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>.< I posted a similar topic over on Warseer, but I want to see what Librarium thinks as well! More opinions = better!
Anyway, this is the fluff for my Chaos army that I'm currently assembling. Right now, this is the very weak dumbed-down version, I'm planning to expand it a great deal honestly; but I want to give people a basic idea of what I'm looking at, and maybe get some good suggestions for a warband name too >.<
Mi-lord, let me tell you a short tale - to put this all into perspective for you. The evidence compiled from all our sources, mundane and magical, has lead us to know all of this -
In distant Nippon two-score and three years prior to today, the 2522nd year of the Imperial calendar, a child was born to a pair of bakers in a small fishing hamlet. The parents had never been able to have children before, and were thus overjoyed at the prospect of a son or daughter to call their own.
The child was born healthy, or so it seemed at first. Within three months, strange happenings were reported throughout the village. Lights in the distance, eerie noises, eggs spoiling only a day after being laid. And the child herself, so pure and clean at birth, quickly manifested the foul taint of mutation. Her human ears warped and changed until they had mounted themselves atop her head, and twisted into feline forms; and from her backside grew a long silken tail.
The worst and most disturbing change however was wrought across her very face - the eight-pointed star of Chaos soon pushed its way through infant skin to mark the accursed child.
The parents could not do what they knew they were supposed to do, and attempted to keep the child hidden. After all, what harm could a babe do, malformed as it was? They told their neighbors the girl had died in her sleep; though the truth was they had merely hidden her away, in a room dug beneath their simple home's floor, where she could be cared for, at least for a time.
Five years passed, and aside from the continued minor disturbances, all appeared to be well; until the anniversary of the very night the child was born. Eight flaming orbs, each with a color to match a wind of magic; hurtled across the night sky above Nippon; and within that tiny village, the mutant child awoken in-full. Too young to properly understand what was happening, her powers were loosed in an instant, incinerating her home and very nearly her parents. Her mother would never walk again after the fire, as a heavy beam had broken from the roof and crushed her back.
The next morning after the fire, the villagers saw what had been living in their midst for all those years. They held the girl, and called for the soldiers to end her pitiful existence.
However, Fate had yet to play his part. As the soldiers drew their weapons, a shout erupted in the distance. An in-human cry of bellowing rage that left those who heard it momentarily awe-struck at its ferocity. Down the hill above the village he appeared, running full bore at an almost ninety degree angle. A man clad in white bearskins, and sporting the emblem of chaos in-place of his right eye. He was wild, and lept a full twenty-paces, swinging an enormous axe as he went. The soldiers fell without a fight, and the rest of the fisherfolk scattered. Wordlessly the strange man picked up the unconscious girl, put her over his shoulder, and left as fast and suddenly as he had arrived.
The man is known to us mi-lord. Modi is his name, a heretical northman; though how he got to Nippon is unknown to us. Nevertheless, the description is identical, right down to his blighted eye, and that accursed axe.
And that girl he stole from the blade of justice, is none other than the so-called liberator of the people who is even now rampaging across your province.
Essentially what we're dealing with is a "Good" Chaos army. The child in question is Yumii (a character of my own devising who I transplant into every universe I end up playing in >.> it's a thing of mine), and Modi is her mentor.
At any rate - after being rescued, Modi brought her up; he holds the Mark of Tzeentch, and believed it was the will of his god he do this. The child herself grew on him however; and she proved unusual idealistic. She's devoted to Tzeentch, but most especially in his aspect as a god of Hope. She sees people suffering needlessly - Bretonian peasants, mutant children, the sick, beggars - and believes that what is needed is a massive Change; to wipe away the old order, and instate a new and glorious realm of chaos, where men and women are free to be as they are and as they wish to be; away from the tyranny of the lash.
Obviously, Tzeentch has MANY more aspects than merely hope, but that's from her perspective that she only sees the one.
Her warband is made up of disaffected warriors from across the Empire; both common and noble-born, those who, like Aekold Helbrass, believe much good can be wrought of Chaos. There is also a train of grateful villagers who tends to congregate with the warband as well, and as they fight, some are inducted into the ranks of the warriors. They aren't treated as fodder by any means though, and instead tend to form a defensive unit to fight anything that gets beyond Yumii and her ally's powerful magic and the brunt of the warriors push.
>.> Alrighty, so there you have the basics.
Ideas? Thoughts? Death threats?
This might sound counter intuative but the Chaos God who embodies the aspect of Hope is actually Nurgle, his followers amongst all others hope that they will be spared death disease and further pain, hence why Nurgle is sometimes reffered to as Father (or Grandfather) Nurgle and why his Nurglings and occassionally his Great Unclean ones look rather jolly (for deamons anyway), especially check out the older pictures of Great Unlean Ones.
Tzeentch favours Change rather than Hope. Also remember that ultimatly all Chaos leads to horror and death no matter the initial intentions of the followers, even the mightest Chaos Warrior is but a minor pawn in the Chaos Gods plans.
Apart from that peasants are a supersticious lot, A crazy looking mutant might talk the talk about freedom etc but that probably wouldn't mean she would be spared the pyre. If noblemen come out in open support of a Chaos Warband it be treated as extremly serious matter. You might want to explain how it is that the Imperial Army hasn't gathered to crush this new threat.
"God is dead" Nietzsche- 1886
"Nietzsche is dead" God- 1900
Why are there scams? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q71FLDIMBc8
Another case of me not writing everything down that was perfectly clear in my head <;_;> sorry about that.
And thanks a ton for taking the time to read all that >.< I know its quite the mess! I appreciate your comments hugely!
Actually though, about Tzeentch >.< that's one thing I actually really am sure of. I read it in the Liber Chaotica oddly enough <@.@>; Hope is an aspect of Tzeentch because he is a god of Change. Basically, the aspect of Hope is change to something better.
Nurgle on the other hand favors the status-quo. (Which is why he and Tzeentch are opposed) - Nurgle is more about being able to be happy where you already are; and even revelling in it.
But anyways >.< yeah, some explanations are in order!
They aren't actually uhm... in the Empire just yet >.<; the little story I wrote up there is supposed to reflect one of the first major incursions into the Empire; but the actual initial build up of power takes place in the Border Princes, where people are much more fractious and 'nobility' changes hands pretty quickly.
I'll have to figure out a method of winning the peasants loyalty though... I honestly hadn't thought of their supersticion. I mean I 'knew' - but it was one of those things that slipped my mind. Guh.
I am honestly beggining to wonder what I was thinking when I wrote all this <;_;> I think I just let my imagination get away from me.
(The idea is right - but I kinda let myself stray off of what I'd intended)
As is my wont, I will put questions to you:
There doesn't seem to really be anything in the fluff that would require the girl to be born there as opposed to anywhere else. In fact, it actually causes a couple of difficulties.
Firstly, and minor, you won't find as many bakers in Nippon. Since it is a Japan analogue, anyone who can get rice is going to eat rice. Rye and millet were available but were a poor man's substitute, only the most destitute will eat millet instead of rice (see the beginning of Kurosawa's Seven Samurai for a good example of this). Rice flour was made and used, but not all that often.
Secondly, and more importantly, the mentor has to cross the breadth of Asia twice in order to get the girl and bring her back. How'd he know she was there? What makes her so much more special than the homegrown mutants that he went for her? She has to be important enough to be protected on a journey--at the tender age of eight--across an Asia that not only has all the normal dangers of travel, but also goblins, giants, chaos dwarves, demons, ogres, and whatever eats all the aforementioned.
Finally, it also kind of makes the cat thing bad. It becomes too easy to point at the concept and say, "Oh, another Japanese cat-girl. This person must be some anime geek. Let's flee before he can start talking about how cool Goku is." Not that I have anything against anime, I'm a big fan of Scrapped Princess/Rozen Maiden/Fate/etc. but there is still a definite stereotype that runs about the fans.
Why wait for the soldiers?
The superstitious proletariet, when properly armed with fishing spears, mattocks, and what have you, can make a formidable challenge for a burned man, a crippled woman, and an eight-year-old. Likely as not, they would kill them without waiting. The Japanese have a saying, "The nail which sticks up gets hammered down." At root people are people; the aspect of orderly Japan is mostly a facade generated by the desire for conformity.
Please note: These questions are not meant to be scathing, but they are meant to generate hard thoughts about the fluff. This doesn't mean that everything has to be reduced to its most likely components, but at some point (which differs for each reader) the suspension of disbelief will break. Then they will chase you down with Occam's Razor.
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains
Excellent questions honestly - thats EXACTLY the sort of thing I was hoping for >.< helping me find and plug holes in the whole thing. This is probably one of my least well thought out writings ever I've realized <;_;> and for that I am incredibly sorry; cause uhm... honestly I usually do far better than this. (Appreciate the forbearance)
Nippon... Honestly, there was a reason, at least when I first spawned the concept of how to bring this character into the Warhammer world. Now that you point it out though; it really DOESN'T make any sense <_ _>;.
The problem is, that I almost directly translated one of my own original concepts over to Warhammer, without really making any careful adjustments at all. Dumb of me. In the original story, Yumii is found along with her dying mother in the wreck of a ship in a northern fishing village. (Set in my own little world) - the ship itself being destroyed in a storm off the coast. I wanted to alter that element a bit - she was always intended to be from a Japan-like home, but raised in a completely different area. I just I guess took it too far this time, and it stopped making sense. <x.x>;
As for Modi finding her - that one is actually easily explained. Modi is a chosen warrior of Tzeentch (within the Warhammer world anyway); and one of his most notable mutations is the gift of a Blighted Eye; where the pupil has been replaced with the star of Chaos. This eye allows him to see, physically, the strands of possibility; in a way somewhat similar to Tzeentch. The thread that lead him to Yumii was immeasurably thick and pulsing with importance. She was actually very easy for him to find, due to that. Again, I should have explained that much better <_ _> once again a case of "knew it in the head, didn't actually write it down". So finding her and knowing that she was important to the plans of his god was fairly easy. I just forgot to give the reason to the readers <x.x>; which... makes it impossible to know wth I'm talking about.
<'x'> And the cat thing... Yeah, I freely admit, there is that stereotype to worry about. But its one of those things I'm kinda over. I've just gotten to the stage where I've realized some people are just going to hate my ideas no matter how I try to dress them up; so I may as well go with what I enjoy ya know? Totally understand where you're comming from with that though. My art has caught me some flak on other boards because I tend to draw anime-style. Admittedly I'm not very good either <x.x>; but the comments much more often center on the style as opposed to the substance.
So I guess the last one is just one of those "They don't like? I DON'T CARE IF THEY LIKE!" things.
I think I do need to do quite a bit of work here though <x.x> quite obviously in fact.
I forgot to address a question:
Why wait for soldiers?
To be honest; I just wasn't thinking when I wrote out that line. In the original story, she's chased from her home by the villagers themselves, with Modi comming to save her just as she's caught. I guess it was just one of those instances of me trying to change things up for the sake of changing them. I probably shouldn't have <x.x>;
So ya - summed up, good points <;_;> thanks for taking the time to help with this. I'm going to re-write this I think. There's just too much I screwed up this first time. Thank you for the patience >.< hopefully the re-write will be significantly improved!
(I'd like to add too - I'm comming out of a VERY long writing slump <;_;> so I'm sure that has a part to play in this as well; no excuse at all; just that I know I can do better than this, kinda disappointed I farked up so obviously; really do appreciate the time spent!)
I think it would be neat if, in the true style of Tzeentch, she is something of a changeling. Her "war aspect" is the cat-like demon, but Tzeentch won her heart by enabling her to hide her hideous mutations.
I like the fact that the crazed norseman found her, perhaps he was sent during the SOC to find her and bring her to Archaon, only to return in time to discover that the Storm is over.
those are just ideas. I mean, yeah, coming from Nippon is a complication, but one you can work around.
The idea to put them in the Empire, or in the Border Princes is alright, but why not put her in the northlands? There, her 'beauty' might be more appreciated, and it would be easier to sway the populace.
sorry, i'm not trying to hijack your ideas and run with them. i'm just trying to help you get your ideas out of the dry-dock.
No no! I appreciate your input. Those are some good thoughts, and honestly, I rather like them. Getting me away from my original story is a good thing, because the original story is going to (eventually) be a full fledged novel independent of Warhammer. But I love my character a wee bit too much <'x'> so I drag her into everything.
In 40k for instance <.< she's one of the missing Primarchs. So finding what her "niche" is in the Warhammer Fantasy world is critically important.
I think the changeling idea is actually really good... After all, if she can get people bound up in revolutionary furor *first* - *then* reveal to them the true glories of Tzeentch; converting followers would be much simpler and much safer. Rally the common folk, then, once they've overthrown their former oppressors, invite them to join in the chance of spreading the will of their liberator further.
Yeaaaaaaas... I like this idea...
I still think the Border Princes might be the better place though, for a number of reasons. The simplest being that there seems to be a fair opportunity for someone otherwise unestablished to carve out their own niche there >.<m
More suggestions welcome, and thanks everyone for helping with this! It is much much appreciated!
I'm not all that big on the fluff so I don't think I can comment on that.
But I thought the writing was quite well done. And the idea is a good one as well; I like storys that follow a different tack to the way things are set up. Like what you've done; Chaos is normally the 'evil' force, and yet your character is trying to do some good for the world.
Of course, this reply is kind of redundent seeing as you've said you're going to re-write this. Oh well, it should be fun to compare the old and the new version
Well, my re-write isn't going to change the goal or style <^-^> merely present it more coherently and close some of gaping plot holes. And I'm glad you like hte unique perspective <.< that's exactly the kind of thing I'm going for.
Now if I could just lose this damn headache so I could actually get some work done <x,x>
I agree will Silmerosse that generally, they would not wait for soldiers BUT Japan (up to recent times) was so incredibly peaceful that they probably would wait for soldiers, a court, etc etc.
By the way, what does anime mean?
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