The Emperor Protects!!!....Sorta - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

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    Senior Member GMAleron's Avatar
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    The Emperor Protects!!!....Sorta

    Hello everyone. Having posted any fluff for a long time now i suddenly felt an urge to write something. This story below is meant to be a comedy and is meant to give all the readers a good laugh (hopefully anyways...) Hope you all enjoy and tell me what you think!

    Trooper Dwabs knew he was going to die on this cursed mountain trail as the rain continued to fall. Around him his fellow platoon of the Cadian 666th "Cursed Devils" were being enthusiastically cut to pieces by whooping Orks and he had no weapon. Dwabs buried his head in the mud and bawled his guts out feeling a warm creeping sensation down his left leg. He had just pissed himself. A shriek to his immediate right caused him to look up and get a nice view of an Ork Nob happily sawing his sergeant in half with a rusty saw. Blood spurted everywhere with every cut and the shrieks died off bit by bit into gurgling nonsense.

    Before he could bury his head in the mud and continue to play dead Dwabs felt a strong hand grasp him from behind his neck and throw him forward. Skidding across the mud he heard the gurrtural laughing of several orks. Looking around him he realized he was the last one lef, in a ring of orkst. Sobbing and blubbering he began to mumble a half hearted prayer to the Emperor to save his soul, meanwhile the orks were moving aside to let the massive form of the ork warboss through their ranks, kicking a few squealing gretchin along the way. Dwabs voice caught in his throat at the massive creature, primarily its brain covered flail that dangled in its left hand that swayed with every ground shuddering step the xeno took.

    Time froze it seemed to Dwabs as the Warboss steadily covered the distance between them. The ork boyz chants of "Crak da humies nut" began to get faster and faster as the lust for blood grew causing several violent fights to break out. Dwabs watched paralyzed as the Warboss sneered down on him, his ugly green face filling his eyes, its charred flesh breath making him cough and splutter. The Warboss roared silencing his sqquabbling minions and raised his flail for the killing blow.

    Like lighting the impulse raced through Dwabs mind. He did not know if it was a sign by the Emperor or if he was just mad with fear but it took hold. Raising his right hand in the shape of a pistol he pointed it at the Warboss's head and yelled "BANG!"

    To all the orks and Dwabs astonishment the Warboss reeled back and fell with a bone jarring thud. Its tounge lolled out of its lifeless mouth and the flail fell from its limp hands, it had not a mark on him but it was dead! Dwabs stared with his mouth open as did the orks around him in disbelief.

    Dwabs thought "The Emperor must have heard my prayers!" and an evil grin took hold on his acne riddled face. Calmly he aimed at one of the dumbstruck orks in the ring around him and aiming with his hand pistol bellowed "BANG!" The ork flew back into his comrades dead before it hit the ground. The other Orks (being superstitious to begin with) began to try and run and flee from the cursed humie who continue to rain death upon them with shouts of "Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang."

    Ork after Ork pitched into the dirt falling like wheat to a scythe before Dwabs onslaught. Laughing madly Dwabs watched as the Orks fled up the trail from where they came. Grinning like the Despoiler himself Dwabs followed them.

    ++30 MINUTES LATER**

    He was invincible! Dwabs calmly walked through the burning ruins of the ork base. The orks he had followed led him straight to it and now he was cleansing these abominations with gusto. Forming both his hands into "holding" a rocket launcher on his shoulder he shouted "BOOM!" Another ork building erupted in flames, squealing gretching and orks fled from its ruins skin charring black from the flames that engulfed them. Around him ork after ork died as masses of boys tried to bring him down. Every bullet they shot at him seemed to miss him, every swing of a choppa brushed his uniform. He had the emperor on his side now and no ork was going to beat him, his confidence knew no bounds.

    Looking around him he noticed that no more orks or gretchin were visible. He howled his victory to the heavens, he had killed them all! A sudden snicker from behind him made him whirl around. Standing not six feet from him was probably the smallest and weakest excuse of a gretchin he had ever seen. Behind it stood around three orks all struggling not to laugh. The creature in front however wore an evil sneer on its face as it continued to snicker and role around on the ground as if it had a great joke to tell.

    Dwabs felt his anger rising, how dare mere gretchin and orks taunt him! He would show it! He would show the whole empire of man that he was a god, that he was the emperors chosen!

    With ease he brought up his hand pistol and aimed it square between the gretchins forhead and bellowed with all his might "BANG!!!" To his astonishment the Gretching didnt die, instead he mimicked the "bullets" path with one of his fingers as it came in and hit its forehead.

    "KAPWING!!" it replied..."Oh Shit" thought Dwabs.

    Last edited by GMAleron; April 21st, 2010 at 01:30.
    Real players go Guard....Real Men go Airborne!

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