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  1. #1
    Senior Member Red Zinfandel's Avatar
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    Post Your BATREPS in this Thread

    Author's Note:
    I tried (unsuccessfully so far) to have establish a sticky batrep thread in the WH forum. The admins moved it out of there, so the title of this thread is out of context, since they moved it, and the title is not editable now. THe admins don't agree with me that WH will always be a tiny percentage of 40K players, and the WH forum will never be in any danger of being overrun with traffic. But it is their decision, so I will have to learn to labor under their tyranny. Ho Ho.
    Below are some guidelines that I personally would like to see in batreps. Of course, everyone should feel free to express themselves as they wish, I just wanted to state what I'd most like to read. Comments are welcome.

    Keep them as interesting as possible.
    - For Example, organizing it by turn is boring.
    (You don't see sports announcers talking about a Ballgame inning by inning, do you?)
    Focus upon where the best action took place. We don't ned to hear what every squad did, nor do we need to hear about every turn. Talk about the good decisions and the dumb decisions. Don't be afraid of humor, either. It's always appreciated.

    Feel free to edit and hone your tale. And by all means, please exaggerate. A piece of writing may take some reworking. I have no problem with editing. Feel free to give (constructive) feedback to me or others. But most importantly, let's hear about carnage. A well-told story iw worth keeping and re-telling.

    Last edited by Red Zinfandel; January 23rd, 2006 at 10:20.

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Red Zinfandel's Avatar
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    1500 WH vs Orks

    Sometimes 40K games unfold like a well told story over a fine tumbler of whiskey with really well formed ice cubes.

    THis game was so fun. I'll try to do it justice.

    4 Loot COunters were placed fairly evenly in the 4 quarters.
    Long-Edge Deployment zones.

    Ork squads deploy in a line accross the table, with 3 vehicles and 1 Dred in the center, and one Dred at right.

    Tanks on Right, Sisters on Left (Sister Troops are trying to avoid the Dreds)

    -One Ork Buggy is blown up by the Exorcist. (Easy enough for the Exorcist).
    - One Ork Dred responds and kills the Exorcist (ug- I hate losing the Exorcist on turn 1. That's why I don't use it a lot).
    - GKs shoot down some Orks (well they'd BETTER. They have STORMBOLTERS, after all).
    - THe big Ork Warbuggy (or whatever it is) unloads 6 (or was it 8 ) shootas at the GKs.
    Dam, that friggin thing has a lot of Shootas on it. 2 GKs die.

    - Sisters blow the PlasmaCannon off the other Warbuggy, and whad-ddo-ya-know?
    - The CALLIDUS Assasin arrives from reserve on turn 2!
    She lands herself next to the right-most squad of pathetic, barely armed Ork squad, who thought they would cower safely in the shadow of the Drednought and discreetly score a VP. Surprise to you, basic Ork Squad! Betcha never saw a Callidus assasin before! :ph34r:

    (She was beautiful, I tell ya: She shoots her template directly at the Orks, covering as many as possible, and OOPS-- the template also touches the Ork Drednought, stunning it for a turn. Ah, what a friggin shame). Then she charges the Orks and kills 3. They tag a wound on her. SHe later kills 3 more and sends them packing.
    Thank you, honey, you're beautiful. You may die now. You have done your job well. *pats her on her tight little kevlar as$*

    So much for the quiet right side of the table. Moving to the middle.
    - 1 squad of Seraphim with 3 flamers toasts 4 Orks, and shoots 2 more, then charges and kills 3 more.
    Ha! Another non-scoring Ork unit whittled down to 3 lads. Nice job there, ladies.

    Left (action) side of table:
    - In the excitement, I FORGET to shoot all 24 of my Bolters.
    Because I am a complete bonehead. And partly also because I suffer from brief episodes or moronacy. But mostly because I haven't fired a bolter 24" since like a year ago, so I simply forgot about the 2 squads of 12 sisters who were sitting on their 1 loot counter like a bunch of hens on one nest egg.

    - Meanwhile the Cyborks and h'Ard boys advance slowly toward the hens, who are too busy knitting to bother firing at the dam sea of approaching Orks. :closedeye
    (PS- Cyborks are a cool concept).

    - GKs lower their Stormbolters and shoot from the hip, in a effort to look cool to the girls (and also hoping it will remind the ladies to friggin SHOOT next turn). A few more Orks go down to the gritty Stormblters.

    - Ork Dred charges the GKs, who, being Close COmbat experts, neatly crush it into a perfect cube, and place it into the recycling bin for the Tuesday pickup. The Dred never even swung.

    - THen I AGAIN FORGET to shoot 24 bolters a SECOND time. (I already told you that I am an idiot, so please don't make me repeat myself, OK?) So I ask my oppponent if I can at least shoot 12 of them, and he gracefully allows it, killing a few more Orks. Excuse me, I'm SORRY to interrupt your knitting, ladies, but THERE'S A WAR ON, SO PLEASE SHOOT A FEW BOLTS, OK? The girls comply and resume knitting, gossiping about who the GKs are dating this week.

    - Some h'Ard boys finally get iso close to the ladies that I have to deal with them. So the Reserve Seraphim squad flies in and bar-b-ques most of them. Yelping like puppies, the Orks turn and run like the wind. Not good. The Seraphim were supposed to charge them.

    - Instead, the few remaining Cyborks charge the same Seraphim squad. There's realy not enough Cyborks to do much. THe Seraphim absorb it and jump away.

    - FINALLY, I remember to shoot 24 bolters at the CYborks who were just left in the open by the Seraphim JUmp-Back move. THis time it's close range for 12 of them. 36 shots at BS4 is a LOT of dice, folks. No more Cyborks.

    - Another squad of Orks (with a big, dumb doorNob) manage to charge the GKs, and in the charge, they tie up my Inquisitor and my Canoness. But thanks to the GKs excellent CC ability, all the charging ORks, including the doorNob are all killed in 2 turns flat. They, too are placed inthe biodegradable trash, next to the recycling.

    Sounds good for me so far? It's actually not.
    I only have 2 scoring units left. So on turn 6, I need to kill the Ork Buggy (with all the big shootas) plus the Gretchen inside, JUST TO TIE. Maybe if I didn't suffer from idiot spells, forgetting about 36 Bolter shots, I wouldn't be in this predicament. O well... at least I can still paint well. :w00t:

    - The Gretchen, in anticipation of their vehicle being attacked, dismount on the safe side their WarWagon. (Goddam cowardly little basards. They didn't get out of their vehicle until every last ORk was already dead). I'll have a hard time reaching them AND killing them in one turn. Except... Seraphim move kinda fast, don't they? They fly in and kill all the Gretch-crap with flamers and bolt pistols. A coulple try to run, but the Seraphim actually formed a nice semi-circle, traping the little wretches. The rest are trapped and are thus killed.

    - Now I need to kill the damn battle wagon, but I really don't have the right tools. AND it has cleverly backed itself into a corner in attempt to hide it's soft AV 10 ass.

    - I need to take this thing out just to tie.
    Inquisitor barely reaches the rear zone of the tank.
    He tries his Psycannon, but the 3 shots bounce off.

    - THe Seraphim flamers actually hit the rear section of the tank while they were shooting the Gretchen, but they don't roll a 6 with their 2 tries. (Those pesky templates keep hitting things they aren't intended for! Oh darn again!)

    - The GKs attack the side of the vehicle. The Justicar has meltabombs.
    THey all whiff.

    - Game over? No way, hozay.
    I still have a Cannoness with a jump pack, who quietly seperated from the GK squad, and she landed directly behind the tank, with her trustly Blessed Weapon. I saved 1 last Faith Point just for this, and used it to successfully pass a Ld test to for Hand of the Emperor.
    THis makes her sword a Str 7 weapon vs the AV 10 ass of the wagon.

    - She picks up her Blessed Weapon like a Louisvolle Slugger. She charges. She swings, she hits, and it's...
    OUTTA HERE! :w00t: She destroys it on the last roll of the game.

    Tie game.
    (Technically it's a victory for me, if you count VPs, but I don't use them anymore-- because I can't afford to hire an accountant to figure out who won. It also makes the objectives easier to understand during the game, which they should be. So I just use scoring units, not points). I'm hapy for the tie.

    I love games that go to the last roll. I've been lucky enough to have several in the last few games go to the last pitch.

    1 Squad of Cyborks
    1 MekShield
    2 units of h'Ard Boys
    2 Missile-Shooting Dreadnoughts,
    2 Wagon/Buggy(?) each with a PlasmaCannon
    1 Wagon with a BUNCH of shootas on it, with 10 Gretchen inside
    2 Squads of moldy, wonderful, filthy, common Orks

    Sisters with 1 squad of GK Allies
    1 Tooled up HQ
    2 Squads of 8 Seraphim
    1 full squad of Grey Knights
    1 DH Inquisitor with Psycannon
    2 Squads of 12 Sisters
    1 Callidus Assasin
    1 Immolator
    1 Exorcist
    Last edited by Red Zinfandel; January 22nd, 2006 at 17:43.

  4. #3
    Senior Member Red Zinfandel's Avatar
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    37 (x2)

    1500 WH vs Orks

    Last edited by Red Zinfandel; January 22nd, 2006 at 17:42.

  5. #4
    Senior Member Vindkall's Avatar
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    To start with, there's a battle report already, use it. Then there's a triplepost, which is a bit of a no no, learn to edit your posts instead.

    Thread Closed
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