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First of all before I give their background id like to give a short explanation to how the concept came into being:
It all started when the Chapter master contest was announced, I was disgruntled (And still am) about my Blood Angels' drastic loss of power in the new Codexpace Marines and wanted to create a chapter for myself.
Due to various reasons I was prevented from participating the contest (Not that I had the slightest chance of getting to the top 100 but still).
And so the Forgotten Sons started brewing in my mind, it started with a colour scheme. After Painting my Shiny Blood Angels (They are covered with unwatered red ink) I decided I want a calmer colour scheme but not blue because it would look too Ultramarines and so I decided on Grey with lighter grey highlight.
From a colour scheme I moved into concept, I though of a chapter that somehow derives from one of the lost primarchs but was forgotten by time (I figured GW dident do anything about the lost Primarchs so I might as well put it into use).
Then came the concept of the Forgotten Sons and during one very boring class I wrote notes which later turned into the first encounter with them.
This takes place after the Eye of Terror campaign, I asked GW for game date so I could be exact.
Now that im done babbling heres what you came for:
A short time after the last battle for Cadia several Tau cruisers appeared over Terra.
Thos ships got so far for a simple reason, they did not travel through the warp. Terra's defenders surrounded them almost instantly and prepared to open fire, the shots never came. The soldiers operating the weapon systems could not bring themselves to open fire for some reason.
They did not know it then but the emperor himself was the one to stop them from firing for he sensed that the ships were not populated by the Tau but by a presence he have not felt for a long time. After a while an order came on the comm "let them land", no explanation followed but when it comes from the emperor's guardians non is needed.
The ships landed and out of them came were human, each of them seems as though he survived centuries of torment. The peoples that came out stood in an organized formartion, they numbered around two thousand men. After getting into formation all the men started walking towards the imperial palace, they seemed like members of the Adaptus Astartes but nobody knew which chapter they come from as they wore no power armors and did not even carry bolters.
As they arrived to the imperial palace two men came out of their lines and walked towards the gate, to everyone's surprise the guards let them in without any questions. They stayed inside for three days and three nights, during that time their men stood outside without moving a muscle, as if they were carved out of stone.
After three days and three nights they came out holding a messege to Mars.
As they walked towards their ships one man came from the lines of the guards that serve on Terra and asked them who they are, their leader answered "We are the imperium's forgotten sons".
\\\Officio librarium entry \\\
\\Location:Inside the emperor's palace\\
\\Though of the day: Change is coming \\
Today a group of men came to Terra. I know not how they got this far into the Imperium's space since they were flying Tau cruisers but I think they could escape our sensors because we are monitoring the warp and they came through normal space, however, normal space travel should take too long for any of them to be alive. I can see them coming towards the palace, maybe now the questions of who they are and how they got here will be answered.
I am to report to the emperor's chamber to recored this event, I will continue this document there;
I am now in the emperor's chamber, my first impression of these people is this - They are either blasphemars or residents of some planet outside the imperium. The two that entered the palace went past the guards and touched the golden throne, they are now on their knees infront of the throne and they seem to be crying. They seem to be space marines but I never even heard of a single case where a marine cried.
One of the two started talking through his tears, something about him being sorry and that they failed him three times.
Suddenly I know what happened, somehow I know that if you will ask me tommorow I will have no memory of what I write now but somehow it is currently imprinted in my mind and I feel as though I must write it. I am now being sent out of the room back to my chambers for the purpose of recording their history before it is gone from my mind;
Long ago, before the time of the great crusade, the holy emperor had twenty sons.
All of them were scattered throughout the worlds and lost, he knew that he must find them and as soon as the storms that stopped him from searching ceased he set out to find and recover all of his lost children. Of those twenty children he found only eighteen, nine of them stayed in his service and nine turned against him. The fate of the other two remains unkown.
While this is common knowledge I still write it as it is vital to this story.
These men claim themselves as the legion of one of the missing two, the emperor seems to sense his presence in them and that is enough for any of us.
They seems to be diffrent from other marines, they do not choose and implant geneseed... They are born with it. When the primatch landed on their planet they were an industrial world that supported and endorsed fighting but not bloodlust, every three months a planetary championship was held where all of the warriors fought not for the kill or the bloodlust but for the mere fight and sportsmenship. As expected the great primarch grew rapidly and by the age of eighteen he held the planetary championship title for four years in a row.
Everything went well until he started feeling alone, he somehow knew that his real family has reunited and that he is not among them. On that day he decided to make a family of his own but as he himself was unable to bring children he held a tournament to find the best among both the men and the women of the planet. After the tournament he took the best ten of each gender and fused a bond of blood with them, he transferred large amounts of his blood into their veins thus giving them fractions of his might.
As they were not limited by the way his body was made they were still able to give birth and so from those chosen few started a superior race, a race of men and women with powers that came from beyoned the stars. However, the great son of the emperor still felt as if something is wrong, terribly wrong. One day wounds appeared all over his body and he fell to the floor crying, he did not cry for the wounds that appeared out of thin air but for the family he knew he lost that day. That day was the final day of the siege on Terra, the day where it was all decided and where the mighty emperor took down the vicious Horus. He cried for his father's death, for the death of his brother Sanguinius and even for his brother Horus since he knew nothing of the forces of chaos but just felt the pain of their deaths echo through him.
Upon that day he made all of the members of his family swear that they will go and find their true origins, they all took an oath and several days they took off in primitive vessels.
During their travels they switched ships many times so they will not have to waste time on repairs. They set out as a legion and now they arrive no larger then a chapter, they still number both men and women but they do not want their women to fight so that they will not lose their only way to replace their fallen brethern. The questions of what were the three times where they failed the emperor remains unanswered but I am sure he knows.
I do not trust them, all of the other marines' faith was tested during the great heresy but their faith was never put to a test, I can only hope that when their test will come they will remain loyal.
\\\End of entry\\\
And so the Forgotten Sons were formed, seeking to make ammends for the ten long millenias they missed. That day they set out to Mars with a messege from the emperor himself, the messege said that they are to be fitted with tanks and other machinery they need. From there they set out to find a new home.
This article may look slightly anti-women, if so then I apologize but its hard to stay objective when im a single guy sitting in litrature class with 2 pregnant women, a pregnant teacher and one post pregnant women and they all speak about pregnancy all the time (Its a small class... And no I have no relations to any of these women)
Hope you liked it, im currently working on a story that shows them in action so I could give them a more human point of view and really show their views and opinions.
Right, on with the plot holes.
1/ As you've stated forces travelling from Terra from the Eastern Fringe even using the Warp would take years. You've said they didnt use the warp.....this would take hundreds of thousands of years (longer than it took to build the Imperium).
2/ Imperial sensors can't pick up ships because they didn't use the warp? Eh? So despite the thousands of sensors they must have littered the terra system with since the Heresy, they can't see normal spacecraft?
3/ The Emperor is definately not in a talking mood. The last time anyone spoke to him was a few messages not long after he ascended the golden throne. I'm a staunch Imperial player, and even I will admit ole empy aint really in a ordering mood.
4/ Tau cruisers going anywhere in the Segmentum solar would get blown to bits as soon as they were detected. In implies movement accross 2 segmenta, and so probably crosses many lines of defence. Not being able to detect them due to them not being in the warp is like me arguing my bike is proof against anti-tank guns (due to it not being a tank).
5/ Noone has got to see the Emperor in thousands of years, except for his Custodes, The Primarchs, those psykers who are about to be sarcrificed, and some sisters of battle at the end of Vandire's reign of blood. Most current chapter masters have never seen the golden throne.
6/ Marines born with geneseed? Noone is born a marine, only through the Implantation of the progenoid gland can a marine be created. The 'bond of blood' alone would not work even if did act as a progenoid replacement, it's the implantations of the various accessory organs that turn people into marines too. (black carapace, secondary heart)
7/ Female marines? Big fluff no no.
8/ Creation of a legion? (10,000 marines?) Even a planet will all the dark age tech in the world wouldn't be able to do this, geneseed creation and the like were technologies perfected at the commencement of the great crusade, and carried outwards by Imperial forces. (there were no 'dark age of technology primarchs). Therefore this planet would be unable to create its own marines as it would lack the technology to implant the accesory organs etc.
Other than that, some solid fluff.
Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 9 2005, 201
It all started when the Chapter master contest was announced, I was disgruntled (And still am) about my Blood Angels' drastic loss of power in the new Codexpace Marines and wanted to create a chapter for myself.[snapback]325039[/snapback]
Dude..you realise that a lot of that codex doesn't really aply to the BA right? I mean they're getting thier own codex soon so as far as I know (judging by the FAQ on GW's site) the BA really haven't changed much at all.
The BA did change, may not look like much but from a BA's point of look its worlds apart.
As for my loop holes:
1/ They took a shortcut ok? Dident you notice how the cool guys always somehow make a 2hour journey in 10mins?
2/The movie spy factor, Hmm... Im a guard... Why wont I accidently look away while they walk by.
3/Well theoreticly he can, just dosent... He can possess people if he wishes it (Written somehwere) but thats not my point, the big canned guy is almigthy... Cut me some slack.
5/Most current chapter masters arent the boyz of one of the primarchs that suddenly pop out of nowhere...
6/The whole "born with geneseed" idea was supposed to create the point of them not having a seconed heart and all but still having the toughness, it makes them somewhat inferior but thats what you get when your primarch is stuck on a backwater world, besides they can now just use their blood which is linked directly to the primarch as a base for a geneseed. (They relied on pure primarch juice to get this far and now they become full marines by turning it into geneseed)
7/I needed some way to explain 6 so pipe down
8/Again, see 6
We can get petty all day long here...
Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 9 2005, 22:17
The BA did change, may not look like much but from a BA's point of look its worlds apart.
As for my loop holes:[snapback]325148[/snapback]
I guess it depends on your perspective, I play Flesh Tearers and I dion't really have a problem with most of the changes.As far as the fluff,there's a lot of stuff in it that, while they're probably loosely possible withing the confines of established fluff, are very contraversial.Stuff like female marines and the marines being the actual children of the Primarch...you're not gonna find many fans of these ideas in the die hard fluff fanatic section and most people will argue that they're not possible (especialy the stuff Addaron pointed out).Just a warning.
Erm petty? Your the one who posted it up on a forum for people to analyze, I was merely pointing out areas where it is not consistent with the known fluff. Just because my comments were not what you wanted to hear, I believe your the one being a tad petty.Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 10 2005, 04:17
We can get petty all day long here...[snapback]325148[/snapback]
Now sure, your fluff requires some explainations and you've tried to answer them creatively. Unfortunely I just dont find you explaining how they managed to get through a thousands of year journey through the heart of the Imperiums defenses in hostile warships asRather than pettily 'shoot the messenger', you could try and take what I said on board constructively.They took a shortcut ok?
Addoran's pretty much got where this needs sorting nailed, but ther'e still more in this that needs sorting to make it viable (even more if you want originality).Originally posted by Lord Jusen+Feb 10 2005, 04:17--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Lord Jusen @ Feb 10 2005, 04:17)</div><div class='quotemain'>1/ They took a shortcut ok? Dident you notice how the cool guys always somehow make a 2hour journey in 10mins?[snapback]325148[/snapback][/b]
Erm... again, how?Too much movie factor. These guys are the elite guard of the Saviour of Mankind. They aren't going to be your average guards, and in some cases I've heard they're better than marines (no backing as to why though, I'll give you that).Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 10 2005, 04:17
2/The movie spy factor, Hmm... Im a guard... Why wont I accidently look away while they walk by.[snapback]325148[/snapback]I think you're referring to the Thorian idea of the Emperor imbuing various avatars with power. That's never been proved in any concrete sense. And if he doesn't, why make an exception for you? Cypher is a more deserving case for direct intervention to clear him up, but he doesn't get it.Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 10 2005, 04:17
3/Well theoreticly he can, just dosent... He can possess people if he wishes it (Written somehwere) but thats not my point, the big canned guy is almigthy... Cut me some slack.[snapback]325148[/snapback]Explain.Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 10 2005, 04:17
4/See 2[snapback]325148[/snapback]...and thus are trusted. People claiming to be the boyz of one of the primarchs that suddenly pop out of nowhere would be treated with a lot more suspicion, and probably Inquisitorial screening.Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 10 2005, 04:17
5/Most current chapter masters arent the boyz of one of the primarchs that suddenly pop out of nowhere...[snapback]325148[/snapback]Erm... damaged geneseed? Much simpler answer. Plus the fact that the progenoids don't "cause" the other organs to grow in the marine, they're grown from progenoid material in labs and then implanted. No one could be born with them.Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 10 2005, 04:17
6/The whole "born with geneseed" idea was supposed to create the point of them not having a seconed heart and all but still having the toughness, it makes them somewhat inferior[snapback]325148[/snapback]And so no other primarchs were on a backwater world, then?Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 10 2005, 04:17
but thats what you get when your primarch is stuck on a backwater world[snapback]325148[/snapback]How?Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 10 2005, 04:17
(They relied on pure primarch juice to get this far and now they become full marines by turning it into geneseed)[snapback]325148[/snapback]No. The growth of marines' organs are triggered by male hormones, and so they don't develop properly if implanted into a female. It -could- be possible (barely) to have female "carriers" of the geneseed, but they wouldn't be space marines in any sense as they would only have the progenoid organs, not the others. And even then it may well be mutated due to lack of testosterone.Originally posted by Lord Jusen@Feb 10 2005, 04:17
7/I needed some way to explain 6 so pipe down[snapback]325148[/snapback]
<!--QuoteBegin-Lord Jusen@Feb 10 2005, 04:17
8/Again, see 6[snapback]325148[/snapback][/quote]
How does that work? Just because you need some magical way to explain things, it doesn't mean that magical way is right. Or a get-out clause, which you seem to think it is.
And why would they use a Tau ship, of all things? Bearing in mind they wouldn't have had access to any of the standard Space Marine kit (power armour particularly) they wouldn't have been too effective in getting hold of it.
Far too many holes. Please be more moderate when you write your fluff.
Ok, I admit it has too many loops.
Im revising it so it would be less loopy but im keeping the idea of one of the lost primarch legions.
Ill post it soon.
Your story has, besides the points already mentioned, one main problem: the 2th and 11th legion aren't lost. All records about them were deleted but all fluff clearly states that the emperor found all his twenty primarchs and that the great crusade involved all 20 legions. Whatever happend to them, it happened during this time, but they were found and the legions formed.
Humanitas dominatus omnis, de iam dum terminus aetas
I remember reading somewhere that the two legions were wiped out during the scouring of Istvaan. That they landed in the first wave to dislodge the Iron Warriors and the Sons of Horus, and were caught in a crossfire by the entrenched forces, and the second wave which had turned to side with Horus. Don't remember where though, but I know it was from some GW stuff.
"They are my space marines and they shall know no fear, for they are fear incarnate." ~ Konrad Curze (Night Haunter), Primarch of the Night Lords Legion
"Adeo mori servus Imperator Fictus
Ave Dominus Nox" (So die the slaves of the False Emperor. Hail to the Lord of the Night.) ~ Talonmaster Zso Sahaal [Lord of the Night, p.68]