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Thread: Corrosive fists

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    Corrosive fists

    The Dark Angels are not the only ones with a secret.

    During the cursed hersy of Warmaster Horus a second army split the Iron Warriors.

    On the forgeworld of Istavaan XI an epic fight ensued between Perturabo and Captain Vangelion as marine fought marine Perturabo struck Captain Vangelion into a deep pit of acid the heretics began to retreat.

    On the third month after the battle a rusted figure rose from the pit Captain Vangelion survived yet his armour was forever fused to his body.

    From that day forth they became the corrosive fists and used rust to display rank and cover their chapter badge and they also vowed to destroy their heretical bretheren and cleanse their real name from excommunication.

    I am currently writing a story on the corrosive fists and an Inquisitor aware of the truth. I will post it soon

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    Son of LO darkreever's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mortise View Post
    On the forgeworld of Istavaan XI
    I think you may have a bit of a problem here; mostly in that many people reading your fluff are going to read this and probably think (much like I just did) that your refering to the Isstvaan system. (Maybe consider going with a different system/planet name,)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mortise View Post
    an epic fight ensued between Perturabo and Captain Vangelion as marine fought marine Perturabo struck Captain Vangelion into a deep pit of acid the heretics began to retreat.
    Perturabo is hardly just a marine (who on earth came up with that ugly as hell not round smiley?) When Horus initially destroyed the marines from the emperors children, death guard, world eaters, and possibly his own legion he made sure they were all killed. Why would the iron warriors be satisfied with just killing off the leader of their loyalist bretheren without eradicating every single one of them?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mortise View Post
    On the third month after the battle a rusted figure rose from the pit Captain Vangelion survived yet his armour was forever fused to his body.
    How was Vangelion able to survive for so long? A marines power armour can only last for so long on its own power while being eaten away by corosive acid; also how did he not die from lack of food? Even marines need paste rations of nutrients in order to keep on going.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mortise View Post
    From that day forth they became the corrosive fists and used rust to display rank and cover their chapter badge and they also vowed to destroy their heretical bretheren and cleanse their real name from excommunication.
    So how have these marines managed to survive for ten thousand years? If they had somehow managed to survive fighting the entire iron warriors legions (excluding themselves) they would still be left stranded on what is most likely a devistated forgeworld with no ships. If they somehow obtained a ship, again how have they managed to survive? Over time the imperium has become much more dogmatic and in the later centuries and millenia they would shoot first and ask questions never the moment they found out these marines had lineage of the iron warriors at all.

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    Son of LO ze_poodle's Avatar
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    You should retcon the three-months thing to three days. It's far more plausible. Three months is a loooong time to be submersed in acid, even for a Space Marine whose skin reacts to resist corrosion on contact.

    To explain why his armour survived, put him in Terminator armour or something. That stuff was originally designed to work in high-radiation, deep space, and at the bottom of the ocean. It's totally plausible that it would survive acid for at least a while.

    Rather than "his armour was fused to his body" (this is too reminiscent of Obliterators) say he suffered acid burns so severe and debilitating that he can't survive for long outside his armour. Firstly, armour fusion is real similar to aforementioned Chaos mutation, and secondly because it plain makes more sense.

    Replace Perturabo with a lesser Captain or Commander (perhaps an old friend of Vangelion's, to add a personal dispute?). Perturabo is a Primarch; a big unwritten rule of fluff is to never directly include Primarchs, because they unbalance the entire equation. Perturabo could probably displace Vangelion's skull from his head with his pinky finger.

    Mention that they nicked a shuttle or salvaged a crippled cruiser in orbit or something to get away. Or that Captain Vangelion found his lost company hiding amongst the shipwrecks in orbit, (where they'd been debating whether to join in the Heresy after the death of their leader) and his return from the dead cements their loyalty.

    Note: Darkreever, I'm pretty sure Marines can last for months without food. Their armour has nutrient doses stored in it that it injects periodically, so they don't have to stop to eat while marching or during a siege. Admittedly, not while in a pit of acid. I'm with you on that point.
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    to add in, certain Geneseed's that a marine has would allow him to survive in an acid pit for some time. one of the geneseeds allows him to sweat a substance that can protect against extreme temperatures. theres another that puts him into suspended animation, allowing him to survive a long time in hostile conditions. but i agree, that he should be in Terminator armor just to help his survivability even more.

    btw, nice back story, but i suggest changing it from Perturabo, to just a high ranking iron warriors leader. maybe, like his first or second lieutenant or something.

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    Son of LO The_Giant_Mantis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigs180 View Post
    to add in, certain Geneseed's that a marine has would allow him to survive in an acid pit for some time. one of the geneseeds allows him to sweat a substance that can protect against extreme temperatures. theres another that puts him into suspended animation, allowing him to survive a long time in hostile conditions. but i agree, that he should be in Terminator armor just to help his survivability even more.
    If it can eat through his armour, I'm pretty sure it can eat through his crystalized sweat.

    The main purpose of that organ is to enable survival in mildly unpleasant conditions and also to allow a marine a few minutes with his blood inside his body if his suit is punctured in space. I don't think it's designed to resist corrosive acids.

    I really loathe 'chaos loyalist' fluff, because it's become a terrible cliche.. But hey, I'm not going to try and persuade you off it. Suffice to say, a lot of people have had the same idea. I don't get what about this chapter means it couldn't have been founded from the ultramarines or imperial fists gene seed with a commander who suffered the aforementioned acidey fate. A wierd gene seed does not really add anything special to your chapter at all, it just makes it more implausable.

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    Thanks for the comments a bit of reworking is needed then I will post it back here, this is my first bit of fluff thanks again I appreciate ypur critism it has been very constructive.
    Last edited by Mortise; March 4th, 2007 at 09:48.
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    Son of LO ze_poodle's Avatar
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    It gives it a history it might not otherwise have and actually serves as an explanation for what happened to all the Traitor Legionnaires who didn't turn to Chaos. I can't see anything wrong with that.
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    I am not going total revamp just tweaking so it works better but I think it is nice to have history for both competitive and fluff based play.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ze_poodle View Post
    Note: Darkreever, I'm pretty sure Marines can last for months without food. Their armour has nutrient doses stored in it that it injects periodically, so they don't have to stop to eat while marching or during a siege. Admittedly, not while in a pit of acid. I'm with you on that point.
    Hell, humans can survive for a relatively long time without food (though without water, we're boned), and Marines, if I remember correctly, have a) ways to recycle used nutrients and water and b) nutrient supplement feeder-thingys in their armor. So I'm sure a long time between meals is no biggie for the Emperor's finest.

    As for Chaos loyalist fluff becoming cliche, that's because it was a cool idea and got bandwagoned to death. Sort of like Space Marines themselves. *gasp*

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    Son of LO The_Giant_Mantis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ze_poodle View Post
    It gives it a history it might not otherwise have and actually serves as an explanation for what happened to all the Traitor Legionnaires who didn't turn to Chaos. I can't see anything wrong with that.
    1. Does it give history? As far as I can see it only gives 'specialness', which ironically isn't special because so many people write exactly the same thing. A chapters gene seed determines almost nothing about it or its history, save lost organs and residual mutations.

    2. It's been explained what happened to the, very few, chaos marines who didn't turn to chaos. They were murdered by their battle brothers. Why do think only the word bearers still have their chaplains?

    We already have that little bit about the death guard marines who managed to escape and may or may not have fought at the battle of terra. In my mind, that was already bordering on the cliched, but it had its own element of coolness as an exceptional thing.. If the whole galaxy world was full of little bands of loyalist chaos marine survivors, that whole thing loses any meaning and becomes a tired, boring cliche about tortured heroes struggling against an evil they feel responsible for! (Cue dramatic music)

    In any case, do you think the Imperium would let beings carrying the genetic legacy of their most terrifying adversaries live. If their primarch itself was flawed enough to turn to chaos, I think that's pretty strong evidence that they're a risk to the Imperium..

    I really don't mean to be harsh or to put down to OP's core idea.. I really like the idea of some hideously scarred old marine perpetually strapped into a modified suit of armour/life support (though it's starting to sound a bit like a certain movie character), I just don't see why it has to be done with iron warriors.. I don't feel it adds anything particularly relevant.

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