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Here is the fluff for my Chaos Chapter, its a summary from my point of view:
The Sons of the Broken Moon were not always damned; they were once a respected Chapter lead by an honorable commander. They took it upon themselves to be the first line in an all-out-assault against their former home planet, which had been tainted by Chaos. They first landed not far from a chaos temple, which used to be their chapter keep. After 3 days of fierce fighting they finally made it to the cursed temple, where they encountered hordes of Daemons. Although they fought as a great sweeping force, they Daemons far outnumbered them and they retreated. Only 15 Space Marines survived the onslaught, one of which was their commanding officer, Master Leon Dantez.
They retreated to, what they thought to be, an abandoned Space Marine tomb. Within they found countless weapons and ammo, however Leon discovered a secret tunnel leading to the tomb of a Space Marine Chaplain. The tomb was changed, altered by the chaotic powers emanating from the temple. Within he discovered a whip crackling with fiery Daemonic energies, as it whispered dark, prophetic truths to him. It called itself Zan'ocogu and told him that if they combined their power, Leon could destroy the evil that infested the planet. Realizing that this was his only chance for survival, he trusted the daemonic weapon and rejoined his men.
The strange whip-like weapon coiled around his arm and, as mysteriously as he had found it, disappeared into his bracer, though its power still remained. He told them they would go for one last assault on the temple, this time there would be no retreat. As they approached the chaotic structure, the Daemons that ripped them apart before stood idly by as the marines destroyed them. When they reached the door of the cursed citadel, the doors parted suddenly as a massive Daemon stood in the arches. The strange whip appeared in Leon's hand, still crackling with warp-forged energies, as he swung it into his frontal arc. The strange powers stretched the whip as it reached into the Daemons head, quickly severing it.
This was the last record of Leon’s bravery, for the next time anyone would see him, he would be tainted by the very energies that saved his men…
Very interesting.. I'm not sure if you're planning on continuing the story, but I'd advise it. This looks like a great start.
I think you need to explain why there just happens to be a Space Marine tomb on the planet.. Was the planet once the site of a chapter HQ? If so, what happened to this chapter (plenty of opportunities for spookiness and chaos tie ins here.)
Also, to be very picky and semantic, a chapter which turns to chaos is still a chapter, not a legion.
Wait....there is only 15 of the space marines left. Its probably very good for Inquisitor after this but when you field an army.....where are all your troops going to be coming from? (if you field lost and damned though it would work quite nicely)
Though I did notice you did not mention how many companies fought in the assault on your chapter's home planet....
just elaborate on where your troops are going to be coming from if you only got 15 guys left.
Raven Claws Space Marine Chapter........2500 points
Waagh Rotskrag (in building process)
Member of the Fluffmaster Clan
actually, it will be a LatD army, (see my other topic http://www.librarium-online.com/foru...erewolves.html) they will mostly be more traitors (guard in this case) and mutants, and the whole chapter fought, but it was after the second foundings so they were only 1000 men strong, against a whole planet full of chaos and daemons, you can understand why they lost but why they fought, its "I'd rather die then lose my home" logic