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I came up with this idea around 3 years ago for a space marine chapter, but then gave up before it went anywhere after I started playing fantasy. Now, I am back to 40k with a chaos force of my own invention so I plan to use my old notes. If anyone could scan through for obvious fluff errors, glaring gramatical errors or even just add an opinion I would appreciate it. I'll be happy if someone just takes the time to read it. I guess its not the best, I have just churned it out based on some old ideas.
The Devils of Obsidia - Origins
The Devils started out just like any other chapter. Loyal, inteligent, cunning. All traits applied to the chapter. Kranius, the head of the chapter, had devoted his entire life to the Emperor's forces. He had ordered the construction of great war machines and built up a sizable force of marines with the most modern weapons available. The Devils were indeed destined for great power. However, this power was to come at a price.
Deep within his headquarters, the gargantuan Obsidian Fortress, Kranius was being haunted by terrifying visions. Deamons, spirits, monsters from the warp. Not only his mind was becoming infected, but his body was changing aswell. His skin became hard and black. His fingernails grew and sharpended. After months of agony, Kranius began to develop psychic powers. As much as he tried to resist, the horrifying truth hit him like a bolter shell. He had succomed to Chaos. The obvious curruption had not escaped the attention of his chapter. The rasping voice and change in attitude of their once charismatic leader peirced through the very souls of the men.
It was only a matter of time before the Inquisition got involved. As soon as the Imperial ships arrived, Kranius knew his fate. The chapter found themselves surrounded by hundreds of grey knights and were led into Inquisitorial prison ships for questioning.
Kranius could only watch through the small cell window as his beautiful ocean world was virus bombed into oblivion. Every second of every day, the scene tormented him. Eventually the time for questioning came. He was dragged off out of the prison blocks and into the interigation room.
Its is unknown how Kranius and his legion escaped that ship. Some say that the inquistor was doomed as soon as he even laid hands upon Kranius. Some say Kranius managed to slay an entire inquisorial retinue with bolts of pure energy. Whatever the reason, the entire crew of the prison ship were either slain, enslaved or mutated into spawn. The ship was piloted directly into the eye of terror, where the legions new found future was to take place...
A Promise to a dead man means nothing.
Seems like a good start, you should go into more detail though.
Indeed, it's a great start with some lovely imagery, but more detail would be great. Perhaps explain the cause of Kranius' corruption (a traitorous librarian trying to undermine him, a chaos artifact buried under the planet, daemonic possession, I could go on)
A marine chapter called the devils sounds a bit wierd. I think it's okay myself, because the origins of the word doesn't actually indicate anything evil, but it still sounds odd.
The one problem I can see is why the Inquisitor would bother to imprison a chaos chapter. It would be easier and safer to kill them when you have the chance. Maybe he wasn't sure if the rumours of corruption were true, and needed time to interrogate them, or maybe he thought he could learn something. This needs to be made more clear.
Well, irony is pretty common in 40K. Seeing there's a CSM chapter called the Emperor's Children; I wouldn't rule out a SM chapter with devils in the name. :yes:
Yeah, but they have that name for a reason, it stems from their pre-heresy days when they were obsessed with being the coolest and most loyal legion around. If you take the word 'devil' in the modern sense, it's difficult to think of anyone deciding to name their supercool warriors of awesomeness after them.Originally Posted by Jian
It might not be a concern at that time. Since what Imperium feared the most at the time of First Founding were aliens. Chaos was something far off, until oops, that thing with Horus happened. So names like "Devil" would work. Because a "devil" is just a powerful deity there, not a demon from the warp that devours souls. If they would call themselves "Xenos of the Emperor" or "Eldar-fans with Bolters" they would get in trouble.
I'll go out on a wild goose chase here if you don't mind.
Ah, I will get around to explaining the finer points soon. Thanks for letting me know some things are still unclear.
As to the name (well, this is what I came up with a long time ago), its stems from the titanic ocean creatures that once lived on the planet (think the loch ness monster - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loch_ness_monster). They were affectionatly know as "Devils" by most. It certainly does not imply any deamonic worship, just a little tribute to the biggest and most ferocious beasts on the planet.
I still have to write a little bit about the home world itself, and go into more detail regarding Kranius himself. Do you think its feasible that there was no source of curruption at all? Just that the gods 'felt like' tormenting poor Kranius by offering him power? Or is that out of the quesion (if it is, im thinking maybe some arcane tomb he discovered)
Edit: Also, the name was chosen using Chapter Approved (I forget which year) which had a section listing all the commen words used in marine chapters. Devils was one of them
Last edited by Spike_alike; April 17th, 2006 at 00:47.
A Promise to a dead man means nothing.