Welcome to Librarium Online!
Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!
Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!
I did some spelling check issues and split the paragrpahs up so the story is readable. Please enjoy.
I've finished up the next installment of Alucard's Faithful. Writing combat is much harder than it seems! As always please please PLEASE comment as the feedback helps alot. Enjoy (hopefully) the next part of my ongoing story.
Warning lights flashed on, showering the bridge in red. I felt myself instinctively running even as my mind registered my mistake. The Blood Angels Strike Cruiser must have been hidden behind the planet, just in case something went wrong. When I showed up in the system they pounced.
I ran down a hallway headed towards the sound of metal ripping apart when the door in front of me slid open. Smoke billowed into the hallway and I smelled molten adamantium. I threw myself to the side as bolter fire raked down the hallway where Iâ€™d been standing seconds ago. I stood up as he charged at me, a giant just me like me clad in red power armor. His bolter spoke once, the shot unbalancing me as the shot was deflected by my armor. I could hear his war cry even through his helmet as he brought his bolter down towards my head, screaming his hate at me.
My swords edge came up to meet him, cutting through the bolter and shearing off his arm as I changed the block into a slash. He reached with his still attached arm for his combat knife, more than enough time for me to return to my feet. He stabbed at my chest quickly but I caught his wrist and squeezed, my own strength outmatching even that of a legendary Astartes. I used my other hand to catch him by the throat and slam him into the wall, forcing him to loosen his grip on his knife. I knocked it from his hand and concentrated even as I pinned his remaining arm to the wall. Reaching out to the Warp, my hands began to glow with black fire and than it spread throughout my body sending me ablaze.
The marine twitched as the fire jumped onto him and than began screaming as he felt his flesh melt from his reinforced bones. I released my grip and he slumped to the floor, melted flesh leaking out from the joints in his ceramite armor.
I headed down the hallway the marine had come from. It was still smoky and most of the wall was gone, now occupied by the modified drop pod. I continued down the hallway and walked out into the ships hangar. I was on a metal walkway above the ground that led around the whole room. Walking slowly, I noticed three Blood Angels sweeping the floor below. As they made their way to the center of the room one looked up and spotted me.
I sprinted along the walkway as they opened fire on me, bolter shells exploded on the walkway and exploded off my armor. Realizing there was nowhere to go I unsheathed my sword and jumped off the walkway, landing behind one of the craft in the hangar. The bolter fire stopped but I could hear them moving, two were circling me and the other wasnâ€™t moving, no doubt providing cover. I charged out of cover to the left, immediately feeling bolter rounds hitting me in the chest and side. As my armor started to buckle I felt a fury build up, a calling for blood I couldnâ€™t control.
I was dimly aware that my chest and right leg were screaming pain but I didnâ€™t care as I reached the first marine. My sword seemed to swing itself at the Angels neck, decapitating him even as his hands reached for his knife. Screaming my rage, I dropped my sword in favor of the now headless marine and hurled it at his brother even as I charged him.
He was sent sprawling by the force of his comradeâ€™s body and I leapt onto him, punching his faceplate over and over. He reached up to fight me off so I pulled on both of his arms as hard as I could and I was rewarded with a snap as the came out of their sockets. I slammed the marineâ€™s head into the floor over and over, even after he stopped moving. I felt a hand on my shoulder and instinctively whirled around at my attacker.
Lilithâ€™s voice jarred me out of my berserk state. I stood back up and looked around. The first marine was bleeding from his neck onto the hangar floor. The second marine was far worse. His faceplate had been crushed into a ball and had sprayed gore all over me and his arms had been pulled free of his body. Lilith had taken care of the third, neatly removing both his hearts with her blades.
â€œHow many more are there?â€? I asked as I retrieved my sword.
â€œAbout six to more. There is only one more pod; I think they expected lighter resistance. I took care of two more besides that one.â€?
â€œOkay find the rest.â€?
Her face seemed to relax as she probed the ship, looking for the rest of the Blood Angels strike team. I took the nearest marines bolter and checked the clip, four more rounds.
â€œTheyâ€™re coming towards us, three out of either door. Theyâ€™re here.â€?
I ran towards the door to my left, pressing my self against the wall next to it. The door slid open and as the first Angel came out I cut into his shoulder, my blade cleaving him in half. Wrenching my blade free I stepped into the hallway as the remaining Blood Angels activated their chainswords.
The first came at me high so I blocked low and threw my weight behind my blade, lifting him into the air and dropping him on his back. Before he could recover I buried my sword in his faceplate and twisted the hilt. The third Angel barreled into me, forcing me against the wall with his sword at my neck. I grabbed the blade, feeling it bite into the flesh of my hand and than hitting bone.
I pushed it hard back at him and punched into his chest, forcing him back. He got his feet back just as I hit him in the face as hard as I could and smacked the sword out of his hand. I flung him into the floor and went for his sword, throwing myself towards it as he got to his knees. I grabbed the sword as he loomed over me, preparing to drive the knife heâ€™d had at his side into me. I stabbed up into his neck with the chainsword, freezing his body before it slumped to the side.
Gathering my demon blade from the marines impaled head; I headed back to the hangar. As the doors hissed open, I saw Lilith fighting two of the Angels, the other laying on the floor in a dozen pieces.
She was a blur to my eyes as she blocked both of their strokes, whirled behind them and scissored oneâ€™s head off with her blades. The other swung down at her but she was already behind him, removing both his arms and spearing him through the chest. As he slumped to the ground she planted her foot on his back and pulled her blades free. She licked the blood from the end of her swords, appearing as a blood stained goddess would.
â€œWhat do we do now Father? Brother has already crippled the Astartes ship, they didnâ€™t seem to be heavily armed.â€?
â€œWhat we came here to do, we go the service and get my prize. One of these craft will do nicely.â€?
Lilith ran off to ready one of the Mechanicus ships as I toyed with the gem stashed away in my armor. Soon I would have my army and Lilith would have her family.
Another well written piece of the story. You are onto a good thing with this mate, always leaving a great big opening for a sequel, and leaving me wanting more.
The only gripe I have with it currently is that the language is slightly less varied than it could be. This is not a major thing, but am improvement of your descriptive writing would help give even more life to the piece (especially concerning the beserker rage part). Also, some slight repitition of words (you have used screaming twice in a paragraph somewhere) should be remedied.
Other than that I think it is very good. The combat flows well as does the overall style. I've only mentioned the above pointers as I have nothing else to criticise at all
Keep it up mate, can't wait for the next installment.
Yes I wasn't happy with the wording of some parts, I think next time I'll do one or two read overs and check for that. I'm glad the combat was liked that was my biggest concern as it's VERY hard to keep varied.
Thanks as always
This story is awesome, you put in just enough detail into the combat that I knew what was going on, while leaving enough blank that my imagination was allowed to fill in the specifics. I gotta say though, it doesn't make much sense to me, as I have never read part one and two, where can they be found?
The only complaint i have is with the third paragraph:
"My swords edge came up to meet him, cutting through the bolter and shearing off his arm as I changed the block into a slash. He reached with his still attached arm for his combat knife, more than enough time for me to return to my feet." (all good so far)
"He stabbed at my chest quickly but I caught his wrist and squeezed, my own strength outmatching even that of a legendary Astartes. I used my other hand to catch him by the throat and slam him into the wall, forcing him to loosen his grip on his knife." (he is using both hands correct?)
"I knocked it from his hand and concentrated even as I pinned his remaining arm to the wall."(how did you knock it from his hand? does the father dude have a thrid arm? perhaps "shook" might have been a better word. I am a bit pedantic...)
"Reaching out to the Warp, my hands began to glow with black fire and than it spread throughout my body sending me ablaze. " (you just know that the blood angle is really stuffed here. haha.)
keep up the good work.
"Even when they have digital readouts, I can't understand them."
-Piro episode 810 megatokyo.com
LO Chat. I will eat you.
i like it, its very nice, with the corrections that rp made
although, it seemed that the marines comstantly attacked him one on one, with some of the skirmishes it was ok (when he was behind the cover) and others it was not logical
just minor mistakes though, keep up the good work, i thought you quit when i didnt see another slaneesh fluff forum for a while
yeah its tough to find time to write, i have my job going on and school and im running a massive 40k campaign (look for it on the battle reports soon) plus im starting up another series about the Inquisition but ill try to get one out every week or so
i gotta wait a whole week for more of the stuff!?!?!?!
Sorry? I'm not a machine man!