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Hi. I've just started Tomb Kings and wanted my own character too model my army on. I have just typed this up as a starting point, what do you guys think?
Late into the time of Nehekhara, slaves were in high demand with each king and prince wanting too be buried in a magnificent pyramid. Slaves were pulled from many of the smaller villages in Nehekhara, but only one thought too make himself rich and powerful by abusing this trade.
Khaldun was the son a slave and lived his life devoted too his king, Amenemhetum. His father would take the boy too the kings pyramid everyday so that he would learn what was expected of him to do. This continued for many years, until Khaldun was old enough to start work himself. For months, the man worked as hard as he could, gaining much popularity throughout the slave workforce. It was at the age of nineteen that Khaldun rose up and placed the slaves into an organised workforce, claiming that if they were too work how he told them, the kings pyramid would be completed both quicker and easier. This act did not go un-noticed by Amenemhetum and he gave orders for his men too watch the slave leader. It was a few weeks later that the kings priests came and told him that the boy would rise up and become a great asset to the king. With this knowledge Amenemhetum ordered that the boy be brought before him. And so it was that the twenty year old Khaldun was enlisted into the kings army.
Many years passed and Khaldun quickly rose through the militaries ranks, earning himself the role of captain on one of the kings mighty vessels. It was Khalduns task to lead his few men into the primitive coastal settlements and acquire treasure and slaves. Many raids were conducted successfully, Khaldun even managing to find and deliver a magical blade found within a small village. The blade glowed with a magical energy and seared flesh and armour alike. When presenting the blade to Amenemhetum, the king handed it back too Khaldun, declaring that for his loyal service he was granted the title of captain and would now ride to battle commanding many units of warriors. Naturally, Khaldun was overjoyed and once more declared his loyalty to the king.
Three years later, Khaldun sailed further than any captain before him and raided many villages on his journey, accumulating many slaves and troves of treasure. His return journey was not so fortunate and was hit by a rampaging storm, Khladuns ship was taken off course and managed to dock at the trade city of El-Khalabad. Here he was offered a very handsome sum of riches for his slave collection, which he accepted.
Power had grown in the captains mind since his promotion and the gift of his blade. He now dreamt of his own lands, thousands of glistening spears marching under his banner. With new dreams, Khaldun set off from the trade city and headed out too capture more slaves to present to Amenemhetum in place of the ones he sold. It was months before the captain managed to return to his king. Khaldun presented the slaves too his master, the largest any had been offered to any king. With the offering Khaldun bowed too his king and asked for his release and the gift of land. Motioning his high priest over, Amenemhetum asked for his views and the priest reminded the king of his vision and it was here that the vision had ended. Amenemhetum accepted and gave Khaldun a village and land for his loyal service. Khaldun declared his loyalty to his king once again and left, towards his own future.
Khaldun was thirty three when he was declared king. After three months of making the village run as smoothly as it could, the king gathered a small army and left too conduct several raids on unsuspecting villages. Khaldun quickly amassed a vast fortune from selling slaves and so focused on using the slaves to build his own pyramid. Khaldun had a kind heart and made the lives of his slaves as easy as he could, making them respect and worship him like he had done with Amenemhetum. But this peace was not to last, war came to Khaldun and his people. Mustering all he could for war, the kings slaves offered themselves to him and his army. The war lasted for years and Khaldun lost many of his men and slaves eventually coming to blows with the jealous king that threatened his land. With a killing blow, Khaldun ended the war and brought peace to his lands once again. After the war Khaldun was not the same, his heart heavy with the loss of so many of his people.
Khaldun participated in many more wars after this, often riding into battle next too Amenemhetum, but each time his heart sinking even more. Khaldun died at the age of sixty five, an arrow shot through his heart. The kings priests set about their rituals and buried him within his pyramid surrounded by his personal guard and each slave that had died during his reign. Khalduns sarcophagus was inscribed with the promise of rising again too gather and unite all slaves and lay siege to those that had wronged his people.
There will be more fluff coming soon that will describe Khalduns wife, army tactics and a little more about the first war of his lands. But it will take time
The core models will represent his use of slaves as fodder with Vc skellies and the TK skellies with hand weapons, using the most plain bits of them for the slaves. Archers on the other hand will all have the heads with helmets on and posed too look like a organised force.
The only trouble I'm having is giving the slaves the Tk shields... Not sure wether this will fit with the theme
Last edited by Price; May 2nd, 2010 at 15:37. Reason: Updating
Looks good to me, I really like it.
Just remember your English rules:
"too" means 'also' or 'in addition to' or 'as well'.
"to" means going towards. For example "He was going to be captain" etc.
To show possession, it would be "enemy's", rather than enemies (which means more than one enemy).
Once that polish is done, we can look into your story.
It's a happy story, which is rare in Fantasy, especially with undead armies. I like that he doesn't try to overthrow his king, and that he is instead a loyal and honest subject. I'm not sure that a slave would have time to make a daily journey to his king to make offerings. Perhaps alongside the Prophecy, have something else mark him out for distinction, perhaps he becomes the brutally efficient leader within the slave work-force, and uses his loyal devotion to drive the slaves to complete his pharoah's pyramid more quickly than expected.
Otherwise, good job. I'd hate for this to go unnoticed, with the fluff section currently being filled with FluffWar entries and organization threads.
For shields, give only a few models shields. These are 'drivers' who make sure the slaves actually go where they're told, and fight. The whole unit doesn't get shields.
I'd even consider using ragged Imperial Free Company models as slaves, if you're willing to do a little converting. Maybe mix in some zombie bits for a tattered look. Then it looks like even in death, your character is still stealing slaves from among the living.
nice story, you could have scored well in the fluffwar with this stuff
i like the theme and can see how it will be tough to put at work on your models, maybe if each slave is ordered to make his own shield by the king's standard or something.
You will also need to explain more about the army so there will be reason to include tomb scorpions or cavalry or giants etc.
to/too puts me off aswell, fix that
Price: 4 / 5
Warchief Diggah o da Bloodmoon Squiggahs
I like it, though I'm slightly lost because I don't know the tomb kings very well. In any case Khladun seems like a solid character to me, and you've put more effort into his history than I have for any of my characters. You are to be commended.
Thank you all for the comments.
@Sarathai - Yeah, I noticed the grammer mistakes earlier this morning, I typed it really late, so that's my excuse. I was also thinking he needed more too stand out and the leader of the slaves is a brilliant one, thank you. The imperial free companies are another brilliant idea! I have already got a box of zombies ready too be plundered, but i'll wait not too get some Free Companies.
@Digger - I would have loved too join earlier and enter some fluff into the Fluffwar. As for justifiying the more unusual units, I am going too write up a few more bits of fluff too explain them as soon as this first bit is all sorted.
@Ven - I like too put effort into my characters, I find it makes it easier too model a unique army when it is backed up by models that represent certain parts of a background. Plus it makes the army more personal.
For the sheilds, I was going too get a wide variety and convert them too look worn and built with haste. Each unit of 'Slaves' will have a TK captain armed with a whip from the chariot sprue too represent Khaldun's captains driving the slaves forward.
Updated the story.
Now Amenemhetum has more of a reason too enroll Khaldun.
There may still be a few grammer mistakes but this is only second draft.
Having only read the second draft (for some reason I missed the first) I've no idea what you've changed - but it seems a decent story. Perhaps I'm a little puzzled as to why Khaldun isn't bothered by war when he's fighting under the King, but only later when he's a king in his own right. That might be something you could explore or expand on later, though, seeing as this seems to be a work in progress!
I felt it was reasonable- as a junior officer below the king, he was only following orders. They were not his subjects, nor were they entrusted to his protection. They were tools which the king had given him so that he could achieve his goals.
Once he becomes kings, the people and even slaves mean more to him. He had been a slave himself once, and risen from the peasantry. Perhaps he thought he could do a better job as a leader than his own king had. He was trained as a builder and leader after all, not a military killing-machine. So when war comes and his people die, he not only has nowhere to redirect the blame, but he also feels that he has personally failed them.
Maybe that's reading too much into it, but that's what I took from the story.
How's the army coming along? I'll likely be posting a little fluff in here for my next army project (if I ever muster the courage to start it).
@Sarathai - You are spot on and that is what I hoped too get across. Can't wait to read your fluff.
The army is going ok, have built a a few units of pure skellies and three chariots. I'm still waiting for some money so I can buy some more rag-tag pieces for the slaves.
I have just finished another section of fluff, which I will post a little later
It has been a few weeks since i've been online, work, moving house and my daughter have taken up my time.
Not much has been happening with the army as everything is still in storage. I have several conversions planned and will be starting them within the next few days with a little luck, will post pictures and create a blog when I begin.
For now, here is another very quick piece of fluff...
The sun began to set quickly over the barren land stretched out before the figure. His emerald eyes scanned the horizon with great interest until he turned finally too the priest standing behind him. The king snorted and walked past the priest who was now bowing in an almost apologetic manner. Stretching out his hand, Khaldun handed his blade too one of the soldiers at his side.
“Muster my forces. Ahmose was wrong and our enemies are marching towards us as we speak. I want each man armed as best he can and each steed mounted, we will not hold back this battle”
The advisors following him nodded and scattered about, each moving towards a different part of the camp. Khaldun stopped and took in a deep breath, calming his nerves. This was to be the kings biggest battle, a loss here would mean his small amount of land would be lost to the enemy.
“My lord, your chariot is ready for battle and your armour is waiting”
With a small nod, the king moved towards his personal tent.
The cloth doorway opened and Khaldun stepped into his tent, greeted by the bows of his three captains. The first, an elderly man draped in dark robes holding a crude wooden staff, this was another of Khalduns priests and the visionary who had predicted his greatness too Amenemhetum. The priest motioned towards the tents corner where a set of elaborate armour sat on its stand. The second captain, a tall well built man with piercing black eyes stepped forward and began too remove the armour, and placing it on his kings form.
“Our forces are outnumbered four to one M’lord. Although our archers are superior, we have no hope of whittling their numbers before they reach our lines, and the slaves will not stand up to such a organised and ruthless force.”
The king nodded as more armour was placed upon him.
“Even so, we will not run from this battle. We hold the last line of defence, if they manage too gain a foothold here, our kingdom will surely fall.”
The third captain, yet another priest dropped down too one knee and held out a large blade, glowing with magical energy. Its hilt wrapped in a blood red material, a blue gem set within its pummel.
“The blade you found whilst under Amenemhetums command. You said that its use should be only when the circumstances are dire, this is that time”
With a smile, Khaldun took the blade, feeling the magical energy surge through his now armour clad body.
“Yes, the time is now Senbi. Prepare for battle”
Khaldun stood now in his chariot, the horizon flooded by the figures of the enemies forces. His sword lifted into the air slowly, and with that signal a mass of slaves began too march forward with weapons ready. Flicking the sword forwards, the sky began to darken as scores of arrows were set free from behind the main battle line and towards the battlefield. The kings heart began to beat faster with each passing second and when the slaves clashed with the opposing kings rank and file, Khaldun gave the order for his chariots to move forward.
As the landscape sped past him, more arrows flew overhead, piercing both friend and foe alike. The king swiftly looked to his flanks at the chariots riding with him and seconds later, both he and his entourage smashed into the battle. Men collapsed under the weight of each chariot as the clash of wood on flesh rang out over the frantic fighting. With the thrill of battle taking him over, Khaldun found his chariot flipping over, sending the king through the air and landing on the ground with a thud. His emerald eyes looked over too his now destroyed war vehicle with a wince of pain, hands franticly searching the ground around him for his blade. Standing the king was suddenly covered in shadow, his head tilting to see a flock of carrion swoop past the setting sun and crash into the battle, tearing the combatants apart with beak and talon.
With a sudden surge of strength, Khaldun lifted the magical sword and charged into the melee of the fighting, the golden blade carving through any that dared get in his way. It was at this moment that the horns of war sounded over the cries of death and pain as the enemy’s own chariot unit began their charge forwards. Khaldun knew that the evil king Iabi would be at its front and so he fought his way through the fighting, waiting to take the chariot charge head on. For what seemed like a lifetime, Khaldun watched the chariots surge forwards and raised his weapon into the air. As he did more of the kings archers emerged over a nearby ridge armed with flaming arrows. Each arrow fired soared towards the approaching threat, setting many of them ablaze with glowing fire. Khaldun ran forwards, his body jumping out of the incoming chariots path, watching as his blade tore through the wooden structure and sending it crashing through the fighting and throwing its royal rider. The two kings now stood facing each other, eyes locked and ready for combat. Khaldun charged forward, driven by the thoughts of his peoples suffering that had come from his enemy. With both hands planted on his weapons hilt, he swung it towards the opposing king, missing his neck by mere inches. The duel continued for some time until Khaldun lifted his blade and swung with all his rage and sorrow, watching as his opponents head fell from its body in a shower of crimson. Exhausted, Khaldun dropped to his knees and watched as his vision began too blur, eventually fading to black.
The kings eyes fluttered open to the sight of his priests scuttling about the tent, the smell of spice and herbs filling the air. A slender hand ran itself over his shoulder as a female stepped into the kings view. Her pitch hair cascaded down her back, held from her face by a golden tiara. Kneeling down the woman planted her lips upon Khalduns own and gave him a soft smile.
“I was scared you would not survive this battle, we must thank the gods that they watched over you”
The king gave a nod and closed his eyes once more, drifting into a uneasy sleep too recover his bruised and broken body.