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I don't normally post fluff I'm not entirely happy with, and I'm not entirely happy with this. But still, I'm stuck and could use some advice for improving the story. So here we go. Tell me what you think.
Simplified Translation: Orange Light
In the years before the fall, many ominous portents were observed, foretelling great disaster. Most covered their ears and ignored these signs, but others were more vigilant, hastily constructing great ships upon which to flee the Eldar Empire. In time, these ships would be added to and merged together over thousands of years to become the Eldar craftworlds.
Eikal-Lan began life as a small fleet of hastily constructed refugee ships. By the time these ships set sail, the pleasure cults had become increasingly murderous in stamping out those who deviated from the Eldar lifestyle or wished to leave the Empire, and the ships of Eikal-Lan were, for the most part, hastily constructed wrecks by Eldar standards. Nonetheless, spurred by the fear of impeding disaster, they managed to escape the crone worlds by the time Slannesh’s birthing screams tore across the universe.
Though they escaped the fates of Ulthwe and Altansar, and were not pulled into orbit around the eye of terror, the crew of Eikal-Lan’s ships found themselves trapped and motionless within a vast, stormy nebula, orbiting endlessly around a newly formed sun. Worse, their relative proximity to the Eye of Terror had extracted a terrible price from them, and many of their kinsmen had been reduced to soulless husks, or driven mad by the birth of Slannesh.
However, a fierce will to survive still burned in these refugees. Their crude fleet was merged into one ship; and bonesingers drew new wraithbone from the warp to bind and expand it into a self sufficient colony within the nebula. In time, its inhabitants reopened the webway, and made contact with their long lost cousins across the stars. They inherited much of the culture of other craftworlds, and, at times, banded together against common threats. The nebula, which had once been a refuge, became a home to many thousands of Eldar, and they began to defend it fiercely against invaders. In time, legends developed amongst rogue traders and explorers of many races that the nebula was an evil, cursed place, and this reputation, too, served to protect the craftworld from harm.
That all changed in M.34 when the fleet of Arundiash, an infamous Dark Eldar pirate who also understood the value of the nebula as a hiding place, took refuge from pursuing Imperial forces. By chance, his large and well armed fleet stumbled upon the sleeping craftworld and, under cover of their shadow fields, were able to board the massive vessel. Hundreds of cruel warriors swarmed aboard, taking prisoners wherever they went. As they probed deeper, searching for the infinity matrix and the precious elder souls within, fierce fighting erupted between the invaders and the aspect warriors and guardians of the craftworld. The defenders fought to the death, but their numbers had always been few, and it seemed that the Dark Kin would achieve their goal if not halted.
Desperate, the seers of Eikal-Lann sent envoys to their counterparts across the stars, calling for more warriors to aid in the fighting. Iyanden and Beil-Tann both pledged to send aid. By the time the reinforcements arrived, however, the battle was over. Though the Dark Eldar had finally been driven back, they had managed to penetrate the infinity matrix, and a number of the precious soulstones were missing. Most of the Aspect Warriors of the craftworld lay dead or dying in its corridors. In one fell blow, the heart had been torn from Eikal-Lann.
The response was merciless. The craftworld fleet of was mobilized, and they fell upon Arundiash’s vessels as they tried to escape the nebula. Knowing they were killing many of their kin who had been taken prisoner, the captains nonetheless destroyed every last one of the invaders. Despite the terrible price, it was clear that if even one returned to their city to report on their success, the craftworld was doomed. Arundiash himself died when a lance strike penetrated the bridge of his command ship.
Since then, the spirit of Eikal-Lann has changed rapidly. They have become insular and xenophobic, distrustful even of the other craftworlds, who they feel abandoned them in their hour of need. Their defence of the nebula has become an obsession, and they will aggressively hunt down and destroy any vessel or object, whether it is a threat or otherwise, found within it. Occasionally, a lone Eldar ranger or strike force from another craftworld will encounter a group of Eikal-Lann warriors passing through the webway, but most report having received nothing but quiet disdain, and none have yet managed to determine their goal or purpose.
Recently, however, a surge of activity in the sector has drawn the attention of the higher echelons of Imperial command. Several Imperial planets in the sector have come under attack by a merciless enemy who disappear as quickly as they strike. A few inquisitors, drawn to the mystery, were able to determine that most of the worlds suffering such attacks house some form of alien ruins, but were unable to draw further correlations. If indeed Eikal-Lann is responsible, noone is yet aware what their purpose might be, if indeed there is a purpose to their actions at all..
The darkest whispers of all come from the few Eldar whose wanderings on the path of the outcast have led them to visit the craftworld. They say that the seers of the Eikal-Lann have foretold their own inevitable destruction at the hands of Kaelis Ra, the Nightbringer, and are searching for a powerful artefact, possibly even one of the blades forged by Vaul himself during the War in Heaven, with which they might hope to protect themselves from this fate.
Last edited by The_Giant_Mantis; August 20th, 2006 at 01:52.
I think its very good, the only things i saw were it would be core world not crone world. I also dont think the eldar have lances. I am not really an expert on eldar, so i cant really comment on the specifics, but it seems pretty fluffy to me. Sorry i cant be more helpful.
"God made man, but Samuel Colt made man equal."
The Crone Worlds where the original Eldar Homeworlds, located in the centre of the Eye of Terror.
And Eldar have lances, the most advanced in the galaxy to be precise (in BFG, if you hit with a lance you may roll to hit again until you have scored a maximum of 3 hits. Huzzah!).
I like your fluff Mantis. What is it that you feel is not that good with it?
I just felt it was a bit rambling and unpolished. I especially don't like the end. I wanted a reason why the craftworlders would be active in the galaxy at all, but I think drawing in the Nightbringer might have been a bit random.
As for crone worlds.. I'll agree, it's a slightly wierd use of the word because they weren't called the crone worlds until after the fall. I might change it.
Thanks for the encouragement anyway..
I've started writing a second piece about my farseer.. Basically, she's a twin whose sibling has died (Eldar twins are hugely rare, but always have an incredible psychic bond.) So she's hugely traumatised and bitter. Any thoughts on the idea?
Last edited by The_Giant_Mantis; August 20th, 2006 at 01:54.
Bitter Eldar = good Eldar so go for it!
Yeah I agree that the Nightbringer-bit was a tad random, seeing that nothing else was written on the subject...
And the Craftworld is active since eeverybody is after their turf of space! The best defense is an agressive one, right?