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Ok this is my Fluff story for the Burning Angels crusade. It is split between a Space marine who is striving to show he is better then his peers and a new recruit who is important then he thinks. Also the sub planet Helios is home to a core of Adimantium. The planet is also every six days goes through the ring of an asteroid belt. So read the story and comment.
A rumble from outside caused Cale to wake along with his platoon in complete darkness inside the base. He grabbed his chest, his heart pounded under his white undershirt. "Another meteor shower," he said to himself. As he looked around his platoon were getting dressed in a hurried manner each grabbing the lasrifles and putting on their dark Grey uniforms. The platoon commander ran in shouting,"Men lets get going you don't want the Chaplin angry do you? They already took out two squads so we got to fill them in. Cale get dressed we move out now."
Cale fully dressed grabbed his Helios pattern rifle and helmet. The rifle had a black finish with detachable trench knife/bayonet combo and the Helmet unlike most issued was studded and had a tight fit. As he followed the platoon out of the barracks he noticed that all the other platoons stationed on Helios were rushing to get ready. His unit ran down the hall into a small room with an adimantium plated door. As the other pair of doors behind them closed he moved up beside the platoon leader. Lt. Jason turned to his unit watching their movements he said,"Everybody ready? Too bad if your not cause right now we are going topside right into the trenches. Charlie mke sure you don't point that thing around right now we don't want to have to clean up and watch it that thing gets hot." Jason pointed to Charlie who was playing with the knobs of his plasma gun. "Sir I don't remember trenches when I was dropped of here yesterday. There were only craters," stammered Cale his eyes wide. "That's because they took you the good way," Lt. Jason said as he put on his goggles and re breather as everybody did the same.
"Thirty seconds till launch," said a voice from the speaker and Cale gained the courage to ask another question."Who are we fighting?" "What" "I asked who are we fighting?" Lt. Jason turned to him and laughed saying<" You really don't know? Guess you don't know your history. What are we protecting?" "An Adimantium mining facility." "Good. Now we got that covered who needs it?" "Those big guys with all the armor on them." "Sure lets call them that. Geez you Agri worlders are pretty simple. Yes they need it to make more armor and stuff. Well theirs bad ones and we have to stop them. From what I hear not much of them left." "Wait bad ones?" "Remember newbie if you run I have the authority to kill you it you run." Cale gulped at the words but stood straight to look more fimidible. "Five,Four, three, two, one." The doors opened at a gust of dirt flew in along with the sound of bolter and las fire.
As Cales squad ran into the first line of trenches he could see the red and blue armor that he saw on the giants yesterday running off in another direction. "Fire soldiers make them cry," shouted Lt. Jason as he let out a stream of las fire. Cale aimed seeing a faint outline of what looked like one of the giants but its armour was black and cal saw on its shoulder pad a eye with eight points. He aimed and fired hitting it in the head. "I got him," thought Cale but as he looked again the same giant sent bolter rounds at his bunker hitting three out of the ten including charlie's plasma gun causing it to over load explode a hot liquad all over him. He melted screaming in agony.
The battle raged on as Cale continued to shoot down anything that moved. Out of one of the trenches came five of the giants running at him full speed. Cale sent a steam of rounds toward them. As he fired he saw that the giants were deformed with great mows and long slimy tenticles. They Jumped into the trench and cut through several of Cale's platoon mates. One of the giants thats body was full of slimy green and blue tenticles grabbed Lt. Jason as he fired rounds into its chest. "What about this one," is asked the one with two great claws standing next to Cale who was petrified lasgun broken huddled in the ground. "Its uselees to have food go to waste," he replied. The tenticle giant ginned as he broke Lt. Jason's neck with a clean snap and started to eat his flesh. Cale cringed as the Leader turned to him smiling showing his pointed teath. "My master has plans for you,' it said and with one quick swipe Cale was in complete darkness.
Last edited by Toxic; August 16th, 2009 at 03:47.
sounds good, but their are a few grammatical errors which make the story at times hard to read
Hive Fleet Centycore W:1 D:0 L:0
Sorry about that my mistake finder is not working today but all in all I thinks it is the start of a story
yup, could be a goos stt 4 a story, keep the parts coming
Hive Fleet Centycore W:1 D:0 L:0
Definatly needs a spell and grammer check. Thers a lot that hard to read becuase of misspellings and missing commas ect but over all its good. No real mention of the Burning Angels yet. Are they the marine chapter or the name of the regiment the guardsman is from or the name of the actual crusade (eg: the Sabbat Worlds Crusade)?
Once a bit of this is cleared up and the mistakes corrected it'll make a really good back story for your guys
The burning Angels are the giants ie big tall guys in armor seeing as I want this to be 3rd person omniscient with Cale as one of the main characters.