The Kai-Mundi - Warhammer 40K Fantasy

Welcome to Librarium Online!

Join our community of 80,000+ members and take part in the number one resource for Warhammer and Warhammer 40K discussion!

Registering gives you full access to take part in discussions, upload pictures, contact other members and search everything!

Register Now!

User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: The Kai-Mundi

  1. #1
    Member lizard4life's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    0 Post(s)
    0 Thread(s)

    3 (x1)

    The Kai-Mundi

    As chaos began surging into the world the city of Pahuax fell under sige by greater daemons. In a ditch effort to protect

    the spawning pools and avenge those that fell in the battle a regiments worth of worker skinks smuggle several

    spawning eggs as well as eggs from the local wild life into nearby swamps. The deep water allowed the remain safe in

    hiding as the last remaining defenders were slaughtered just as a wounded skink priest who was aware of the now

    hidden spawning began to offer up prayers to any god willing to help. Soon after chlorophyll from nearby plants began

    being absorbed by the eggs, and as the eggs hatched the saurus and skinks were completely green in part due to the

    plants as well as Tzunki answering the desperate skink's call.

    Growing in a swamp the saurus and skinks all learned how to hunt and as the eggs of beast began to hatch he saurus

    began to claim what mounts they could. Soon after they learned through experience how difficult it was to raise such

    viscous mounts without the musk of Itzl but through an arduous and painful process the hatchling cold ones and an

    occassional carnosaur were brought under reign. Due to the difficult training the riders became connected to their steeds

    and their steeds remained aggressive yet submissive to those who were above them (as they were trained at young

    ages before these beast grew to large). Unfortunately without a slaan leading them they grew unaware of their ancestry

    and the mystical arts all but disappeared among these warrior people. The green lizardmen blended in perfectly with

    their surroundings and as the amphibious servants of Tzunki they became expert hunters and the ultimate guerrilla


    To lead them since they all were forced to grow as mighty warriors leading them was the strongest of them all was a

    saurus named Kroq-Kai who reared a viscous carnosaur that left many marks to prove his training. As these reptiles

    grew they began to multiply spreading into the aymara swamps where a warrior city was built. As the years past the

    skaven of clan pestilen infiltrated and as they moved towards the swamp kroxgoq led his army against the vermin

    eventually aiding in the defense of Lustria. Eventually these hidden warriors were discovered by a slaan and were

    henceforth known as the Kai-Mundi roughly translated as "The Forgotten of The World".

    Last edited by lizard4life; April 4th, 2008 at 21:50.

  2. Remove Advertisements

  3. #2
    Sir Proofreader Deadstar_MRC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Adelaide, Australia
    14 Post(s)
    0 Thread(s)

    470 (x8)

    Welcome to the boards, lizard4life!

    Soooo... were you looking for feedback or comments? Because I shall offer some for you!

    Firstly, a bit of a proofread to tidy it up wouldn't hurt. Maybe a little formatting as well - my ancient eyes (:C) don't like massive blocks of tiny text...

    Secondly, I don't know much about the Lizardmen so a lot of my comments are going to sound ignorant. But I like making a fool of myself so I'll press on!

    Isn't Kroxgoq that special character... ok, scrap that, his name's just similar.

    I (personally) didn't like the bit where you referred to them as 'reptilian marines' - marines just reminds me of 40K, which I know probably wasn't your intent, but... I don't know. It might not bother anyone else. But I thought I'd mention it.

    Just generally, I think you could flesh this out a bit, but if you want advice on how to do that it might be better to consult someone more versed in the background of Lizardmen than I.

    Meh, that's all I've got. Hope it's of some use to you.
    Rabbit; Our Tau community has the talent of figuring out how to turn a feather into a timebomb. Macgyver would be jealous.
    8people; Honey, why is my fluffwars story your shopping list?

  4. #3
    Ancient Spacefarer Kai-Itza's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    1 Post(s)
    0 Thread(s)

    211 (x6)

    Hey Lizard4life!

    This may sound a little harsh but, take this with a bit of salt

    Your story is a bit of a confusing read, as Brett posted earlier, so your story might need to be broken up into paragraphs to make it easier on the readers' eye! The the story makes for a very good background in the life of the Lizardmen after the Great Catastrophe and the scourge of the vile rat-spawn.
    Though I wouldn't say that it took the skinks and the saurus that long to hatch, for the disance in years between the Great Catastrophe and the coming of the Rat-spawn was millenia apart! According to your story is sounds like they emerged from the spawning pools possibly centuries after the wars against the Rat-spawn, by then, they could've been anything from 5-7 Thousand years old!
    According to the LM fluff, it is said that Saurus are spawned in the deep caverns of the Temple Cities whose dark, cold climates could better aid their growth into the powerful Saurus, while the Skinks and Kroxigor are spwned in verious areas around the Temple City.

    Little is known about hos the Cold Ones are hatched, as they could either have been hand-reared or, stolen from Cold One nesting sites; hence the reason why they're so tempromental!
    The Carnosaur are reared from the precious stolen eggs from Wild Carnosaurs, where probably quite a few skinks died at the hands of it's mother in the process!

    Your fluff is good, but it needs a little tidying up and proof reading to make reading it easier and less confusing.

    Sorry for bashing your work about and I hope this helped

    Last edited by Kai-Itza; April 4th, 2008 at 11:43.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts