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Wassup. I had a game at GW a 3-way, I was DE. The Tau was a n00b player who just started, and the SMurf was a sort of unexperienced player. won't bother writings lists, because I'm all about the fluff today. I saw Kil Bill Vol.1 and Vol.2 recently so if you have too you'll notice some elements.....If you want me to recall the lists I'll edit due to popular demand.....
Korback burst through the doors, Dracon Kerpal reclined on his super-throne. Korback bowed down in respect, then stood up and said, "Dracon Kerpal, Hattori Hanzo has finished your Agonizer. I suggest you retrieve it and prepare for war, your complexion is getting dull and you know what that means..."
Kerpl replied, "More souls! I thank thee, Korback for being so protective of my well-being. Someday, if someone wishes to asassinate me and take my place, I'll be glad if it's you."
Kerpal stood up from his throne and called his Grotesques from the darkness. They stepped out, and Korback was frightened. He had no idea they were there.
Kerpal arrived at Hattori Hanzo's camp. He kneeled down in front of Hanzo, and Hanzo removed an object wrapped in cloth from his bag. What was unravelled was the most beautiful thing Kerpal had ever seen. A pure xenohyrda-gold, curved katana. Hanzo removed it from its home, and activated it from beneath the handguard. It purred like a cat, and he demonstrated to Kerpal its abilities. Hanzo walked behind him and grabbed a prisoner. Kerpal recognized him, it was a Catachan Devil. Hanzo simply dropped the katana onto the Catachan's head, and it went straight through his body. The cleanest cut one had ever seen. There was no blood, just a human cut symmetrically in two. Hanzo picked up the katana, turned it off and put it back in the scabbard. He kneeled infront of Kerpal, who was still on his knees and begun his speech..."I have completed doing what I swore an oath 28 years ago, to never do again. I guess I did this because I am sympathetic to your aim. I can tell you with no ego, that this is my finest Agonizer. If on your raid you should encounter Slaanesh, Slaanesh will be cut. Black-haired Dracon, go."
Kerpal accepted the Agonizer and tied it with scabbard around his waist. He got up and headed back to gather his finest warriors on a raid.
Dracon Kerpal made roll call. He ordered 18 of his finest Warriors into rank and file, 2 with Dark Lances. He called upon 4 of his best Raider Warriors, his most accurate Splinter Cannon handler, and the newest Disintegrator-armed Raider. Kerpal put on his Tormentor Helm, Hell Mask and a collection of drugs in his pocket. With his brand-spanking new Agonizer by his side, he climbed onto his Jetbike and turned it on. It was time to reap souls.....
The DE force arived on Planet Braxis XIII, and hit a goldmine. They saw a small Ultramarines force entrenched on one side of the field, and a small force of Tau lined up behind ruins. As Kerpal snacked on some popadoms, his Warriors set up camp at abandoned sandbag post. Without waiting, Kerpal ordered his Raider squad towards the Ultramarines force,. The Raider zoomed up and sat inbetween the 2 opposing forces. The Raider Warriors hopped out and opened fire with their Splinter weapons. Xerxon, the finest Splinter Cannon handler Kerpal had ever seen, opened fire and murdered a Marine who was reloading his Boltgun. The other Warriors hit their targets but failed to wound; their weapons were not strong enough. The Raider gunner fired a maxi shot at the Marines. Marines vanished from the battlefield as the ball of matter hit a Marine squad. The Sniper Squad opened fire at the Marine squad which had 4 Heavy Bolters in its posession. Due to being Kerpal's best-trained and finest Warriors, they fired two beams of dark matter across the battlefield and removed the heads of two marines. Dracon Kerpal activated his turbo-boosters and jetted behind a pillbox, ready to test his Agonizer on some Tau. With the image of that unlucky Catachan at Hanzo's camp, his black heart filled with happiness.
The Ultramarines, who were shocked at the sudden appearance of the pirates had no idea what to do. Then out of nowhere, 5 Assault Marines jumped out from the trench and fired at the defenceless Raider Warriors. They were all butchered. Their heads and limbs exploded into a fine mist of blood when the Bolter rounds made contact. The Warrior's weapons fell to the ground, along with what was left of their cadavers. Dracon Kerpal watched helplessly as his finest Warriors were murdered at the hands of the loser n00b Marines. The rest of the Marines opened fire at their previous terget; the Tau. Fire warriors fell left and right as heavy bolter rounds smashed into their ranks. A foolish Marine mishandled his Plasma Gun and killed himself. Bolter rounds flew at the Raider, and shook it. Unfortunately, one round hit the gunner in the chest. His torso exploded, his arms and legs along with his head flew in different directions.
The Tau stood ground and fired their pulse weapons at the Ultramarines. A single Marine fell as the Tau guns punched through his armour. 2 Battlesuits and drones hovered to the center of the field, unaware of the surprise which lurked behind the pillbox nearby.
Kerpal was angered at the death of his Warriors. He ordered the Raider to fly right infront of the Devestator Squad. He gave his final farewell to Pilot Mostar and Mostar gave his final farewell for he knew that he would die, along with the Raider in a few moments. But he knew he must protect his fellow Warriors from the evil Marines, better to lose one anda machine then many Warriors. Mostar pulled up the Raider infront of them and cried, "Your death is upon you! All your souls are belong to us!"
With the Raider in place, Kerpal activated the turbo-boosters once again and flew behind his faithful Warriors. He saw the nearby assault Marines and was ready to feed the hunger of his steel and consume their souls. Once behind his troops, he ordered his Dark Lancers to fire at the attacking Marines. They fired, and two marines fell to the ground, with holes in their torsos. The erst of the Warriors fired with their Rifles. A few splinters missed, but a single shard penetrated the armour of one Marine and nested itself in the Marines windpipe. As he choked to death, his extra organs were useless to him. He slowly fel to the floor, his brothers watching helplessly.
The assault Marines used their jetpacks to quickly move towards the Warriors. The Devastators could not see the Dark Eldar force, but didn't want to waste their ammunition on the Raider, whose pilot continued to insult them. They turned their weapons to the Tau, and fired. More Fire Warriors fell to the ground, yet they stoodfast. The assault Marines jumped into combat with the Warriors. Although they were string and tough, the Warriors were swift and they struck first. Their bayonets on their weapons were useless. They did nothing to the tough Space Marine armour. The Marnies struck with force, their chainswords cutting down 4 warriors. The Warriors stood without fear, ready to stike back.
The Tau started to move into the trenches beside them. The Battlesuits moved up once again. They knew next turn they would be in range to fire.
Kerpal flew his jetbike around his Warriors and got ready for battle. He removed a syringe from his pocket and attached a needle to it. He inserted this into his arm and flushed the concoction into his bloodstream. The effects were instant. His eyes became more focused and hand-eye co-ordination automatically improved. He laughed with rage and charged at the Marines. His incredible speed allowed him first strike. He drew his Agonizer from ts scabbard and turned it on, it hummed like before. He flailed with amazing accuracy, and his fellow Warriors watched as the Marines were cut into pieces. Their Dracon had once again single-handedly butchered the infidels. They rejoiced in this small victory, and they knew that death was not seeking them. Instead, it was victory which was on their side. The DE force consolidated into pand Kerpal flew to butcher the Marines next.
The Ultramarines could see nothing due to the Raider blocking their way. If they moved, they had to wait a long time to set up their heavy weapons. They once again ignored the Eldar pirates and fired at the Tau Battlesuits. The drones around them exploded and machinery flew all over the field. What was left fell to the ground with a [i]thud./i] The Battlesuits were unharmed. The Fire Warriors could not be seen due to hiding in deep trenches.
The Fire Warriors moved up to higher trench and set up their weapons. The other Fire Warrior squad was in range. The Battlesuits moved up into cover and were finally in range. The Battlesuits opened up with Plasma Rifles and Fusion weapons. Marines were melted into sludge as their high-tech weapons hit their targets. The Fire Warriors fired their Pulse weapons at the marines. The Marines were unharmed. The Battlesuits strafed sideways into cover.
Kerpal ordered the Raider to it's position and once again greeted pilot Mastar. He was surprised that he was still alive. Kerpal flew his Reaver across the field and got ready to charge the Marines. The Warriors fired their Lances at the Battlesuits. A single Battlesuit fell to the floor as the dark matter punched through it's armour like paper.
Kerpal once again injected a concoction into his veins and was laughing. He charged the Marines in cover. Although he was fast, the Marines had the advantage of cover. Kerpal had no fear. The Marines swung with their Heavy Bolters at Kerpal. They hit him and one Heavy Bolter broke three ribs and Kerpal flinched. His armour failed him, and Kerpal was wounded. Kerpal struck back with real ultimate power and cut the entire Devastator squad to pieces. He swept across and ran into the other Marines. They knew they were in trouble.
The Ultramarines had no choice but to fight Kerpal. Kerpal's drugs were stil in effect and he cut down marine after marine until there were none left. Kerpal was covered in blood. He was delighted.
The Tau kept on fighting for the Greater Good. Theirr guns were in range. They fired at the Warriors behind the sandbags. In an amazing display of crap, not a single Warrior died. The Battlesuits opened fre with their mad skill and weapons. 3 Warriors were melted. The Warriors did not flee.
Kerpal flew across the field and was ready to kill again. The Raider turbo-charged infront of one of the Fire Warrior squads. This tactic made the Warriors impervious to 10 Fire Warriors. The Warriors fired their Dark Lances at the last Battlesuit. One beam of dark matter bounced off the shield which surrounded the Battlesuit, but the other punched through it and the Battlesuit fell to the ground. Kerpal once again shot up with drugs and charged a Fire Warrior squad. He made sushi out of the Fire Warriors. What was left tried to fight back but their skill was no match for Kerpal's. The ones that did manage to hit failed to wound due to the increased toughness of Kerpal due to his Reaver. The Tau tried to run but hey weren't fast enough and Kerpal held them in combat.
The Fire Warriors were finished. They knew it. They moved to the right to escape Kerpal's wrath and fired at the raider. Mostar was riddled with Rulse fire and the Raider came crashing down. The Warriors in combat once again became sushi at the hands of Kerpal. They once again failed to even hurt Kerpal.
The Warriors fired their Dark Lances at the Fire Warriors who foolishly moved away from their cover to escape Kerpal. Two Tau fell. Kerpal as usual cut up the Fire Warriors until there were nine left. He consolidated behind Mostar's crashed Raider.
The Tau fired their last volley at the Warriors, and luckily they killed five Warriors. The Warriors helld their ground again. They would not retreat from a defeated enemy.
The Tau player surrendered and said that "My Tau commit seppuku so I don't lose to you!" So I said, "Good, I'll take your bodies and use them to decorate my homeworld!" I hope you all like this story, like I sed it's my first time writing proper fluff.
R U 0K!??!? BUHHHHST WUUUULFFFFF!!!
I just watched Kill Bill myself, and this had me in tears.
Keep em coming dude
NOBODY expects the Holy Inquisition!
Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise....
Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency....
Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...
and an almost fanatical devotion to the Emperor....
Our four... no...
Amongst our weapons... Amongst our weaponry...
are such elements as fear, surprise...
I'll come in again.
with hatori hanzo's agoniser, how could you lose?
anyway, nice BR, the dracon seemed to do more then 80% of the wounds that battle, but thats alright....
nicly written, you sadistic basterd....
Kerpal, that was hilarious!
That was awesome!!! :o ! Speechless. Cool fluff. I own VOL.1 and am looking forward to VOL.2. Good work and nice victory. The Marine player didnt seem that good. Nice job. The Agonizer is fricking awesome! Good job and good luck.
<span style='color:purple'>3rd Company Raven Guard Space Marines-</span><span style='color:red'>in surgery</span>
<span style='color:green'>512th Cadian Orbital Defence-</span><span style='color:orange'>under construction</span>
<a href='http://www.bungie.net/Stats/PlayerStats.aspx?player=Redhawk%2011' target='_blank'>Xbox Live Stats</a>
I'd like to see the list for the DE list. It sounds destructive...
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