Welcome to Librarium Online!
Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!
Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!
ok guys stand by for a newer version,im eh gonna get right on it :rolleyes:
no seriously ill have it soon
with suggestions from both of you taken into account
Last edited by pyschomantis; August 8th, 2005 at 12:53.
Ah, a fellow mantis I see.. Very nice.
The story is pretty cool, there are some things which I'm not sure about though.
I'd imagine a psychic baby would be an incredible danger.. Even if it somehow has the mental coherency to avoid becoming possessed, there's still the risk of 'tantrums'. I'd consider making the twins a bit older.
All psychics are taken to Terra for testing before being sent off to their various roles. The Inquisitor wouldn't just decide on the spot.
Argmenn is unlikely to have had his first attack from the warp as late as 20.. Psychers spend their entire lives wrestling with the warp.
A psychic chaplain? Don't you mean a librarian? Also.. you don't become a librarian after a period of service in another role. If you're a psychic who is selected to join the space marines, you are trained by the librarium to be a librarian, and when you 'graduate' you recieve a librarian title.
An ultramarine can't become a grey knight.. they are two different chapters. Also, grey knights don't fall to chaos, so his comrades wouldn't have done so.
Space marines can't become inquisitors.
As far as we're aware, only Tigurius has developed the ability to be able to look at the hive mind without going mad, and predicting hive fleet leviathan is just too much for believability, because Hive Fleet Leviathan was a surprise for the Imperium. Make their role in the 40k metaplot a bit smaller. That's simply too big a slice of the pie.
yes quite good to have another mantis to share fly eating tactics with
first of all,this story coresponds with my battlegroups 10,000 point battle in which freaky things happend.
1.i forgot to mention but when it say "both twins were deemed not to be heritics i meant that they had alreaady been judged by the hightest pyschic minds,also corolis is far-far away from terra,so far that the twins would have died 5 times over from natural ageing before they reached it
2.i class the attack at uber daemon strength.the brothers of argmenn were turned to evil by the warp entities during teleportation (we all know that it can happen)
3.one brother became a grey knight the other a marine
4.they have a major working in the sense of things.
5.they are this important to be able to fit into the campaign circumstances.
anyway thanks for the helpful comments and i will take it into account,
any suggestions on my next one?
fiersk turns to chaos and argmenn tracks him down to the same planet where they were found and battle eachother .
until then thank you fellow mantis ,want a spider?
Last edited by pyschomantis; August 7th, 2005 at 22:33.
So the headstrong and arrogant brother turns to the dark side and must be hunted down by his more calm and collected sibling. Original.
Seriously, though. A major problem that newer fluff writers have is what is known as God-mode, or simply My Fluff Character Is Awesome. This is where they create otherwise reasonable characters and then overpower them to the extent that they appear more powerful than the greatest member of GW's intellectual property.
For example, having a pair of potential Space Marine recruits who become Librarians is a good idea. Making them such powerful psykers that they can outdo Tigurius - one of the greatest to ever live - not to mention making one a full Librarian by the age of 80, and the other a Grey Knight who somehow managed to wipe out his squad who had somehow managed to become corrupted despite centuries of training, and despite the fact that you don't just become a Grey Knight, it's something you are for the entirety of your life.
See, that's God-mode. It happens sometimes. There is a cure; stand back, look at your creations and think to yourself; can these beings, realistically, exist in the 40k universe? Is there a real explanation for their power and why, indeed, are they more powerful than the Chief Librarian of a First Founding chapter? If they are that powerful, why were they not just exterminated by the Inquistor upon discovery, which is what they do with alpha-level (really powerful) psykers?
Once you've done this, make the necessary repairs and proceed as usual.
newer fluff writers?
ive been writing it for over 6 years im hardly new.
the importance of theese characters is only so huge because of the scale of the campaign that they fought in.
anywhoo im happy with my characters and after all its just a test page for my 3rd novel
so you think like becoming an acocolyte or something would fit him better?
because i dont think that an accolyte can kill a keeper of secrets and a bloodthirster without faltering.
anywhoo i would like suggestion for events to occur as im not changing my core.
as for tigirus ,ever heard of the apex twins?
I think this might have prooved the poodle's point.Originally Posted by pyschomantis
Now, I'm no expert here because I don't have the grey knight codex.. But I don't think a grey knight grand master could do that alone.
Sanguinius was, at one point, defeated by a bloodthirster, an exceptionally powerful one, perhaps, but nonetheless, the fact that it managed to incapacitate a being who was virutally a god should reveal something about the power level greater daemons can reach.
Additional: I'm not meaning to be as critical as I sound. The core idea is really good, and it's great to see people really fleshing out their ideas with plenty of fluff. However, there are some elements which just won't fit with me or my view of the 40k universe. So I can't give you my 100 percent approval just yet.
Last edited by The_Giant_Mantis; August 14th, 2005 at 16:04.