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Zond: Wood Elves
(no fluff was recieved)
Gnoblargobbler: Dark ElvesAmbush
The first rays of light pierced the surroundings like a thousand radiant arrows, flooding the landscape with light. These rays, however could not penetrate the canopy of dense woodland, that stretched as far as the eye could see, as dark as the heart of the elf that surveyed them. A lone figure stood atop the rocky outcrop, smiling. Atop his pitch black steed, snorting in the mid-winter chill. He could almost feel victory. His steed paced forward, its hooves compressing the newly fallen snow, which reminded him faintly of the shores of Naggaroth. He had left them behind what felt like centuries ago. He, Kalathen Swiftblade would be the favoured of the Witch King. He would succeed where so many others had fallen
Kalathen turned to his men, a mere handful fraction of veterans from his long campaigns into imperial territory. Each wore ornate armour, forged from suits of dwarven plate, plundered mercilessly from the hundreds they had killed. The corsairs clutched two curved rapiers to their chests, as dark and bloodstained as their souls, gifts from the Witch King himself. He smiled. The wood elves were weakened in the harsh winter, he would prevail. As always.
He turned, staring into the depths of the ancient forest, searching for any movement, any excuse to sate his thirst. A shape. Kalathen’s hands immediately fell to his belt, clasping his dual crossbows and aiming at the intruder. He lowered them. Arthanel, leader of the shades regiment that he had used so effectively in so many battles. The elf approached, and Kalathen strode, confidently to meet him. “What news of the Asrai?” Snarled the leader, eager to maim those that stood before him. The shade never replied, falling to his knees, three notched arrows imbedded into his back.
“Ambush!” roared the Druchii, but it was too late. An arrow imbedded itself in the noble’s chest, with enough power to knock him to his knees. He reached for his chest, blood pooling in the virgin snow below. He fell forward, pain crowding his vision, as the darkness took over.
Kalathen awoke, light pouring into his bruised and scratched eyes. He reached for his chest. Where there had once been a gaping wound, there was now pale flesh, perfectly healed. Where was he? Was he dead? He looked around. He was not bound and in his battle garments. His tainted blades had been taken. Two figures entered his vision; hoisting him roughly to his feet and leading him enter the centre of the glade. For the first time, he saw them. Hundreds of elves gathered round, all eyes set on him.
A wood elf noble approached him, adorned in battle attire and carrying a heavy spear. He dropped a wooden basket, and the heads of the corsairs rolled forth. The dreadlord stood motionless, as the blood of his kin stained the snow. The noble strutted forwards. “You opposed us” He laughed, spitting mockingly into the face of the Druchii. He lifted his spear, the crowd cheering. A cry. Not from the dark elf, but from the elves that held him, as two fine daggers jutted from their skulls, emerging from the gauntlets of the elf. The crowd fell deathly silent as the dark elf lunged, thrusting his twin daggers into the heart of the noble. As countless arrows thudded into the lifeless bodies of both nobles, a shadow left the glade. The infiltrated corsair smiled, his two daggers no longer in his belt, but his heart content.
- Voting ending in 98 hours
Last edited by Tashin; April 25th, 2010 at 19:28.
A shame Zond hasn't got anything at present - if it changes I may have to come back and amend my votes.
For Gnoblargobbler, though; Aside from needing a slight proof read to catch a couple of minor errors, and aside from seeming a little short, this is a pretty decent effort. I'm a little confused about where those daggers come from at the end (Does the captured dreadlord have them or does the corsair throw them, or a case of a bit of both?) but that doesn't detract from the story too much. The only other thing I can think of is that you could have perhaps strung out the 'about to be executed' scene a little more to build the tension - nothing like a bit of monologing to build the tension!
Zond - unavailable
Gnoblargobbler - 4/5
Gnoblargobbler: It was hit and miss for me. I liked the intro but felt it suddenly died off after the capture, you needed balance. You had some good color at first.
I was expecting that the woodleves might have been more scornful, perhaps you'd play up the 'duel' theme by showing that ambush is the wood-elf duel. Dark elf too I reckon.
I do like that with all of the DE entries this Rnd., I am getting a nice picture of their race.
Zond: I liked your last Rnd. so hopefully we'll see something soon...
Last edited by Palos; April 26th, 2010 at 14:51.
The legions of Palos[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
It may be just me, but I don't think the wood elves would take a prisoner to challenge like that. They always struck me as more primal than that, and would've instead just shot him full of arrows on the spot.
Still, that has no bearing on the story itself, which was good.
"Any job worth doing, is worth doing with a powerklaw."
Gnobblargobblar (3/5): I like the imagery in the beginning. What loses you some points is the sentence fluency. Sentence fragments can work (kudos for trying them) but you should save them for when the story needs to be given a fragmented or rushed or shattered feel. Still, your word choice is pretty good and your imagery usually pulls through for you.
Gnobblargobblar- Seemed a little rushed but the story was sound. Little confused on the dagger part. Still I liked it and thats what matters eh?
Zond- Im going to have to contemplate your story. Just seems like im not grasping the complexity of it. My mind only sees blank. I shall return....
Green iz da' BEST!
Orkz is made fer' two fings! Fightin', and winnin'!
Good story, quite a shortand easy concept.
had a little trouble in the start, it was many short lines combined by comma's attempting to show alot of the scene. You did a great job explaining but the text was somewhat splintered. (only in the start). You definetly have a good imagination.
I think its a matter of getting used to the style. Perhaps if youd write 20 pagesor more it would work best :p
As others mentioned, the daggers made no sense, Im not sure what happened in the end. Either the shade handed the knives to the noble somehow or he killed the guards and made it look like the prisoner did it.
GnobblarGobblar 3,5 / 5
Zond: 0 / 5
Warchief Diggah o da Bloodmoon Squiggahs
As Zond never actually send any fluff, Gnoblargobbler wins by default (also scoring a fine 18,5 points).