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I do this every half year or so just to see if People like my chapter fluff
Its gotten a bit long now but its still a good read...
Feel free to comment, and if you feel the need to criticise, give a reason dont just say "its lame"
Okay here it is:
Army: Space marines
Name: Burning Blades
Parent Chapter: Imperial Fists
Chapter Commander: Commander Knag
Battle Barge name: Taste of Vengeance
A newly created chapter named the Burning Blades was created during the 3rd founding, they were created using the Imperial Fists gene-seed, for some reason this got contaminated and was flawed, the effects were minor but gave the marines some strange abilities, the first mutation was that they have dreams, this is highly uncommon among the Space Marines. They have the same dream every time, they see the Golden Throne crumble and fall, and coming from the wreck they see a man walking out of the mess, this man is clad fully in power armour which is of an unknown colour. Another ability of a Burning Blade marine is the skill which allows them to sprint as if their legs were on fire and charge into their enemies; this gives them the upper hand in battle as they can appear at the beginning of the conflict without warning, though they cannot rely upon it during the fury of battle so it must be used at the very beginning. After this chapter was presented with a homeworld and an old fortress monastery ruin from the time of the Horus heresy and has been â€ścleansedâ€?, as repairs are underway a report comes in from the planet Endov V. Commander Knag of the Burning Blades sends the 2nd company to investigate will some support from the scout company and first company, Also some heavy support is taken in case needed.
Upon arrival on Endov V the 2nd company was confronted by cultists of the Alpha Legion, following orders they started to purge the planet, while their brethren were being slaughtered the remaining cultists sprang their trap, sealing the Burning Blades on the planet with a vicious warp storm. Although the trap was formulated to seal the entire chapter, a company sufficed. While the 2nd company was trapped, the rest of the chapter was overrun by a disease which ate only organic components of a Space Marine, as soon as the last empty suit of power armour fell, the cultists started to move in, stealing and wearing the Marines sacred armour, then they started rampaging around the universe slaughtering in the name of the Burning Blades, after they were destroyed the inquisition went and destroyed the home world of the Burning Blades.
100 Years later the warp storm receded and the battered remains of the Burning Blades emerged, their Chapter Captain had died of injuries and the rag-tag army was then led by the Chapter Master of Sanctity Artemis, who had gone to give the Chaos his fury, now he was the leader of what remained of the Chapter. As the 2nd company drifted through space they came to where there homeworld was only to find that everything was gone, chapter included. Though hope had died in the Burning Blades, anger had not, during their dream the armoured man finally reached them and spoke to them in their dreams, he spoke and told them what happened and that there were two that survived the disease, one was the captain of the 1st company Captain Slith. The other was Commander Knag himself; the man told them the whereabouts of the Captain but the Commanders location was a mystery.
When they woke up none could remember the directions but they all knew which way it was.
They found him lying on the ground of the jungle, still in his armour; captain Slith was alive and still dreaming. He was given Chapter Master Status until Knag is found, at the current the Burning Blades are going from planet to planet, following their instincts to find their commander who is was legend that he could rival any warrior in battle and kill Daemons single handed. Now they are out to find him, killing anyone who gets in their way, weather it be friend or foe, and they will not take help from anyoneâ€¦Only the emperor could controls them, as that is who they believe the man in the ruin of the Golden Throne is. After 10 years of drifting around the universe the Burning Blades finally think they find the answer to their missing chapter master. On a small planet in the middle of nowhere they received a beacon, one of their chapter beaconsâ€¦â€¦At first they were hesitant but they did not detect the taint of a Chaos taint on the planet and proceeded.
This marks a both Glorious and tragic day in the History of the Burning Blades Space Marine chapterâ€¦Upon their arrival they did not find their Missing commander, but instead found a large Inquisitorial detachment of Grey Knights, given the order to eliminate the Burning Blades. Because of the destruction of the rest of the chapter they were claimed to no longer exist, and they were loose ends. The Burning Blades were outnumbered, outgunned and were less skilled. But Chaplain Artemis would not even consider to retreat, he ands his supporting assault squad â€śthe wings of the hunterâ€? led the charge and the army followed without hesitationâ€¦.
The battle was bloody, taking into the account the fury of the Burning blades in close combat and the proficiency of the Grey knights at the same task, there was not much shooting, never before has space marine and space marine shown such fury against each other since the days of the Horus heresy, all along the lines of battle were the cries â€śFor the Emperorâ€? these cries were from both sides as they both fought for what they believed to be the right solutionâ€¦After 3 days of solid fighting the Burning Blades stood on a field of victoryâ€¦.the laxity of the Grey Knights dedication was their downfallâ€¦As Chaplain Artemis cast down the last Grey Knight the Burning Blades know that they had turned their back on the Imperium, but not on the Emperor, they do not fight for the men on Terra, only seeking to further themselves, they fight for the one on the Golden Throne
And that is how they will stayâ€¦Until the emperor no longer needs the Golden Throne and will come back and bring glory to his most devout followersâ€¦
"In a large war, the tanks only battle the tanks, its up to the footsloggers to win the war" -me
A very intriguing story and it is difficult to say where their loyalties lie. I expect that they will continue to be hounded by the Inquisition throughout their lives as a chapter because of what happened here. The only problem I can see is that the Grey Knights were beaten through the laxity of their dedication - the Grey Knights are, if anything, more dedicated to carrying out the Emperor's will than even the Space Marines themselves, so I do not think their dedication would be found lacking. They may have been caught off-guard by the ferocity of the Burning Blades' attack but somehow, I can't imagine the remnants of a newly-formed Space Marine chapter going up against an Inquisitor and a full detachment of Grey Knights and winning. That's just my personal thoughts, though, and I'm sure you could go ahead with the idea and no one would raise any serious objections to it. It's well written but you might want to consider some spacing between paragraphs in future, and tidy up your spelling a bit too.
Good fluff in general, I think. I especially like the fact that your Space Marines actually dream, for as you say in your fluff, most Space Marines are prevented from that by their Catalepsian Node implant. As for their other specialty, the ability to charge into a fight using an unusually quick sprint, I donâ€™t see any explanation in your text of how this mutation works; itâ€™s not strictly necessary that we know, of course, but it always looks good to have any quirks explained in a piece of fluff.
One thing that I found a bit odd, though, is the part about cultists stealing and wearing the empty power armours of the fallen Burning Blades; ordinary humans are not usually capable of wearing, let alone fighting in a power armour designed for Space Marines; they lack the necessary implants and strength. Either they must have changed the armours in order to wear them, or else find some other Space Marines to pose as Burning Blades; Alpha Legion in particular is fond of stealing armours and pretending to be a loyalist Chapter gone rogue, for instance.
Also, like NiteRabbit, I find it a bit odd that a Company of Space Marines that is by your own words outnumbered, outgunned, and less skilled, could defeat an Inquisitor and his Grey Knights retinue because the Grey Knights lacked in dedication to the Emperor. The Grey Knights are without a doubt the most pious and dedicated of all Space Marines; in fact, theyâ€™re the only Space Marines that could never fall to Chaos. If you want your Burning Blades to defeat the Grey Knights, it would probably make more sense to have their victory caused by an external influence; if something happened unexpectedly that took out a lot of Grey Knights and spared the Burning Blades, they might well see it as a miracle granted to them by the Emperor, a sign of His favour and support of their decision to turn their back on the Imperium (but not on Him).
Other that the above oddities, though, I think your fluff is quite interesting. Good job.
"Girls are nice and cuddly on the outside, and freaky on the inside." ~ Lost Nemesis.
I don't think grey knights would fight marines on an open field in the middle of nowhere.
Look at how they've destroyed other chapters. They do things like teleport aboard their battle barges and cut them up in surprise attacks.
Either way, I'd be hesitent about having a bunch of regular marines 'just beat' some grey knights. Every single grey knight is equivallent to the greatest heroes among the space marines. When they were first released, a single squad of grey knight terminators cost over 1000 points.
As mentioned, cultists can't wear armour. The servos in it are controlled by a space marine's implants. Without this, they can't even move (yes, I know regular humans can wear power armour, but it's not the same armour marines wear.)
Last edited by The_Giant_Mantis; December 18th, 2005 at 13:39.
Everything has pretty much been said, polish it a little, use paragraphs and definitely do something about the Grey Knight situation...but overall good piece of writing, keep on it man.
Yeah thanks for all ure help so far...
That chaos wearing power armour was expalined in the LONG edition i wrote long ago, but i cut it short in order to make people read it. I eventually made it that the chaos only really displayed the armour during battle and made it LOOK like th BB's were in charge...I know its a little different but i couldn't realy fit it in.
Yeah as for the Grey Knight battle i can see where all of you are coming from....It does sound a little weried saying about their lack of dedication....This was meant to mean that they fought for the Emporer on the golden throne. The Burning Blades fought for the Revitalised emporer who appears to them in their dreams.... I realise i didnt really explain that....
As for their second mutation, the charging ability, that was my way of explaining how they use the "see but do not be seen" chapter traight, and using the "we stand alone" disadvantage
All good points from all of you, and thankyou for reading so far
any further comments still welcome
"In a large war, the tanks only battle the tanks, its up to the footsloggers to win the war" -me