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    My DIY army...comments?

    This is the fleshed out version of my DIY chapter, the Lawbringers, and I am looking for comments/critiques to help me make sure im still within fluff.

    The Lawbringers wear black armor, with regal blue shoulders and knees. Bleached bone outlines the shoulders and many of the adornments. Finally, Blood red is used for the eyes as well as other adornments.

    The Lawbringers are a 25th Founding Successor Chapter of the (still picking a chapter)

    Battle Cry: "Death from Above" and "Look to the sky, the Emperor has come"

    The Lawbringers are Headquartered on a large planet near the edge of the Imperium, Thalos IV. Thalos is a massive planet covered almost entirely in water. The only landmass are scattered, small continents that are comprised of towering rock formations and cliffs. The Imperium has judged Thalos IV to be a Death World, as the aquatic life is highly predacious and the weather violent and unpredictable. The only other life on Thalos IV is an active avian ecology, with hundreds of species of bird making their home among the cliffs and small islands dotting the planet. It is from the apex predator of life above the ocean that the Lawbringers draw their tactics and inspiration, the Thalossian Falcon.

    The Thalossian Falcon circles far above ocean, preying on other birds that are circling lower, searching for fish. Plummeting from the sky, the falcon strikes the other birds at terrible speeds with closed talons. The fight is often over before the prey knows it has been struck. The Lawbringers use the same tactics, with Drop Pods. Raining from the sky, the Lawbringers are upon their foes before they are aware of the danger. The falcon is honored within the Chapter, with wing imagery being a strong theme for many of its members.

    Dominating one of the highest cliffs on the planet, the Monastery of the Lawbringers lies not only on a cliff overlooking the ocean, but it is built into the cliff itself, its hallways winding deep into subterranean chambers, far below sea level. The headquarters is militaristic, and much like many other monasteries, its main difference being a central garden/aviary.

    The Aviary is beneath open skies, yet its enclosure protects it from the harsh elements. Within the aviary lies the only plant life to grow outside the ocean, and it is populated by some of the most beautiful birds in the Imperium. The Aviary is offlimits to all but the highest ranking within the Chapter, as it is also home to the Songbird. The songbird is a female from a planet in the Imperium whose devotion to the Emperor is matched only by the quality of her singing voice. The Monastery is designed so that when the Songbird sings, her voice supposedly carries to all corners of the Monastery. Her songs are of devotion to Chapter and to the Emperor, aiding meditation and reflection during prayers, and stirring the spirit before battle. Most Lawbringers will never actually see the Songbird, and to many she has achieved a mythic status. She is one of the most treasured and mysterious aspects of the chapter, only the Chaplains, Librarians and Chapter Master have access to her counsel. It is rumored that the songbird is also a powerful psyker, and her visions help lead the Lawbringers to areas that are about to fall to anarchy. Many use this to explain the Lawbringers tendency of arriving at the crucial moment of many conflicts.

    The High Lords of Terra formed the Lawbringers in order to help maintain order on the Outer Reaches of the Imperium. The machinations of the Imperial machine often leave planets far from Terra without aid for decades while xenos ravage the area and the roots of Chaos take hold. The Lawbringers patrol the rim, often straying far from Thalos IV, to combat these threats. As such, Thalos IV often finds itself with the closest aid being far away. For that reason, the Second Company is always stationed on Thalos IV, in addition to other companies not engaged. Leaving such stalwart veterans on the home planet is seen as a waste by some, while others think it is only through this period of Hearth-Guarding and immersion in the Songs of the Emperor can a Lawbringer ever be ready to be part of its elite First Company.

    Lawbringer companies usually fan out to different sectors of the Imperium, seeking out disruption. Lawbringer aid has never been asked for, they simply arrive in times of strife and vanish when then disruption has been eradicated. It is still unsure how the Chapter Master would act were the Lawbringers ever petitioned for aid.

    Thats what I have so far, still thinking about what I want to add in terms of heroes, historic battles, names, and that jazz.

    I am open to any critiques/comments as I am still new to a lot of the fluff of 40k, but ive been doing my homework.


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  3. #2
    God's nutcase Xerxes's Avatar
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    It works very nicely, you've got a good monastic feel to it with a nice blend of originality with the bird motifs.

    It could do with more expansion in other areas, though. Look at an Index Astartes article and fill out each of the sections that they give. That way you can round out what you've got very nicely.

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    Senior Member The_Ghost's Avatar
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    What you have so far is good, and I like the strong coherent theme. Im none to sure about the Aviary being the only place on the planet with non-oceanic plant life, I think stunted grasses clinging in the cracks of the cliff sides growing on the collected bird guano would be likely. But that is a minor thing all in all.

    The Songbird intrigues me, and likely would any Inquisitor who looked in on the Chapter. However if she is properly trained and monitored I doubt they would worry, one sanctioned psyker among billions across the Imperium. Also you imply that there has been a Songbird for the chapters entire history... Perhaps the Songbird is not a singular entity but a bloodline of musically trained female psykers. Their sons would be excellent candidates for the chapters Librarians.

    While we are on the subject where do the chapters novices come from? Are there other human settlements carved into the cliffs of Thalos IV or do they recruit from the planets on which they fight?

    Now you talk about using drop pods as a standard practice, what of their Thunderhawks? Surely a chapter which emulates the falcon would have and use several. Have they abandoned tanks in favor of airships or are there still honored land raiders in the belly of their fleet waiting for a swift drop toward the surface?

    On the subject of the fleet, what is its composition? Do they have their own Battle Barge or is it Strike Cruisers only?

    I hope these questions and suggestion were helpful, I want to see more of this chapter.
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Ghost View Post
    What you have so far is good, and I like the strong coherent theme. I'm none to sure about the Aviary being the only place on the planet with non-oceanic plant life, I think stunted grasses clinging in the cracks of the cliff sides growing on the collected bird guano would be likely
    It's possible, and if the no-life-anywhere was ditched you could have a very funky Galapagos theme going on the world, with the volcanic vent situated close to the chapter's fortress-monastery, powering it. But the no-life thing does allow you to create a kind of Krypton feel to it, which is equally cool tone to it, which re-emphasises the difference between SM and humanity.

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Ghost View Post
    Also you imply that there has been a Songbird for the chapters entire history... Perhaps the Songbird is not a singular entity but a bloodline of musically trained female psykers. Their sons would be excellent candidates for the chapters Librarians.
    If "purity for the Emperor" (ie viriginity) is a requirement for being the Songbird, that may be a problem. But running it by heredity could be a good plan. The bloodline idea certainly works better than a forever-young-and-perfect psyker.

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Ghost View Post
    On the subject of the fleet, what is its composition? Do they have their own Battle Barge or is it Strike Cruisers only?
    As much as it's not my chapter, I would recommend Battle Barges, as the distinctive thing about this world's birds is a solitary predator. But it's not my fluff, it would just be a decent idea.

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    Many thanks for the suggestions so far!

    I definitely think that novices are recruited from other planets around the Imperium, Thalos IV is far too harsh to support any real settlements apart from the Monastery.

    The life in the Aviary I do not see as being natural, but almost more of a cultivated garden to house and shelter the more delicate species that live therein, including the songbird, so no, no floors covered in bird...stuff.

    I really really like the idea of the bloodline for the songbird, although I also want to keep a 'purity' element...so ill have to think about that.

    In terms of the fleet, im still not an expert at the various ships of the Marines. That being said, I still see large use of Thunderhawks (especially for lists in which I deepstrike assault marines...I know tactically its not the best, but it fits my fluff really well).

    I guess my next question would be the relative size of a Battle Barge...I envision the various companies often in different areas, perhaps one strike cruiser carrying a company? If that were the case, there would usually be one such cruiser, still the solitary predator overhead when it 'pounces' by dropping its force. Speed would obviously be important, and 'barge' just sounds..cumbersome.

    I really appreciate the comments so far, given me more to think about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Szfraniec View Post
    Many thanks for the suggestions so far!
    The life in the Aviary I do not see as being natural, but almost more of a cultivated garden to house and shelter the more delicate species that live therein, including the songbird, so no, no floors covered in bird...stuff.
    Well, it could be something for the chapter serfs to be getting on with.

    Quote Originally Posted by Szfraniec View Post
    I really really like the idea of the bloodline for the songbird, although I also want to keep a 'purity' element...so ill have to think about that.
    You could have it both ways and make the purity an elaborate lie. But making them the sire of librarians would be taking that a bit beyond believability, as well as the fact that many people fail becoming SM anyway, strength doesn't run completely in bloodlines.

    Quote Originally Posted by Szfraniec View Post
    I guess my next question would be the relative size of a Battle Barge...I envision the various companies often in different areas, perhaps one strike cruiser carrying a company? If that were the case, there would usually be one such cruiser, still the solitary predator overhead when it 'pounces' by dropping its force. Speed would obviously be important, and 'barge' just sounds..cumbersome.
    True, it does sound cumbersome. So yeah, a strike cruiser would be better. I -think- they only carry one company, but three sticks in my head as well for some reason. Not sure, in short.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xerxes View Post
    True, it does sound cumbersome. So yeah, a strike cruiser would be better. I -think- they only carry one company, but three sticks in my head as well for some reason. Not sure, in short.
    I think that generally a strike cruiser can carry a single company, while a battle barge can carry three or four.

    I like your ideas, Szfraniec. This has the makings of a good and rather unique chapter. I'll be looking at this thread again. :yes:
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    Senior Member The_Ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Szfraniec View Post
    Many thanks for the suggestions so far!

    I really really like the idea of the bloodline for the songbird, although I also want to keep a 'purity' element... so ill have to think about that.
    That is easy, at any given time there is one active Songbird, who must be talented as a singer and pure of mind and body. As the current Songbird passes the peak of her powers ( 70-120 with juviant treatments, 25-40 if normal human life-span) new songbird candidates are trained and compete in secret in the Aviaries halls. Finally one is chosen and the aging Songbird and her young successor ascend to The Bower to sing the Aria of the Dawn together in a beautiful duet which is heard once in a generation. Thereafter the old songbird may marry and have children while the new Songbird lives to sing for the chapter until such time as once again another songbird is chosen

    Now The Bower needs a bit of description, it is a specially crafted echo chamber which amplifies and projects the voice of the person inside it. Based on the natural architecture of whisper galleries anything said here will carry to everywhere else in the monastery. It is here that the Songbird comes to sing, her quarters and meditation chambers are elsewhere in the Aviary.

    Quote Originally Posted by Szfraniec View Post
    In terms of the fleet, I'm still not an expert at the various ships of the Marines. That being said, I still see large use of Thunderhawks (especially for lists in which I deepstrike assault marines... I know tactically its not the best, but it fits my fluff really well).

    I really appreciate the comments so far, given me more to think about.
    Many chapters make extensive use of flights of Thunderhawks and this one would do so better than most. I especially like the image of dropping 'wings' of Assault Marines out of one. It has been an honor to help you work on your chapter.
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