The Tormentor - Warhammer 40K Fantasy
 

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Thread: The Tormentor

  1. #1
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    The Tormentor

    k basicaly deceiver model nightbringer stats

    Story: characters (the tormentor and an IG squad of 20 men)
    it was morning or night arlan didnt know his squad had been exploring the xenos structure for hours, they had found this entrance into a massive tomb 2 weeks ago.
    it seemed that all corridors led to this one room covered in golden necrontyr glyphs, the ground seemed to pulse each time you took a step.
    as arlan and the rest of his squad moved forward there lasguns at the ready.
    a figure emerged from a sarcophagus in the back of the room . at first it was a light then liquid metal came and it started to form a body, it then started grow features and finally its eyes. The whole squad seemed worried as the god like figure started to breath, slowly it opened its eyes, the whole squad was in a sense of aw.
    the man or alien or watever it was started to look at its surrondings then saw them.
    slowly a smirk started to form on its face. "breakfeast in bed " it boomed.
    we finally snapped out of our state of delusion opening fire and looking for cover. the thing was not phased at all and didnt flinch our rounds didnt even hit it!
    it walked then floated then started bursting energy from its fist utterly destroying our seargent, 6 men turned to run but a mere jesture of the things head made the door way close crushing 2 of the the thing floated to the centre of the room even thou we were shooting buckets of las at it!
    the metal on his body seemed to be forming into 17 tendrils on his back, like lightning the shot out towards the ground. they went through the floor as if it were water!
    each one bursted through the floor and right under an imperial guardsmen and peircing them from below as though flesh was not even a barrier, it would go the lenght of the body come out the head and then retract into the ground.
    i dodged right missing the tendril below me i was the only Man left i centered mi self in the room still firing the rifle at the beast. it s smirk widened to a grin as all 17 tendrils acted as thought they had there own minds. one smashed the gun from mi hand, 1 peirced mi right leg and onether peirced me on the left, 2 shot out from behind cutting clen through mi palms.
    they raised me up to the level of the thing. the pain was terrible i wished that it would stop playing its sick game with me.
    "so is the crop finally ready for the harvest?" it wwhispered to me
    all the tendrils struck at once 12 of them cut through mi limbs. i mangaed to look up even though mi body was broken. And i spat mi blood at it, the bllod hit its left cheek its tongue slowly licked the blood of. he leaned forward smirked and said " yes the crop is ready for the harvest!"
    the 13th tenrdril cut downwards through arlans head.
    the c'tan stood in his chamber the tendrils slowly melted back into his body the door opened and he laughed and thought "a millenia of planning is finally paying of"
    and he floated out the door to awake his army


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  3. #2
    Son of LO LordLink's Avatar
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    Excellent fluff.

    A few people on this forum are very closed minded when it comes to inventing fluff so expect some harsh criticism.

    Its going against what GW has officially published (only 3+maybe 1) ctan still in existance but don't let that stop an excellent story. Who knows maybe GW will even let you add it to the official fluff if you become an author for them.
    Check out my Codex: Farmyard Animals here!

    If anyone wants any kind of help writing fluff for any kind of GW army just ask.

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    Son of LO ze_poodle's Avatar
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    You know, capital letters are a big help. Start there before anywhere else.
    The above poster = Totally a member of the Fluff Masters Clan. Click here for fluff pwnage.

    Come, sons of LO! Kneel before Poodle!

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    Member TehDarkPredator's Avatar
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    Your spelling and grammar hurt my eyes, but the idea was good. However, the writing was odd at times. Rewrite it, and it'll be good.

    Open your mind, for the forbidden, unholy and dreadful knowledge of a Fluff Master...

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    God's nutcase Xerxes's Avatar
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    As has been said, grammar and spelling are the biggest problems here. And what sort of C'tan is this? The Deceiver, the Nightbringer and the Outsider all have fairly well-defined personalities. I appreciate it's difficult to get it across in that piece, but the C'tan as outlined has nothing to really define it and set it apart from the rest of them.

    That, and I think there's only supposed to be those three left. But hey, apparently us fluff purists can go to hell.

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