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Hey guys, i'm new to this fluff caper- so go easy on me please. All opinions and feedback welcome, as i'm looking to sort this Chapter out as its still a work in progress.
So, here's what i have so far-
The Shadow Guard are a successor Chapter of the Raven Guard created during the 26th founding. They were founded in order to help protect and patrol the Segmentum Tempestus.
The Chapter Master, Commander Orius, was originally a member of the Raven Guard and the legendary Shrike's Wing.
The Shadow Guard don't have a homeworld, as they are fleet based. This gives them more tactical flexibility and also allows them to respond to threats and pleas for assistance more quickly and directly.
Being a descendant of the Raven Guard, the Shadow Guard use the Raven Guard gene-seed. But due to some unknown reason, the mutation of the Melanchromic's Organ has become accelerated- meaning that upon implantation, the skin of the Marine becomes white as snow and the eyes and hair becomes as black as coal in the space of a few hours.
The Shadow Guard's armour is primarily black, with a white left arm. Different specialisations have different coloured right shoulder trims. (Black for tactical, white for assault and red for devastators.) Veterans have white shoulder trim and helmets.
The Shadow Guard view the Emperor as a distant figure, acknowledged as the master of th galaxy, but He is not accorded the level of worship common amongst other Chapters. Insteadthey revere Corax as their father and worship him for the great man he is.
The Shadow Guard follow the Codex Astartes closely, though they do differ in the tactical application of their troops and structure of the Chapter.
The Chapter depends heavily on scout forces able to act on their own for extended periods of time, and rapid reaction forces such as jump pack equipped assault squads. Quite commonly, they will deploy their tactical squads via drop pod or thunderhawk in response to intelligence gathered by their scouts.
The Chapter's forte in covet ops means the that they will rarely engage in a frontal battle unless no other option presents itslelf. Where possible, the Shadow Guard will use precise application of force to cripple their enemy while avoiding a protracted engagement.
The Shadow Guard are not structured in the conventional manner, but instead only have six companies. This is due to a large Dark Eldar raiding party striking out across the Segmentum Tempestus, so the High Lords Of Terra ordered the Shadow Guard to intercept and destroy them.
The Chapter was not yet at full strength, but was at a level to allow them to be combat able. Even considering they were not at full strength the Shadow Guard tracked down and decimated the Dark Eldar.
It seemed that they had embraced the unorthodox structure that had been necessary for them to use. Seeing how his Chapter had performed with this smaller and differnet structure, he chose to stick with it. He also decided to lead the Chapter from the front line by taking the role as Master of the first company.
Being such a young Chapter and due to their style of combat, the Shadow Guard have a high number of scouts and as such they are structured in the following manner-
1st Company: Veterans and HQ.
2nd, 3rd, 4th & 5th Companies: Tactical, Assault, Devastator and Scouts squads.
6th Company: Scouts and Initiates.
Specialising in covert ops and stealth, a battle-cry isn't appropriate. So instead, the Shadow Guard's motto is simply-
'Fear The Darkness'.
Nicely thought out fluff, with a decent twist of uniqueness to it. I would say however that no chapter starts out at under 1,000 battle-brothers. The geneseeds are grown in a series of generations of brain-dead clones over a period of 50 years before the first marine is implanted, and there is always the right amount of geneseed when they do start.
Also, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by the Dark Eldar force comment... there's a force of Dark Eldar they've been asked (never ordered) to intercept, and this somehow has an effect on chapter numbers. Why? It may not be a problem, it's just that I don't see how one follows from the other.
Its solid fluff so my only advice would be to expand on it more at this point. Initiation rites, homeworld, chapter-specific traditions.
My other criticism is for you to edit the combat doctrine section. It sounds copied from the wikipedia description of their combat doctrine.
The other thing I want to note while I was looking over it was.....
I do not know how a member of shrike's wing ( veteran sergeants) were able to skip up to chapter master. Usually the captains are asked to move to the new chapter and become a master. But of course I would think that 1 or 2 of the sergeants from the wing were asked to move to the new chapter and become captains.
so order of progression to the new chapter
captain becomes chapter master
veteran sergeant becomes captain
just something I wanted to point out. Even if the vet sergeant of the wing was extremly honored....he would probably have to be captain status before he could be considered to head a new chapter.
Raven Claws Space Marine Chapter........2500 points
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You'd be essentially promoting him above Captain Shrike, is what Zephyr is saying.
Fairly free of problems. The only comment I can give is that it's still a lot like Raven Guard. I mean, you're a Raven Guard successor, but these guys are basically Raven Guard with a mildly edited colour scheme. Same colours, even. Even the name (still "Something Guard") People are just going to assume you're playing Raven Guard until you tell them otherwise.
I mean, look at the Doom Eagles. They're all struck with a fatalistic delusion that they're already dead and their life as a Space Marine is merely purgatory before they go to the Emperor's light. They're a Raven Guard successor, and their fluff is awesome. Not really a criticism, even. Just try to make it more original and branch out from the source a little. That gets people sitting up and listening.
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Thanks guys, your comments have helped. Although i have hit a bit of a brick wall with where my Chapter Master came from- any ideas? I had thought of him being a member of Shrike's Wing who was seconded to the Death Watch, and earned promotion to Captain- but instead of returning to the Raven Guard was given the post of Chapter Master of the Shadow Guard. Dunno if thats workable, if someone could let me know plz?
sounds like it could work to me, maybe you should flesh out the death watch part with expertise from extended combat against dark eldar to tie that theme to the army cause the dark eldar theme seems fairly strong in what you haveso far. maybe they were designed to be a sort of counter eldar force, as in, thats why they arent based on a planet, and are on a constant hunt.
Hey guys, after thinking about things for a wee while, i've decided to re-name my chapter the Shadow Watch.
Also, my chapter master has been slightly re-worked. He was originally a vet. sergeant in the Raven Guards 1st Co. who was drafted to the Death Watch where he earned promotion to the rank of Captain, but instead of returning to the chapter, took command of a new chapter and named them the Shadow Watch in tribute of his service with the Death Watch.
how about instead of him not returning to his post in his own chapter, he is given the honor of leading a new chapter drawn from the same geneseed?
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