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ok so i have an army of brettonians and i have this out look of mousillion bassicly in my head, now because mousillion populace r renegaeds and out casts, i have some painted yellow and black, and some in other colours because well their renegades and such. so he's my brief info of my army,
10 knights of the realm- the knights apostle- proven under the hardship's of persecution their only honor is to survive and to regain the lands of mousillion that was taken from them by the dukes of their rival territories. there was once many knights who had searched to uncover the secrets of the false grail and the last duke. when the dukes had heard, they attacked with out the will of the fey enchantress, unjustly persecuted the last of the knights apostle have gone in hiding all around the city of mousillion waiting for the right time to strike. a rumor has spread that the self proclaim duke has gathered what is left of the knights apostle to help him recreate mosuillion to it's former glory
knights errant- this group of knights have been friend's for as long as they can remember. now living in mousillion for a crime their fore farthers had committed. they protect the lands from foul beast, with the help of their self proclamed duke, they hope to see a new light in mousillion.
6 questing knights- name suggestion?- all had vision's from the lady to help protect and unite the self proclaimed duke of mousillion they think its their divine right to protect him till the death. and if they live will be able to sip the cup.
2 pegasus knights- nobels that were charged for crimes they did not commit, were banished from the lands. rumor has it that the knights befriended the last of the abyss pegasus's (aka black).
paladin pegasus- brandon pegasi- stories have been told of his amazing abilities on pegaus's, he was one of the remaining survivors of the errantry wars that, some even say that he fought at death pass, seeing the atrocieties of the errantry wars, he lives in mousillion with his comrad the self proclaimed duk of mousillion.
paladin horse back- mordred(virtue of idea)- many are feared by the brutality even his own men are frightened by almost his deamonic strength they would call it. he is the first to strike, and the last to leave the battle field, he will kill anyone who stands in the way of a good massacre.
Duke wiverein- self proclaimed duke of mousillion, not much is known of him. only rumors that he was a famed knight in the errantry wars, but while he was away his betrothed was sentenced as a witch by a duke who was jealous that he could not merry her. any ties that he has to his former self is gone, all that is in his heart is revenge, suitable for the armor and the horse he rides is the darkest of colours, that he is unseen in the darkest of nights.
That sounds decent, but remember- at the moment, Mousillon is supposedly under the control of vampires. When I first opened this, I thought that you were looking for VC fluff.
If you wanted to go ahead with it, I would absolutely say to go for it. My only suggestions are:
Spelling- the pluralized form of Pegasus is Pegasuses or Pegasi (just throwing that out there for you).
Mordred- there's already an Arthurian 'Mordred' in the Bret fluff, in the form of Maldred, first famed knight of Mousillon. I still like the idea of your character as a tragic soul, but I'd suggest a name change. He actually reminded me of Edmond Dantes from 'The Count of Monte Cristo'. In the book, he is accused of a false crime and arrested on his wedding day, because of a jealous rival. He returns with the same lust for revenge.
Brandon Pegasi- there were actually quite a few survivors of the Errantry Wars, just as there were many survivors of the Crusades. Almost all of Bretonia's knights entered those wars, and had the casualties been too steep, there wouldn't be any knights in the country today. Otherwise sounds good, but he's fleeing the atrocities of war to hide in a plague-ridden, impoverished, lawless province of Bretonia? Doesn't seem to fit. I would make him a bit darker, personally. Maybe he developed a taste for those kinds of things while on crusade, and now avoids the "plush" setting of the rest of Bretonia in favor of somewhere a bit more rugged.
6 Questing Knights- For a name I can think of:
Servants of Mousillon
The Light of Mousillon
The Poor Knights of Mousillon- a play on the name of the Knights Templar, who's order was actually named 'The Poor Knights of Jerusalem'.
As for their fluff, it seems fitting. Although if you do want a darker spin, there's always the legends of The False Grail, and the fact that a Duke of Mousillon was once in possession of it (think evil-grail)
Knights Errant- All good, again, but I'm curious what this crime was. Perhaps THEY committed the crime, and are hiding in Mousillon? And don't these guys also need a name?
Knights Apostle- I like the fluff for these guys. They're like old, bitter veterans. I can imagine them sacking towns and burning villages in revenge if they ever spread their war outside of Mousillon.
I don't know. As I was reading through your fluff, it was all good, but it didn't feel quite dark enough for Mousillon. Mousillon isn't where you go to redeem yourself or to prove that you're not a bad guy. Mousillon is the last refuge of truly evil individuals, essentially a way to be exiled without leaving Bretonia. It's the forbidden swamp of legend, where only the most desperate or heartless will flee, and their pursuers just stop at the edges and peer in, saying "He's gone into Mousillon, nobody lasts long in there." So imagine the guys that must eek out an existence in this corner of Bretonia.
Another good fluff hook could be to make them into an honorless Mercenary company. The villain in the film 'A Knight' Tale' is the leader of The Black Company which is fighting in France. They're wicked and cruel mercenaries, who pretty much used 'might makes right' to rape and pillage the french countryside.
Sorry for the long post, I just really really like fluff. Your fluff as it stands is good, I'm not demanding that you change anything. I'm just making suggestions based on how I've always perceived Mousillon and the residents thereof.
thanks for the advice i'll change it around half of me wanted them really bad but half wants them you know, still some hope for the future of mousillion. but other thna that, thats really good insight you have given me thanks.