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ive made up my own army fluff about saim-hann and im fairly new at this so daont blame me if its a bit scratchy
The Saim-Hann moved silently through the forest, there homeworld. Platoons of them stealthily watching and waiting for the unexpecting orks to come by that had waged war on them. The war had been going for months on end and looked like it wouldnt be stopping any time soon.
*tramp* *tramp* *tramp*. it was the sound of the on coming orks that were about to fall into the abush that the Eldar had very effectively set up.
The orks came out to a large clearing, after ages of slashing through rough bush and hacking innocent trees they had come out to a clearing that lead on to some more thick bush and trees. The Hak Kuts were overheated from all of the work that they had been doing so they stopped here to give them a rest and repair the ones that had broken down.
A short while after the orks had stopped the Wild Rider Chief gave the signal. Howling Banshees and Striking Scorpions jumped out from every where and from in the dense shrub of the forest heavy fire came out of the waiting yypers and jetbikes. Confused and dumbfounded the orks fired at random hitting nothing but trees and some of there own. The Wild Rider Chief and his kinsman emerged from the forest with axes and powerswords to hack away at the orks the same way the orks hacked away at there poor homeworld. Storm Squad and Defender Guardians jumped out of there hiding places and took down a plentyful amount of orks. The Orks finally realising what had happened reacted and took down some guardians and one of the jetbikes the kinsman was on. Still alive but dazed after the fall the fallen kinsmen picked himself up and started fighting on the ground (which shows you how much pride these eldar have). Next Shining Spears emerged form the dense bush and using there spers pierced one after another of unsespecting orks.
The leader of this platoon of orks was enraged that he could of been so easily ambushed by these warriors who call themself "The Eldar" And started taking down shining spears with his weapon. One after another he brought them down and just as he had taken down what he thought was the last one behind him almost materialising out of nowhere was Maungan Ra. The Harvestor Of Souls. He looked around only to be staring at the end of Maungan Ra's Maugetar just as it was firing. *thunk* The warboss fell down dead on the floor. Maungan Ra Helped pick off the last remaining orks that hadnt already fell from the eldars cunning ambush. The Fight was over but the war was still raging on and just as stealthily as they came, they left leaving the bloodstained and body filled clearing.
So what do you guys think
Im happy to take any Critisism or complimants but im just starting so dont get to huffy if the whole thing is wrong ok??
If it hasn't been said before, welcome to the world of 40K, Wailing Doom!
The fluff is ok in substance, if a bit vague. Get in with the details a bit more, exactly what strikes went where and so on. That way you don't get the "reported" style of writing that you've got at the moment. Things donâ€™t connect to the reader because they're remote from them. And putting individual Guardian squads down as either Storm or Defender squads jars a bit. Put their armament down, show us how those shurikens sliced through the air with a slight wail, rather than telling us they fired their guns. Show us how the Striking Scorpions sliced through thick ork flesh, spraying green blood on the forest floor. Make us hear the piercing shriek of the dancing Banshees as they break cover from the trees, shrieks that made the orks stumble back in pain, etc etc. More detail, in essence. And slightly less cheese: Maugan Ra seems to have been added as an afterthought. I know the Phoenix Lords appear uncalled for, but this is a bit too "hero here to save the day and then have tea" fashion.
Apart from that, there are a few background points I'd nitpick. The Eldar live in Craftworlds, not forest worlds that are easily invaded by Orks. The closest Craftworld Eldar get to calling an actual planet "home" are the Maiden Worlds, which your warhost could be defending. If you don't know what these are (sorry if you do), they're worlds terraformed by the ancient Eldar as future settlements. They were left to "ripen" and were far enough away from the main Eldar Worlds to survive the Fall.
And the warhost itself seems like a generic craftworld list as opposed to that of Saim-Hann, unless I'm missing the Falcons that the Aspect Warriors and Guardians had as transports. It seems to have everything, which a Saim-Hann warhost shouldn't. There should be more focus on the jetbikes, vypers and grav-tanks.
Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh.
Hey, provided it's not list-mixing and you don't mind people asking why you haven't used the craftworld specific list, you could make any craftworld using the generic eldar list. Iyanden might seem a bit wierd, but just claim it's from before the Nids ate them all.Originally posted by Xerxes@Jan 11 2005, 11:15
And the warhost itself seems like a generic craftworld list as opposed to that of Saim-Hann, unless I'm missing the Falcons that the Aspect Warriors and Guardians had as transports. It seems to have everything, which a Saim-Hann warhost shouldn't. There should be more focus on the jetbikes, vypers and grav-tanks.[snapback]299483[/snapback]
I'd agree though, you could make things more descriptive, and add some characters. Non special characters can have names, so give the wild rider chief a name, and tell us a bit about him (or her) and what he is thinking as his ambush is being set up and executed. Since your commander is pretty much your avatar (unless he actually is an avatar, in which case he's Khaine's avatar) in the game, it's nice to flesh them out.
You've pretty much got the idea though.
Hey guys thanx for all your ideas and stuff and ill use them in my next army fluff.
Keep them coming i need to know more about my fluff plz