The March of the Charred Hand - Warhammer 40K Fantasy
 

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  1. #1
    No Life King Alzer's Avatar
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    The March of the Charred Hand

    Khemin Ormier was a Necromancer who fled Naggashizar with the W’soran. After serving lesser members of the Nechrarch lineage he eventually was turned. Khemin split off to continue his own studies. Khemin became obsessed with the magic of balefire, and worked for decades to perfect its use. After over a hundred years of studying in recluse, preying villagers, a band of vampire hunters stormed his study, Khemin was impaled on the boar-spear of Bron Pique, while Tod Hett began purifying his soul with binding magics. Refusing to give up on his work Khemin immolated himself with the very flames he had studied. But at the same time branded Bron and Tod’s right hands, cursing them to never hunt again. Both escaped the cave otherwise unscathed, however neither where able to take up the sword of a vampire hunter again. Cursed so, neither could make a living, both became beggars in the empire. The balefire sank into their veins, and four years later, the ashes reached their hearts and killed them. Not long after a mass burial however, the final leg of the curse set course. Both Bron and Tod were reanimated by dark magic, called to the forgotten lair of Khemin. They gathered the charred corpse of their fallen master and set to the village they had previously come to save.
    By the next night the brothers had slaughtered the entire populace. Slowly Khemin’s ashes began to gather, three more villages fell before the vampire was able to return to life. Once reawakened, Khemin set back to work, not on the secrets of balefire, for he had already discovered it’s last secrets by engulfing himself in the flames of hell, this time Khemin’s obsession was to create the ultimate hunter. Bron was sent out to gather as many packs of wolves as he could, bringing them to Khemin’s layer, which was now a tower built by skeletons controlled by Tod. Tod’s skills developed not in raising the dead so much as using his old binding magic to control them, his skeletons were skilled enough to bring together the stone and wood for a twisted tower.
    After a couple months Bron had gathered enough wolves, alive and dead, to satisfy Khemin, and the damned alchemist began to work, soon though, he discovered that the wolf’s spirit alone was not enough. Lukas Bistael, Khemin’s oldest necromancer was brought in and chained into khemin’s lab. The largest wolf Bron could find, a beast nearly the size of a horse, was caged in the same room. With a deathstone, a splattering of his own dead blood and three days of ritual, Khemin forged the two beings together. The cunning of the necromancer and the strength of a wolf, combined with the dark immortality of a vampire and black magic re-created Lukos. No Khemin has sent his sons to test his latest triumph, to feed the beast and bring the damned alchemist new knowledge to ponder.

    Khemin never regrew his flesh, and is now a stunted and hunched creature of bone and necromancy. He rides a ravenous doom wolf, one of his failed experiments, into battle when his studies are interrupted.

    Bron, after months of commanding them, has grown an affinity with dire wolves, and rides a large specimen into battle, wielding the same boar-spear he slew Khemin with, which is now heated with the sickly green balefire of his master, Bron leades his packs into battle. Smoke and ash swirl around the vampire and choke all of his victims.

    Tod’s binding magic grew so that he can literally control his undead minions as puppets. Ranks of skeletons dance as his marionettes to round up victims for Lukas. Tod savors the slow death of his victims delighting in their suffering as much as in filling himself on their lifeblood.


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  3. #2
    Sir Proofreader Deadstar_MRC's Avatar
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    Not a bad idea! I like the way you've worked each character's history into their builds. Plus enslaving the ones who hunted you is just the best way of getting revenge!

    Are you converting this army to have your characters riding on wolves?

    (As a small aside, though I've mentioned the ideas are fairly solid, I feel the writing itself could do with a bit of a polish if you're so inclined. Some of your sentences don't flow very well, but it's nothing that can't be fixed!)
    Rabbit; Our Tau community has the talent of figuring out how to turn a feather into a timebomb. Macgyver would be jealous.
    8people; Honey, why is my fluffwars story your shopping list?

  4. #3
    No Life King Alzer's Avatar
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    Thank you. I'm always up for C+C if ya wanna take a tear at my grammar, I know it's less than perfect.

    And yes, I'm going to be mounting all characters/riders on dire wolves (Lord on the old metal Doom Wolf) and the Varghulf shall be represented by The Thing in the Woods (mordheim)

  5. #4
    Sir Proofreader Deadstar_MRC's Avatar
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    All the advice I can really offer is to watch your sentence structure. See, I can read something, and see that it doesn't look right, but I don't actually know how I would direct someone to fix it!

    Maybe if I actually try it myself;
    By the next night, the brothers had slaughtered the entire populace. Slowly, Khemin’s ashes began to gather. Three more villages fell before the vampire was able to return to life.* Once reawakened, Khemin set back to work. Not on the secrets of balefire, for he had already discovered its last secrets by engulfing himself in the flames of hell. This time, Khemin’s obsession was to create the ultimate hunter.

    (*OR Slowly, Khemin’s ashes began to gather, though three more villages had to fall before the vampire was able to return to life.)

    Not sure if that helps at all... Basically, all I've done is add in a comma and a full stop or two and moved a few around, added a word here and there... and presto, it's done!

    In other news, I do recall reading about someone intending to convert their army to feature a lot of Dire Wolves. It was probably you, and I just couldn't remember!
    Rabbit; Our Tau community has the talent of figuring out how to turn a feather into a timebomb. Macgyver would be jealous.
    8people; Honey, why is my fluffwars story your shopping list?

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