Welcome to Librarium Online!
Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!
Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!
Here are the basic stats
Gene-Seed: White Scars/ Raven Guard
Chapter Planet: Petrax 3
Planet Description. A hard rocky Terrain full of dangerous Beasts.
Abundant IN materials.
Planet Is A forgeworld
Requirements: Must be able to use a sword and be Uncorrupted
Companies: 5. 1 scout company. 3 battle companies and a vetern company
Suits of Terminator armor: 20
Chapter masters Name: Lord Petraxion
Veteran Captains Name: Xan Scar
2nd companies Captain name: Brother Kahn
3rd companies Captain name:Strikeblade
4th companies Captain name:Lord Pertasd
Scout companies Captain name: Mikelan Blade
Originally the Dark Scars were a Spacebound chapter. Until they came upon Petrax 3. It was the perfect Training ground with Lots of beasts and and a Ork Population (not big enough to threaten The villages though). So they started to build their fortress monestary. It was All to the standards of the white scars and The raven Guard. It is said that Kayvian Shrike Is envious of them. After they had been approved they found this strange Blue metal. What they didn't know was that this was the perfect Power Weapon material. Later Kahn asked the Techmarine if they would make him a Pair of Lightning claws. They did and they Experimented with the Blue metal. they gave the claws to kahn And he said "why are they blue" the techmarine repiled " its the perfect Power Weapon material. This strange blue metal is called Mithrite
The Dark Scars are understrength From an all-out assault on a Tyranid tendril found Invading The Petrax system. Each Company has around 150 marines in it and The Chapter Master: Lord Petraxion leads 50 veterans he call the Death Claws.
The reason for only 5 is that the 2nd, 3rd and 4th companies are derived from each of the main settlements. (haven't figured out The names Yet)
The Gene-seed mixture. a year after The Hunt for Voldorius the Dark Scars were made to represent the Brotherhood Restored between two chapters that had too long been rivals.
Lord Petraxion is a Psyker just as Powerful as varro Tigurius.
One Member in the Scout Company. His name is Dante Forrix. He is just as good as telion and has taught Captain Kahn how to use a bolter.
What Do You think for a 13 year-old?
Not too bad, but not to sound like a fluff nerd, there are a couple things you need to change:
1. Can't be a forge world. The Mechanicus owns those, and Space Marine Chapters own their home planets. Maybe pick another planet in the system, so they can benefit from the forge world, but don't make it the actual forge world.
2. I could be wrong, but I've never heard of a Chapter founded from multiple other Chapters. Chapters that have been nearly destroyed can be folded into existing Chapters, but you've said that your guys came from the White Scars and Raven Guard, neither of which have been assimilated into other chapters. Your idea to get past this is ok, but a bit sketchy.
3. The ability to wield a sword and be uncorrupted is kind of basic; every Chapter needs its potential warriors to be exceptional fighters and completely uncorrupted for both genetic and moral reasons.
4. A fortress monastery can't be built to be the envy of both the White Scars and Raven Guard. One is a Mongolian based force that emphasizes speed; the other is based on guerilla fighting and sneak attacks.
5. Saying that your special characters are 'just as good' as their BEST Space Marine equivalents? In gameplay you can say they "count as", no problem, but not in fluff. Maybe say that Dante Forrix was trained by Telion, and that Petraxion is a powerful psyker who shows similar signs of prescience as Tigurius. Sorry, but he can't be as powerful as Tigurius, because Tigurius is said to be the most powerful Imperial psyker besides the Emperor.
Other than those points, really good for your first post. I liked the bit about them being understrength from fighting a Tyranid Hive, you wouldn't believe how many people make their fluff armies undefeated in battle and 'totally badass and they pwned everyone they ever fought'. Bleh.
Hmm... this suffers from "Lords of Pwnage" syndrome.
Basically, understand that the Codex: Space Marines lists examples of Marines who are so well known and so unbelievably badass that they are legends amongst every Astartes Chapter across the entire Imperium.
Your guys probably just aren't up to par with those ridiculous badasses. It offends too many people.
In general, a safe rule is to give your chapter a 2/3 success rate, and give two example of untold bravery, and one story of abject failure or heroic futility. Nobody likes the "perfect" Chapter, like the Ultramarines. Show off how your units are crazy awesome, but don't try and compare them to Games Workshop's poster boys.
Don't worry, though. There are many flavors of win between grunt and second-most-powerful Imperial psyker ever.
Terminator armor going critical would be like Three Mile Island only very, VERY angry, and carrying a hammer.
LO rules in a nutshell: Don't post unit costs, be polite, rep posts containing of win.