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IA: Shadow Falcons

1K views 5 replies 2 participants last post by  rafis117 
#1 ·
IA: SHADOW FALCONS

ORIGINS
Founded sometime early in M.36 from Raven Guard geneseed to help in the defence of Segmentum Pacficus , although no official records of the founding exist.
However, due to some unknown reason the mutation of the Melanchromic Organ has become more advanced, this has resulted in the skin of an Initiate turning white, and both the hair and eyes turning jet black within only a few hours of implantation.
This is seen by the Chapter not as a curse, but instead as a blessing, for it grants them the appearance of their revered father, Corax.

BELIEFS
The Shadow Falcons live in the belief that the Emperor will one day ascend from the Golden Throne to once again lead the Imperium upon the next Great Crusade. They also believe at this time, that Corax will return to lead his sons in the final battle against the enemies of mankind.

APPEARANCE
The Chapter has a very similar appearance to their parent legion, the Raven Guard. Although upon closer inspection, it is noted that they use a black raptors head as their emblem, and that their armour is black with both the helmet and entire left arm painted white.

HOMEWORLD
Based upon a decision made at the Chapter's founding, the Shadow Falcons have no homeworld. It was seen at the time as a strategic disadvantage to have a static base to defend, and more beneficial to be fleet-base, as this allowed a greater tactical flexibility to respond to threats more quickly. This also lead to them recruiting from multiple worlds throughout the Segmentum, taking in the best recruits possible.

ORGANISATION
Structured around the Codex Astartes, although the battle companies of the Shadow Falcons also permanently include a squad of Veterans and 2 squads of Scouts. This is due to each company often operating independently and as a self-contained force. It is also noted that the 1st company has access to a full compliment of Terminator Armour, and seems to favour Sternguard Veterans over Vanguard Veterans.

COMBAT DOCTRINE
Like all Chapters originating from the gene-legacy of Corax, his teachings are held in the highest regard, but over the millenia the Shadow Falcons have evolved to become specialists in the role of surgical strike force.



All comments and criticisms greatly appreciated, and i did have miniatures painted but my 2 year old daughter got a hold of them.

Thanks in advance, trub.
 
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#2 ·
A great start, however, show-not-tell. In this case, show-not-tell boils down to you not having any stories about them. Short stories are fun to write and if written well, are fun to read and extremely increase the value of your army story.

mah two cents, take it or leave it.
 
#3 ·
Hey rafis, i see your point and agree with you entirely. I originally posted this just to see if there were any blatant mistakes i was missing.

I have some other stuff done that i'd like to post up for critique.

Recruitment Worlds

The Shadow Falcons favour recruiting from feudal worlds from throughout Segmentum Pacificus.
Although there is inevitable culture clashs when recruiting from multiple worlds, the fact that all Initiates hail from warrior-cultures means they have war as a common bond.

The Chapter is known to favour two worlds in particular, Saburau and Borgia.

Saburau
A world in which the sword and bow still reigns supreme. The people of Saburau all live in warrior clans and live by an extreme code of honour. From an early age, every man and woman is taught to strive for perfection in every aspect of their lives. [feudal/samurai japan]

Borgia
Home to a very cultured people who live in independent city states, which are often at war with each other.
They are also a very religious people, who view the Emperor as the supreme diety, and through legends worship the Primarch's as his sons.
This has led to the Astartes to be seen as the warriors of the gods, and as such it is seen as the highest honour to be inducted into their ranks. [classical-era greece, sparta/athens etc.]

Special Characters

Cmdr. Ryko Orius, Chapter Master. (Counts as Pedro Kantor)
Tarak Aslan, Chief Librarian. (Counts as Varro Tigurius)
Capt. Jubal Trajan, 5th Company; the Saviour of Sylvaan. (Counts as Cato Sicarius)
Omar Manson, Scout Sergeant. (Counts as Torias Telion)
Abbado Jax, Armoury Sergeant. (Counts as Antarro Chronus)

Characters

Maugrim, Master of the Sanctity.
Sokka, Chief Apothecary.
Pugin, Master of the Forge.

Ajax, 1st Company Captain.
Tybalt, 2nd Company Captain.
Abra, 3rd Company Captain.
Naphemi, 4th Company Captain. [ Will play crucial part in fluff, as Chapter is fleet based.]
Cyrus, 6th Company Captain.
Vakko, 7th Company Captain.
Thrax, 8th Company Captain.
Zhylaw, 9th Compnay Captain.
Turok, 10th Company Captain.


And since i plan to centre most the fluff round the 5th Company, here are some characters from the 5th.

5th Company

Chaplain D'Von.
Apothecary Severus.
Covu, Company Champion.
Ruan, Company Standard Bearer.
Haru & Tyro, Company Veterans.
Irgun, Company Techmarine.

Slaine & Thorne, Dreadnoughts.



All thoughts and critisms welcome and wanted.

Thanks in advance, trub.
 
#4 ·
While you acknowledged my comments, I noticed a distinct lack of short stories (which I defije as ~1 page, times new roman 12, in Word). You gave a lot of information, though, that seemed to be leading up to a story. Can we expect more to come?
 
#5 ·
I am currently working up to a story, but it is proving difficult, hence the delay in posting it.

Also making life difficult is the lack of word on my computer, it currently only has notepad.
Something that is getting rectified asap, because its extremely irrating.
 
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