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  1. #1
    Senior Member Vulcan's Avatar
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    My chapter, help needed.

    HI i am new to making a chapter and still don't have a clue, all I've got is a vivaed imagination and have been wondering if this captor is feasibly or not. any comments are welcome.

    ....'In the ND millennium the chains forced on us all by Roboute Gulliman where cast and we embraced the shadows of the Imperium. We became one with the ranks of the Inquisition. For it is in the shadows that our best work can be done, away from the prying eyes of those that call us brother and safe from those that consider us their holy protectors.
    ' The book of revelations author unknown.

    The chapter

    The Revelations chapter founding during the second founding grew to be disillusioned by the Codex Astartes written by Roboute Gulliman feeling that it denied them the right to choose, hating that when they when against the Codex they where viewed with hatred by many of their brothers for showing dangerous ideas.In an act that is unheard of the chapter master of the Revelations chapter (Volkus steel jaw Creed) petitioned the Inquisition for training and admittance into the ranks. After debate going so far up the chain on inquisitorial command as to reach Terra itself the request was granted and Volkus became an interrogator in their ranks.

    Upon successfully completion he was awarded full title on inquisitor where he served with distinction mainly in the Odo Xenos with occasional work with the mallius. After 300 years of active service he was fatally wounding fighting and banishing a bloodthirstier on Carthage he was returned to his chapter who had awaited his return from many centuries. On his death bed he made a request that his whole chapter be allowed to serve the Inquisition as he had, to Honor this request the high lord of the Inquisition agreed to this demand.

    There came a price for this, the chapter could not follow both the Codex Astartes and the Tennant's of the Inquisition they had to choose between them . For to serve Inquisition was to Honor their fallen master's wish but it meant that they would no longer be recognized as brothers by other Astartes. It was a grand conclave of chapter warriors, including the captains of the companies, the senior Chaplin's, librarians, Tecmarines and apothecaries as well as veterans and even the dreadnought of a marine who fell in the defense of the great palace of Terra, that the decision to break with the Codex was reached, they agreed to follow the ruling of the Inquisition.In service to the Inquisition The chapter is allowed to recruit as normal marines do, with the Th company being scouts but any marine marked for librarian or Chaplin service is sent off to learn from the Inquisition so that they are better able to train their brothers in ways of the Inquisition.

    Tactical, Devastator and Assault marines receive no such dedicated training only basic schooling from their Chaplin's and Librarian.Most Chaplin's and Librarians are full inquisitors with all the power of one bestowed upon them and as such are allowed to teach and train other members of the chapter in these way, though training only covers the nature of the foes they can expect to deal with and how best to combat them. Upon reaching rank of Sergeant the marine will be given better training in the ways of the Inquisition, serving as an aid to Chaplin or Librarian on missions.

    Upon reaching the rank of Capitan the marine in trained and elevated to the rank of full inquisitor and entrusted to enact the duty's of one. In order for a marine to attain the rank of Chapter Master he is required to have spent 300 years as a Capitan or senior Chaplin/Librarian and his succession to the rank of Chapter Master has to be approved by a member of the Inquisition. His rank within the Inquisition is that of Lord inquisitor.Due to the nature of their work the entire chapter can not have terminator Armour or terminator squads.

    To compensate for this tactical squads can number 16 men and take an assault cannon as a heavy weapon. Assault marines can have 2 thunder hammers and storm Shields for every 6 men in the squad with total of 16 assault marines to a squad. Devastator squads number 10 men and can take a maximum of 5 heavy weapons, including the assault cannon, but only one per devastator squad. Like other chapters they have access to similar vehicles, though due to their service to the Inquisition they can have certain other vehicles from the imperial guard, though never any super heaves.It is rare for the chapter to have any marines serve in dreadnoughts as these suits are very rare and as such nothing short of banishing a greater demon will get a brother marine entrance into one.

    All dreadnoughts count as venerable and can have ironclad upgrades but a maximum of one can be taken.The current Chapter Master is Morgrim Drakeonis, in what is becoming fairly common he served as Chaplin throughout his service to both chapter and Inquisition. Traditionally he is similar in many ways to Volkus Creed in that he is of similar height to a dreadnought with the width to match. he carries the chapters scared weapons born by all Chapter Masters since the time of their founding. Iron Shadows is both the great Rune Axe,which counts as a master crafted relic blade, and a storm shield.

    Battle doctrines

    Chapter master Morgrim Drakeonis can have either bike or jump pack, can never have terminator armor, iron halo gives 5 up invulnerable save. If bike is taken bike squads count as troops choice if jump pack is chosen jump infantry count as troops choice. Weapons are master crafted Rune Axe and storm shield. Can have artifice Armour for 15 points. 200 points
    Stats: WS-7 BS-4 S-4 T-4 W-4 I-7 A-4 Ld-10 Sv 2+

    Capitan can have either bike or jump pack, can never have terminator armor, If bike is taken bike squads count as troops choice if jump pack is chosen jump infantry count as troops choice. Can have artifice Armour for 15 points. 150 points
    Stats: WS-6 BS-4 S-4 T-4 W-2 I-6 A-3 Ld-10 Sv 3+

    Chaplin/Librarian can take a jump pack or bike, can be upgraded to senior Chaplin/Librarian for 50 points, the cost of the Epistolary is included.Can have artifice Armour for 15 points. 100 points
    Stats: WS-6 BS-5 S-4 T-4 W-2 I-6 A-2 Ld-10 Sv 3+
    stats, senior: WS-6 BS-5 S-4 T-4 W-2 I-7 A-2 Ld-10 Sv 3+

    Due to their service to the Inquisition all senior members of the chapter have got really high initiative because they have to be smart.again thanks to all!

    Last edited by Vulcan; March 29th, 2010 at 00:02. Reason: lack of punctuation and it was all in one big block of text making it very hard to read.

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Intrepid's Avatar
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    The Army Fluff forum has a stickied post containing basic principles for a good DIY Marine Chapter. It's a good place to start. Also, it's best to avoid stat posting even if they are altered versions of the official units.

    I commend you for putting a large amount of effort and thought into your initial fluff; it's always nice to see someone take an interest in his army's backstory. But...this isn't going to work for several reasons.

    The Codex Astartes was written for the specific purpose of preventing the Horus Heresy from happening a second time. Chapters will vary from it here and there...a rejection of stealthy tricks, or a focus on drop pod assaults over armored formations...but some of it is seriously inviolable. One in particular is the separation of the Astartes from the Imperial Guard and Navy. There's no way a Chapter would be granted control of a standing military force, or have units seconded to them on a long-term basis. This is especially true for a second-founding Chapter; in fact, I'm curious why an Ultramarines successor Chapter would want to diverge so far from its Primarch's own principles as to reject them entirely.

    The relationships between the Inquisition and Astartes are well-established and there's no precedent for Marine-Inquisitors. Typically an Inquisitor will call in allied Astartes when his investigations are finished and he faces a threat that can't be handled by the local Imperial Guard. The Ordos Xenos and Malleus have in-house Marines as well, in the form of the Deathwatch and Grey Knights, respectively. Beyond these two methods, the two Adepta pride themselves on being separate entities.

    Bear in mind that Space Marines themselves are living weapons: trained, altered and indoctrinated into superhuman killing machines. Their training is exclusively military, with only a few technical subjects included...no history, no sociology, no encouragement of curiosity and no cultural awareness worth mentioning. That isn't an acceptable background for a police detective, let alone an Inquisitor who must detect and evaluate threats in many circumstances and, often, covertly.


    A better direction to take with your fluff would be to say that your (otherwise ordinary) Chapter has developed a close working relationship with a couple Inquisitors. It seems, however, as if you intend to make a DIY Codex for the Revelations Chapter?
    "My tanks have names, my men have numbers." -Col. Edmund Grahvess, 23rd Kronecker Prison Guard

  4. #3
    Senior Member Vulcan's Avatar
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    yeah i think that is they way i am going, also i dont mention who their parent legion is just hints, also with them breaking with the codex the idea behind it was they grew to be really unhappy with how the codex was limiting their views on war, sort of like the space wolves and broke from it deciding they knew better.

    As for them joining the inqustion, yeah i know its a long shot but i have always found the idea of a chapter master being an inquisitor cool, also i think if it ever happend they would be allowing the inquistion into their lives a lot more then other chapters hence they are going to be on a shor leash as such.

    finally i say they access to some imperial guard weoponry to make up for their own lack, stuff like sentinals or the odd tank never the massed ranks of the guard. Though being an inqusitor that might happen...

  5. #4
    Member oniwakamaru's Avatar
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    I'm going to try to put this delicately. Your fluff is an absolute mess. Let's start from the beginning (I went through and corrected the majority of the spelling and grammar mistakes by running it through spell check, you should probably do this before you click the submit button next time):

    1: "
    In an act that is unheard of the chapter master of the Revelations chapter (Volkus steel jaw Creed) petitioned the inquisition for training and admittance into the ranks. After debate going so far up the chain on inquisitorial command as to reach Terra itself the request was granted and Volkus became an interrogator in their ranks."

    "Upon successful completion he was awarded full title on inquisitor where he served with distinction mainly in the ordo xenos with occasional work with the malleus."

    The only space marines that are members of the Inquisition are the Grey Knights. Your chapter might work with the Inquisition a lot, but I find it very difficult to believe that they would actually be considered part of the Inquisition.

    2.
    "dreadnought of a marine who fell in the defense of the great palace of Terra"

    Dreadnoughts containing marines who fought during the defense of Terra in the Horus Heresy would have likely stayed in their respective first founding chapters.

    3.
    . "Most Chaplains and Librarians are full inquisitors with all the power of one bestowed upon them"
    "Upon reaching the rank of Captain the marine in trained and elevated to the rank of full inquisitor and entrusted to enact the duties of one. "

    As with number 1, I find this incredibly difficult to believe.

    4. "
    His rank within the inquisition is that of Lord Inquisitor. "

    I could be wrong about this, but there are only Four Inquisitor Lords in the Galaxy, one for each segmentum. The idea that the Inquisition would either set aside one segmentum for the chapter or add a further rank just for your chapter is even more difficult to believe than the majority of your librarians and chaplains being Inquisitors.

    5. "
    It is rare for the chapter to have any marines serve in dreadnoughts as these suits are very rare and as such nothing short of banishing a greater demon will get a brother marine entrance into one. "

    You said that your chapter works primarily with the Ordo Xenos, but has killing a Greater Daemon (an Ordo Malleus jurisdiction) as the requirement for entering a Dreadnought. Additionally, being interred in a Dreadnought is rarely determined by achievements, but by who actually qualifies to be interred in a dreadnought (being just dead enough to not fight anymore, but not quite dead enough to actually be dead).

    6."
    The current Chapter Master is Morgrim Drakeonis, in what is becoming fairly common he served as chaplain throughout his service to both chapter and Inquisition. Traditionally he is similar in many ways to Volkus Creed in that he is of similar height to a dreadnought with the width to match. He carries the chapter’s scared weapons born by all Chapter Masters since the time of their founding. "

    If your chapter master is the size of a dreadnought, that means he's about the size of a Carnifex or Daemon Prince, which is very difficult to believe. Additionally, Chaplains generally stay chaplains, Captains are the ones that become Chapter Masters.

    7. If your tac squads are 16 men strong and have assault cannons, how exactly are you going to represent this? You certainly can't use the Codex for Space Marines, Space Wolves, Chaos Space Marines, Blood Angels, Dark Angels, or Black Templars for this purpose. Are you planning on writing your own codex?
    Just a few general tips for fluff writing.

    1. Don't mess with the background too much: You generally want to bend the 40k background when writing fluff, not break it. Including things that alter the structures of organizations within the Imperium, or having everyone with any position of authority in your chapter also an Inquisitor probably qualifies as breaking.

    2. Make sure it's readable: run it through spell check, then print it out and read it before you post. If your fluff is nearly illegible, people are more likely to skip over it.

    Good Luck.


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  6. #5
    Son of LO Marius the Possessed's Avatar
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    Sorry, but no. Inquisitors do not become Space Marines, and Space Marines do not become Inquisitors. An Inquisitor with a standing military force, especially an Astartes chapter, is far too powerful. Other Chapters, and especially other Inquisitors, would put a stop to that practice right away.

    And no specialised training for Assault and Devastator squads? Your Marines would get butchered in combat, having no long- or close-range support. And Marines don't take Guard weaponry unless stranded or cut off, they have deals and pledges of honour with forge worlds who supply them with their weaponry.

    Most of all, no Inquisitor has a greater rank than any other. Those with lesser reputations tend to bend to the will of those with greater, and groups can get together to censor wayward Inquisitors, but they all have the same rank and powers. Inquisitor Lords are simply those who have made such an impact that they are honoured greatly. Heck, the Inquisitor who is on the High Lords table is simply a representative, he has no additional powers.

  7. #6
    Senior Member Vulcan's Avatar
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    yeah sorry for that the computer i am using does'nt have a lot in the way of spell checkers and all as i said its only an idea. The inqustion is strange and all so a chapter master dreams of being an inqusitor let him, he had to prove himself, also with the chaplins being inqusitors is only so that they are able to better guard the chapter the title is there as an honour. They work with other branches of the inquistion but due to them being space marines the ordo xenos is the better place for them, and i know being that big is silly but mutations happen.

    also librarians are just librarians but look at the blood ravens their have physker chapter masters why cant a chaplin become one, they have got the better out look on life and all that.

    still thanks for the input.

  8. #7
    Senior Member Vulcan's Avatar
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    the chapter could in fact be understrength due to the clandestine work they do, hence they do present much of a threat, also the general way of thinking with this is to have them as distrusted by all sides and shoved off to work the nasty parts of space against aliens.

  9. #8
    Son of LO Marius the Possessed's Avatar
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    Any significant number of Marines (say, 50+) following the orders of the Inquisition without question would be considered a threat, as that is a powerful group and it sets a dangerous precedent. Remember that a company (100) is usually sent to deal with conflicts, and prove to be more than enough. And again, Space Marines are warriors first and always. Inquisitors are detectives, who usually deal with small cults. It is rare for them to go into battle, their main job is finding the small, hidden threats.

    As for the Blood Ravens, their Chapter Master was a Librarian because the normal chain of command was wiped out, and that set the precedence. You have nothing in your fluff to give that idea.

    And if nobody trusts them, they won't get 'shoved off to work the nasty parts of space against aliens.' That's what Space Marine chapters do anyways, they go into the nasty parts to fight the nasty creatures. In the Imperium of the 41st millennium, if you are distrusted by everyone you will without question be destroyed.

  10. #9
    Senior Member Vulcan's Avatar
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    i guess your right, I'll put this episode down to my overactive imagination running off with my tying up my common sense again. Though what if its just 1 marine, like the sole survivor of his chapter...

  11. #10
    Senior Member Laughing God's Avatar
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    While I agree this fluff is outlandish to say the least its not unheard of for whole chapters to be created by the will of the inquisition with the intention of them being there lapdogs ( see exorsist chapter). The point being dont throw it away just retune it.
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