Leech Angels (sm/dh) Fluff - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

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  1. #1
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    I am pleased to present to you the first chapter of the Leech Angels Fluff. Leech Angels is my Sm/Dh Radical Army, this is the story of how they became Radical ( or I use the term Warp-Baby). If you wanna check my army list out go to: Army List Topic or Puritan or Radical? Topic. Please comment on the story or my army list:lol:

    Leech Angels: Chapter One
    A vast ship drifted closer and closer to the warp-hole1, it did not make a sound. It seemed as if the ship was frozen in time. Master Commander Tashikar of the Leech Angles Chapter2 and his officers stood, mouths gaping, on the control deck of the ship as a broken down ship burst out of the warp-hole and came to a stop. “Move closer and launch a pod to it.? Tashikar commanded to one of the lower ranking officers.
    “Yes, Commander!? and he went off to the pod chambers to prepare one for Tashikar and a few other Marines. As the ship drifted closer the marines on the deck could make out the ships form.* It seemed to be an Inquisitor WDH5 Class Ship.* The paint on the side of it was fully chipped and worn; it was just a grey hunk of nothing now.* The left-over Marines in the command center watched while the pod launched out into space.*
    The new recruits gasped as they came around the side of the ship and the warp-hole came into sight.* The swirling vortex of pure warp energy was 50 feet away from the pod. The rumbling it made was eerie, maybe it was the sound of the warp-hole closing. The pod was in range of the ship and docked it to the slowly moving and seemingly abandoned floating junkyard.
    When they were getting ready to get out of the pod and board the ship Tashikar spoke to one of the recruits that had accompanied him, “What’s your name son??
    “Hison, sir.?* Hison was about to find out just what being a Space Marine really meant.
    When they got off the pod Tashikar glanced at who had come with him.** In addition to Hison, there were two commanding officers, and a few random Marines that were probably new recruits like Hison.* Most of the young marines, who had just hatched from the chapter’s gene seed3, were fondling with their fingers and swaying back and forth trying to occupy themselves.* Some of the more high ranking marines were standing straight heads up ready for instructions from their commander, Tashikar.
    “Start looking around for survivors!? shouted Tashikar into their built in helmet intercoms.* The marines were off at his command, searching every bin and every corner of the ship.* As Tashikar advanced on his own he saw a strange amulet lying peculiarly on the ground.** He bent down to pick the object up when someone screamed into their internal intercom, “Commander, come quick, come quick!?
    As the commander rushed into the room someone hurried up to him, it seemed to be a combat servitor of some sort.* “Are you the only one left?? asked Tashikar.
    “No sir, there is one other that I’m aware of, tell me where your pod is and I can get him there.* I’ll find him and see if our Lord is still alive.? He sounded in a rather robotic voice.
    “Ok, you can go to our pod after you’re done searching.* As for you, what is it that you want to show me??
    “Sir, Commander Sir, they have Daemonhosts4!? spat the officer.
    “Yes, yes I know, I could feel it when we boarded. Send them to the containment coffins on the pod, Officer.? Tashikar replied.
    “Yes Sir!? The officer motioned to another Marine that was with him, and he placed the Daemonhosts in mini-containment canisters and took them away.
    All of the sudden Tashikar felt a chill fill the room.* “What the…? Tashikar spun around to see what used to be an Inquisitor. He could see the pure warp-energy in his eyes; it seemed to reach the depths of his soul. The…whatever it happened to be was breathing harshly, as only the whites of its eyes stared deep into Tashikar’s. It seemed to have grown a third arm, and it was rather white. Oozing thick white pus the arm looked like it had morphed onto the creature’s side.* It was armed with a large spear, what looked like a glowing sword, and a small dagger that looked like it was combined with its daemon hand. It also seemed to have a little spore mine5 friend, Tashikar stared hoping it would not explode. The horrible creature moaned, possibly trying to communicate with him.
    “The rest of your army died didn’t it?? said Tashikar. The monster stood staring back as if trying to communicate telepathically, a power which the Leech Angels did not possess.
    Hison walked into the room and stopped abruptly as his eyes took in this monstrous form.* Hison could hear voices, suddenly he heard a very daemonic voice, and could feel it taking over him, forcing its way into his mind.* He began talking in a wavering language, Tashikar switched on the translator in his helmet. “I AM INQUISITOR LORD ZHIGHAR, I HAVE GONE DEEP INTO THE WARP TO BIRTH DAEMONHOSTS, THIS IS MY NEW BODY! THE WARP HAS MADE ME SO, BUT I BUT I STILL POSSESS THE POWER TO KILL ANYONE WHO DEFIES ME! FOLLOW ME OR YOU WILL SUFFER A HORRIBLE FATE!!?
    ?I WILL NOT TAKE ORDERS FROM A WARP TAINTED INQUISITOR!? spat Tashikar as he struck a fighting pose and slashed out at the daemonic thing that was in front of him.* Not a second later Tashikar slammed into the wall and landed in a heap on the floor.
    The daemonic voice took over Hison again, “YOU WILL FOLLOW ME WEAKLING!* THERE IS NO COUNTER TO MY POWER!?* The monster waved his hand at another marine that was standing nearby, frozen with fear.* He crumpled and hit the floor with a weakened thud.* He was dead, eyes still open.
    “Yes, YES, we will follow you…? pleaded Tashikar.* The Leech Angels had fallen to the side of the warp-babies6 with these words.
    “I WILL BE AT YOUR SHIP INFORMING YOUR ARMY OF THEIR NEW LEADER, INQUISITOR LORD ZHIGHAR? Hison fell to the floor, still breathing and the Inquisitor vanished into the darkness.
    “Are you OK…sergeant?? Tashikar said regaining his posture.
    “Yes…sir!? said Hison weakly, trying to perceive himself as happy at the sudden raise in rank.
    “We’d better get to the pod, I suppose our servitor friends are already there waiting for us.
    A little while later, Tashikar was back on his home planet of Katich informing new recruits of what dangers they would face joining a radical Chapter. "Do not fear elderly ranks, do not fear elderly ways, do not dishonor your elders, do not fight in an elderly fashion..." After the speech Tashikar turned to Hison, "Son, you will lead the new recruit unit for me.?
    ?Yes Commander, I will? spoke Hison monotonously, now he was a true Space Marine.

    1. Warp-Holes are openings in space that lead to the unpredictable terrors of the warp.* Warp daemons and creatures of mass power lie within this realm, and wait lurking in its depths for any unfortunate soul to pass by.
    2. A chapter is a Space Marine army that all follow the Chapter Master.
    3 All chapters have a special gene-seed in their possession; these seeds allow them to “grow? new space marines.* They are human, but they hatched instead of birth.* Humans hatched in this method have almost super-human abilities.
    4. Daemon infested humans that are so infested by raw warp energy that they control un-matched power in battle.* They are so feared even when harnessed that they are strapped down to rocks and covered in chains.
    5. Spore mines are little creatures that float around waiting for a sudden movement, than they explode just like a mine.* They move using dangling extensions like a jellyfish.
    6. Warp-Baby is just another term meaning Radical or an Inquisitor’s army that tries to harness the powers of the warp.
    Comments?
    DH90


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  3. #2
    Dark Apostle 10th Lyran's Avatar
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    generally it was a nice idea behind the story, but there are problems with it. first off, the english is pretty bad. grammar might not be your thing, i don't know. don't take it as an insult by the way...

    also, the leech angels would not make the inquisitor second-in-command. he'd be the one in charge, not the marines. and the inquisitor would not sound daemonic unless he was truly daemonic. and if he was, he wouldn't side with the marines. the inquisitor wouldn't ask to join them either. he'd command that they join him. the marines sound too human. they're more aloof, almost like nobility even. as is, they sound like recently inducted imperial guardsmen. that's it for now...


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  4. #3
    Son of LO The_Giant_Mantis's Avatar
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    Indeed, marines are pretty zen in most situations. They do spend hours every day in prayer and contemplation, after all. They don't get excited, they don't really get scared, they're killing machines, not functional humans.

    Also, do these daemonic guys come out of the warp-storm without a space suit or enclosed power armour. You know what happens to a human body when exposed to vacuum, right? It's not pretty.

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    Dark Apostle 10th Lyran's Avatar
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    how about this. have the inquisitor in a ship that has lost all power and function, save basic life support. the marines board it and find him. he commands them to follow him and they do


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  6. #5
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    Thanks for the ideas guys, I think I will uses Lyrans. But Hison is key, he will be the one boarding the ship, it has to do with the next part in the story.

    Also, no the inquisitor is not Daemonic, he has been infested by raw warp energy straight to his soul, he will recover eventuolly, but will always be some what tainted.

    DH90

  7. #6
    Senior Member Archaon's Avatar
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    A tainted Iquisitor aye?
    As other have said Inqs in general are bossy. A daemon infested Inq? Bossy as hell. Would demand to be in charge or would bust the Commanders head open with its powers.

    Also it would seem as though your Chapter is damned. All other Marines or Imperial Forces would shoot on site. And the DH would be on your ass 24/7
    Archaon's Top Tip for profiting from the End Time: Pillage before you burn

    When I say jump you don't ask me 'How high?' maggot! You jump!

  8. #7
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    Yup, thats basically whats going to happen, I cant work on it till tomorro after school though. Dont worry youll see drastic improvements, and im going to have my mom proofread it. Also, you might get a rough draft of chapter two.

    All hail the Leech Angels and their Tainted Inquisitor Lord :lol: ,
    DH90

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    There you guys go, I have fixed the whole Inquisitor Lord thingy, and used 10th Lyrans idea.

    Please give all your comments and CORRECT ME ON MY GRAMMER PLEASE! Just tell me the error and what paragagraph its in. Tell me the error fixed in a fixed sentence please.

    (Y) ,
    DH90

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    Your inquisitor sounds pretty cool, you got a model for him? if you do, doyou think you could post it?
    I like Balogna

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    About that, yes I have a model, I want to cut off its head and replace it with a head stead of a helmet, but he's ful metal. And my digital camera only works from 6 feet, so it will be a while before I can post a good pic, but right when I get one, I will.

    Thanks for replying!
    DH90

    [EDIT:] I have had it revised 2ce now and no ones replied... :mellow:

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