Welcome to Librarium Online!
Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!
Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!
I tried to create a DIY chapter by starting with its 1st Chapter Master, but after some help from others I realized that I had made many mistakes ( (Pre-Heresy Fluff(Creating My Own Chapter Master))http://www.librarium-online.com/forums/40k-army-fluff/195813-pre-heresy-fluff-creating-my-own-chapter-master.html this is the original story that is being drastically changed). Instead I will start with the chapter's background information and then move on to its chapter master.
As always please feel free to comment and make suggestions rather good or bad there is no such thing as bad feedback. I hope you guys enjoy!
The origin of the Silent Pythons is surrounded in mystery, several Imperial forces claimed to have fought with the Silent Pythons during the 1st Black Crusade. If this is true, it would mean that the Chapter was fighting in wars for nearly a century before the Imperium acknowledged them as an official chapter during the 3rd Founding.
While the origin of the Silent Pythons is in question, the geneseed is without doubt that of Rogal Dorn. The Headquartersí Staff that insured the proper development of the neophytes into marines came from the Imperial Fist chapter. It is rumored that the first Chapter Master of the Silent Pythons served as one of the Imperial Fistís Master of Forges during the Great Crusade. His knowledge of war gear and the time spent with Rogal Dorn greatly influenced, the Silent Pythons.
Curesy is a mining world located in the Segmentum Obscurus. The planet is dominated by mountains that are connected vertically at the poles, the space between the mountains are plains or oceans that stretches from one pole to another. The planetís mountains are full of precious metals and the plains are perfect for agriculture, using their resources wisely the Curesians established a stable economy. Curesians dug tunnels in the mountains to connect all human life on the planet; because of the surplus of resources there were rarely any wars. When Curesy was reunited with the Imperium it was left nearly untouched as they accepted the Emperor and paid tithes in the form of precious metals.
Curesy became the Silent Pythons home world; Curesyís highly competitive and resourceful people made excellent recruits making the planet a near perfect Chapter Planet. It is rumored that the world was a reward for the chapterís role in the 1st Black Crusade; others say it is because of their first Chapter Masterís heritage. During the construction of their monastery, they established a good relationship with the Curesians giving them tools to improve irrigation and mining. Curesians no longer had to pay tithes as a Chapter Planet and all of its resources went to improving the planetary defense and the construction of its Imperial Shipyard on Furd, Curesyís only moon.
With a steady flow of resources from mining and the Imperial Shipyard the Silent Pythons, created Snakeís Vein, a large fortress monastery. While Snakeís Vein is where the chapter maintains its armory and relics the entire planet is armed with missile silos or defense lasers built into the mountains. The Silent Pythons keep large shield generators beneath their oceans, which protects the planet from orbital bombardment, Curesy is considered one of the most heavily fortified Chapter Planets.
All of the Silent Pythons recruits come from Curesy. Even though the Curesians have never had any military disputes, they are strong physically and mentally, as everyone works hard to maintain the planetís reputation as farmers, miners, or hunters. Without any real conflicts, competition is the main form of entertainment. Cities have mountain climbing contest, blacksmith contest, and hunting contest year round, and at the end of each contest the city host festivals to honor the winners.
It is during these festivals that the Silent Pythons collect aspirants for their chapter. While most chapters favor recruits from primitive worlds that are warrior like, the Silent Pythons select recruits that are smart and highly skilled. These young recruits are given a blade and told they must kill a Mountain Python, and take it to Snakeís Pit where the Chapterís Chaplains will be waiting for them.
Mountain Pythons have thick skin and are usually 20-35 feet long and weigh around 200-350 pounds. Unlike most snakes biting is not mandatory; Mountain Pythons are capable of launching any part of its body towards its prey. Within seconds of contact the python quickly wraps around the prey, constricting it to death. Many recruits are unaware of this and try to sneak upon or rush the python only to be grabbed and constricted to death by a tail first attack.
Recruits usually have to use other means to kill the Mountain Pythons such as creating traps, bows/slings, or poisonous weapons. The recruits then carry the snake to Snakeís Pit where the chaplain escorts the new recruit to a library where their life as a Silent Python begins.
The recruits spend their first three months being taught the chapters history by the Chaplains. During this time the recruits have 5 hours to eat or sleep during the day before resuming studying. If a recruit is caught sleeping during lectures or not reading, they are turned into a servitor. After three months the recruits are connected to large cylindrical tubes, to start the marine creation process.
In order to receive any organ the recruit must first pass a test. The recruits must answer one thousand questions correctly before receiving any organ. The machines randomly ask questions from the chapterís history database, the recruit is able to convey his answer in several different ways. If he answers the question correctly he moves on to the next question, but if he gives the wrong answer he experiences pain from the tubes version of a pain glove. Most recruits answer several questions incorrectly and manage to deal with the pain, but others will experience extreme pain from missing consecutive questions that their bodies are no longer capable of being transformed into a marine and are turned into servitors instead.
The Silent Pythons have mastered hypnotherapy which allows them to constantly teach and test their recruits throughout the surgery. As a result they are highly intelligent and know more about their weapons, body, and history then the average marine as a scout. Being able to re-call almost every great deed of their ancestors Silent Pythons never retreat, in dire situations where the chances of victory is low a question can be asked and the memory that comes with the proper answer doubles the effort of the marines.
The constant hypnotherapy makes the Silent Pythons very intelligent but, it interferes with the initiation process as certain organs are not able to produce the proper amount of hormones. It is common for Silent Pythons to be slightly shorter and in many cases physically weaker than the average Space Marine.
The Silent Pythons are siege specialist that has a unique style. The Silent Pythons prefer to go into enemy territory and capture vital structures that are pivotal to the enemy success such as; command buildings or factories. With one of their military buildings under the Silent Pythons control, the enemy is force to either try to recapture the lost ground or retreat.
If they attack they will find that the Silent Pythons have established a miniature base, and similar to their founding chapter the Imperial Fist, the Pythons are stubborn and will rarely retreat. Once the enemy has exhausted most of its resources attacking, the Silent Pythons strike with one large devastating attack that usually ends the battle. If the enemy retreats the Pythons continue to grab important territory, until all of the important positions are under their control. Once this has happen the Silent Pythons launches a large attack wiping out all opposing forces. The Silent Pythons are often called upon to recapture worlds or key military bases. There are rumors that the chapter is used by the Adeptus Mechanicus to retrieve rare artifacts. The Silent Pythons connection with the Adeptus Mechanicus can be traced back to the Great Crusade, but these records are lock safely away.
The Silent Pythons have a notable divergence from the Codex Astartes. All of the Silent Pythons companies except for the 1st Company and 10th Company consist of five tactical squads, two assault squads, and three devastator squads. The companies are alike because each one must be able to capture and control key military objectives without the aid of another company. The companies have one extra devastator squad to bolster the defense of newly gained territory.
The 10th company is the scouting company, consisting of several scout squads. As a Silent Python scout you gather Intel that is often used to determine the next objective or where the next attack is coming from.
The chapterís capture and control type nature means that the Silent Pythons usually fight deep in enemy territory. This is a daunting task for a Company who is facing a large fortified strong hold. Whenever a Companyís Captain needs more men, he contacts the Silent Pythons only reserve company, the 1st Company. The 1st Company will send in several Terminator Squads in Land Raiders to lead from the front, the fortified base is quickly captured overwhelmed by the flawless execution of the 1st company. The 1st Company of the Silent Pythons has developed a reputation for being the ultimate siege troops.
The Silent Pythons believe that knowledge is the key to victory, and require that every member of the chapter is knowledgeable on the accomplishments of their chapter. The Silent Pythons pass down history from generation to generation with their initiation process which has resulted in a deep devotion to their Primarch Rogal Dorn.
I'm glad to see you're still developing your fluff and love to keep reading it as it goes. There was just something that really screamed at me when I was reading it, though:
On the planet of Curesy, there is only peace and prosperity. There is success of economy and the people want for nothing. Except when it comes to those pesky space marines, that come down to take the best of them and ritually feed them to giant snakes. Then, the people that survive the snake attack get put in pain boxes where they are poked with cattle prods until their eventual failure whereupon they are turned into mindless automatons. Personally, I think the planet would be better off without them. I'd write my planetary governor if I were a citizen of Curesy.
Joking aside, though, I like the concept of -1str, +1int space marines. Pushing up the tactician part while downplaying the brute strength. I think it gives your chapter a good uniqueness to make them distinctive against all the other chapters out there.
Thanks for posting, do you think I should make Curesy more 40kish?
Most of this just has to do about the planet. The recruitment part I think is fine, it just has a discordant tone to your planet description. While your planet description pretty much says "everything is perfect and happy" over and over again, your recruitment sections says "we're testing the elite and the price for the smallest faltering is death". Neither is wrong, they both can be right. I just think that you need to pick a tone and stick with it. One says that "everything's perfect" and the other says "it's a cruel and unforgiving world and only the most clever survive".
How much of a utopia you want your homeworld to be is just a personal preference. It's not as though it hasn't been done before, just look at Ultramarines. If you go that route, though, I think it's contradictory that you make the worst thing about your planet be your protagonists. Not to say that even Ultramarines don't lose a lot of marines in the recruitment process. You just need to downplay that part about feeding potential recruits to the giant snakes. Spend more time talking about the recruits that succeed through guile and cunning. Spend as little time as possible talking about the ones that fail. This feedback has more to do with your writing style, not about the fluff itself. The fluff is fine, but needs to be delivered in a way that it's papable.
Personally, and the rest of this is just my personal take on creating fluff, I find that people are often turned off by too much perfection. It's the imperfections and faults that give something character, and draw your reader's attention. Space marines that follow all the rules and run around doing good deeds to save the galaxy: boring. Space marines that buck authority while drinking and quarelling: Cool. Space marines that thirst for blood and fight as frenzied, deranged lunatics: Cool. A chapter master that kills a demon prince: A dime a dozen. A chapter master that leaves his company to die, abandoning them to settle a long-standing vendetta against the demon prince that is his arch nemesis: that's a guy you'll remember. You may not like him, but you'll remember him. Your homeworld is just another aspect of your chapter. This is not to say that you should change anything you currently have about your homeworld, just sprinkle a potential plot hook or two into what you currently have that makes people wonder if everything is as perfect in Curesy as first appears. Even the most perfect people still have a few skeletons in their closet.