Order of the Serpent - First fluff attempt - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

Welcome to Librarium Online!

Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!

Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!

Register Now!

User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    0 Post(s)
    0 Thread(s)

    1 (x1)

    Order of the Serpent - First fluff attempt

    Hi guys, this is the fluff for my Inquisitor/Sisters of Battle army. I'm very new to warhammer 40K, so some critique on my story is very welcome!

    Here goes:


    The origins of the Order of the Serpent lie on the Rim world of Tartarus Minor, the last planet of the Tartarus system. Tartarus Minor is a small, peculiar world. It’s distance to it’s sun is so great it would normally be uninhabitable to humans, would it not be it is also a very young world with a lot of volcanic activity around the equator. Thanks to the heat these volcanoes give off a number of small towns have managed to thrive around them.

    Due to it’s small size, large distance from the Tartarus sun and position in the Outer Rim Tartarus Minor was mostly left alone, until the Empire realized it’s great strategic importance. The orbit of the planet goes right past several Xeno sectors: an Eldar sector, a Tyranid sector and an Ork sector. Dark Eldar and Necron activity has also been reported in the region. Because Tartarus Minor is such a barren world, mostly covered in snow but sometimes in ash and lava, it is of no interest to the Tyranids. The Orks leave it alone because only a small group of humans live there. Yet, the planet would provide an ideal base of operations to spy on these races, if a small group of elite Inquisitorial troops would be positioned there.

    So it was ordered that Inquisitor Vergilius of the Ordo Hereticus was sent to establish an Imperial base, along with his allied Sisters of Battle and his Acolyte, Odysseus.

    However, all did not go as planned. Only 3 months after their arrival on Tartarus Minor, the planet was swarmed by a number of Chaos Legions. All contact was lost for five years.

    When the news of Tartarus Minor’s invasion reached the Inquisition, Lord Fyodor Karamazov, Vergilius’ mentor, was sent to investigate what had become of the planet. When he arrived he learned peace was again restored on the planet. But not thanks to his apprentice, Vergilius. During the Chaos invasion, Vergilius’ acolyte, Odysseus, learned his master was collaborating with the Traitors to oppress the local populace and eventually invade the Empire. Odysseus did not hesitate and rallied a small band of loyal forces to defeat the heretic Inquisitor and his company. Vergilius was strapped to a Penitent Engine and his minions were turned into Arco-Flagellants.

    With the Penitent Engines and Arco-Flagellants, Odysseus managed to drive the Chaos forces off Tartarus Minor. However he had few troops left and almost all Tartarus’ civilians were slain by the Traitors, except some of the children and teenagers. To get his force up to strength he decided to form a new Order Sororitas and to train new Priests, using the villagers that were left.

    The Order of the Serpent was named so for two reasons. First of all in memory of their defeat of the Chaos legions. Secondly, in honour of their Lord, Odysseus. Odysseus uses his planet, Tartarus Minor, almost as a Trojan Horse to spy on enemy Xeno races. In Homer’s Ilias, there were two divine serpents sent to kill the priest that tried to warn the Trojans about the Trojan Horse. The Order of the Serpent sisters compare the traitor priest to the traitor Vergilius, and they see their master Odysseus as the divine serpent.

    Because of the isolated nature of the Order and the many conflicts it often has with Xenos, they have some unusual characteristics. First of all, they cannot use Officio Assassinorum operatives, because the Assassin Temples are too far away from T’ Minor. Secondly, the Order does not hesitate to occasionally use alien equipment. For example, their Seraphim Sister Superior does not have a jump pack, but she uses one of the skyboards mostly utilised by Dark Eldar Hellions. The Serpent Order does use Exorcists, but they have very few, and each one is a heavily customized and prized possession.

    Because of the Order’s incorporation of alien technology, and because Odysseus killed his apprentice, Inquisitor Lord Fyodor Karamazov holds a grudge against Odysseus and his Sisters. When T’ Minors orbit crosses Imperial space, he often checks up on them and occasionally takes command of the army.


    That's it! Comments please!

  2. Remove Advertisements

  3. #2
    LO Zealot Addoran's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Liverpool, England
    0 Post(s)
    0 Thread(s)

    107 (x5)

    Time to play 'Devil's advocate' again. Possible things that are plot holes:

    1/ Eldar Sector? You might want to make it 'Eldar craftworld spotted in nearby sectors'.

    2/ Tyranid Sector? Tyranids don't hold sectors, they are constantly on the move devouring world after world.

    3/ 'A number of Chaos legions'?! You just said this planet is insignificant, the only time the legions unite is when there is a Black Crusade. You might want to make this 'a small chaos marine raiding force' to make this believable.

    4/ Karamazov's personal apprentice was a heretic? And Karamazov (one of the most powerful and vigilant inquisitors ever in the Imperium) didn't notice? Might want to rethink that a bit to make it sound more believable.

    5/ 'An order of sisters of Battle that uses alien equipment'....No. The other points I made are trifling compared to this one. Using xeno-tech is heresy, loyal Sisters of Battle (as part of the Ecclesiarchy) would rather die. Literally. Also it is against Adeptus Mechanicus directives, some Skitarri legions would be dispatched to cleanse your SOBs pronto. This bit is the most major thing you need to think about.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts