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these are outtakes from the www.druchii.net forum. not written by me, unless i say so!
Survival Techniques for the Interpid Adventurer (by Nechra)
How to survive a bear attack:
Pretend to be a fish. The bear will bang your head againts a rock to stun you. Then at least you won't feel anything when it rips both your arms off.
Seized by a wolf:
Go very limp and start to make little purring noises. The wolf will think you are a female wolf. He will roll you over and have rough s*x with you after which he will fall asleep, allowing you to make his breakfast and then escape unscathed
Charge by an enraged Bloodthirster:
Bloodthirsters have notoriously weak bladders, so make the sound of running water, or begin to urinate yourself, and the Bloodthirster will stop dead to take a leak.
Look it straight in the eye, the stick out your tongue to touch the tip of your nose. A Saurus cannot stick out its tongue but it will be so impressed that it will try to copy you, causing its tongue to snap of. Then it will bleed to death.
Attack by a Sea Dragon:
Get out of the water, a**hole!
When you have been playing Warhammer TOO MUCH (By Arch Angel)
The collection of "You know you have been playing Warhammer for too long when..."
Now for the big challenge: Let's hear your score !
1. You got hit by a car and wondered how many impact hits it caused.
2. Your cat "ambushes" you and you call it a dirty rotten beast"man" by mistake.
3. Your girlfriend automatically "dispels" any arguments you might have against her parents coming for dinner.
4. Go spelunking hoping to find a dwarven hall.
5. You wake up in the morning and fail your "stupidity" test, and do stupid things all day.
6. Every one at the emergency ward knows you as "the guy who always super glues himself together."
7. When you start to get scared that your good friend threats of taking over the world with a massive Undead army are true...
8. The only reason you oppose the War in Iraq because it wasn't a fair fight point wise.
9. You would rather paint up some minis than go out with a Girl.
10. The Sunlight hurts your eyes.
11. You play entire 2000pt battles inside your head, using mathamatical probabilities to decide the outcome of each fight, including VPs, combat res, etc.
12. You practice dice rolling on a regular basis, feeling that there must be some sort of technique to it.
13. You plan an invasion of your neighbour's house.
14. Your skin begins to turn green after painting your 9026th goblin.
15. You ask if you can enroll in elven history at school.
16. You wonder what Morgianna le Fey wears to bed.
17. You turn the von Carsein story into a romance novel.
18. You wonder why the US army hasn't yet come up with the Doomwheel.
19. You are upset when you are forced to re-write your definition of greenskin when the lizardmen came out.
20. You start to confide in your miniatures.
21. You ask the petshop guy for a snotling for your youngest child.
22. You attempt to sell your soul to Chaos.
23. You actually think you sold your sold to Chaos, and not some GW employee named Gil...
24. You sharpen your toiletbrush in case of a skaven sewer invasion.
25. You wonder if there's a way to shrink historic buildings to use as terrain.
26. You model furniture for your model houses.
27. You tear up your forbidden rod card, burn it and scatter the ashes.
28. You start to ask for Bugman's at the local pub.
29. You consider a Chaos Dwarf hat fashion.
30. You spend sleepless night's worrying about the helm of many eyes/ Double Handed weapon issue.
31. You tell your fiancee that her engagement ring is the ring of corin.
32. You wonder if you can deadlock your neighbour's lawnmower at five o'clock in the morning.
33. You buy a pet rat and name it Queek.
34. You consider buying a chariot for your next car.
35. You consider voting chaos at the next elections.
36. You Mental Duel your friends.
37. You play warhammer at realistic scales ie. on an oval and sneer at those who don't.
38. You wonder if your tadpoles will grow into skinks or sauruses.
39. You yelled out tactics to Mel Gibson throughout the screening of "Braveheart".
40. You try to locate your town on the old world map.
41. You make small offerings to Chaos before an important die roll.
42. You write a biology essay on how Goblins reproduce.
43. You laugh every time you hear the "Itzi bitzi, Tenehuini, yellow polka dot bikini" song.
44. You tattoo yourself with the skaven symbol.
45. You begin to write in dwarven runes.
46. You paint your models in a camouflage scheme. You repaint them before every game to match the scenery.
47. You cry when your general dies. You hold a funeral for him.
48. You re-write the rulebook (check out http://www.phantasia.dk/wrathweb/tabletop/dsys/index.htm).
49. You start a motion to add more distance to the inch.
50. You start to gain a skaven accent.
51. You publish the liber bubonicus.
52. You grow bansai trees on your table to use as scenery.
53. You invent statistics and special rules for your girlfriend. You give them to her as valentine's gift.
54. You send your scripts for "Gotrek and Felix- fearless warriors" to the local TV channel.
55. When asked who your heroes are, you answer, "usually one plague priest leading the plague monks and a few chieftans scattered around the clanrats."
56. You work out every single 2000pt skaven army allowable under the rules. You keep them all in a filing cabinet.
57. You start to call your mother-in-law Hellebron.
58. You have a two sheds full of polystyrene.
59. You write as your new year's resolution, "to fulfill the grail quest."
60. You install a screaming bell instead of a car horn.
61. You create WHFB-WH40k-Necromunda-Epic to allow you to use all of your models at once.
62. You ask the airlines if you can fly gyrocopter.
63. You wonder at what altitude an aeroplane could be considered "flying high."
64. You take the time to read 100+ E-mails a day about WHFB and are able to convince yourself that its worth the effort!
65. You refer to your car as a steam tank and calculate how many hull points you have left after a crash.
66. When you carry around a couple of dice in your back pocket for those undecided times
67. When you refer to your cooker as the halfling hot pot
68. When you refer to your mates as filthy skaven deserving of a dwarven axe http://www.druchii.net/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif
69. When static grass begins to look better than real life grass
70. When you wish you could be in the warhammer world
71. When you begin finding that you havent been in any other shop than games workshop for well over a year
72. When the store manager becomes your best friend lol
73. When every room in your house has something from the warhammer world displayed in it
74. You end you're prayers with "in Sigmar's name, Amen"
75. You have a pot of boiling oil by you're drains incase of a skaven attack.
76. You write a letter to you're local elector count to camplain about the state of the provences road network.
77. You write a letter to you're local MP to complain that making the new dustbin wagons unbreakable is cheesy.
78. You start muttering "***** elf" under you're breath every time you walk past a tall slim pale skinned person.
79. You start a campaign to slaughter all squid because you're sure those tentacles are mutations of chaos.
80. You never accept a drinking contest with a short bearded man.
81. You think you will be ok in a bar fight because the table and beer bottle you're fighting with should confer a 5+ save.
82. You punch someone you roll a D6 to see if you got a killing blow.
83. You are having an arguement and wonder how many wounding hits you're opponent has caused.
84. You lie awake at night wonderring how orcs are born
85. Your wife mentions she has to stop by the local crafts store for scrap booking materials and you perk up and ask if you can go along (to look for odd bits of terrain, base material or what ever)
86. You're stuck in traffic and think how nice it would be to cast the Steed of Shadows spell, then argue with yourself and decide the Cloak of the Dunes would be better
87. You come by a recent car accident with all your minis in the trunk, and instantly start to despair how bad it would be to loose those. And never stop to think about the car or your life.
88. You move to Des Moines, Iowa in the hope it will curry favor for your Chaos army from the god, Khorne
89. You size up your local minister during the homily to determine if he'd make it as a warrior priest (mine wouldn't but the choir leader would look mighty fine sitting a horse in the middle of a Lance)
90. Your wife calls down to the basement asking how much longer you'll be painting fig's and you answer "10 minutes" > an hour later you go upstairs and find her in bed wearing skimpy red lingerie.... and she's fast asleep (Doh!)
91. When you and your friends walk around in square formations so you can recieve a rank bonus
92a. When you refer to your teacher as the keeper of secrets (exam papers etc.), or in some cases snotlings.
92b. And concerning last year, changer of ways (when they changed the grades on the A level/GCSE papers last year)
93. You try to Skitterleap yourself out of class
94. You cast titilating dilusions on the proffesor to go somewhere, steal a hall pass and hop into your steed of Slannesh (which is accualy your beat up Pontiac) and march away 20" a turn
95. When you wake up in the morning, go outside, lick your finger and stick it in the air to try to find out if the winds of magic will be good today.
96. When you dig a hole in your yard telling everyone who asks that you're looking for Skavenblight, then you pat your sword next to you and wink.
97. When your cool friend says "I just got with that hot cheerleader Josie" and you say "Does she have six boobs?" and he says "No" and you say "then she's nothing compared to my FeĂˇrendle" and you pat your pocket containing a daemonette model.
98. When a hot girl trips infront of you and asks you to help her out and you say "Sorry I gotta go paint".
99. When you meet a midget and say "Where do you keep your gold?"
100. When the jock at school pushes you over in the halls and you get up and say "I can beat you in warhammer any day, loser!" then run and cry.
101. When the teacher in school asks you what you're favourite sport is, and you say "warhammer".
102. When the firebell rings at school and you yell out "It was Archaon! He has come with his evil legions! Run now!" then run out the door flailing.
103. When you see a shooting star at night with your girlfriend and say "Allright, where's the wizard, you stay here, you should be safe" and run off, sword drawn searching for the mage.
104. When you catch a fish then continually ask it if it's part of a sea man army.
105. And...When that fish finally dies in your hands, you cry outloud in horror screaming "What have I done? They will avenge I'm sure! I am doomed!"
106. When your late to work cause you were gluing your new minis together in a mad rush, wonder all day why people give you strange looks, and discover later at home theres a plastic orc superglued to the arse of your pants. ... So thats where that went ?
107. When you guess a range for the cannonball standing on a bus stop to hit this dirty big chariot called by some people "BUS"
108. When you go to the road and mesure above....
109. When you drive your car 200 Kmph and when stopped by police you explain that you must hurry cause the Chaos Gate has opened....
110. You use a scatter dice to help you walk.
111. You wake up in horror after rolling a miscast in your dream.
112. You are in art musuems thinking all the marble statues would really look cool painted.
113. White Dwarf stacks are higher than Playboy stacks in your room.
114. You've been pissed off by Games Workshop so much, that you've given in and realize that you'll just have to get better jobs that pay more, so some Brit can take all your money because the newest toys soilders stats are the best ever.
115. You listen to the "Shadow of the Horned Rat" soundtrack religiously.
116. Twin Tailed Comet plaques hang above your doorway.
117. You lost a finger to an exacto, and glued it back with Zap.
118. When your dog changed into a flash-hound and you call him Sigmar
119. When you paint yourself green, start grunting and hitting anyone you see screaming at the top of your lungs "WAAAAGH!"
120. When your wife has the games store on speed dial to be able to find you.
121. When you intentionally switch to PB&J sandwiches twice a day to afford that new regiment you've wanted so badly.
122. When you take style cues from your favorite mini. (ie your barber knows the "slayer" cut)
123. You were REALLY rooting for Helm's Deep to get crushed, and were pissed da boyz didn't pull it off.
124. You run your favorite hero in a RPG to get the whole experience.
125. You can't wait for halloween because your wife will let you dress her up, but you're torn between flavors of elven women to go for.
126. You think about buying new rims for your car with spikes on the hubs to up the impact hits.
127. You routinely patrol graveyards with blunt weapons to make sure the gits are staying dead.
128. You delay your trip to Egypt until you nail down your anti Khemli strategy.
129a. You ever wonder what snotling tastes like.
129b. You make up recipes.
129c. You simulate as closely as possible and actually try them out
130. You start grumbling at King Arthur movies when they don't show proper respect for the Lady of the Lake.
131. You can guess the generation of spawning just by licking a toad, and are working on it for lizards.
132. You think it would be cool to party with some drunken goblins, but then you realize your dwarven neighbors would freak.
133. You taste test paint before buying it.
134. You wonder why they don't load up their catapults with garlic and wooden stakes when facing VC.
135. You agonized over the names of your children because you used all the good ones on your heros.
136. You and your mates are currently in negotiations with GW to open a "Bugman's" themed pub.
137. Your christmas village mantle decorations are actually themed warhammer terrain.
138. Your major in the univesity is genetics because you'd love a griffon for a pet.
139. You go to a renaissance festival dressed as your favorite hero, and wear out the ears of the guys that work there when asked who you are.
140. You walk through a pet store and thought you saw the hamsters(skaven)in formation
141. When all your friends refer to you as "the crack dealer" since you were the first to start to play and showed them all those neat white dwarf mags (btw the first is for free http://www.druchii.net/images/smiles/icon_wink.gif, but a friend a mag and they usually get into warhammer i have found
142. When you can't play any other game without resorting to D6 and armoursaves - "No checkmate! My king has a 4+ wardsave!"
1. Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter *****es," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of the "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.
2. Orks are not "cute."
3. Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons.
4. Thou shalt not replace the Librarian's staff with a magic wand.
5. Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.
6. Thou shalt not do Spock impersonations around Eldar.
7. C-3P0 is not a Necron ambassador.
8. You shall not dare others to eat Squigs.
9. No, you cannot "take the Titan for a spin."
10. Thou shalt not use thy multi-meltas to light campfires. (in a similar manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain's chainfist to open tins of baked beans)
11. Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down Exterminatus on your ex-wife.
12. Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports as "pimp wagons," nor shalt thou use the phrase, "If the Rhino be rockin, don't come a knockin."
13. The Chapter Master is not a "drag."
14. Thou shall not use Power Swords to cut your food.
15. Thou shall not ask a Sister if you might "donate some of your own Gene-Seed."
16. Thou shall not throw soap at nurglings.
17. Thou shalt not put a "kick me" sign on the Golden Throne.
18. Thou shalt not refer to the Machine Spirit as "Cruise Control".
19. Thou shalt not stick a 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' sticker on the Sisters' Rhino.
20. Thou shalt not honk if thy sees a sticker saying 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' on a Sister's Rhino.
21. Thou shalt not unplug the Golden Throne just "for laughs".
22. Thou shalt not make the Emperor read your palms, or call upon him as "Miss Cleo".
23. Virus bombs are not fun in a box
24. Shooting one of your own men who looks at you funny, does not count as an â€śenemy casualtyâ€?.
25. Thou shalt not clog the Lasscannon tubes â€śjust to see what happensâ€?.
26. Thou shalt not spread cooking oil in front of a dreadnaught.
27. Thou shalt not attempt to shake the chaplainâ€™s hand whilst wearing a powerfist.
28. Putting sand inside the terminatorsâ€™ armour is not â€śfunnyâ€?.
29. Thou shalt not refer to the standard of fortitude as a â€śwalking stickâ€?
30. Thou shalt not refer to the bolt-pistol as a novelty cigarette lighter.
31. The earthshaker cannon is not a â€śhat standâ€? nor is the sentinel a â€śstandard lampâ€?.
32. Thou shalt not use Land Raiders to "play chicken" with Imperial Guard Chimeras.
33. Thou shalt not put a "Purge me!" sign on the back of the chaplainâ€™s armour.
34. Thou shalt not compliment the dark eldar by calling them "kinky"
35. Thou shalt not let an Ork be the designated driver
36. Thou shalt not replace the holy ungents for the machine spirit with grain alcohol
37. Thou shalt not invite a Banshee to Karaoke
38. Thou shalt not replace the O2 units on the commanderâ€™s power armour with laughing gas
39. Thou shalt not train a hormogaunt to be a watchdog
40. Thou shalt not take "old one eye" out of context...â€?He's in my artificer armour he..he..duh!â€?
41. Thou shalt not call Dark Angels "hippy alter boys"
42. Thou shalt not taunt an eldar "gee didn't these use to shoot further?"
43. Thou shalt not refer to the golden throne as "the nicest commode in the galaxy"
44. Thou shalt not attempt to offer a Carnifex a breath mint.
45. Thou shalt not throw a warp beast a dog biscuit.
46. Thou shalt not hope for mud wrestling during a witch/ sisters battle.
47. Thou shalt not ask a warlock what he wears under his robe.
48. Thou shalt not tease an inquisitor with "look sir-heretics!"
49. Thou shalt not play wack-a-mole with those little jawa-wannabe dark angel thingies (tangent).
50. Thou shalt not wear oven mitts when issued a plasma gun.
51. Thou shalt not take the rhino to procure monkish ale before filling out His Most Holy acquisitions forms.
52. Thou shalt not ask the librarian if he has records concerning Uranus.
53. Thou shalt not refer to the flamer as a â€śnovelty toasterâ€?
54. Thou shalt not ask the apothecary to guess what you have eaten by looking at your tongue.
55. Thou shalt not remove the motors from a terminators' suit during battle.
56. Thou shalt not point and laugh saying 'look somebody missed the toilet when battling snotlings.
57. Thou shalt not break wind in the presence of the emperor (unless properly addressed to do so)
58. Eldar helmets may not be use as hole-punches.
59. Thou shalt not refer to the daily rituals as â€śpsychological warfareâ€? nor shalt thou refer to the index astartes as â€śthe book of grudgesâ€?
60. Thou shalt not say, "will someone please tell the emperor to crap or get off the throneâ€?
61. Thou shalt not petition His Most Holy administration to make "Inquisition" an Olympic sport.
62. Thou shalt not instigate a "my Primarch could beat up your primarch" debate.
63. Thou shalt not use heavy breathing and "I am your father" as a battlecry when wielding a powersword and entering an assault
64. Thou shalt not affect a Transylvanian accent around the Blood Angels.
65. No hair pulling when enjoying brotherly contests with the space wolves.
66. Duct-taping a flamer to your boltgun does not count as a combi-weapon, and painting it pretty won't make it "master crafted"
67. Thou shalt not punt grots for pleasure.
68. Thou shalt not shout â€śthongs for the thong god in front of the Dark Eldar lest thou wishes to learn the true meaning of pain.
69. Thou shalt not debate the protective merits of purple spandex with the Dark Eldar.
70. Thou shalt not write theatre criticism and charge His Most Holy treasury to mail it to the harlequin.
71. Power armour never makes a sister look fat.
72. Thou shalt not laugh manically when flaming the non-believers.
73. Thou shalt not use thunderhammers to play crocket.
74. Thou shalt not start rounds of "you might be a c'tan if" while imbibing strong monkish ale.
75. Though shalt not refer to thine brethern, whom the Emperor has dictated be armed with an incediary weapon, as a "Flamer" constantly. For this has been proven to lower morale and cause strife within his His Most Holy showering facilities.
76. Thou shalt not affect an Austrian accent around the Necrons.
77. Thou shalt not ask roughriders if you can pet their ponies.
78. Thou shalt not stray from the adeptus mechanicus's directive towards ornamentation of rhinos-specifically no aluminium sport rims, neon, extraneous exhaust pipes, or fuzzy dice.
79. Thou shall not attempt to challenge the Eldar to games of 'Counterstrike'.
80. Thou shall not, in any way, shape, or form, take the land speeder joy riding.
81. Remember, shining lasguns in the guardsâ€™ eyes is WRONG.
82. Thou shall not pretend to have been possessed by a daemon.
83. Thou shall not call the sacred plasma gunners of the imperial guard 'fizzbusters'.
84. Yes, it will be noticed if you 'borrow' the chapter master's equipment.
85. Thou shall not use supported warhounds to 'play ball' with imperial guard sentinels.
86. It is NOT cool to feed snotlings copious amounts of narcotics!
87. It is not â€śfunnyâ€? to dress up as a bloodletter and jump out in front of the chapter master.
88. Replacing a brother's ammunition with blanks is not â€śfunnyâ€?
89. Wiffle bats are not approved hand weapons.
90. Playing naughty movies in your power armourâ€™s autosenses is not sanctioned by the Adeptus Astartes.
91. Thou shalt not teleport into the Sisters showering facilities.
92. Thou shalt not taunt our revered dreadnaught brethren by tapping on their window and saying "anyone in there?"
93. Thou shalt not commandeer droppods to go for pizza.
94. Thou shalt not refer to the emperorâ€™s champion as "that brown-noser"
95. Nuking from orbit is not doctrinally feasible for removal of annoying insects-unless they be tyranids.
96. Thou shalt not tickle the fallen to press for confession and redemption.
97. Thou shalt not follow a Librarian around thinking "Can you hear me now", repetively in an attempt to drive him insane.
98. Thou shalt not refer to the Wulfen as "damn dirty apes".
99. Thou shalt not use Whirlwinds to put on fireworks displays.
100. Thou shalt not ask the Dark Angels if they "can keep a secret"
101. Thou shalt not do Scooby Doo impersonations when speaking to the Space Wolves.
102. Thou shalt not tell the Salamanders "sorry about the multimelta thing"
103. Thou shall not ask directions from the wulfen.
104. Thou shall not ask berserkers for an axe.
105. Thou shalt not do doughnuts in a rhino, unless thou wishest to clean the passenger's vomit from the floor, as doughnuts make passengers dizzy
106. Thou shalt not write "Biggest biatch on the Battlefield" on the side of thy land raider, even if it is true.
107. Thou shalt not take the Rhino out on Saturdays to 'impress the girls'.
108. Tyranids are not cute.
109. Though shalt not use lasguns as laser sights for thy bolters
110. Just because youâ€™re fighting necrons it doesnt mean your standard equipment is a skaven and a tin opener.
111. Thou shalt not throw snowballs at Salamander Space Marines whilst yelling "THINK FAST!"
112. Thou shalt not ask Ork prisoners "why the red ones go faster"
113. Thou shalt not attempt to drown out noise marines with ye old rave music
114. Never ask a dreadnought "how old are you?"
115. Thou shalt not use the golden throne as a microwave
116. Thou shalt not wear a dress in the presence of the dark angels
117. Thou shalt not wear fake fangs in the presence of the wolves
118. Thou shalt not ask a space wolf if he wants a biscuit
119. Thou shalt not eat another marineâ€™s paste
120. Thou shalt not trip a dark angel in front of a interrorgator chaplain
121. Thou shalt not trip an interrorgator-chaplain
122. Thou shalt not fill demolisher shells with lotus flowers.
123. Scouts are not 'target practice'.
124. Thou shalt not replace the Chapter Master's weapon with a plastic sword.
125. It is not funny to put an 'Eat me' sign on the Librarian's back prior to a Tyranid attack.
126. Thou shalt NOT refer to the Dreadnought as 'Grandad', nor shalt thou hang an 'I told you I was sick' sign from it.
127. Thou shalt not play 'peek-a-boo' with the machine spirit.
128. Thou shalt not unscrew your battle breathrens leg plates.
129. It is not funny to play ring toss with orks tusks.
130. When faced by the inquisition, dont laugh.
131. Necrons are not cans
132. Thou shalt not eat prunes before a battle
133. Thou shalt not refer to the company Techmarine as "Scotty."
134. Thou shalt not challenge the Terminator company to a game of "Twister."
135. Thou shalt not refer to ripper swarms as... "cute."
136. Thou shalt not refer to Catachan guard as "tree hugging hippies"
137. Thou shalt not suggest the Eldar "live long and prosper."
138. Thou shalt not tell a space wolf it smells as if something crawled up and died in their mouth.
139. Thou shalt not replace the Space Wolves store of Tuna with cans of puppy chow.
140. Thou shalt not use imperial guardsmen as sticks while playing fetch with a hive tyrant.
141. Thou shall not use flame falcons to toast thy marshmellows
142. Thou shall not ask an inquisitor's psyber-eagle "does polly wanna cracker?"
143. Thou shall not ask the Lametors "are ya feeling lucky punk, well are ya?"
144. Dating the Veteran Sergeant is the exclusive privilege of the Heavy weapon trooper
145. Thou shalt not ask the Eldar females if they are interested in a hand-portable 'Vibro Cannon'...
146. Thou shalt not strut around Imperial Guardsmen bragging about how 'well-equipped' you are.
147. Thou shalt not ask the Thousand Sons if they are that slow on purpose.
148. Thou shalt not tuant the Imperial Guard with threats of utilizing a lascannon upon their posteriors in an unnatural fashion.
149. Thou shalt NEVER, under any circumstances, interrupt a navigator's concentration during warp travel to ask him if you "are there yet."
150. Thou shalt not challenge Karandras the Shadow hunter to an arm-wrestling match
151. Thou shalt not refer to Eldar Swooping Hawk grenades as "bird droppings," nor shalt thou taunt them by using a mortar to pet them with birdseed.
152. Thou shalt not use the emperor's champion iron halo to play horseshoes in thy free time.
153. Thou shalt not use the chapter standard to dry thy undergarments upon
154. Thou shalt NEVER take the Steve Irwin Approach to Tyranids; if they do not respond to external stimuli, do not attempt to poke it with a stick.
155. Thou shalt not consider it "funny" to replace the smoke canisters in your Chapter's Land Raider's Smoke Launchers with narcotic substances
156. He who takes advantage of the Emperor's paralysis by painting his fingernails will be summarily executed
157. Shoulder Pads are not to be removed for use as ice-cream scoops.
158. Thou shalt not replace our honoured brother Terminator Captain's Storm-bolter with a Vulcan Mega bolter, nor shalt thou feign surprise at his inability to lift it.
159. Thou shalt not distract our Librarian whilst he attempts to cast Smite, else thou shalt be forced to clean the inside of his helmet.
160. Thou shalt not replace a Thunderhawk's firebase supplies with bouncy castles.
161. Thou shalt not burn our Captain's robe on a cold night.
162. Thou shalt not replace the Apothecary's reductor with a syringe.
163. Undoing the straps between a brother and his jump-pack is not funny.
164. Thou shalt not utilise the Techmarine's signum for engaging in long and sexy chit-chat with Battle Sisters.
I'll go out on a wild goose chase here if you don't mind.
Very good although the commandments have already been posted somewhere...
A billion chinese can't be wrong - eat rice.