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  1. #1
    LO Zealot numberofthebeastxxx's Avatar
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    Annihilation Angels (turning from light to dark)

    Annihilation Angels. Check my fluff!

    Ok here’s my fluff for the new army I’m developing, tell me what you think. (It’s very long so please bear with me)

    Following the Badab Crusade the High Lords of Terra sanctioned the creation of a new space marine chapter to make up for the losses/new renegade chapters that came out of that war. The High Lords deemed it necessary to finally launch a concentrated campaign against the traitor forces occupying the maelstrom. Particularly in a section of space that has reduced warpstorm activity of late. And so the creation of the Annihilation Angels came to be sanctioned. After the legion was created they immediately were sent off to start this crusade with Grand Master Kabal Asmodeus Vex leading them.

    The Angels excelled at high-speed attack on an already weak and disoriented foe. They would cut off supplies and communication as well as terrorizing the enemy before actually striking in force. At 1st the goal was to clear this newly stable area of any hostility so it can be garrisoned by other imperial entities. The 1st opposition encountered was orks. The angels set about destroying 3 ork empires over the course of 700 years or so. They would destroy the orks supplies of fuel and run rings around the confused enemy before striking out and annihilating the heart of the force. Then it was a matter of cleaning up the remainder. (Which they usually left to the Imperial Guard legions that followed in their wake during this crusade.) Kabal started to be constantly plagued by visions of the future. A dark future filled with the death of billions by his hands.

    After the orks in these particular areas were subdued they set out against an even greater enemy. The Annihilation Angels fleet soon encountered the Barbedos system. This system contained 6 planets, 3 of which were inhabitable. The planets were under the supreme control of the Word Bearers. At this point they were already on ill terms with the rest of the Imperial units in this crusade for their flagrant disregard for them. The Angels would strike out the heart of the enemy but would leave the job of clearing the sometimes thousands of enemy units who were dug in the farthest reaches of the planet to the Guard and others. They would also disregard cries for help from the guard in favor for their own agenda. (which would come back to hurt them in the end). Kabal’s dream-visions became more and more intense.

    To make a long story a little shorter they ground down the 2 Word Bearers’ outpost-worlds which were mostly manned by cultists, till they were laying siege to the 3rd world, the forge world of Valafar. After slowly whittling down the Word Bearers with high speed attacks and night raids they stood facing the last fortress of the Dark Apostle Nebiros. Grand Master Kabal led the majority of his 1st company (hardened veterans on jump packs) up to the uppermost spire of the fortress. They fought through daemons of all kinds and elite chaos veterans of thousands of years to finally reach the Dark Apostle’s throne room. Kabal and Nebiros spoke for several minutes. Nebiros mocking Kabal’s loyalty to the Imperium and hinted at a dark future in which Kabal would renounce the false emperor. Also that a huge Word Bearer fleet was inbound to destroy them. Enraged Kabal attacked and slew Nebiros after a fierce battle. Meanwhile the remainder of the chapter finished off the Word Bearers defenses. Kabal then received a communication from his fleet that enemy ships were moving in, far outnumbering their own fleet. Kabal needed a way out or his chapter would be doomed. Drawn by some unknown compulsion Kabal had his marines bring Nebiros’s body with them. His reason being that they would present it as a trophy to the Warmaster of the crusade and prove their unmatched superiority.

    After getting back to the ship Kabal swallowed his pride and called for help from the rest of the crusade fleet. But instead of mounting a rescue the Imperial forces fled in the face of the chaos war fleet. Deeming it not worth the risk of the rest of the crusades forces to come rescue the space marines. Remembering Nebiros’s speech about the corrupt Imperium, Kabal decided to meet his fate. But instead of opening fire the Word Bearers command ship sent them a message. The chaos warlord on the command ship spoke of his visions of Annihilation Angels becoming one of the greatest legions of space marines united under chaos, which, matched Kabals visions with uncanny accuracy. The warlord did not open fire but instead let the Annihilation Angels leave to see the corruption of the Imperium with their own eyes. With no other option Kabal ordered is fleet leave the area. He rendezvoused with the Imperial forces a month later. But during these weeks of travel Kabal was shut away in his chambers contemplating the events that had taken place. He had seen the might of chaos and the weakness of mere men. No one knows what really happened in Kabals chambers but what is known, that for whatever reason, be it to gain knowledge, to find answers, or a fleeting moment of madness Kabal used his organ (can’t remember the name) that lets a marine view all the memories of an individual by eating a portion of their brain. But being that the Body of Nebiros was a living embodiment of 10,000 years worth of corruption this is what finally pushed Kabal over the edge. Upon ingesting the brain matter his soul cried out for answers and for the power to never have to feel weakness. (Which he felt by being caught in a trap by the chaos fleet and by calling for help). Chaos answered. The warp filled his body with pure chaos and he heard all the seductive whispers of power and greatness. He was now changed forever both physically and mentally. He emerged from his chamber with head held high, with mighty wings flanking his back and horns jutting from his forehead.

    Upon meeting the Imperial forces Kabal demanded an explanation from the warmaster and set out on a transport with 10 marines as his personnel guard. Immediately upon viewing Kabal the warmaster renounced him as a loyal marine calling him heretic and a mutant. He ordered his soldiers to open fire on Kabal. Seeing yet again the treachery of the Imperial forces Kabal fought back, killing the warmaster and planting charges to destroy the ship before fleeing back to his own battle barge. His fleet made a fighting retreat but was outnumbered by the crusade fleet, losing several ships while escaping. Suddenly the Word Bearers came to their aid. Striking without warning the Word Bearers took a heavy toll on the surprised Imperial fleet. With the combined might of two space marine fleets the Imperial ships were utterly destroyed.

    Kabal was welcomed into the fold of chaos and was given the system of Barbedos that he previously took from Nebiros. Though they have other bases littered around the maelstrom. They were later seen attacking Imperial worlds bordering the maelstrom. Using the same terror/high speed tactics they excel at, worlds were completely annihilated in their wake. Sometimes they were accompanied by the Word Bearers and other chaos forces. In chaos Kabal found the ultimate power he had always been seeking.

    The army uses night lord’s rules. As they don’t worship any particular power and excel in fast attack. The models will be done black with white shoulder pads and gold/brass trim. Conversions will consist of horns and blood splattered angel wings. (raptors)

    If you are still awake after that long story let me know what you think!

    Here's a link to my finished work on Lord Kabal and a SAMPLE paint scheme of a marine:
    http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/kingkr...exxx/my_photos


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  3. #2
    Member Kelnor's Avatar
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    I like the story, but i have to say that the actions of the imperial support troops for the chapter are a little unlogic. See, Space Marines are a scapell and the Imperial Guard is a sledgehammer. Blaming Marines for attacking only important objects in rapid assaults and leaving the rest for the Guard is wrong, because this is just the way they work together. Imho, you should think of something else, maybe the Chapter acted in a brutal and unusal way, which let to confusion under the normal soldiers or somethin g in that way. Also, the orders of a chapter master rank much higher then of a normal general (i'm not sure, but i think the title "Warmaster" was only given once and this was to Horus), so the Imperial Navy just fly away and let the Marines on their own is weird. It would count as treachery, even heresy. Maybe a warpstorm summoned by the Word Bearers would be better.
    Last edited by Kelnor; May 21st, 2005 at 18:33.

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    Son of LO The_Giant_Mantis's Avatar
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    Warmaster is equivallent to 'Lord Solar', and the guy who bears that title controls the entire garrison of the Cadian gate.. In short, Warmaster is a title given to Imperial Guard generals responsible for commanding several regiments (i.e millions of men.) They are normally appointed for a specific crusade or campaign, I think.

    Hence, I'd imagine a space marine commander can't command a Warmaster.. But, of course, noone in the Imperium can command a space marine chapter commander, save the Emperor himself.

    Other than the occasional eerie similarity to the new Star Wars movie (maybe it's that I just got back from watching it and am somewhat oversensitized), I enjoyed this fluff. Here are a few minor problems I picked up.

    * This is just a personal thing, but I think you kill too many word bearers.. There are not that many of them left really, and they can only recruit very slowly. A chaos lord's chosen are incredibly ancient, elite warriors who have seen entire worlds burn in their names, so losing more than a few of them seems a unnecesarily harsh blow for the traitor legion. (I know in game terms it happens all the time.. but fluff terms are different.) As I said, it's a personal preference, so feel free to ignore this one. It's minor.

    * As stated, the purpose of marines is to spearhead assaults and perform actions which are too important for the grunts. It wouldn't be seen as bad practice for marines to leave once the important fighting was done, provided they had somewhere pressing to be.

    * I'd like a few more details on the chapter itself. Where did they recruit from? What kind of culture existed within their ranks? What led to the adoption of their fighting style? Again, this is a personal thing, but I think the depth could be helpful.

    * Why did Kabal's brother marines not kill him after his ascention to daemonhood? Figures like Chaplains exist to ensure that they do (which is why the chaos legions other than the word bearers killed theirs.) I think there needs to have been some wider problems or faults in the legion as a whole.. I.e. The Emperor's children followed Fulgrim into the depths of chaos because they had been over-instilled with loyalty to their command structure rather than the Emperor. The Word Bearers fell because their chaplains deviated heavily from standard Imperial doctrine and moved into heresy.. etc.

  5. #4
    LO Zealot numberofthebeastxxx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kelnor
    I like the story, but i have to say that the actions of the imperial support troops for the chapter are a little unlogic. See, Space Marines are a scapell and the Imperial Guard is a sledgehammer. Blaming Marines for attacking only important objects in rapid assaults and leaving the rest for the Guard is wrong, because this is just the way they work together. Imho, you should think of something else, maybe the Chapter acted in a brutal and unusal way, which let to confusion under the normal soldiers or somethin g in that way. Also, the orders of a chapter master rank much higher then of a normal general (i'm not sure, but i think the title "Warmaster" was only given once and this was to Horus), so the Imperial Navy just fly away and let the Marines on their own is weird. It would count as treachery, even heresy. Maybe a warpstorm summoned by the Word Bearers would be better.
    Not true. 1st of all the title warmaster is given to the commander of a crusading fleet. As in Warmaster Macroth of the sabbat crusade in the "Guant's Ghosts" novels. Secondly in some novels "Guants Ghosts" (ghostmaker) included imperial guard units have expressed their displeasure at being left behind to clean up while the space marines leave to go get more glory. My story also states that my chapter had a "disregard" for the other imperial units. Which implies they acted mostly on their own without informing the imperial commander. Maybe I should have made it clearer. Proof of imperial commanders getting pissed off at space marines doing their own thing can be found in the latest soul drinkers novel. Also, the terror tactics that my chapter uses should satisfy the "unusual behavior" you stated. It's completly feasible that the Warmaster of the fleet left my chapter surrounded by enemies and decided to retreat and regroup instead of fighting an all-out battle to save the marines that have been pissing him off the whole crusade. He could have been a typical manipulating self-centered imperial commander and thought that leaving the marines would help him out and the high lords would send a more cooperating chapter. The WB were behind the scenes the whole time pulling strings etc. I thought this was evident from my story as they pushed my chapter to chaos in several ways. Maybe I should have been more clear with that too.

  6. #5
    LO Zealot numberofthebeastxxx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Giant_Mantis
    1. Hence, I'd imagine a space marine commander can't command a Warmaster.. But, of course, noone in the Imperium can command a space marine chapter commander, save the Emperor himself.

    2.* This is just a personal thing, but I think you kill too many word bearers.. There are not that many of them left really, and they can only recruit very slowly. A chaos lord's chosen are incredibly ancient, elite warriors who have seen entire worlds burn in their names, so losing more than a few of them seems a unnecesarily harsh blow for the traitor legion. (I know in game terms it happens all the time.. but fluff terms are different.) As I said, it's a personal preference, so feel free to ignore this one. It's minor.

    3.* As stated, the purpose of marines is to spearhead assaults and perform actions which are too important for the grunts. It wouldn't be seen as bad practice for marines to leave once the important fighting was done, provided they had somewhere pressing to be.

    4.* I'd like a few more details on the chapter itself. Where did they recruit from? What kind of culture existed within their ranks? What led to the adoption of their fighting style? Again, this is a personal thing, but I think the depth could be helpful.

    5.* Why did Kabal's brother marines not kill him after his ascention to daemonhood? Figures like Chaplains exist to ensure that they do (which is why the chaos legions other than the word bearers killed theirs.) I think there needs to have been some wider problems or faults in the legion as a whole.. I.e. The Emperor's children followed Fulgrim into the depths of chaos because they had been over-instilled with loyalty to their command structure rather than the Emperor. The Word Bearers fell because their chaplains deviated heavily from standard Imperial doctrine and moved into heresy.. etc.
    Sorry didn't see this post b4.
    1. Correct.
    2. I agree hence the slight mention to the planets being populated mostly by cultists. The WB were only in large numbers in the last fortress. 100 WB vs. 1000 marines in the chapter. Also my marines from the 1st company caught the enemy lord by surprise. Let's say the fortress was manned by the 100 or so word bearers and they would be spread out of course, leading the cultists in the defense. The chaos lord wouldn't have had more than 10-15 champs/bodyguards and a **** load of daemons around him in the upper level of the fortress. So 100 or so marines from my 1st company including Kabal himself and his jump pack sqds, I suppose I could have said the termie squads teloported up there as well. That should satisfy you on why it had the outcome it did.
    3. I didn't say they simply spearheaded assaults I said they had virtually complete disregard for imperial forces and left spread out yet heavily dug in enemy forces.
    4. This is just a basic quick fluff. If I went into that kind of detail my post would have been unbearably long and no one would read it. I may post that kind of detail later.
    5. Since the legion was founded so quickly, and since they spent such a long period of time out on in the wilderness of the maelstrom it is understandable that most of the chapters loyalty leaned towards there fellow brothers and more importantly they're chapter master over the emperor himself. They served the emperor through service to Kabal. The chaplains could have been murdered by Kabal himself or his close followers. There could have been a civil war on a smaller scale than the soul drinkers. As I said this was really just a quick background.

  7. #6
    Son of LO ze_poodle's Avatar
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    Hmm. I don't like the reasons you give for them falling to Chaos. It should be more justified than "The Dark Apostle said the Imperium was bad." Space Marines go through all sorts of psycho-hypno-conditioning-therapy stuff to stop exactly that. It's got to be more than just a crisis of faith.

    The prophetic dream addition seemed a little out of line as well. Prophetic dreams are usually only the domain of the Primarchs or extremely powerful psykers. You didn't say that Kabal was a psyker, so him getting freaky dreams of his Chapter falling doesn't fit. You can say it was daemons and all but...I'd say just change him to a psyker. Not only would that explain the dreams, it'd explain why it was so easy for him to become a Daemon Prince. That stuff usually takes like, centuries.

    I agree with Mantis' observation of the role of Marines in warfare. However, it is totally reasonable that the average foot soldier may feel some dissent in regard to Marines who didn't care about them. Keep in mind, though, that almost all Marines are seen as the closest thing to a living incarnation of the Emperor by common soldiers. Higher-ups will, of course, recognise them for the gene-enhanced soldiers they are, but the conscripts would regard them with fanatical adulation.

    A Warmaster, of all people, should understand the place of Marines in a Crusade. It's highly unlikely that such an important military commander would just abandon the Chapter because, as you say, "he didn't like them." There should be more exploration into his reasons, as well as Kabal's reasons for turning to Chaos.

    There's little insight into their movements or their army construction. Large amounts of detailed fluff about the commander and why they turned to Chaos is good, but start off with what the Chapter exactly is. You sort of made a little bit of a reference to hit-and-run and terror tactics, then just left off to go talk about Kabal's bad dreams. You didn't say much more than "they cut off fuel lines then charge the crap out of them."

    I'd have something to say about your writing, but I'm tired and whenever I criticise people for their writing they get all ****ty at me. So, just go back and review the logic of it, then make some adjustments. By all means, present us with a more detailed version that fills in the holes.

    Are they Dark Angels successor? They sound like it.

  8. #7
    Son of LO ze_poodle's Avatar
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    Oops. Double post.

  9. #8
    LO Zealot numberofthebeastxxx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ze_poodle
    Hmm. I don't like the reasons you give for them falling to Chaos. It should be more justified than "The Dark Apostle said the Imperium was bad." Space Marines go through all sorts of psycho-hypno-conditioning-therapy stuff to stop exactly that. It's got to be more than just a crisis of faith.

    The prophetic dream addition seemed a little out of line as well. Prophetic dreams are usually only the domain of the Primarchs or extremely powerful psykers. You didn't say that Kabal was a psyker, so him getting freaky dreams of his Chapter falling doesn't fit. You can say it was daemons and all but...I'd say just change him to a psyker. Not only would that explain the dreams, it'd explain why it was so easy for him to become a Daemon Prince. That stuff usually takes like, centuries.

    I agree with Mantis' observation of the role of Marines in warfare. However, it is totally reasonable that the average foot soldier may feel some dissent in regard to Marines who didn't care about them. Keep in mind, though, that almost all Marines are seen as the closest thing to a living incarnation of the Emperor by common soldiers. Higher-ups will, of course, recognise them for the gene-enhanced soldiers they are, but the conscripts would regard them with fanatical adulation.

    A Warmaster, of all people, should understand the place of Marines in a Crusade. It's highly unlikely that such an important military commander would just abandon the Chapter because, as you say, "he didn't like them." There should be more exploration into his reasons, as well as Kabal's reasons for turning to Chaos.

    There's little insight into their movements or their army construction. Large amounts of detailed fluff about the commander and why they turned to Chaos is good, but start off with what the Chapter exactly is. You sort of made a little bit of a reference to hit-and-run and terror tactics, then just left off to go talk about Kabal's bad dreams. You didn't say much more than "they cut off fuel lines then charge the crap out of them."

    I'd have something to say about your writing, but I'm tired and whenever I criticise people for their writing they get all ****ty at me. So, just go back and review the logic of it, then make some adjustments. By all means, present us with a more detailed version that fills in the holes.

    Are they Dark Angels successor? They sound like it.
    *sigh* God forbid I get any praise, o well I guess I'll defend myself again. Ok I should have said he was a psyker. I didn't say the only reason they turned was the dark apostle saying the imperium was bad. I said he has been having evil visions every single night for 100's of years, the apostle confirmed his dreams as well as the last warlord, he already see's the imperial forces as weak mere-men, plus the imperium leaves him for dead and tries to kill him, on top of all that he ate nebiros's corrupted brain matter which opened his mind to chaos. I should have added more detail about the marines being a constant bane to the higher ups by not listening to them what so ever. Also. my lord is not a dp. He's a mutated lord. I didn't write this to be criticized about my writing skills but what I actually wrote. So I'll take this oportunity to thank you for sparing me more criticism in that department. Also like I told the other to guys this is just a basic thing. It's already really long. If I had made it 3x longer no one would read it. Maybe I'll write more but perhaps not since I don't even get a "besides some of my minor criticism I liked your fluff". Did anyone checkthe link I posted and check out my hard work on the lord?

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    I thought your fluff was pretty good, with a few minor exceptions. I didnt think there was too much of a problem with the freaky dreams, as Kabal could have been a latent psyker or something like that. It does happen from time to time (for anyone that doubts, please see the Dawn of War novel....Captain Angelos had much the same situation going on). And frankly, if these freaky dreams were already going on, then the likelihood of a Dark Apostle talking a space marine commander into a crisis of faith would be possible. Maybe not highly likely, but still possible. I agree with the fact that the Imperial Guard rank and file would not have been pissed at the Marines. Everything I've read indicates that the rank and file venerates space marines (when they see them) as incredibly awesome warriors. Now the COMMANDERS of the IG forces would be another story though, especially the Lord Solar/Warmaster of the campaign. And the abandonment of the Space Marines IMHO is something a pissed off, power hungry, Imperial Commander would be likely to do. Especially if he could use the Angels "accidental" death as a way to get more reliable Marines assigned to his command area.

    The only real issue I have is with how uniformly the marines stood behind Kabal when he emerged mutated. My feeling is that there would have likely been a civil war among the chapter, much along the lines of what happened in the Soul Drinkers chapter following Sarpedon's fall to the Architect of Fate. You would probably have had two factions of troops, one loyal to the Imperium, and one loyal to their commander, probably following him into chaos.

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    I liked it. True their were some gaps, like why more than half the chapter didn't open fire when they saw this Deamon come out of the chapter masters quarters. But over all it was good. However at times the structure of the peice was hard to follow. If you make a second version try to make the transfers between ideas more smothe. Still the chapter seems to have had more reason than most to defect and it would be intersting to see what happens when the chapters former comrads come calling.

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