Chapter roots - Warhammer 40K Fantasy
 

Welcome to Librarium Online!

Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!

Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!


Register Now!

User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Chapter roots

  1. #1
    Son of LO praxis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    South Wales
    Age
    53
    Posts
    3,220
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    ReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputation
    523 (x8)

    Chapter roots

    I've been toying with some background fluff for my DIY chapter for what seems like eons, but hav'nt even got a name for them yet. Comments and criticisms would be very welcome for what i've got so far.....


    The chapter master strode purposfully down the centre of the long stone walled corridor, so deep in thought that he barely noticed those he passed, who halted and stamped to attention before him. He had been summoned to the communications centre scant minutes ago, after an unusual signal and request had been recieved from a ship barely detectable on the outskirts of the star system. It was the racial signature of the signal that so caught his attention. The door to the comms room slide silently open at his approach. He went straight to the senior tech station.

    The duty operator knew who stood at his shoulder and a nervous shudder washed through him, but he did not take his eyes off the screen, totally focused.
    "Master, the transmission was received six minutes ago from the direction of Rho 9, position of the sending ship determined two minutes later by deep scan and confirmed by triangulation."
    "Play the message." The operators hands flew across his controls, and after a few seconds of static hiss an undeniably alien voice flowed out of the speakers.
    " This is Farseer Adarrion of the Eldar race, requesting an audience with the command of the Starflyer chapter. I have information you will wish to hear." The speakers went dead.
    "Thats it, master. No repeats, no request for for safe passage. The ship is holding position at our maximum sensor range, but we have a partial type identification. Its very small, barely larger than a Thunderhawk. 75% likelihood its a Phoenix." The chapter master turned to glance at his chief librarian, who had followed him into the room. To the unspoken question, the librarian gave the slightest of nods.
    "Transmit the following ; "Permission granted. Lock in on this signal. Deviation will not be tolerated." Send once only. Then alert system defenses." The Chapter master left the room, followed by the librarian.


    Exactly twelve hours later the Eldar farseer was led into the primary audience chamber, escorted by ten fully armed and armoured marines. The chapter master gestured to the only untaken seat in the room. With a polite tilt of his head the farseer sat. The escort took station around the room. Adarrion took stock of those who sat across from him, eight massive humans, all stone faced. Two were psychers, of some small talent. one was a priest of some kind. The chapter master, a competent individual for a human. The remaining men were merely lesser ranked spear carriers. None had uttered a word.
    "I will be brief." said the farseer. "A new threat approaches from the east, an alien swarm bent on total destruction of all life in this galaxy. Soon they will strike at Macragge, with forces beyond reconing. The Ultramarines may not survive. I know they mentored the founding of your chapter. You would not wish that this will come to pass?"
    "No." Replied the master. no one showed any emotion.
    "This much only have i seen. If you send aid i do not know that it will arrive in time. A call for aid will reach you soon, but far too late. The Eldar cannot aid Calgar this time, yet we do not wish to see his chapter fall. I have no more to say." The farseer stood, and gave the slightest of nods to the assembled brethren, returned by the chapter master alone.
    "Escort the farseer back to his ship."




    The ranking officers of the Starflyer chapter sat passivly as the master gave voice to his thoughts.
    "Unthinkable not to send aid. The Eldar spoke the truth that is plain, but to what purpose ? They do not seek to do good turns toward the realm of the Emperor. No good to ask. Ask not a question of the Eldar for they will answer both yes and no. We will dispatch aid , and i will ask the Lord Macragge myself after this threat is destroyed. Prepare the second and third battle companies, and strike force one and two. Ready the second fleet. We depart as soon as all is made ready."


    Two weeks into the three month flight, the battlefleet recieved an urgent request for aid , transmitted in the name of Guilliman himself.




    The next part of the story is obvious. They arrive too late, to find the entire first company lost and countless others as well. All those ultramarines initially charged with training the Starflyer chapter have fallen in battle. In deep mourning, they swear an oath to Calgar, to redeem their shame for arriving too late and to avenge those fallen brothers of the Ultramarines, and have striven to destroy Tyranid incursions with zeal, if not much skill, ever since. After all, they are a newly founded chapter.

    Jager bombs. Very efficient at wiping out friend or foe.

  2. Remove Advertisements
    Librarium-Online.com
    Advertisements
     

  3. #2
    Senior Member MC Bone Giant's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    495
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    ReputationReputationReputation
    53 (x1)

    Looks pretty good. But, its hard for me to see a Space Marine master allowing a Xenos onto his ship without having previous positive run ins with them. I might suggest a flashback for the chaptermaster(between the signal from the eldar ship and the meeting with the Farseer) by where their butts were saved/assisted by the Eldar during a battle or a warp storm or something. The transmission from the ship could reference the incident, thereby causing the flashback. Chapter master Bob flashed back sharply to the Demitrious Incident. It had been several decades since he had thought about the battle against the Greater Daemon Tz'achn'ea, but the blood spilt by the StarFlyers and Eldar to send the foul creature back to the warp had forged a rare Marine-Eldar bond between Bob and the Eldar Farseer Al You could have a different Farseer come and explain. (and indicate Farseer Al is somewhere else, but relayed this message.
    Thats my 2 rough cents for the moment!
    FYI: Lose=To not win Loose=To not be tight There=A place Their=A person's They're=They are

  4. #3
    Son of LO praxis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    South Wales
    Age
    53
    Posts
    3,220
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    ReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputation
    523 (x8)

    Thanks for the input MC, valid point and noted. I pulled the starflyer name out of nowhere, it was a nasty alien in a Peter Hamilton novel, and i had to call my chapter something. Now, its growing on me and i might stick with it. Rep for your assistance sir.
    Jager bombs. Very efficient at wiping out friend or foe.

  5. #4
    Has a monkey! Imperialis_Dominatus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Montana
    Age
    27
    Posts
    1,630
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    ReputationReputationReputationReputationReputation
    103 (x5)

    Needs more description of the Chapter in question. I understand this is an introduction, but even a Chapter of the latest 26th Founding will be hundreds of years old and will have developed some character. The Salamander book does this well, if a little overdone- from the moment you read the first page you know what Chapter you're dealing with.

    Why does the racial signature catch his attention? I understand for dramatic suspense you need to hold off but you could allude to events akin to those MC Bone Giant suggests. And it is quite incredible that a Space Marine of the loyal flavor would allow an alien of any sort on his ship without extenuating circumstances. Which the reader must be made to understand.

    Though I like the 'deviation will not be tolerated' line. If this situation is to come to pass, if a xenos is to set foot on an Astartes vessel, it has to be tense and potentially volatile.

    You switch perspective to the Farseer, and I like the way you handled it. I think it could be expanded on a little bit if you extend this story with more description and characterization.

    I like how you expose the Eldar's capacity for ulterior motives and deceit. I hope you are intending to use them later in the story, and intend to showcase whatever selfish plan they have in mind.

    I wouldn't refer to a Space Marine Chapter as 'less skillful' as an older one. Space Marines are Space Marines. They have been trained by the Ultramarines, most wise adherents of the Codex Astartes, and since their Founding have gone through the crucible of battle. Perhaps their history is less glorified, but they will be mighty warriors all.

    I like the concept. And it's not often you see a DIY from the Ultramarines line.

    Keep it up.

  6. #5
    Senior Member MC Bone Giant's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    495
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    ReputationReputationReputation
    53 (x1)

    Quote Originally Posted by praxis View Post
    I pulled the starflyer name out of nowhere, it was a nasty alien in a Peter Hamilton novel, and i had to call my chapter something..
    Well, I wouldn't say nowhere when describing pulling that name. It is a very good science fiction novels/series
    FYI: Lose=To not win Loose=To not be tight There=A place Their=A person's They're=They are

  7. #6
    Thinks he's a big deal rafis117's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Right behind you
    Posts
    1,233
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    ReputationReputationReputationReputationReputation
    105 (x4)

    I like it. However, as stated before, the chapter itself should be expounded on more. All we know is that they are a radical Ultramarines Successor Chapter (lol). They also knew that the 'Nids were coming. While the chapter may be awesome and epic and unique (and an Ultramarines successor...), we don't know it yet. Tell us of their heroism and/or why they would allow a xenos on their ship.
    Terminator armor going critical would be like Three Mile Island only very, VERY angry, and carrying a hammer.
    LO rules in a nutshell: Don't post unit costs, be polite, rep posts containing of win.

  8. #7
    Son of LO praxis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    South Wales
    Age
    53
    Posts
    3,220
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    ReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputationReputation
    523 (x8)

    Thanks for all the encouragement and kind words so far. Gives me lots to think about.
    Jager bombs. Very efficient at wiping out friend or foe.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts