Arthur - Warhammer 40K Fantasy
 

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Thread: Arthur

  1. #1
    Senior Member Archaon's Avatar
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    Arthur

    Wrote this while being a bit bored. Idea came to me whilst reading 'A soldier's journal' on this site about an ordinary man caught in a War. This is sort of like that. I warn you its long.

    When reading this you may notice it is heavily influenced by Terry Pratchet and Douglas Adams. I tried to capture that kind of comedy, however I'm not great at it. Some ideas are taken from their works and some from TV shows like 'Blackadder'. So its not groundbreaking stuff but its my attempt at a comic story set in the 40k world.

    Here goes

    ...

    Arthur was bored again, he got bored quite often. Things seemed a bit easy now, people did everything for him, though they usually did it in rather an odd way. If he asked for some supper it was often disemboweled in front of him in a reverential fashion then served raw.

    Or if he wanted to go to a different room, several weak looking people were beaten with sticks to carry him to the room by larger men with sticks. This didn't make much sense to Arthur, he could walk fine, at least he thought so, he couldn't remember the last time he did it and couldn't be bothered to check if he had legs.

    However his mother always told him to eat what he was given, so he never complained, especially not to the guy with horns, that guy was just plain weird.

    .......

    Arthur was born on an Imperial agricultural world. To him that meant it was boring, not a lot to see really. Nice temples and such, rather a lot of fields though. He wasn't into farming much and spent most of his childhood playing 'War' with other children.

    A strange thing about children, no matter where they are, what situation they are in, they always know the same games. There's 'Tag' and 'War' mainly and children always know them even if they are the type of child who couldn't tell their arse from their elbow. If queried on how they learnt the game it's because someone told them, if that person is queried someone else told them, if that person is queried they usually said 'Err...I dunno, thought it'd more fun than sitting on my elbows'. Perhaps a lesser daemon of Slaneesh takes these thoughts across the warp to children's minds and implants insidious games like 'Punch everyone' and 'Stab them with a sword' which gets mis-interpreted along the way, who knows.

    The other reason that Arthur wasn't needed much on the fields and to help in the house was that he bumbled. He was a bumbly person. When he talked his voice seemed to wander aimlessly through several scales. It would go up in steady increments and then tumble back down to normal lows, try to up to where it was before then stumble and fall rather low. It was like listening the flight path of a bee on sheet music, a bumble bee on sheet music.

    He walked in a bumbly off beat way and thought in a bumbly way. He reached conclusions in the end. Such as that light came from the sun and made it so he could see things but got there in a roundabout fashion. He had also decided about light that there must be a faster kind of light that comes from the moon which allows this sloewr type of light from the sun to be seen. He didn't do very well at school.

    On an uneventful day at school, they were learning about their solar system and the teacher kept forgetting about the importance of the moons, there was a public announcement. Conscription had been called and all able bodied males to head to the gym for induction to the Imperial Guard. To Arthur this sounded great fun, skip school (it was all wrong anyway) and play War. Fantastic.

    But Arthur wasn't totally sure what able bodied meant and quickly made sure if he was in working order. He stood up, right legs seem to work. Lifted his arm to his face and wiggled his fingers, arm and hands working and eyes too, sensitive to the fast and slow light. He walked over to the class pet, legs definitely working and nose fine too. He guessed his organs were working because he was conscious and pretty sure he wasn't dead. He asked the teacher if it seemed he was able bodied, both mouth and ears working fine.

    Everyone else seemed to be checking too because they were muttering things and walking away from him.


    Signing up for the Imperial Guard seemed pretty easy too. He filled in a form. Pretty painless really.

    ...

    Arthur was assigned to planetary defence in a Conscript Platoon. Training hadn't gone so well so he was still using a practice lasgun. However it felt heavy and if Arthur made a mental 'Pshew!' noise in his head, he was fairly certain that it did something. He always got the target in target practice anyway.

    On the day Arthur had to help defend the planet a nasty looking guy came to help them. He had a big gun and swish looking sword. He obviously wasn't very good with it though, he had lots of scars on his face were he had obviously cut himself with it.

    According to his briefing they were to 'Defend His gracious Emperor's planet from the scourge of a Traitor assault and if you maggots feel that's not where you want to be I'll send you to the Emperor to argue with him. Suit up!' During this Arthur had started to raise his hand, unfortunately the person next to him had to put his hand up too and he dragged both their hands down. Arthur figured he'd just ask the old guy on the field.

    ...

    The real lasgun was damn heavy. Arthur was of the opinion if it was heavy and hard to use, it would probably harm you before the enemy. Whilst using the lasgun Arthur also proved his theory that there was slow light, he could clearly see the ray of light shooting from his lasgun. The others in his platoon didn't seem to agree with him though and looking quite angry when he tried to prove it to them.




    Thats all for now folks. Comments please! You can sort of fill in the gap, but I'm going to try to fit in more humour whenit happens. I started off with quite a few little things for the begining but it seemed to peter out towards the end. :rolleyes:

    Never mind aye? I'll edit stuff in and add the next section later on

    *edit1* Formatting issues. That'll teach me for not previewing!
    *edit2* This edit was not to respell 'Emporer'. No sir!

    Last edited by Archaon; April 17th, 2006 at 00:43.
    Archaon's Top Tip for profiting from the End Time: Pillage before you burn

    When I say jump you don't ask me 'How high?' maggot! You jump!

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  3. #2
    Son of LO The_Giant_Mantis's Avatar
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    It's a nice, lighthearted take on things. I'm not a great Pratchett/Adams fan myself, but I can appreciate the humour there. I think you captured it surprisingly well.

    Careful when spelling Emperor. An Emporer is a shopkeeper.

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    Senior Member Archaon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Giant_Mantis
    It's a nice, lighthearted take on things. I'm not a great Pratchett/Adams fan myself, but I can appreciate the humour there. I think you captured it surprisingly well.

    Careful when spelling Emperor. An Emporer is a shopkeeper.
    Yeah..well in this version they worship the Shopkeep who hands them all they need to live with a smile and friendly demeanour at a fair price. And so is justly the head of their religion

    I soooo got away with that! :shifty:
    Archaon's Top Tip for profiting from the End Time: Pillage before you burn

    When I say jump you don't ask me 'How high?' maggot! You jump!

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    hah this is what should be in the Rulebook. Sometimes one needs a break from the Grim Darkness and read about some Grim Clumsiness.
    I'll go out on a wild goose chase here if you don't mind.
    *Chasing geese*

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