the souls of the followers of Incar from the grips of Slaanesh and made life possible without the constant consumption of souls, Incar accepted. Some criticized Incars choice, as this only put him and his followers into pretty much the same situation as before, although their souls were no longer the property of Slaanesh and that they could move (more) freely outside the Webway.
Incar and his followers named themselves “Morzh’ior”, coming from the latin word decay, honouring their deal with Nurgle. Although the Morzh’ior were now allied with Nurgle, they would’nt evolve into disease ridden monsters as long as they (to the best of their ability) spread disease, pain and suffering themselves (this was no problem for the Morzh’ior, because Dark Eldar as they are, they would’ve done it anyways). Now that they were free to roam the galaxies, the Morzh’ior decided to make the best of their little campaign of destruction. The Morzh’ior weren’t pleased with what they’d become. Crazy and sadistic hunters with minds which no longer had a thing to do with an Eldars mind. So, bitter to the Eldar who were saved during the fall, the Morzh’ior set out to kill as many of them as they could. But, revenge for the neglection during the fall was not their only motive to destroy the Eldar. As the Morzh’ior and all Dark Eldar had seen the consequences of Eldar hedonism they wanted to make sure a thing like this never happened again, and saw that the only method of doing this was destroying the Eldar. Nobody knows why the Morzh’ior cared enough for the fate of future generations, as they had already been saved from the clutches of Slaanesh. Some say that Incar and other founders of the kabal were far enough from the “blast” that they kept many of their basic emotions and feelings, but no one knows for sure. Now the Dark Eldar of the kabal Morzh’ior roam the galaxies looting, pillaging and fighting everywhere they can. Unlike other Dark Eldar kabals, the Morzh’ior try to keep away from Commoragh and all other Dark Eldar. They see themselves as “better” than the rest if their kind since they have found freedom through reason and now have a purpose. After centuries and centuries of random raiding parties, looting and pillaging, the Morzh’ior have decided to find a place they could call their own. They finally settled in a cold planet called Frig’har which unfortunately is home to the Space Marine chapter “Winter Wolves”. Battles are daily as the wolves try to drive their enemies out of their home, but the Morzh’ior have dug in deep and are not willing to let go. When (and if) things stabilize in Frig’har it will be used as a base for the army, a trade post and also training camp. These things will allow the kabal to grow and strengthen their small force.
The Army of the Morzh’ior
The Morzh’ior is not like your typical Dark Eldar kabal. As the kabal tried to keep their distance to other Dark Eldar forces, this allowed their army to mould into their own unique fighting force. The isolation from other for example Commoragh has its drawbacks too. For example, the kabal has no wyches, who now must be recruited as mercenaries (or when the Morzh’ior stronghold in Frig’har is established they can be trained) and their armoured units are harder to fix because of the lack of parts. In the Morzh’ior kabal, the equivalent of a typical warrior is a pedislator (from latin foot-soldier) and a raider is a deprader. A despoiler/feritor of the Morzh’ior is pretty much like the usual sybarite except almost all despoilers are heavy drug abusers. Reavers are called Kh’ruefes (from latin bloody-savage). Hellions, Scourges, Mandrakes and Grotesques are only used as mercenaries.
Heavy Support is used rarely as the kabal likes to travel fast, but a talos is used occasionally and ravagers more rarely. Raiders are the main vehicle used. The most common army unit used is a Comachta (from latin fighting-force), which consists of two deprader squads, 20 pedislators, an Archon/Dracon and a Haemonculus, and five Kh’ruefes Jetbikes. This is about 50 units and is common on small raids etc. The pedislators usually have one to two dark lances per squad and their main objective is to cover the raiders advance. The HQ units usually ride with the raiders and the Kh’ruefes try to disrupt the enemy line as well as possible. Since the Morzh’ior are in alliance with Nurgle, this affects some of their characteristics. All units receive +1T and some units (like Incar the Wise) have the feel no pain special ability. Since the founding of the kabal, most of the units all use combat skill enhancing drugs. The army is not specialized in any one terrain, but are quite useful in urban environments and other places with lots of cover and good, far stretching line of fire.
Just like most Dark Eldar, the Morzh’ior use captured prisoners as slave labour. They don’t’ like to sell their slaves but do put them to good use. At the moment a great majority of the kabals slaves are working at Frig’har to build the Dark Eldar stronghold which is a big project for the small kabal. Some slaves are tortured and their souls harvested (even though this is no longer necessary, soul energy lengthens the life of the Dark Eldar) and sometimes slaves are sacrificed for Nurgle. Some slaves however are used as training targets for the Morzh’ior warriors to improve their battle skills on. Sometimes the haemonculus wants to experiment some new drug or something similar which is tested on the slaves. Probably the most common procedure done on slaves is torture for information. Recent negotiations within the highest ranks of the Morzh’ior suggest that the kabal might start selling slaves if the stronghold at Frig’har is completed as planned.
Joining the kabal
Joining the Morzh’ior is not as easy as you would at first think. First of all, you can only be truly admitted to the kabal through a ritual in which one pledges allegiance to Nurgle, and second of all, most Dark Eldar who would like to join the kabal usually can’t because if they left their previous army, they would be hunted down like dogs. That is why no great amount of Dark Eldar have joined the kabal since it was founded. Usually when the kabal is in need of more members, it attacks a rival kabal and captures as many prisoners as possible. These prisoners are given a choice: Join us or die! Of course the new recruits are looked after very carefully because they might be conspiring against the good of the Morzh’ior or they might try to escape as the real value of their devotion cannot be seen. This is why the leader units of the Morzh’ior are given the important task of keeping the morale of the troops high.
AND NOW FOR SOME SPECIAL CHARACTERS
Incar the Wise
Incar Mosrenum was the founder of Morzh'ian.
Soon after the fall of the Eldar, he like many others
found shelter in Commorragh. He was one of the few who
weren't pleased with the now Dark Eldar way of life.
He saw that the current way of dealing with the thirst
was not a good one in the long run, as it required constant
fighting. He understood that this wasn't possible in some
circumstances and that a better alternative to fight Slaanesh
had to be found. So he seeked the aid of Nurgle. He was very
keen to form an alliance with Nurgle out of all the chaos gods
because of his personality. Incar had become more bitter than angry,
and hence saw to have more in common with Nurgle than for example Khorne.
In addition to his own feelings, he saw that the whole Dark Eldar race
was in a pit of despair and fear which played nicely with the god of decay.
No one knows anymore with the business Incar and Nurgle had except for
the outcome. Nurgle would protect his people and save their souls from Slaanesh
if they in return spread as much pain, suffering and disease throughout the
galaxy as they could. Incar saw that this was a much better alternative
than losing his soul to the claws of Slaanesh and agreed without a doubt.
The only historic record from Incars deals with Nurgle is Incars ability
to bear amazing amounts of pain. It's still a mystery how Nurgle "blessed"
the Archon with this ability for there has been no change in Incars appearance.
Incars wargear includes agonizers, an ancient hell mask, combat drugs
and soulseeker ammunition. In combat Incar is very agressive, always putting
himself on the frontlines as soon as possible. This can be problematic
at times but it is rare that the Archon would be forced to fall back from an assault.
Dech'rat the Cruel
Dech'rat has been with Incar all the way from the beginning.
He is one of the two Haemonculi in the Morzh'ior kabal (in the Morzh’ior
there always are only two Haemonculi, the master and an apprentice. Him and Incar
have a long history together and the two are usually in charge of leading
the Kabal. Incar can always count on Dech'rat to criticize his decisions
but unlike most Dark Eldar, doesn't kill him because he knows that he
can trust Dech'rat to have a good point. Despite the fact that the two don't
always agree, Dech'rat is very loyal to his Archon along with most of his
followers. After all, he saved them from Slaanesh. When not fighting in the
field, Dech'rat is in charge for torturing captured prisoners. Although the
Morzh'iar Dark Eldar don't need to consume more souls, they still use torture
to please Nurgle, to get information, for age and just for the fun of it. Dech'rat
has tons of experience and it can be noted in the cruelty of his work. In the
field the Haemonculus usually sticks with a group of warriors. His forces respect
him and he is a solid tactician.
Crucinium the Apprentice
Crucinium is the second Haemonculus in the Morzh’ior and the apprentice
of Dech’rat. When excelling in his line of work, Cruciniums young age
is shown in his rational thinking and loyalty to the Archon. This apprentice
has shown his will for power and will probably take his chance to rise higher in the
kabal hierarchy. This causes many problems for Dech’rat and Incar who have to
keep their eyes peeled at all times. Of course, Crucinium would be dead already if
he were but a pedislator, but as the third in command he is too valuable to the
already small sized kabal.
Just wanted to mention that about the Space Wolf and the new stronghold thing that me and my brother (whose army the space wolves are) are going to have a small campaign in which we fight for the planet. I'm excited all ready
Hey there, I'm reading through it, so I'll just write down some quick notes as I find them...
• You could probably start the story with the second paragraph: "After the founding of Commorragh." It's okay to assume the reader knows about the Fall of the Eldar.
• Using latin as the basis for your names is cool, but for the sake of the story, it's better to say that they're based on the Dark Eldar's dialect.
• Dark Eldar are actually not angry at their craftworld kin, according to the fluff so far. They regard them as misguided fools, but are not threatened by them. The Eldar of the craftworlds, however, show great hatred for their dark kin. This hatred could stem from the fact that the success of Commorragh challenges their belief that excess leads to destruction, or it could be that the craftworld Eldar are always struggling with the dark part of themselves they've suppressed. Either way, the Dark Eldar exacerbate the situation when they go on their raids for slaves against their own race (as evidenced by their use of captured wraithbone).
• Keep in mind that +1T will add about 3 points to a model for each wound it has. That would bump warriors up to 11 points each, but they'd still have that paper-thin armor. Feel No Pain has a similar effect on points, but is more like 5 points per wound because of the extra chance to save. If a squad of pedislators were to have both, they would cost as much as Space Marines.
• Nurgle usually causes -1 initiative and/or Slow and Purposeful. This helps to offset the points cost of the toughness and Feel No Pain somewhat. Neither option really fits the Dark Eldar battle strategy, so I think you need to find some other fluffy negative to balance out the big positives of tough DE. The ideas that come directly to mind are: -1 S, losing Fleet, or -1 Sv. It might be more fun to try replacing some of the random combat drug results with these rather than starting out with it.
• Dark Eldar minds have been perverted by the birth of Slaanesh. All they want is more pleasure and pain (it's all the same to them). The premise for Incar's character does not really reflect that, which leads me to believe he would make more sense if his origin was as a defecting outcast Eldar instead of a survivor or descendant of the original pleasure cults. Also, since his decision is the basis for the kabal's alignment, make sure the reader sees that before going into detail on anything else. He is the starting point, after all!
• I question the fact that Nurgle would require the Morzh'ior to continue torturing for his sake. He is like a father to all living things, even captured slaves. Perhaps, captured slaves are not tortured, but are infected so that they become Grotesques or some similar unit to help fill the kabal's dwindling ranks?
That's all my bullet points. Good work so far. It's really shaping into a full picture now.
--•-My 40K projects-•--
Ok thanks for all the advice, I really couldn't see those points myself so thanks for pointing them out. I'm going to get to work on the fluff as soon as the weekend ends.